


A Whole School of These Mutant Kids

by SomethinglikeGoodnight



Series: A Whole Room of These Mutant Kids [3]
Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Past Domestic Violence, School, Smut, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-17
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2018-09-25 05:41:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 40
Words: 83,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9804902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomethinglikeGoodnight/pseuds/SomethinglikeGoodnight
Summary: "Tyler, we are only doing this because we care about you.""Do you even hear yourself?!" I scream like a lunatic "you can't do this to me!""Tyler, this is our only option."





	1. The One Where Tyler Has a Tantrum

**Author's Note:**

> Part three, I'm really excited for this so I hope you all like it!

(Tyler's POV)

Crackling was all I heard through my right ear as I pressed the pay phone against it. 

"Anything to say?" I spat through the deafening electric crackles as I stood on the side of the road with a disgusted expression. 

"What do you mean? How are you honey?" Her voice is casual , but laced with nervousness I've heard plenty of times before.

"HOW AM I?!" I shriek into the metal phone "DID YOU REALLY JUST ASK ME THAT?!" 

"Tyler Robert, did you seriously make the bus pull over just so you could yell at me?" she sounded frustrated. Even through the old disgusting payphone I could hear him annoyance but I couldn't care less.

"Yes I made the bus pull over! You think I was just going to let them take me to some other hell hole without ANY consent!?"

"language Tyler." She corrects and I roll my eyes, huffing dramatically. 

"You're sending me to a fucking school!?" I yell, eyebrows pulling together. "Without fucking asking me first?!" 

"Tyler Joseph!" she yells in shock, no doubt disturbing others around her.

"High school is the reason I tried to kill myself and you're sending me back?!" I yell once again, stomping my foot. Sarah stood beside me with a tired and concerned look painted on her usually delicate and pretty face.

"We are NOT going to talk about that right now Tyler. Besides, you'll be with the friends you made." she pauses, thinking about what she's going to say next. ".....and that boy.....Josh is it?" I furrow my eyebrows and bite my cheek. "......The one the kind nurse told me about." she throws in the word "kind" to make me calm. I know her tricks, I know them all.

They don't work anymore.

It's all bullshit psychiatrists. 

"What?" I exclaim, heat rushing to my face "Who told you about him?!" I spin around and glare at Sarah with the most pissed off face I could manage. She avoided my eyes and fiddled with her sleeve, staring at the ground in obvious guilt. 

"Don't be so defensive Tyler, I heard he's been a great......friend, to you." I scoff and look up at the bus, Josh is staring at me through the foggy window mouthing words that I can't make out. 

"yeah mom." I huff, rolling my eyes and turning back to the payphone, leaning on its rusty and graffitied side. "I'm sure you've heard GREAT things." 

"Tyler... we are only doing this because we care about you." she lies, undoubtedly tucking the phone under her ear as she does chores, barely listening to my pleas.

"Do even hear yourself?!" I scream like a lunatic, shouting into the receiver. "You can't do this to me!" 

She sighs, a noise I know by heart, and the next time she speaks she sounds hurt "Tyler, it's our only option."

Tears start to spring up in the corners of my eyes "Please, not a school. No other kids, no teachers, please.....they can take me back to the hospital." I sniff, and curse at myself for doing so. "...I'll do anything but school." I hated how pathetic I sounded but pleading was plan B, after yelling which was plan A.

"Tyler it's not as bad as you think," She starts "it's run by the hospital and there aren't many kids, fifty at the most. you'll be able to room with one of your friends and it'll be just fine." 

Fine. 

What a fucking hilarious choice of words.

Fine.

"No, It's not FINE!" I shout again, getting madder by the second "Do you really think this is ok?!"

She breathes in and out, praying to herself and I tap my foot in impatience. 

"Tyler-" 

"You think it's FINE just to ship me off whenever the going gets tough?! Newsflash mom, I'M NOT A DOG YOU CAN SEND TO THE KENNEL WHEN I'M MISBEHAVING!" 

"....." 

"YOU CAN'T KEEP DOING THIS TO ME!" A sob spills out of my mouth but I doubt she heard it over the anger, frustration, and hurt in my tone.

"Yes! I can Tyler, I am your mother and I can do whatever I want with you!" My mouth drops open. She didn't just say that.

She did not.

"You're my MOTHER?!" I bellow questioningly, "A mother actually fucking takes care of their child instead of shipping him off to a hospital so she doesn't have to deal with them!" 

Silence.

"Tyler-"

"I've always just been a fucking burden haven't I? the child that you can't control. The one fucked up gene." I spit the words out harsh.

"sweet-"

"No. I don't want to hear your shitty excuses anymore." 

"Tyler please," 

"No Kelly. I don't want to listen to you anymore. I don't want to hear you try and convince me I'm wrong and you're right. Stop trying to defend your shitty parenting."

"....."

 

"Don't worry too much about me, it's not like you ever did anyway." 

*click* 

I throw the phone back into the holder in a fit of anger, it slams into the metal and clangs against it, the sound echoing in my ears. I start clawing at my neck and breathing heavily, feeling my lungs inflate and deflate with every inhale and exhale. Adrenaline is still coursing through my veins from the fight with my mother and I just want to break something. A window, a car, someone's nose. 

"Tyler I don't think that was necessa-" Sarah starts, touching my shoulder but I nudge her away.

"Stop." I command, holding a hand up in defeat. "Just stop." 

Climbing back onto the bus, I felt like I was under a microscope. Quietly I sat back down next to Josh and buried my face in my hands. No one spoke, not a word from any of the boys, they just sat in muted shock at the fit I just threw. Not that they weren't upset about the ordeal, they were, it's just that I'm not know to blow up like that, let alone take a stand for myself in front of adults. 

"I'm guessing she didn't have anything good to say?" Josh whispers and I grunt.

"what?" he asks and I just mumble through my hands.

"She has no idea Josh, not a clue." 

He pats my back. "It'll be ok Ty. I've got you. You're with me." 

His words helped, but I was still on the verge of another breakdown. I had just screamed at Sarah before demanding the bus be pulled over. Once it was I jumped out and walked to the nearest telephone with Sarah at my heels. Thank god she answered on the second ring. I just screamed at my own mom. But she deserved it, right?

right? 

That was rational, right?

"I'm so upset Josh." I say, trying to use my words like we worked on last month.

"I know you are, but you have to try and look on the bright side, not have a temper tantrum." 

I bite the inside of my cheek to avoid snapping at him. "kay." 

"It's going to be ok, as long as we have each other." 

"But why wouldn't they tell us?"

"I don't know." He sighs 

"Do all our parents know? How long have they known?" I start to breathe funny, tears returning.

"Shhhh....Shhhhhh don't worry baby." He rubs my back in the tiny circles I love.

Suddenly there's an earbud in my ear and I close my eyes, swallowing, at the soothing sound of rain and white noise.

"Is this ok?" Josh asks, tilting my chin so I have to look at him.

"None of this is ok." I whimper, stifling sobs in his shirt. 

He pats my head, tangling fingers in my hair. "maybe not right now, but it will be." 

(Josh's POV) 

I have to stay strong for Tyler, for Tyler. 

"Maybe not right now, but it will be." 

But what if it isn't? 

He buries his face in my shirt, body racking with sobs and I look up to see everyone staring.

"what?!" I snap furiously, and they all turn away at once, eyes wide and scared.

We are all so scared.

But I have to stay strong for Tyler. For Tyler, he needs it more then I do.

But does he?

Oh shit, I shouldn't have thought that.

I'm such a fucking bad person. Of course he needs it more then me. That was pathetic, I don't need anything.

You are so fucking pathetic.

I feel a hot wet tear fall from my eye onto Tyler's head.

Jesus Christ you're pathetic, a little bitch.

"I know." I whisper out loud and Tyler stops crying to look up at me.

"Know what?"

"Just talking to myself." I say hurriedly and he gives me a weird look.

"What kind of talking to yourself." he asks with a sad and almost knowing expression that sends shivers down my spine. 

"Just, thinking about things." I say in a rush, and he frowns slightly.

"You know you can talk to me about personal things, right Josh?" 

I nod and smile, knowing it'll get him off my case and thankfully it does. 

Nice job, dipshit. 

Tyler sits up straight, staring at the road with no movement or facial indication that he's feeling anything.

So I do to.

It makes everything easier. 

saying you're fine stops people from asking.

It stops them from worrying.

Not that many people worry anyway.

Shut up and stop being sorry for yourself. You're supposed to big confident Josh. Ok? All this woe is me is just getting old. Stop being a whiny bitch and take it like a man.

"Ok." I whisper and I can see Tyler's eye glance at me through my peripheral vision but he doesn't say anything. I'm glad he doesn't.

I hate having to always lie to him.


	2. The One Where They Arrive

(Tyler's POV) 

My face hits the leather of the seat in front of me when the bus comes to a screeching halt. 

"Ow, fucker." I mumble, rubbing my face and the snot dripping from my nose. Dried tears litter my face and I cringe at the crusty salt. 

"Are you ok?" Josh asks with full concern, eyeing me with care.

"Yeah....I'm.....fine." 

Im so very far from fine.

"Ok, good." 

Sarah stands up when the bus is permanently parked. Normally, she is smiling and enthusiastic but something about her seems really off today. It's putting me on edge. Why would she be scared? She works here, hasn't she been here before?

"Time to go boys." She sighs, running manicured fingers through her shiny chocolate hair.

Brendon is the first to get up, jumping out of his seat and bolting to the door, no bags in hand. 

"Urie!" Sarah shouts, grabbing his hood and yanking him back in. He frantically tries to scramble out of the bus, tears in his eyes.

"I'm. Going. To. Kill. Someone. If. I. Don't. Get. Off. This. Fucking. Bus." He growls slowly, looking up into Sarah's eyes with a vicious glare.

"Ok, ok." She gasps, letting him go and he tumbles down the stairs onto blistering hot pavement. 

"Bren?!" Ryan calls after him, grabbing their bags and making his way towards him. I stay still in my seat, staring out the window at the almost hauntingly beautiful school we are parked outside. It's an older school, undoubtably catholic. There is an odd charm about it, sick, twisted, but charming. 

Kinda like me.

Flowers and other various plants make the outside of the school all the much more appealing but there's something deep in my heart that tells me, "it's too flawless to be trusted." 

I feel a ginger hand on my shoulder, and I turn my head to see a teary Josh staring back, caramel eyes boring into mine with knowing. 

"It's time to go Tyler." 

 

I sit on the stiff and unmoving bed, the lack of creaks almost unsettling. My lip quivers as I look around the bare room, walls bare and closing in, bed to big for me alone. Josh stands two paces away, in front of his bed. His movements are slow and careful, seriousness overtaking his beautiful face. I stay silent and still, sitting on the farthest edge of the carefully made bed.

We're rooming together.

Who made that mistake?

It wasn't a mistake for us, it was a jackpot. But I pity the poor person that thought we were just close friends and decided to room us together.

We were definitely going to be "studying" a lot. 

The more I think of it I also pity the poor person who is in the room next to us. 

They aren't going to get much sleep, not like we will either. 

"Tyler?" Josh asks, breaking through the white noise of the fan whirring above.

On another note, who thought THAT was a good idea? 

A fan, seriously? The HOSPITAL funded this place? 

"Yes?" I ask, wringing my hands

"Is this comfortable?" 

I furrowed my eyebrows "what?" 

"Are you, ok with this?" He asks, packing clothes away and finding a uniform in his drawer. "No, fuck no." 

My mouth drops open "I'm NOT wearing that." It was a matching blazer and dress pants, navy blue with the school crest sewn into the pocket. There was also a button up shirt and tie, as well as a pair of dark brown sperrys. 

"I think we have to." He whispers, picking up the navy blue blazer. 

I fucking hate boarding school.

"No way." I pout, crossing my arms "they're crossing the fucking line."

"It's fine ty, we can change out of it when classes are over. Besides, I think you'll look really cute in it." 

I roll my eyes up to the ceiling, eyeing the fan "doubt it." 

"Hmmmmmm, well I can't wait for you to put it on." He laughs dryly, trying to lighten the situation. 

Our room is small, smaller then my single at the hospital. There's two beds with gray and white striped comforters, and one pillow. At the foot of the beds there's small chests for us to put our belongings in. One desk sits next to the door that has no bolts on it. It has one measly lock, that CANNOT hold Patrick out if he goes nuts again. The walls are completely bare, painted a soft cream color. I take a deep breath, looking around once more and my head starts to spin. 

"I can't do this Josh, I'm going to go crazy." 

"You already are." 

"Josh." 

"What?" 

"I'm gonna freak out." My breathing starts to pick up, and I'm doubling over myself. Josh rushes to my side, holding my face in his hands. 

"Shhhh shhhhh I'm here I'm here I'm here with you." He forces my face up to look at him.

Eye contact helps me escape. It helps me realize I'm not alone, there's someone right in front of me. Josh kneels in front of me, rubbing my knees while I stare at him in awe. 

"...ok, I'm ok...thank you." 

"Shhhhh, no problem...you're fine." 

My lungs steady, and soon he's resting his forehead on my knee. "Are you good?" 

I nod repeatedly, smiling a little "yes, thank you." 

"No problem at all, but now you owe me a solid." He jokes, standing up. 

"How about I owe you nothing, and you get back on your knees?" He rolls his eyes with a grin.

"Your the bottom here sweetheart." 

"I think not swee heart." I laugh and he raises an eyebrow.

"Swee heart?"

"I pronounce the the in my head for some reason, it's quite adorable."

"I agree, sweetie." He chuckles.

"I'm actually done." Im sigh heavily. 

"No, I think I'm Dun." He chuckles lightly, trying to make the best of this tragic affair. 

"Shut up loser." I giggle, splaying a limb across my face. 

"I'll go bunk with someone else." He warns, shutting drawers angrily, almost slamming them. 

"No, stay with me, play with me." I whine, sitting up and giving him puppy eyes. 

"I'm not really in the mood to PLAY right now Tyler..." he hums, turning around and zipping his bag.

I huff, twiddling my fingers. We had been dumped off at our dorms about twenty minutes ago after walking all over goddamn campus. This school was fucking HUGE. It had a courtyard, fountains, a bunch of student living buildings, and even a small creek winding through the property. There were no woods, just open land and the outskirts of a city on the horizon. I know it might be stupid of me to say, but I didn't even know what state we're in right now. 

There was a gym and an indoor pool, as well as a variety of classes for us to take and a few restaurants on campus. This was a REALLY nice school, I couldn't imagine how much money my parents were paying for this. 

And I didn't care.

"....Josh?" I ask after a few seconds, and he looks up.

"Yeah?" 

"Are you scared?" 

"Terrified." 

"Me too." 

"It'll be ok though right? We've got each other and that's all that matters."

"Right." 

"I'm just so nervous." I admit, running a hand through my tangled and overgrown hair 

"About?" He hums, going back to his duffel.

"The classes, the other kids." I say quietly, looking at the clock on the wall. It ticks loudly every second, the smaller and thinner hand jumping fast across the plastic face, as if it's got a place to be. But we sure don't. 

"You'll be alright Ty. The classes don't even matter, it's just a distraction." 

"Ok." I say, softer this time. 

After being dropped off at our room, Sarah told us to wait here until 5:45, which was dinner. We got here about 3:30 in the afternoon, and given an hour long tour/initiation. The people here had been very kind for the most part, and we hadn't seen any other kids. That's ok though, I wasn't really looking for more friends. 

Trick, Pete, and the others had stayed silent the whole tour. Brendon had tried to run, for the second time, but was brought back by the security at the gates. That right, we were gated in here.

No escape.

But I could drown in the lake. 

There was a ceiling fan.

There was a really tall staircase.

There was a roof.

Blurry had been having a field day. Giving me examples all day, making a plan, a scenerio. For every possible way I could end my life if this got too hard.

I just wanted him to stuff it. 

I snap back into reality, I'm sitting on my bed with a horrible expression while Josh unpacks my bag for me.

Josh notices me being distant and walks back over. "hey." 

"Hey." I whisper, a tear falling from my face.

"Oh...no. No Ty don't do that." He purrs, wiping it away with a small and fake smile. "I'm here. Don't listen to him."

I nod, choking back a small sob. My body shakes slightly, and Josh sits against the stiff wooded headboard and holds his arms out welcomingly. I accept the gesture, crawling into his lap and forming the smallest ball I can, sniffling into his shaven neck. 

"I'm s-so scared." 

"I am too." He says, which surprises me slightly.

"We can be scared together." 

"Of course we can." 

He plants a small kiss to my forehead, trailing down to my lips and I accept it greedily. 

"I'm so fucking scared." 

"I know you are, that's why I'm here." 

He's here. 

He repeats it maybe thirty times a day but I need to hear it every second.

He's here,

for me. 

"Classes start to tomorrow, Josh." I say, voice shaky.

"We have the all the same ones Tyler, I'll be next to you the whole time." I close my eyes against his chest and feel the vibrations through his thin shirt.

"I really hope you will be." 

"I wouldn't be anywhere else." 

We stay like that for about ten minutes, just matching our breathing until we are synced. He breathes into my hair and opens his mouth to say something but suddenly there's a loud, electronic crackling noise that fills the room. And I jump up, chills forming on the back of my neck. 

(Brendon's POV) 

"You're going to make yourself known here, aren't you?" Ryan asks with a small smile, unpacking my bag for me as I sit on his bed with a compress on my bruised face.

"That guard was asking for it." I snicker, touching the purple skin with gentle fingers. 

"YOU were asking for it, there's a difference." 

"Yeah whatever, if were gonna be stuck here, I intend on having as much fun as possible."

"You're not scared?" He asks with slight shock in his voice and I shake my head.

"Not in the slightest."

"Liar." 

"Yeah I know." I sigh. I'm so fucking scared. I'm not ok right now. I tried to run, yes, but it's not like no one else was thinking the same thing. 

"You shouldn't have tried to run, they're gonna have a closer eye on you now." 

"I know I know, but I was frightened alright, I thought I could get out." 

I really had thought that, they weren't looking at me and the gate was open, but it didn't really end in my favor. I bet I looked like a skittish animal, running from a human as it tries to force it into a cage. 

Metaphorically, that is. 

I wasn't going to NOT take the chance. Everyone was discombobulated and I though it'd work. Can't blame a guy for trying. I just wanted to see how far I could make it, for future refrerences. 

I intend on trying again.

Maybe with some help next time. 

"There's no way out." He grunts, putting my bag away.

"Thanks for unpacking my things." I say with a smile and he kisses me cheek.

"No prob honey." 

I roll my eyes, stretching out on the bed "can't wait to see your cute little ass in that uniform." 

He snorts "oh sure, so hot." We had found them a little but ago, and laughed at how ridiculous they were. 

"Hey," I put my hands up defensively "can't help but love a guy in a tie." 

"Oh god." He mumbles, running a hand through his hair "I can't tie a tie." 

"I'll show you." I chuckle, picking up a book "before classes tomorrow." 

He goes to say something, but a crackling interrupts us and I look up to see an old fashion intercom on the wall over our door.

"Brendan Eurie to the main office please, Brendan Eurie." A strangely high pitched woman's voice says and I look at Ryan with fear swimming in my eyes. 

"Wait, what?" 

"You prolly have detention idiot." 

"Fuck." I sigh, rolling my eyes "can you walk me down?"

"Fine," he sighs, getting up "I'll take you Brendan." He giggles and I shove him slightly. 

"They can't even pronounce my fucking name right." I scoff, walking out the door into the white walled, clean carpeted hallway.

This was going to be a hell of a lot worse then the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to write Ty a letter, just to have him send it back with at least two words. That's all I'll ever need. Just a little reassurance.
> 
> That it'll all be ok.
> 
> He's there.


	3. The One When They Realize This Isn't What They Were Expecting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is absolute filler trash but I need to get Brendon's shit outta the way so I can move back to Tyler and josh and I still have no idea what I'm doing with MCR

(Brendon's POV) 

"You're in deep shit hon." Ryan sighs as I skip down the almost empty hallway. Where gurneys and scales once lay were now bare tiles in need of furniture and decor. The lack of design made this place feel more like a prison then a school. I stop skipping when I see a camera in the corner of the ceiling, perched atop the chipping popcorn paint. 

Scratch that, more like a high security prison. 

I stand on my tip toes and tap at the camera. A red light starts flashing and I jump back. These things were real, not just put there to scare us into not misbehaving. 

"Don't fuck with that, you'll get us in trouble." Ryan grumbles, grabbing my belt and pulling me down the hallway. 

"Hey, be careful." I whine, trying to tug away.

"I'm warning you right now Boyd, I will not come to your defense everything you get in trouble this year, I will not become your sidekick." 

I roll my eyes, he was bluffing, he always defends me. "Ok Ry I believe you." I say with the most sarcasm a teenage boy can muster.

"Oh eat me." He sighs, rolling his eyes.

"Geez babe not in the hallway." I snicker and he shoves me away, stuffing his hands in his jean pockets.

"Stuff it. Let's not forget your in trouble." He sighs, ruffling his hair. God he was so fucking gorgeous. But I'd never tell him that. 

"Do you even know where the office is?" I ask and he groans 

"Yes Brendon. Some people were actually paying attention during the orientation, not trying to run away." He snaps and I shrink.

"You don't understand, I can't be kept here." I mutter and he squeezes my shoulder

"I understand more then you think." He smiles warmly and I return one.

"It'll be ok, we'll be fine. All the other guys are here. It'll be just like the hospital." 

"But it isn't." 

"I know it isn't, but we have to try and make the best of it." 

A door opens in front of us, making us jump back. 

"I TOLD YOU TO GET THE FUCK OUT!" A heavy voice bellows from the inside, and a small thin boy is shoved into the hallway in front of us. 

"Are you o-" Ryan starts, glancing at me as I go white as a sheet. That shout was so familiar it sent a wave of goosebumps down my back.

"SCREW YOU SMITH!" He yells and the door is slammed shut from the inside. Smith? No, nope. A lot of people are named Smith. Yeah, it's someone else. It has to be someone else. The feeling of deja vu was so strong I could almost touch it. 

Ryan and I stand in silent shock, watching the boy wipe a bleeding cut on his cheek. He hides his face from us, wiping is off and turning away. 

"Oh my God are y-" Ryan starts again, tenderly reaching out for the cowering boy.

"YES, IM FINE! GET AWAY FROM ME!" The boy with floppy brown hair yells. His face is still hidden but his voice sounds so familiar but I can't put my finger on it. Wait, is that? No, it can't be. No, it's not...that's not even possible. 

I watch him as he storms passed us in the direction we came from. He starts mumbling something along the lines of "ungrateful son of a bitch, get your own coke." 

We were on the third floor of the student living building. Tyler, Josh, Dallon, and Pete and Trick were on the second floor, and Andy and Joe were on this floor with us, I just didn't know what room they were. 

"That was sure a welcoming display." Ryan whistles and runs a hand through his hair, before pressing the button on the elevator. 

"Jesus." I sigh, pulling at the collar of my sweatshirt. The back had ripped, due to the fucking security guard yanking me into last week. 

"Don't want to run into them again." Ryan says, glancing at me. The fear in his eyes was so obvious but I knew he didn't want to bring anything up.

After a minute of uncomfortable silence he speaks.

"You don't think-" Ryan says quietly, looking at me with frightened eyes.

"No." 

The doors slide open after about twenty seconds of silence. 

We leave the apartment complex and walk along the sidewalk to the main building where all the classrooms and offices are. I look at all the things I didn't get to see the first time like the river, bridge, and park like benches lined along the campus.

"Hate to admit it, but it's pretty here." I say, trying to turn away from the bad memories flooding back to us and lighten the mood. 

"Not as pretty as camp." Ryan sighs and I nod.

"Not as pretty as camp." I agree and hold his hand.

"Do you think they have medical shit here?" he aks.

"Of course they do," I start "they have to, they probably have a hospital on campus." 

Sure enough they did, after looking at a map of campus it now came to my attention that this place had a hospital, swimming pools, a gymnasium and a huge ass music room. 

After a little we walked into the main office, immediately hit with the smell of antiseptic and books, an odd mixture, literally if a hospital and school had a baby. We were also greeted with strange looks from the receptionists at us holding hands and I immediately let go of Ryan. 

"What do you boys want?" The main receptionist asked, looking me up and down with skeptical eyes.

"You called my name." I say with a hint of disrespect.

"You Brendan Eurie?" She asks, putting on a pair of glasses and tapping her keyboard.

"It's BrendOn Urie." I say and she just looks at me again before going back to her typing.

"Miss Williams will see you." She says, her voice creaky and high.

"Good luck, try not to get expelled on your first day." Ryan snorts and I flip him off.

"Mr Eurie!" Someone scolds from the back and I turn around to see an important looking woman walking towards me, heels clacking on the tile.

"Hm?" I murmur and she raises an eyebrow 

"Excuse me?" 

"What?" 

"Come into my office. Mr Ross, you can wait outside if you want." 

Ryan flashes me an apologetic smile before I walk into the musty office, adorned with filing cabinets and a fake tree. Miss Williams sits behind a large oak desk and smiles. 

"Hello Brendan." 

"It's Brendon." I sigh, still standing.

"Take a seat...Brendon." 

"I'll stand thanks." I chuckle lightly and she narrows her eyes at me.

"Please take a seat Mr Urie." 

I sigh and flop down into the hard leather chair, eyes dark and she just puts on another smile. 

"So I see you got into a little bit of trouble this morning." She starts, doling her hands together.

"Yeah I guess." 

"It says here, you tried to...run off campus? Then...attacked a security guard?" 

I snort, looking at the artwork above her head. An apple. fucking classic. Might as well be a painting of herself. 

"Is that true." 

"No shit." I laugh, pointing at the bruise on my cheek.

"Well then, do you have anything to say?"

"Well I have a few choice words for Eshleman, as well as this god forsaken school, and maybe a few things to say to you. But, I don't think any of them are 'school appropriate.'" I smile wide, showing off straight teeth and she looks unfazed. 

"I know that you and your friends are upset Brendon-"

"Upset?!" I yell suddenly and she closes her mouth and looks at a paper on her desk.

"We are more then upset. A lot more then upset." I cross my arms and stare at her coldly. She stares back.

"Mr Urie...I know that this is a difficult transition. It will take some time to settle in but once you all do it will be great." 

"Ya really think so?" I ask with a falsely sugar coated squeal "gosh, I can't wait!" 

She furrowrs her eyebrows "do not test me Mr Urie." 

"What?" I taunt, raising an eyebrow "gonna give me detention? Honey, there wasn't a time in high school when I actually went to class. They had to teach me in the internal detention." 

She purses her lips "you are a stubborn child." 

"Correction, I'm a troubled teen." I read the crest on her jacket. "St Raphael's school for troubled teens." 

God, what a fucking stupid name. 

She sighs, tapping her polished nails on the wooden desktop "we can do this the easy way or-" 

"The hard way." I finish her sentence and roll my eyes "I've heard that one before. What's the easy way? No food?" 

She gives me a strange look "was that the punishment at the hospital? No food?" 

"No...." I lie. The truth is, that was a punishment I was given because I always found a way out of my locked room, no matter how many times they shut me in.

"Mr Urie the punishments here can be either mild or extreme. Which would you choose?" 

"I can take either." I smirk, watching her eyes flicker around me. She bites the inside of her cheek.

"Like what you see?" I mumble, coughing to cover up what I had said. 

"Ahem." She clears her throat and stacks her papers "Mr Urie, you will be given a warning just this once. Any more shenanagins will result in a detention. Any other problems worthy of a second degree offense will be a day's suspension in your dorm." 

I raise my head to look at her "what about a third degree?" A devilish smile pulls at my cheeks. She frowns 

"Let's hope we don't get there Mr Urie, you may see yourself out." 

"Sure." I roll my eyes and bust open the door, swaying my hips as I exist. Ryan jumps up and grabs my arm

"Thank god! It's so creepy in here!" He whisper yells and pulls me back outside. 

"Wanna go see Joshler?" I ask and he laughs 

"Yeah sure, how'd it go?" 

"Eh, good. I'm not in trouble...yet." 

He giggles "they're gonna hate you." 

"Then we'll have mutual feeling for each other." I joke and he leans on me.

"Thank god you're here Bren." He breathes. 

"Not going anywhere Ryro." I bury my face in his hair as we walk. 

"Not ever gonna get tired of your slutty scent hon." 

He snickers "I try." 

After a five minute detour that included skipping rocks and jumping back and forth over the river, we reached Josh and Tyler's room.

"CHILDREN! LET US IN!" I yell, banging on their locked door. 

"Brendon!" Ryan whisper yells at me "Have some respect!" 

I laugh "we just got here like an hour ago, they are NOT fucking." 

"Yeah, I guess you're ri-" Ryan starts but the door swings open and Tyler is standing there shirtless with the most pissed of expression I've ever seen on him. 

"Oh shit." I say with wide eyes and Ryan starts laughing his head off. 

"I FUCKING TOLD YOU!" He shrieks, doubling over in laughter. 

"What do you want?" Tyler half sighs, half whines and I think it's the cutest thing ever. He starts fidgeting when I don't respond right away. Bouncing on his heels and pouting. 

"Oh um, we just....um, wanted to see how you guys were holding up." 

"Great." He says quickly and sarcastically, trying to shut the door on us but I hold it open to his objection. 

"Not gonna invite us in?" I ask with a sneer and he pouts again, bottom lip protruding from rose colored lips.

"Not really, kinda in the middle of something....." he trails off, glancing behind him.

"Be a good host Tyty, we wanna see your new home." I tease, opening the door more. "YOU DECENT JOSH?" I yell into the room.

"YEP!" He booms from the inside and I laugh, throwing my head back while Ryan dissolves into giggles behind me.

Tyler sighs deeply and dramatically before stepping out of the way so Ryan and I can walk in. Josh is sitting at the desk next to the door fully clothed with a smile painted on his face. 

"Hey guys, so nice of you to stop by our humble abode." He starts frantically fixing the papers that were strewn all over the floor and fixes the lamp that was toppled over. I scan the mess with narrowed eyes, meeting his after a few seconds. My mouth falls open and I swear it almost hit the messy floor. 

"You weren't." I whisper.

"Weren't what?" He asks with a shit eating grin I know too well.

"You weren't!" I say, a lot louder this time, with a huge smile overtaking my face and Ryan starts snickering as well. 

"What?!" Josh asks with hitched breath. 

"You were NOT having desk sex!" I yell and he goes bright red. I twirl around to see Tyler hiding his undoubtedly cherry red face.

"Maybe we were about to before you guys barged in!" He bellows and I start screaming with laughter.

"Oh my god!" 

"Shut up doofus!" He retaliates, Tyler is still in the corner hiding his face.

"We, walked in on you two....SO MANY TIMES!" I gasp in between fits of giggles. 

"Remember when we-" Ryan starts but Tyler jumps up, wrapping his arms around Ryan's neck, trying to cup his mouth..

"DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE!" 

Ryan smirks and taps my shoulder "when we found them in the boat on the beach?" 

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Tyler screams, covering his face own once more, hiding from our sight.

"Oh right!" Josh joins in and laughs. Tyler's hands drop from his face, mouth wide open in a large o. 

"SHUT UP! Why are you laughing asshole!"" He yells once again, shoving Josh.

Josh ignores him and continues to crack up. "he was....um...what was it?" Josh asks, looking at me for the answer.

"He was riding you in the fucking boat!" I shriek, and collapse in another fit of laughter. 

Tyler sits on his bed and covers his face. Ryan walks over and pries his hands away and reveals Tyler laughing uncontrollably.

"I WAS MORTIFIED!" Laughs shake his body and we are all just dying. 

"Why would you do it in a boat?" Ryan asks almost breathless and Josh just shakes his head. 

"It wasn't supposed to happen that way, I was just really turned on." 

I shake my head and clap him on the back "nothing I wouldn't do. taught you well my son." 

"You guys need to be more incognito when you fuck." Ryan says, "lucky for us we've mastered the art." 

Tyler coughs "Mmhmm, sure." 

I cough and Ryan blushes a dark maroon.

"Let's not bring that up." he mutters and there's another knock at the door. 

"Who else could possibly want to visit, Jesus Christ!" Josh throws his hands up. 

"Oh, sorry...do you two need... privacy?" Dallon's nervous voice comes through the door.

"He thinks you're fucking too!" I yell and Tyler just turns even redder.

"Why does everyone think we fuck like rabbits Josh?" 

"Because we do." 

"TMI!" Dallon yells through the door and I open it. He smiles bashfully and steps in. "Oh, thank GOD you're here, I've been looking for you." Dallon makes a beeline for me, and grabs my shoulder. My breath hitches and I look him in the eyes.

"Did you hear Brendon?" He says low, smile disappearing quickly.

"What?" I ask, sounding alarmed. Ryan stops laughing and comes up next to me. The air of humor was gone. What once was a bright room filled with us laughing was now dim, suspenseful, and horrifying. Dallon never acted like this, and I had a feeling it has to do with what Ryan and I saw earlier. 

"You didn't hear?" Dallon sounds really worried now, and it's staring to scare me. This can't be happening, this isn't happening. he isn't about to say what I know he is. 

"What?!" I ask, trying to sound less panicked then I actually am.

He stays silent, scanning my face and I bite my lip, expecting the worst.

"Spencer and Jon are here." 

The worst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyyyy what up guys? I know I've been updating more than I said I would but I can't seem to stop writing! 
> 
>  
> 
> Btw I'm making spencer and Jon bullies so sorry


	4. The One When Brendon Flips His Shit

(Josh's POV) 

Tyler and I watched as Dallon held Brendon and whispered something in his ear. and the minute he did, Brendon went as white as a ghost. His face paled immediately, muscles growing visibly stiff. 

"W-what?" he gasped, and Dallon leaned forward, whispering again. Ryan fell the the ground in a heap of sobs, body shaking as if he were in the middle of a snowstorm. 

"N-n-no!" Brenodn cried, covering his face. 

Tyler and I stood by the side in pure shock. What the fuck is going on? Brendon removes his hands and all the color in his face is gone. Ryan is still crying on the floor, undoubtedly hiding a blotchy face. 

"Dallon!" I yell and his face whips in my direction, looking frightened. 

"What?" he gasps and strides over in two steps. I grab his collar and pull him to face me.

"What the fuck did you just tell them?" I ask and he leans in.

"It's a long story Joshua." He says in a tone that's low and almost scared.

"then tell us." 

The whole time we're talking Ryan is still crying and Brendon is pacing the room, hands flying wildly, head twitching and face painted with fright. he looks the most scared I've ever seen him, eyes blown and body tense and twitching.

"Why are they so upset Dallon?" Tyler interrupts in a high voice and Dallon looks sad now.

"There's someone here that's...." he trails off, and Brendon opens the door and storms out.

"BRENDON!" Ryan yells, jumping up and following him. "WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?!" 

"I NEED WEED!" Was all I heard him scream from the hallway. Ryan's head pops back in the doorway 

"Can someone help me with him?" he asked through a heavy spray of tears.

"Yeah, i will Ry hold on." I step forward, picking Tyler up and moving him over in the process because he wouldn't move.

"He's pissed off Josh, be careful." Tyler hums as I brush past him.

On my way out the door I grab Dallon's sleeve and pull him towards me. 

"Tell him what's happening, he's scared already and he'll have a panic attack if you don't." Dallon nods shakily and looks over at Tyler, whose now looking at his shoes with furrowed eyebrows.

"I'll be right back Ty, ok? Right back." he nods and sits on his bed, Dallon walking over and crouching next to him.

As I'm walking out the door I hear Dallon speak behind me 

"Everything's gonna be fine Ty." 

(Brendon's POV) 

Ryan grabs my shoulders and spins me around to face him as I run down the hallway.

"BRENDON!" He yells, voice cracking, "You need to listen to me!" 

I shut my eyes tightly, throwing my head up to the ceiling. "Ryan I don't know what we're gonna do, we can't avoid them, they'll find us." 

He grabs my arm, "No, they won't. And if they do we have our whole army behind us." 

My shoulders droop and i wipe a tear from his cheek. He's never been this shaken up since we saw them last, and that had to have been at least two years ago. They had been at the hospital. A short lived visit, but everyday they were there it was total hell. 

And there was no way for us to escape it.

Before the other's even knew about it, they were gone. 

The only one that knew was Dallon.

But he didn't even experience the torture. The pain. The worthlessness they made us feel.

they had come, destroyed us, then left.

We had no one to blame the trauma on. 

It was as if they were ghosts.

Ryan still has nightmares, I hear him whimper their names at night. I don't wake him though or he gets violent. 

I have to listen to him writhe and scream into his pillow all night sometimes. 

But I don't tell him. I'll try to ask him if he slept alright and the response is always an emotionless "fine." 

"I still need something to help me Ry." I say, breaking myself out of the flashbacks and I push passed him, going to Pete's room. 

"I think I'll have some too." he says quietly, pressing the elevator door. As it rises we hear muffled voices, muffled shouting. 

the hairs on the back of my neck stand suddenly and Ryan turns to face me.

"Not yet, no no no." he repeats under his breathe as the voices get louder. 

"They live on Tyler and Josh's floor?" i yelp suddenly and he nods.

"They have to if they're coming up a floor." 

As soon as the doors open Ryan and I are scrambling back up the hallway,tripping on our own feet and looking over our shoulders. I feel my eyes widen as a two boys exist the elevator, one with dirty blond hair and one with light brown. I cover Ryan's gasp with my hand as we continue sprinting up the brightly lit hall. The boys start shouting something at us but we quiken our pace, and as soon as I turn my head I'm running into a confused and breathless Josh. 

"Hey, hey." he croons and shushes, holding me tightly as Ryan continues to run back to the room. 

"Josh! get off- I have to- C'mon!" I yell, trying to squirm out of his grip. 

"calm down." he shushes me and I frantically look over my shoulder. The two figures had not chased after us. Just went into a room next to the elevator. I let out a long breath and slumped onto Josh's shoulder. He patted my back softly and I started crying again. 

"I can't live like this again." I sob onto his shoulder and he keeps rubbing me in a smooth and reassuring way. 

"Brendon, I can't help you if you don't tell me anything." He says softly and I slump against the wall, sliding down slowly and bringing my knees to my chest. I pat the carpeted floor beside me with a ginger hand and Josh sits down and scoots next to me. 

"I-It was ab-bout two years ago." 

(Tyler's POV) 

"I had just gotten to the hospital and Brendon took me under his wing. At the time it was only him, Ryan, Pete, Patrick, and Andy and Joe." 

I nod, sniffling slightly and Dallon slides his hand over my knee. 

"It's a sad story...can you handle it?"

"Yeah." I say quietly and he nods.

"Ok, after I was there for about a week these two new guys came in. Spencer Smith and J-Jon Walker I think his name was." 

I nod again and Dallon takes a breath. "Brendon and Ryan were obviously crushing on each other, anyone could see it." He smiles, eyes bright.

"Bren and Ry took a shine to the boys the minute they came in. The four of them were always together, I think Jon even taught Ryan guitar." 

He stares at the wall. "then, things started getting. Tense." 

"How?" I interrupt and Dallon shakes his head, brown locks swaying like a curtain in the wind.

"I'm not sure, Spencer got really passive aggressive and Jon became physically abusive to everyone of us. He blamed it on anger management issues. But, come to think of it, they never shared with us the reason they were put in the hospital."

I gasp a little and Dallon shrugs "They were hiding some pretty serious shit." he runs a hand through his hair nervously. "Spencer's eyes were always really small, like an aliens. he hated bright lights and always wore a hood, even in a dark room. Jon stopped talking, to us at least. he would mumble all sorts of incoherent things to himself."

I bite my lip and start rocking myself, I think I know how this story ends. 

"After another week of them being there, I noticed that Brendon wasn't as happy and excited as he normally was. It was as if he was a clone of himself. He had these, bruises, burns, hickies all over his body, and one day he came down to my room crying with a bloody nose and a black eye."

I cover my gaping mouth with my hand. "what?" 

"Spencer was beating him." 

A tear falls from my eye and I can't peel my eyes from Dallon's watering ones.

"Ryan was worse. Broken ribs, broken jawbone, hickies all over his neck and you could tell they weren't consensual." 

I imagine Ryan when he's happy, eyes glowing, curly hair a mess as Brendon ruffles it and he tilts his head up for a kiss. 

I imagine Ryan beaten and bloodied cowering in the corner of a room.

"Jon stopped meeting us in the cafeteria and hallways, stopped coming to meals, Spencer did though." 

I wince.

"No one said anything. We were scared. Scared for what would happen to Brendon and Ryan if they were found out. Spencer came to dinner one night with white under his nose and sat down next to Brendon. The minute their bodies made contact Brendon started shaking furiously and avoided eye contact with anyone."

"he wasn't-" I start and Dallon nods

"He was on coke the whole time. Got put in the hospital because of it. He was a complete nutcase." he sighs again and rubs his face. "Sarah found them screaming at Ryan one night and opened the door to see a pile of coke on the table and Ryan with a black eye, passed out on the bed." 

"After how long?"

"It took the doctors three weeks to find out Tyler. We aren't safe here. One more week and Brendon and Ryan wouldn't be here today."

"Oh my god." I repeat in a hushed voice. Dallon rubs my knee again.

"They were taken to court. Heard from a nurse they pleaded insanity and got sent somewhere. Looks like this place was somewhere."

"But why would they send us here then?" I ask in a tiny tone.

"Because they don't remember. Either that or they don't care."

Tears fall onto my jeans in little patters. Wet droplets dotting the denim.

"They called it verbal and emotional abuse. Spencer was charged with assault and drug possession as well as domestic violence and attempted rape." 

"Oh my god." I whisper, eyes continuing to well. "I didn't know."

"We hoped you would never know." He sighs "It just makes it easier."

I nod slowly. It really wouldn't be better. I'd know how to treat them, to talk to them, how to help them if I had known. Do you think they'd joke about suicide if I never told them about me?

"I'm glad you told me. But what are we supposed to do now?" I ask, voice weary and Dallon shakes his head and starts crying.

"I don't know what we're supposed to do." He whispers and I hear sobbing outside the door.

"What's th-" 

"Brendon." he sighs "he's outside crying. Josh is with him, it's fine." 

I sigh, tears making my breath shaky and uncertain. "this is going to be a lot harder then we thought. How do we avoid someone in our school for an entire year?" 

"It wouldn't be that hard...If Brendon and Ryan weren't so fucking noticeable."

It was true. Brendon's face was a hard one to forget. And Ryan was so fucking gorgeous even to a straight guy I was sure he'd be hit on more then once this year. That isn't going to make Brendon very happy, I thought with a smile. But I still didn't know what to do about any of this.

(Josh's POV)

Hearing this story was making me the most scared I've been since I met Blurry.

And that was fucking scary.

"And, he t-told me that I didn't have to snort it, b-but if I snitched on him he'd k-kill me." 

Now I knew who was slamming the door, and the boy mumbling about cocaine.

He breathes in, body shaking as he did so. "And Ryan tried to get help one day while he was punching me, so he walked over and broke his jaw."

He starts to speak but collapses into another set of fresh tears and buries his face in my chest.

"keep going." I try to encourage him to get it all out. 

"he broke four of Ryan's ribs in total. Four ribs, one jawbone, and five black eyes." His voice is cracking and higher then normal, but he continues through it.

"he broke my jaw too. And my arm, pinning me to the ground one night when he....." His eyes go dark, lip quivering.

"he didn't-" I start to ask but Brendon interrupts me hastily.

"No! He.... t-tried to..." He moves his face from my chest and straightens himself. he was lying. Why would he lie?

"Bren...you can tell me what he did."

"b-but, I told the police he didn't." his nose starts running, and he wipes it with his thick hoodie sleeve.

I start to cry "Why wouldn't you tell them that?"

"I didn't want t-to get tested, didn't want my p-parents to know I was gay." he sobs out "They tested me anyway."

"Oh Brenny..." I whisper, pulling him closer to me. 

"No. You should be comforting Ryan. He's the one with the dad that beat him and-" he stops, throwing a hand over his mouth.

"WHAT?" I whisper scream and he starts sobbing uncontrollably, loud enough for Spencer and Jon to hear. 

"Shhhhh, shhhh! don't yell! T-theyll hear you!" He shrieks, eyes as big as saucers as he looks up at me fear stricken, putting his hands over my mouth.

"B-But Ryan." I say and he shakes his head quickly

"No. Forget I said that. that's his thing to tell you. I shouldn't have been so stupid." He hits himself in the forehead and I grab his wrist, pulling it away.

"No, you're not stupid Brendon. Don't ever think that. C'mon, lets go back inside and stay there for the night OK?" he nods, standing up shakily and opens the door across the hall from us. Tyler is inside with a blotchy face and Dallon looks the same. Brendon walks in nervously, as if he's uncomfortable having attention for once.

"Hi." he whispers and Tyler jumps up and embraces him, something I've never really seen him do.

"I love you." I hear him say and Brendon immediately starts to wail. my heart hurts a little from hearing him say that but I know deep down it's a different kind of love. I love Brendon too. I love Ryan and Dallon and all the rest of them so much.

I decide to let them cry together and I step outside to see Ryan looking out a window, looking down at the courtyard.

"Ry." I say quietly and he spins around, tears streaking down his face.

"I knew I'd never be able to forget it."

I walk over and hug him. As I do, he instantly passes out and I catch him just before he hits solid ground.

"shit." I whisper and carry him into the room. I place him on my bed and Brendon rushes over, cradling him. 

"He's out." I hear him murmur before laying down next to him. "Maybe if I fall asleep I'll never wake up." Tyler grips my arm as he says this and I feel that I have an idea why.

The five of us sat in pure undisturbed silece for a good five minutes before there was a soft knock on the door.

"Hey, um are you guys ok in there, I heard crying." 

It wasn't Patrick. 

It wasn't Pete.

It wasn't Andy.

Or Joe.

I didn't recognize the voice.

But the look on Brendon's face told me he recognized it.

And It wasn't a good look.

it was horror.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm being such a burnt chicken nugget but I want DRAMA and PAIN and TERRIBLE THINGS.
> 
> hahahaahah you hate me don't you? 
> 
> But the chapters are rly long sooooooo


	5. The One Where Josh Saves Their Asses

(Josh's POV)

"Don't open that." Brendon hissed, sliding off the bed. Slowly and silently he crept passed me and into our bathroom, opening the door before coming back in and dragging Ryan into the shower with him. 

"Um, Yeah...We're fine thanks!" I call back in a voice racked with nerves.

"Hey, uh you're new right?" The voice asks as equally nervous.

"yeah." 

"I kinda wanted to meet you guys, can you open up?" Tyler and I exchange glances before having a short whisper fight.

"He beat up our friends! He's a drug addict!" I say and Tyler shakes his head.

"he's gonna know something's up."

"He's a rapist!" I whisper scream, flailing my arms dramatically and Tyler's eyes widen.

"I didn't know that..." 

"We can't let him in!"

"We have to!"

"Hello?" The voice I presumed was Spencer's called from behind the door.

"Umm...." I glanced at the shut bathroom door. In a split second Brendon's head peeked out and nodded slowly, before slamming the door again. "Yeah sure." I sigh.

I unlocked the door and opened it. On the other side stood a boy about the same size as me. he wasn't as athletic, you could tell, and his hair was sandy, with dark spots of brown. His eyes were a foggy grey blue, more blue the more I stared. He was analyzing me as well, blue grey eyes flickering up to my hair and he smiles.

"hey, I'm Spencer, welcome to hell." He chuckled lightly and shook my hand. His was cold and almost limp, but it had a little lift to it. Half ass, he was obviously not taught manners when he was young.

"Josh." I say in a stale voice and his smile tightens.

"T-Tyler." Tyler squeaks from beside me. 

"How are you guys doing? I heard crying or something, It sounded bad." He looks over my shoulder and around the room, eyes like a bird's looking for prey.

"Sorry, I stubbed my toe." Tyler says and shrugs. Spencer chuckles again, but his eyes are dark. 

Tyler shifts his weight behind me and I turn around to face him. He looks extremely uncomfortable, like he was being forced to do something he really didn't want to. I narrow my eyes at him and turn back to Spencer, who is looking at Tyler with an expression I'd only be able to describe as lust and longing. I no longer want him here, I knew this was a bad idea, and no one ever listens to me. 

"So........" I say through gritted teeth and he looks away from Tyler. Fucking took him seven years.

"Who are you?' Spencer asks abruptly and I whip around to see Dallon just sitting there on my bed. 

I mouth at him a furious "what the fuck?!" 

his eyes widen to the size of planets and he squeezes his lips shut. 

"He's mute." Tyler says suddenly "Only talks to us." I almost laugh at this because Dallon looks like someone told him the earth was flat. He opens his mouth to protest but quickly shuts it and folds his hands under his chin to hide part of his face.

Spencer raises a suspicious eyebrow, eyeing Dallon carefully. But after a minute his body relaxes and he turns to me again and smiles.

"You guys came on that bus out there right? How many of you are there?" 

Dallon's eyes drift to the bathroom but flicker back with a cautious smile. Spencer's eyes are still dead set on Tyler. I scan his face for red flags, using what I already know to make a full analysis on him. He's primal, you can tell, and very impulsive. Not many people would come straight to our door after hearing that much crying.

"there's....six of us." I say with a shaky voice.

"Only six? They usually drop off about eight or more, that's strange, where'd you guys come from anyway?"

"There might be five more coming." Tyler says out of nowhere and I look at him

"Who?"

"Gerard and the others." I slap my forehead in an exaggerated face palm. 

"I totally forgot about them!" I say with a fake smile and turn to Spencer, "there's five more guys coming."

"Oh cool, so where'd you come from?" he repeats and I inhale deeply, glancing at Tyler. He shrugs and I roll my eyes.

"A hospital." I say a little too fast.

"Which one?" he asks, eyes hungry and I think I know why.

"It's in Ohio..." I trail off and he frowns.

"Columbus?" 

"Mmmhmm." I say, running a hand through my hair 

He stops smiling all together, eyes back to being hooded and dangerous. 

"oh." 

"Yeah." Tyler pipes up and Spencer's head turns slowly to him.

"So, what are your other friends names, where are they?" he asks Tyler specifically and I shift myself a little closer to him, being way to overprotective. 

"They're, ummm..." He clenches his hand into a fist and sucks on his bottom lip.

I started to panic, what if Spencer remembered the others, he had to remember, he was already on to us we are totally and royally fucked. My breathing becomes shallow and I feel like I'm gasping for breath. if this isn't interrogation I don't know what is.

"Hmm?" he asks again, becoming serious when he notices my obvious panic. "dude are you ok?"

I try to steady myself but I stumble and fall back onto my bed. Tyler rushes over and sits me up, grabbing my cheeks and pulling me to face him. Dallon jumps up as well to come to my aid. 

"He...he has anxiety." Tyler explains, rubbing my back with one hand and holding my face securely in another. I focus on his breathing and the one hand that's gripping my jawbone.

"Oh shit I'm sorry." Spencer says in a quiet voice "was I being overbearing? I'm so sorry."

"No it's fine." Tyler spits, shooing him away as my breathing calms "Maybe you should come back later. He isn't really comfortable with people he doesn't know." 

"Oh ok that's fine, maybe I can introduce you to my friend Jon later..." he says quietly before waving goodbye and shutting the door behind him. 

"Josh?" he squeaks again and I nod. "Are you ok?" I sniff once and stay silent.

he gasps and I look up at him in complete fear. He makes another noise in the back of his throat and pulls me closer to him. I wondered why he was shaking until I realized I was the one shaking. 

God dammit, this isn't about me. 

I have to pull myself together.

I don't need help.

I don't need pity.

"He's gone!" Dallon yells into the bathroom and Brendon comes slinking out, dragging Ryan's limp body behind him. 

"That was fast, thank god." He sighs as if a weights been lifted of his chest and when his gaze falls on me he becomes horror stricken again. "Oh no! Josh, what happened?"

"I-I'm fine," I say, mentally cursing myself for stuttering, sounding like a pathetic piece of shit. "I'm fine."

"No, you aren't Josh. tell me what's wrong." Tyler moves my face back up to look him in the eyes and I do.

"He's gonna find out, a-and Brendon and R-Ryan are gonna be hurt a-and I feel something bad might happen to you too a-and I d-don't know what I-I'm supposed t-"

"what?" Tyler asks suddenly with a high and piercing whimper "What's going to happen to me?"

I gulp and take another shuddering breath. "Nothing. I-I, he was just looking at you a-and I didn't like it." 

Tyler's hand finds its way to my knee and I start to cry for probably the hundredth time today. 

Get the fuck up you little bitch this ain't no pity party. 

I nod, getting to my feet and Tyler stumbles back. A rough hand wipes my tears away and I clear my throat. "He gave me the creeps. Let's get out of this goddamn room."

Tyler looks up at me from the floor with a hurt expression that physically pains me to look at. Dallon offers him and hand and he gratefully accepts it, brushing himself off.

"And where do you suppose we go?" Brendon asks, gesturing to an unconscious Ryan next to him.

"Pete and Trick's room is right up the hall, I'm actually surprised they haven't come looking for us yet." I say with a strong voice, composing myself. 

"Ok then, wanna haul Ryan there for me?" Brendon asks and I shrug.

"sure." 

With Ryan slung over my shoulder we made our way up the hall, farther away from the elevator and Spencer's room, and soon we were knocking on Pete's door.

"hey guy-" He opens the door and stops when he takes one look at Ryan. "What the fuck happened?"

"Spencer." Brendon hisses and Pete goes white.

"What did you ju-"

"he's here. Jon too." 

Pete's mouth falls open and Patrick walks over "did I hear someone say Spencer?"

"Yeah." Brendon mumbles, stepping into the room and sitting on top of the desk

"wait," Pete picks Ryan up off my shoulders and lays him down "You're saying...they were sent HERE, after what they did to you?"

"yup." Brendon pops the p at the end and swings his legs over the side of the wooded desk.

"Where are-" 

"Right down the hall." Tyler smiles sarcastically and Trick opens his mouth then closes it.

"They know?" He raises an eyebrow at Brendon.

"We kinda had to tell them." he sighs and walks over to Ryan. "before you ask, it was stress. he just shut down. Nothing new." 

A heavy sigh escapes all of our lips and we flop down onto whatever surface we can.

"Mute?" Dallon asks after a minute of silence. 

"Sorry, It was a spur of the moment thing." Tyler shrugs with a shit eating grin and I laugh. "Besides, you'd be better off mute."

Dallon rolls his eyes and sinks into Pete's mattress. Brendon and Ryan lay on Tricks while Tyler sat on my lap in the one desk chair. Pete was pacing around the room and Trick lay beside Dallon. 

"I just have no idea what we are supposed to do about this. We can't escape it. Can't hide in our rooms for an entire year, or for however long we have to stay here. It's either we leave or they get kicked out." Brendon sits up and rubs his temples as he speaks "I'm not old enough for this."

"None of us are." Tyler says quietly and I rest my head on the back of his shoulder. 

"You ok joshie?" He whispers and I nod, digging my chin into his shoulder deeper then it already was. "ok, but I want to talk to you later." 

Oh shit.

(Brendon's POV) 

That was a close call. A really close call. I mean, he was in the room right next to us. I had laid Ryan in the bathtub while I sat with my ear pressed against the door shaking violently.

He was right next to us.

He could've strode over, opened the door and we'd be done for.

Thank god Josh distracted him.

But now Josh was acting really strange.

Stranger than usual.

Pretending he didn't need help, that he was fine.

But he's here for a reason.

And I'm dead set on figuring out why.

We lay spread all over Pete's room, Ryan's head lolling over my shoulder as he mutters a string of incoherent words.

"Hey, Um Pete?" I ask, lifting Ryan's arms off my torso.

"Yeah."

"Can I have some weed?"

"Oh, yeah sure dude, as much as you want." He says with a slight smile. 

Pete hands me a loosely rolled joint and I fix it, pinching the end tightly and lighting it. Before holding the paper over the flame I hold it close to my eyes, watching the thin flame tease the front of my face with it's danger, twirling like a deadly dancer. 

"How strong is this?"

"Uhh, I think it might be girl scout cookies." he mumbles, fidgeting with his lamp. It was getting dark already.

"God that's a lot of THC." I mutter, lighting the joint and bringing to my lips. Josh watches in anticipation and I smirk. "want some?" I wiggle it between my fingers and he nods with glassy hazel eyes.

"Can I? Please mom?" he begs Tyler, who purses his lips

He thinks for a moment, scanning Josh. "Fine. But only since you had an anxiety attack." 

Tyler stands so Josh can get up and he joins me on Trick's bed, nudging Ryan's legs over. 

"god I need this." He sighs and closes his eyes.

"I bet you do." I chuckle and his eyes roll back as he takes a hit. 

"I really do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there are two mourning doves outside my window and I'm getting scared bc wtf are they mourning? hopefully not me.  
> Also I'm hosting the snapchat account patdtour this Saturday night so if you follow it and watch the story you'll get to see me and watch the concert along with my cringey singing/shrieking!
> 
> I'll see you there
> 
> *ghost noises*


	6. The One Where Josh Is Fucking Blazed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm a fucking soggy bitch and this is a day late I hate myself sm for making ya'll wait ad ughhhhhhhh

(Josh's POV) 

After five hits, I was feeling a lot better then I was four hits back. Nothing made sense, and marijuana at least made it tolerable. Four hits ago I was still so confused, scared, anxious, and all that apply. 

Brendon and I lay spread eagle on Pete's bed, Ryan still passed out behind us. The rest of the guys huddled on Trick's bed, talking in hushed tones that I could'nt quite make out over the weed fogging my brain. 

"We can't have another rap-"

"What if he goes for Bren-"

"But Josh said he was looking at T-" 

"How do we protec-"

"We can't hurt them-"

"But we have to do SOMETHING."

"But what's something?"

"I'm not sure yet." 

Tyler sat perched upon the oak desk, his legs swinging over the side like a child pumping on a swing set, reaching for the sky, the moon, mars, whatever his little head can dream up.

"Jish." Brendon whispers, patting my chest. "you feelin better?"

"Yeah." I exhale, sitting up against the wall, staring at the group of boys on the opposite bed against the opposite wall. 

Brendon flops back down, spread eagle, rubbing Ryan's jaw with gentle fingers. Tyler and I make eye contact and he gives me a disapproving and humorous look.

"having fun?" He teases, swinging his legs again. 

"mmm." I murmur 

"take my hand...off to never, never land." He hums, hopping off the desk and striding over to Dallon, draping himself over his long thin frame. Dallon chuckles and gives Tyler a small smile before turning back to the nervous talking. I can tell even in my delirious state that Tyler is trying to avoid everything that's going on. He isn't comprehending the conversation going on right next to him, he isn't worried about anything because if he gets worried then that'll be the end of sane Tyler. From his position in Dallon's lap, he looks over at me and flashes a smile. One I can't tell the emotion behind. It's definitely not happiness, it's not sadness, it's not.....it's cocky.

Cocky.

I don't like it. 

Not the smile, him sitting on Dallon's lap. Dallon's straight, Dallon's dating Breezy, Tyler should be sitting on MY lap, I'm his boyfriend after all.

But I'm not jealous...

I'm Josh...

I don't get jealous.

Don't ever say that. 

But why is he giving me a cocky smile?

he was crying like, ten minutes ago.

Right?

what time even was it?

How long have I been high?

Was I even that high?

Oh shit how many hits did I take?

Five?

Ten?

Thirty?

"something wrong?" Tyler asks at my indubitably bewildered expression.

"W-what time is it?" I ask, rubbing my eyes. It stung to rub the aching red skin but after a little it started to feel good.

I hear Pete laugh "4:20" 

"very funny." I say sourly "what time is it actually?"

"God, almost six." Trick says, spotting the clock above my head. I crane my neck to get a better look and it is indeed 5:52.

"What time did we get here?" I ask, palming the rock that's still in the pocket of my jeans. I hadn't taken it out since the beach this morning, and I don't think anyone else has either.

"I'm not sure, either twelve something or early one." Trick says, rubbing his face and dragging the skin down. It looks like he's melting. 

Ten minutes later the conversation was growing quieter and now Tyler joined in. As he was talking he kept shooting me concerned looks and I sighed heavily. Everyone needs to stop worrying about me.

Because I'm FINE.

We have bigger problems then Joshua's anxiety. 

Bigger things to deal with besides my pathetic life. 

Tyler stops looking at me and I try to concentrate on their talking.

"Gerard and them?" Someone asks 

"Maybe but-" Trick says, being cut off

"Let's just avoid them until Gerard-" another voice says.

Muffled low sounds come and go from the corner but I hear one that I recognize so I tune back in.

"I-I'm really scared about what Josh said."

I close my mouth from where it had been hanging open. Tyler's scared. About something I said. Great, now he's paranoid that something's gonna happen. 

But I won't let anything happen to him, that's for sure.

We'll be just fine. 

We just have to focus and work hard.

Right? 

He looks at me again and closes his mouth. The talking falters and everyone just looks uncomfortable, and Brendon is asleep next to me, fast asleep.

"I'm tired." I say, yawing seconds later. Tyler giggles and untangles himself from Dallon. 

"Wanna go back to our room?" he asks, raising an eyebrow and making his forehead wrinkle. 

"Mmmhmmm, maybe we should stay there for the rest of the night." I mumble, getting up.

"Oh I see Joshua. Ok, you guys have fun tonight." Pete winks, and grabs a bottle of water, which he then proceeds to pour on Brendon's head. Brendon shrieks and jumps up, shaking his head furiously. 

"WHAT THE FUCK WENTZ?" He yells, spraying water everywhere when he shakes his sopping hair. 

I laugh, ignoring the catcalls and wolf whistles thrown my way as I stumble out the door and into the hallway, Tyler following closely behind. 

"I think we should stay there for the rest of the night as well, it's safer." he says quietly, taking my hand. 

I knew I wasn't THAT high, I had smoked about two hours ago and hand't even smoked that much in the first place. My high was receding as quickly as it came. "t-that's what I meant, I didn't mean we should-"

He stops walking, spinning in front of me stopping my movements. A finger is placed on my chest and he pushes me back slightly, finger digging through my shirt. "so you don't want to?"

"No! I just didn't-" 

"Because that room is awfully foreign, I don't think i'll be able to sleep tonight if we don't...break it in." 

My mouth goes dry. Tyler never usually initiated things. he has, in the past, but never like this. Never with this tone that's so...lustful. 

"How do you suppose we settle down?" I ask, and he grabs my collar, pulling me forward so we're face to face, noses almost touching.

"fuck me on every surface in that goddamn room."

 

(Tyler's POV) 

I needed a distraction. From anything, from everything. This whole day has been a shit show. First with my mom, then with the school and to top it off finding out about Spencer and Jon. 

Things were a lot more complicated then I wanted them to be at the moment.

I wasn't even 18 yet, I'll be 18 in three months. 

This was too much stress. 

I don't even think Josh and I's endeavors were even legal.

Not that anyone was gonna stop us.

I was sitting in Dallon's lap, ignoring the worry some conversation going on next to me when I really got sick of it all.

I needed a distraction. 

So why not use Josh as one?

He'd be all for it, i know that.

I could care less about the sex, I just neede something to take my mind off the pure hell that was my life right now.

So why not have his dick up my ass?

I started with making him jealous. As much as he denies it, he gets jealous really fuckin easily.

I could almost feel his eyes on me as I draped myself over Dallon, smirking at him. He watched me for a moment, before asking what time it was.

of course he asked what time it was.

He was practically BEGGING to get me alone. 

Once we were alone, I used my most seductive voice until I had him wrapped around my pretty little finger. 

This was gonna be good. 

I hated begging him and pleading, but it turned him on and maybe it turned me on a little bit as well.

I wasn't lying when i said I wouldn't be able to sleep, and I wasn't lying when i told him I wanted to be fucked on every surface in that room.

judging by the look on his face and the bulge in his jeans,

this was gonna be really fucking good.

(Josh's POV)

Maybe a distraction wouldn't be a bad idea. Fucking Tyler wouldn't change anything except my sex drive for the day, and we both knew that. But it was all we had at the moment and it was the easiest distraction. 

"How much do you want it?" I ask in a low voice and he presses me against the wall. 

"So fucking much Josh." 

I pin his wrists against the peeling wallpaper. "who?"

"J-" He stops himself, falling into a character he'd taken most of the summer to make "daddy."

I bite my lip, breathing out short and fast. "God you're so fucking hot Tyler." 

"Trying to make me jelous, little slut."

He giggles, leaning forward while his wrists are still bound and pecks my cheek. "Please, fuck me daddy." 

I laugh out loud because he's never this straightforward, let alone this demanding. "Since you asked so nicely I guess I have no choice." 

I release his arms and he jumps onto my chest, legs wrapping around my waist and arms around my neck. "hurryyy." 

"Kept glancing at me to make sure I saw you." I mutter and he giggles again, digging his face in my stubble.

Begrudgingly I carry him through the hallway, him peppering my face and neck with kisses the whole way. 

In five minutes we're both in our room with clothes scattered all over the dirty carpeted floors. 

"wanna pick up where we left off?" I ask, licking his neck as he's pressed against the wall again. He moans in response, sifting slightly and lifting himself up on the desk, papers strewn to the floor in some kind of stationary war zone. 

"please." he breathes into my mouth, tangling his thin fingers in my hair as I envelop my mouth with his. 

"Patience baby." I gasp as his hands wander from my hair.

"I don't like to be kept waiting." He says darkly, throwing his head back and exposing his neck for me. 

I take advantage of his offer, dragging my teeth across his still tanned skin. "still got that biting kink?" He groans and when I pull back he looks pouty and maybe even a little mad.

"still got that daddy kink?" He snaps back, pulling my hips to him. I nod repeatedly, sucking on his neck sure to leave a hickey tonight. 

"you know it." I smirk, kissing him passionately and he whines, vibrations coursing through my skin. 

"Please Joshie...I need to get my mind off things." he whimpers, bottom lip protruding. 

"Me too, me too." I whisper, pulling his legs up around my waist and carrying him to my bed. If the sheets get wrecked we'll just sleep in his tonight. 

An hour later we lay in his bed sweaty and tired, limbs tangled together, skin on skin. 

"that was really great J." He mumbles as he rolls over from his back to on top of my chest. I wheeze at his weight and he makes a hurt expression. "Am I really that fat?"

"Yeah." I joke and he pouts again.

"I was going to suck your dick but if I'm too fat then..." He trails off, twirling a piece of my hair around his finger, 

"Yeah that's too bad..." i say, playing along. he sucks on his bottom lip and sits criss cross next to me, watching me lay back and stare up at him. 

"truly is a shame." he pouts again and I crack up, tickling his bare stomach and he releases his signature cackle, leaning over trying to cover himself.

"s-stop! T-that...TICKLES!" He gasps, wriggling under my fingers as I trail them up and down his sides. 

I let out a burst of laughs and stop tickling him. Once he catches his breath he sits straddling me, and it's hard to focus on his face because all our clothes are still on the floor.

"they're gonna come looking for us if we don't go to the cafeteria." I say and he wiggles his hips on top of me.

"We'll just have to keep them waiting then." he snickers, leaning forward and kissing me, not waiting for me to respond before he shoves his tongue down my throat. 

"Ty, you know what'll happen if they catch us fucking again right? Maybe later, we just got done." 

"But I can't wait!" He whines, pawing at my chest and now it's really fuckin hard to concentrate.

"Well you're gonna have to." I say, brain fighting my dick and reluctantly sitting up, making him tumble off me and back onto the crumpled sheets.

he huffs, grudgingly pulling back on shorts and a shirt, glancing at the clock. "it's seven fifteen." 

"We missed dinner." I sigh and run a hand through my hair, getting under the not so filthy sheets. "Honey while you're out grab me a bowl of cereal would ya?" 

He rolls his eyes "anything else sweetness?" 

"No that should be good." I say with a shit eating grin and he washes his hands before leaving the room, bringing the door key with him in case I lock him out.

"I'll be back in ten minutes, if I'm not, call the police!" He calls through the shut door and I laugh to myself before getting in the shower. 

The steam rose from the top of the glass shower and fogged the mirror, signaling me it was probably time to get in. Since I was young I've gotten into the terrible habit fo showering inn the hottest water my body can take. I know it's strange, and not very healthy, but it helps a little, feeling like I'm being cleansed. That's why I don't usually dry off all the way, my skin gets too dry if i wipe all the water off immediately I needs time to soak..

"And it came to me then, that every plan, is a tiny prayer to father time." I'm not a good singer, Tyler is. But sometimes it's nice to sing in the shower because you always sound better in there.

By now my eyes were clear, my mind was clear, and it wasn't hard to focus on the good thing instead of the bad. As the water dripped down my back in long warm lines, I sighed and though about how we were going to handle this situation. Brendon and Ryan needed to be protected. We needed to build an army against these two guys, Spencer especially. Once Gerard's friends got here maybe we could use them as a weapon, or intimidation. maybe that would work. Spencer was still tricky. I wasn't so sure about him when we first heard him yelling, and now that I know the whole story I have some strong opinions about him. I saw the way he was looking at Tyler and I recognized it well because that's how I used to look at Tyler.

With lust and want.

and from what I heard Spencer goes after what he wants.

and he'll do anything to get it.


	7. The One Where Tyler Is A Lil Bitch

(Tyler's POV)

Walking, well, LIMPING down the hallway alone gave me time to analyze the situation. Other then the situation of Josh being fast and brutal like he usually is in bed, This place wasn't REALLY like high school. sure, there were classes and shit. But no lockers to be shoved into, there was only about seventy kids here, not three hundred, and this time around I actually had friends This place was terrible, no doubt. But it really wasn't THAT bad in the scheme of things. This time around I had an army behind me, to protect me, and even though we already had an enemy, I'm sure we'd be able to handle it, and if not, then I don't know what'll happen.

But it won't be good.

The hallway was longer than the ones in the hospital, with about ten rooms on either side. At the end of the path there was an elevator, and next to it a door leading to the stairs. This place was a little older, but still fairly advanced. Whitewashed walls swallowed me whole and it was narrow. A lot more tight then the wide open airy halls of Saint Rafael's.

It didn't smell like antiseptic though.

There weren't any pills for me to steal.

Weren't any scalpels for me to use

I had to find my own ways

and that was yet another struggle.

"I'm never what I like...I'm double sided." I sing to myself softly as I look out the windows on the wall opposite our room. It overlooked a good part of the campus, street lights illuminating lonely benches and the still awaiting pond. A sharp chill runs down my spine and I shiver, suddenly becoming too hot and I gasp out, doubling over.

 _You could get a weight from the gym Tyty._.. 

"shut up, no." I say, trying to shake him off because my fingers are turning black and I think I'm gonna vomit.

_didn't seem like you were opposed to a ceiling fan in your room._

"I-I...it wasn't like that."

_We both know it was, but you wouldn't want Josh to find you, that'd be traumatic for him._

"Yeah...I guess that'd be pretty bad."

_Yeah, he'd kill himself right after, you don't want that. He should keep on living, his life isn't a waste of everyone's fucking time._

"I d-don't-"

_Not tonight though, maybe in a week G, you need time to adapt._

"Ok."

And then he was gone, poof. Like he was never there in the first place and that was horrifying. He shouldn't be able to come and go as he pleases, I should be able to control that. And what id he were to show up while Josh is...never mind. I have enough power to warn him. At least I hope I do. I really shouldn't use the fan, that probably wouldn't even work, but a weight and the pond might work.

If it's deep enough.

I press the button to the elevator and a little light appears on the arrow pointing down. The cafeteria was far away, and I really didn't want to walk alone.

Bad things happen on campus's at night.

Bad things.

Josh should be with me.

But I told him I'd be fine.

I'm being a baby.

I don't need a body guard.

I can get fucking cereal by myself.

Right?

Wrong.

As I stand in the mirrored elevator, I see things, people, behind me. I spin around, emitting a sharp shriek.

But there's no one there.

It's all in my head.

I can't do this.

I need Josh.

I cram the buttons on the elevator, praying it won't break and I'll be stuck in here for hours.

Josh isn't here..

He won't be.

He's upstairs.

Deep breaths

Deep breaths

And now the doors are opening.

and Spencer is standing right in front of me.

fuck.

fast breaths

fast breaths

I slide to the floor, hitting the cool tile with a soft thump, and bury my head in my hands.

"a-are you ok...." he asks, hitting the button that holds the doors open and crouching down next to me "I'm sorry, I forget your name."

"T-Tyler." I mutter, lifting my head and looking up at him. He looks tired, really tired. He looked a little out of it a few hours ago, but now he looks A LOT out of it, like he hasn't slept in days.

"Oh right, Josh friend."

"Boyfriend." I cough and he looks surprised. but he also looks...disappointed? For how good I've been at reading people's emotions, he was a hard one to analyze .

"Oh...I never took you as gay." he says casually, helping me up.

I can tell a lie from the truth,

Josh doesn't know it.

A lot of people don't know it.

And this dud has been lying to me all fuckin day

"Neither did I." I say honestly, brushing myself off in a desperate attempt to distract myself. "Always knew I was at least bi though."

"That's pretty cool." He says, running a hand through his hair. "Hey, are you going to get dinner?"

"Yeah I was just going to g-get cereal." I say quietly. I really wanted to get as far away from him as possible. I was still limping and I knew that he had noticed it as I walked towards the doors.

"I'll walk you to the cafe if you want? It gets kinda dark out there." his tone is respectful and clear, no wavering or nervousness.

"Umm, I think I'm good, but thanks man." I say with a half ass smile and he just waves and chuckles lowly before stepping in the elevator. as the doors close I hear him say.

"Tell Josh he's too rough with you, don't wanna see you bruised."

My mouth hangs open as the doors shut, I hear the metal clanking and soon he's being lifted up to the third floor, leaving me speechless.

"is Josh too rough?"

No dipshit, he's fine.

"But it does hurt sometimes..."

Its a good hurt, you felt really good Tyler. Admit it, you love it when he grips your thighs like that and all the other shit.

"I guess..." I say softly, feeling my lower back and walking out into the dark.

(Josh's POV)

I step out of the shower after about fifteen minutes, and walk back into the bedroom and main area with only a towel on to see Tyler already sitting on his bed, bowl in hand eyes glued to me.

"Oh, hey babe." I say with a smile, grabbing a pair of boxers and an old tee.

"hey." He says quietly, taking another spoonful of cereal

"What's wrong?" I ask, sitting next to him. He makes an objective noise with a mouth full.

"Nthn."

"....ok." I say in a purposefully suspicious voice and he furrows his eyebrows

"I'm serious, just really tired. Do you have any melatonin?"

I think for a minute. I don't really wanna give him my sleeping aid. I need it more than he probably does and I have a limited supply.

Give your boyfriend the damn sleeping pills. You sleep better with him around anyway. He's weak. You're strong. He needs it more then you do so just give it.

"y-yeah sure."

He smiles, handing me a bowl of waffle crisp. "They don't have Reese's here."

"damn it." I say and he laughs, wiping milk from his chin.

That was really fucking hot.

what? him wiping milk from his chin? I ask myself.

yeah, Imagine if that milk was your-

enough! I get it! I say to myself, eyes widening. Tyler gives me a strange look and sits back.

"Dirty dirty Joshua." he says with a smirk, putting the bowl down.

"W-what?! N-no I wasn't-" I stutter and he giggles, taking his shirt off.

"I know Josh, I think I'm gonna take a shower and go to bed."

"Ok Ty."

"And Josh?"

"Yeah?"

"I still wanna talk to you about something."

"O-ok Ty."

he walks through the door leading to the tiny bathroom. One sink and a shower with barely enough room for me. There was no bathtub, for good reason I guess but the more I looked around the more hazards I noticed. It was going to be a real struggle keeping Tyler clean and stable this year.

he wants to break up with you.

What?!

Yeah, he's been waiting to find the right time to tell you.

That can't be true, he loves me and I love him.

Are you sure about that?

Y-yes.

you don't sound so sure Joshua.

You're really starting to sound like Bl-

Oh really? I'm much worse than big, bad, Blurryface Joshua.

No. You don't make me do anything to mysel-

not yet.

(Brendon's POV)

Ryan and I sit in his bed in our dorm, watching a movie downloaded on his phone.

Our faces are barely illuminated by the faint light flooding from the tiny screen.

He woke up about thirty minutes ago, and when he did I was almost grounded from my high. Josh comes down almost immediately, but I take a little more time.

"Ryro?" I ask and he smiles, keeping his eyes on the screen.

"Yeah beebs?"

"I'm really tired, my neck hurts...can we go to bed?"

He laughs lightly, locking his phone with a single tap. "Yeah sure, you wanna take _any_  meds?"

"...no." he frowns slightly but none the less strips and gets under the covers. We had pushed our beds together so it made a queen sized instead of two twins.

"It's ok if you don't wanna take the meds, I love you."

"I know you do." I say quietly, getting under the covers next to him.

"We just have to be...strong." He says in a tiny voice, holding me closer to him.

"We are strong, and we'll be just fine Ryro, I promise."

"I promise too."


	8. The One Where Gerard is ShOOk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started watching Bates Motel oml it's creepy...

(Gerard's POV)

"Where do you think you're going?" Frank asked me as I tried to pry open the bus windows.

"ANYWHERE BUT HERE!" I yelled, wrenching open the glass and sliding it up.

"WAY!" a male voice that I recognize as doctor Eshleman's rings out through the bus and I jump back, cowering behind my seat.

"WHAT?" Frank yells back and I hear feet stomping up the aisle towards my seat.

"Gerard?" Eshleman asks and I look up through my long ass eyelashes.

"what?" I ask in a weak and tiny voice.

"Mr. Way, I know that this is a difficult thing to hear, but it's going to be fine. At least you weren't the poor guys that had to leave this morning."

"Who?" I look up in surprise and he quirks an eyebrow.

"all the boys in the cabin next to you."

"TYLER?" I yell and he looks more then shocked, backing up.

"Well, yes. Him and his friends." he says slowly

Oh shit.

He can't just do that.

Tyler told me things.

A lot of things.

About his high school experience.

It wasn't pretty.

This can't be happening.

Not another boarding school. I've had my fair share. Uniforms, nuns, rulers and dorm rooms.

Paneled walls where you can't scream for help.

dark rooms and master locks.

Letters home because of bad behaviors and trouble cooperating with adults.

Physical violence.

"outbursts"

"Are they ok? Did they get there ok? What is the school even called?"

Eshleman looks genuinely surprised by my sudden interest in how others are doing. "From what Sarah told me, they are a bit distraught but nothing unusual."

I frown, tensing up getting ready to insult the doctor, but Frank grabs my arm. "don't say anything you'll regret." He whispers and I nod.

"Why are they distraught doctor?" I ask in a respectful tone and he smiles slightly at me. Probably cause I haven't broken a window yet.

"They are just a bit upset about the new surroundings, new people." He clicks a walkie talkie in his hand and Sarah's voice fizzles through.

"Eshleman? Sarah here...the boys are all in there rooms. Joseph and Dun in one room, Ross and Urie in another, Wentz and Stump on the third floor, and the rest in their separate rooms."

"Ok, thank you Sarah, any incidents?"

She hesitates ".....Urie assaulted a guard trying to escape, but got dragged down by another guard." Eshleman frowns. "Tried to escape?" "Yes, sir." "Anything else?" he asks with a sigh "Tapes show Tyler Joseph having what seems to be a panic attack in the elevator around thirty minutes ago, and there were several reports of crying and screaming on the third floor of the student living quarters a couple hours after we arrived."

Eshleman purses his lips, sighing before clicking the walkie talkie again "What were the punishments for Urie?"

"He met with Williams sir. He was given a warning." she says and Eshleman nods.

"First or second offense?" "Williams told me running away is usually a third offense but she expected at least one to try and run today." Eshleman scratches at his scalp, looking almost bored by the conversation. "What are punishments for a third offense?" "She...she wouldn't tell me Mark." He sighs once again, and Frank and I exchange looks of "what the fuck is happening there?"

"Treatment for Joseph?" Eshleman asks and you can hear papers rustling on the other end.

"He should be taking his meds. No other scheduled treatment besides their vaccinations tomorrow." She says, sounding not so sure.

"see that he takes his medication. And get them shots before classes tomorrow. These boys are YOUR responsibility Sarah." Eshleman says firmly and I can almost hear Sarah nodding desperately.

"I'll check in on them right now. The automatic lights will be out in about ten minutes."

"Ok good." Eshleman nods and smiles "Check in with me in about thirty minutes. And Sarah?"

"Yes?" She responds, sounding breathless even over the static.

"Get some sleep tonight. You've been working too hard."

"O-ok." she stutters.

Eshleman turn off the walkie talkie and turns to face us.

We were speechless for a minute and Mark's shoulders slump. The sun was receding outside, trees and signs and small buildings wizzing past in the darkness.

"Brendon attacked a security guard?!" Frank yells suddenly, pumping a fist in the air "FUCKING SAVAGE!"

Eshleman shakes his head. "It's not, Frank. He was let off with a warning and if he tries it again he'll be punished. Don't you get any ideas Iero. They're very strict."

Frank nods slowly, but a smirk creeps up his face and I know that he's already up to no good.

"Why did he attack?" I ask with wide eyes. Brendon sure had some balls for doing shit like that. On their first day none the less.

"Breezy told me that he was looking around, making sure the coast was clear before he bolted towards the gates. An attempt to run away I presume."

My mouth falls open. "holy shit."

"Language boys." the doctor coughs, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"sorry." I say quietly, looking out the window "where are we anyway?"

"a way's out from Ohio. approaching West Virginia." he replies looking at his phone. "We'll get there in about two hours."

Frank groans, slumping down in the tattered leather seat. "so how long are you keeping us there anyway."

Eshleman looks up and makes eye contact with both of us. "listen guys, I know that this is going to be really difficult for you. Mikey especially." He motions to my little brother, passed out in the seat next to us. "He'll be a lot younger than some of the boys there."

Frank cocks his head like a dog "How many other boys?"

"around seventy. This school is an attachment from St Rafael's and it is very much like the hospital. I'll find that you are comfortable and happy but only if you behave."

I frown again and he takes note of it. "Gerard. I've known you for a long time. I know that you'll try to struggle and avoid it but this is the way it's going to be. We'll try one year here and if it all goes to shit then I'll send you back to the hospital."

It just hit me that everyone was practically begging to go BACK to the hospital. This whole time. we fucking MISSED that place and would rather go back because we are COMFORTABLE there. COMFORTABLE. At the fucking MENTAL HOSPITAL.

I sit there in silence for a good ten minutes, running memories of high school and all the other crap I've ever been through around my head. I'm going back to a school. There will be other kids. There will be teachers. I'll room with Frank.

I'll get in more fights.

I'll get more black eyes.

I'll bruise another rib.

But this time I won't be locked in janitor's closets and this time I won't spend more time in detention then class.

This time it'll be different.

My thoughts drift to the countless school yard fights I started. Whether t be with the jocks or the burnouts or even the preps, I always managed to get under someone's skin and they always found a way to aggravate me to the point of violence. I was "troubled" Or some shit like that, before the hospital, before serious medication, I'd get into periods of pure, unadulterated anger, punching anyone and anything in my way, some kids looked up to me, others challenged me. I was always up for a new challenge. Until I got a little TOO violent. That's when I was diagnosed with a bunch of stupid shit I don't believe. That's when I met Frank. It's been about five years since I stepped in a school. And I wasn't about to go back now. I'm coming up on my six year anniversary. Fuckers. I rub my eyes, which always used to be swelled and blue. When I was admitted, I used to miss the fights, I missed bruises. So I picked fights with the other boys during meals. I picked on the really troubled kids. Like Tyler.

Tyler broke my rib that day we fought. He broke my rib. It still really fucking hurts sometimes but I never told him because I thought he'd get upset.

Tyler broke my rib and the all the other fights I ever got into I never broke a rib.

When Tyler fought, he fought to KILL.

And I was determined to not let him get into anymore fights this year.

I'd fight people for him.

The last thing we need is him killing someone.

What am I thinking?

Tyler had never meant t kill me. But if Josh never dragged him away he would've tried to.

Maybe.

His eyes were fucking RED that day. Clouded with pure anger and violence and it fucking scared me.

Forget the purple hair.

I shouldn't have ever made fun of him.

I don't know his story that well.

I look out the bus window, watching the sky turn dark purple, clouds receding behind tall oak trees. Soon enough the sky was pitch black, small stars dotting the inky sky.

Now that I mention it I don't really know any of their stories...maybe we'll be friends this year. Maybe we'll sit together at lunch, maybe we'll have dorm parties and smoke that Wentz kid's weed. Maybe.

Just maybe this year WON'T be that bad after all.

(Tyler's POV)

Josh and I were almost fast asleep until a loud knock at our door made me jump out of my skin, gripping Josh's bicep tightly.

"Geez skittish much?" Josh asked, holding my arm and shushing in reassurance.

"sorry...it just, scared me." I say quietly, gathering sheets around my body.

"WHAT?" Josh yelled angrily at the shut door.

"Josh? I-it's Sarah." said the feminine voice coming from the other side of the door.

"Oh. What is it?' he said, still sounding half frustrated.

"Eshleman wants to know if Tyler took his meds today." She says. "Can I come in?"

Josh shoots out of my bed, sending a wave of white cotton flying into the air. He hops into his and sitting up straight, grabbing a book. I still lay on my back, staring up at the ceiling with glazed over eyes, still foggy with leftover lust. Josh looks over at me with a raised eyebrow and I shoot back a sneaky smile, licking my lips like an idiot.

"Yeah, sure."He calls and the door opens slowly. Sarah smiles at him and I lift my head to see her tentatively walk over to me.

"How have you been holding up Ty?" She sits next to me on my bed and folds her hands in her lap.

"Fine." I say sourly and her face falls slightly.

"Taking your meds?"

"Yeah."

"Have any incidents since we've been here?"

"no."

"are you lying to me?"

"no."

"I know that you are."

"I'm not." _how the fuck did she know?_

"the word elevator ring a bell?" She asks softly and I lay back into the pillow, not wanting to see Josh's surprise and worry that's undoubtedly pasted onto his face.

I swallow, closing my eyes. "no."

"Tyler there's a camera in there, you can tell me the truth I won't do anything." her voice is soft and smooth, and I'm glad she isn't Jenna because last time I told her something she stuck a needle in my arm. I'm not sure if Jenna is even here, and I'm sure that Eshleman won't be staying.

"I-I just got a little frightened...that's all." I whisper, sounding small and scared. Like an animal locked in a cage. I'm 100% sure Josh is probably feeling really guilty for not knowing how scared I am and most likely really surprised I didn't tell him. I had wanted to talk to him about something, now we're gonna have to talk about me and how I need to "communicate" more.

"What were you frightened of?"

"I don't know...the dark, other kids seeing me and..."

"and what Tyler?"

"I watched the news at the hospital Sarah, do you even know what kind of things happen on campus's at night!?" I almost cry out, but I am controlling my emotions because I already cried all my tears earlier, and I don't know what'll happen if I cry more.

"Oh Tyler," She reaches out slowly and holds my cheek "Nothing like that will happen here. It's safe, there are guards. And look, you did go out at night and you're back here, safe and sound."

I nod, pushing my face farther into her palm and she smiles, pink cheeks and pearly teeth.

My eyes start getting heavy, and I yawn loudly, making her laugh.

"Lights will go out in probably ten minutes," She says looking at the wall "at least that's what Mark said."

"You talked to Mark?" Josh asked and she nodded, turning away from me but keeping her hand in place.

"yeah he's on the bus with some of the other boys, they're heading down now."

"With who?" Josh inquires, and I already know who she's talking about.

"the Way boys, Iero, Bryar, you know, the others."

I can practically hear Josh smile "perfect."

They needed to be here for our "plan" to work. It was foolproof, in short just using them as bodyguards against Smith and Walker. But we really couldn't have Pete and Dallon fight them every time they went after one of us. I knew for a fact Brendon and Ryan were targets, but after what Josh said I'm starting to feel like one too. I don't want to be a target. Don't want to live in fear.

I can't go out alone anymore.

If he was high when I got out of the elevator,

I just would've been dragged back up with him.

I don't want to be raped.

I don't want to be beaten.

I've felt enough pain already.

_Are you sure about that? You could go for a lot more G...I've been easy on you._

"shut the fuck up." I whisper and Sarah glances at me with fear dotting her irises.

"Tyler?"

"Nothing."

"is it Blu-"

"I said it's nothing." I snap, and she shrinks back, reluctantly turning to Josh again, whispering something in his ear I can't hear myself.

_Good job G. Now, I have some ideas for tonight, one that doesn't include you_

(Josh's POV)

"Please, take care of him." she whispers, breath tickling my ear..

"I will." I say in response, holding her cold thin hands.

"If we can't get him to see, I know you can josh." she has tears in her eyes. She knows that Tyler was just talking to Blurry and she knows everything he's made Tyler do. But the thing is she can't make Tyler see.

But I can.

And I will.

Sarah walks out, shutting the door carefully behind her as she says "lights out in three."

I didn't realize that the lights all turned out on their own, so we wouldn't stay up all night. It was kinda scary that the whole building would be pitch black in just three minutes, but I tried not to think about it.

We lay for a minute, silent. Thinking about what Sarah had said about Tyler in the elevator. Why hadn't he told me about how scared he was about going out alone. If only I knew, he wouldn't have to be so afraid.

_he doesn't trust you._

Of course he does, he loves me and I love him.

_you need to be better, For him._

"J-Josh." Tyler whispers from beside me and I freeze. His voice is low, low low and I shoot up, rigid and alarmed. 

"Tyler what's wrong?" I sit up and look over at him. He's laying back. Stiff and still, not moving a muscle. Not even twitching a joint in his face.

"Josh I'm scared he's-" he stops mid sentence and coughs deep in his throat.

"what? Tyler are you ok? Can I do any-"

"Josh. get out."

"But-"

"Josh. get out. While you can."

"I won't leave you alone."

"Josh he's coming. get out and lock the door behind you he's c-" Tyler stops mid sentence and I shoot out of bed, reaching for the doorknob and I hear a new voice. A deeper one.

One much more menacing.

" _Hello_ Joshua."

And then the lights go out.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warped tour is announcing the set this month and I'm hype af. 
> 
> BTW!!!!! NOAH AND BEEBS SAND LA DEVOTEE LAST NIGHT AND I'M FANGIRLING SO F'IN HARD RN 
> 
> I still don't know how to make blurry and spooky talk in italics and its pissing me off rn


	9. The One Where Everything Goes to Shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brad took some gorgeous photos of Ty and Jish tonight in OK. They look so good oml I can't handle how talented Brad is.

(Josh's POV)

"shit shit shit shit." I repeat over and over, trying to wrench the door open but it won't budge. I can't see anything in the dark, but since my sight is impaired by hearing is heightened. I hear the shuffling of sheets, and feet hitting carpet. I suck in a breath and let out a shaky one. Letting out a horrified whimper.

"leaving so soon Joshua?" Blurry asks, voice deeper then ever before. I whimper again, desperately pulling at the door with all my strength.

"I wouldn't do that if I was you." he purrs. I can feel the body heat radiating from him and I let out a choked gasp, throwing myself against the door. I have to escape, I have to run. Tyler told me to run I have to run. I'm crying out in fright, tears running down my face and I know Blurry is drinking in all of this, he's never gotten this kind of reaction from me before. It's just encouraging him to go farther and I know it.

But it's dark, and I'm alone, and the door is somehow locked and now it's silent, all except for my quiet sobs. I don't know where Tyler went, or why he left in the first place. I'm suddenly grateful its pitch black, because I don't want to see the red eyes.

the eyes that drip blood.

And the black that covers tan skin I kiss and lay my head on.

The black that covers the hands that hold my face, that cup my jaw before a kiss.

Black and red, darkness and blood. Death and war. bats and needles. 

God, Please help me.

"Newsflash sweetheart, Jesus didn't save us, he left us." Blurry scowls and grips my hair, causing me to yelp and he wrenches my face so I have to look at him.

_We're gonna have so much fun Josh. You'll see._

"Lizzie Borden took an ax." Blurry says slowly, breath ghosting over my neck sending shivers and needles through my skin. His voice tears all the remaining happy thoughts from my head and leaves me with pure horror.

I know this rhyme.

I know it well.

_Oh remember this Joshie? Mommy used to sing it to you at night, you always we the bed like a little pansy._

"shit no no no..." I panic, wiggling out of his grip and trying to bust open the door with my shoulder blade. It's too solid, too strong, and my muscles are just too weak.

 _You're not even a man Josh. A man would be able to kick down a goddamn door._   _You're just a little girl, scared of her own shadow._

"gave her mother forty wacks." Blurry rhymes off and I think I'm gonna pass out. My breathing intensifies, long heaving breaths accompanied by weak whimpers. Two voices attack my mind at once, I can't handle to pressure that's pressing my skull, squeezing my brain. Twisting it, contorting it and white starts spotting my vision. I'm gonna vomit, the pain in my skull is too much and I can't take it anymore. 

_This isn't working, B_

_"_ Trust me, he's breaking." Blurry snarls and I press my forehead to the door, banging uselessly on the wood and crying out softly. 

"please." I gasp out, completely defeated and there's no response.

 _"_ When she saw what she had done." the voice is in my head now, not just behind me and I bang on the door frantically. He's in my head, he's in me. I need to get away before something happens. 

"She gave her father." when he speaks next its a growl, and I cry out in fear, crumpling to the floor, tears streaming down my face and I curl into a ball, trying to hide as he stands right in front of me. I let out a guttural scream, clawing at my scalp.

"forty one." At these words my eyes roll back into my head and I pass out cold, crumpled into a heap of body right on the floor, Blurry looming above with a satisfied grin. 

"nice workin with ya spooky."

 

_Piano._

_I hear piano._

_I open my eyes to see a bright room, windows all around depicting a setting unfamiliar to me._

_I'm sitting a table._

_I'm not alone._

_There's five people sitting at the table with me, all solemn and quiet._

_small chatter begins with two boys across from me, speaking of scenarios I can't make out. I don't remember where I've seen them and their voices are muffled by my mind._

_A girl sits to my right, nodding and smiling at the boys as they talk again in glossolalia I still don't understand._

_I feel dumb._

_I feel stupid._

_I feel worthless._

_I blink once, looking around me but the sides of the room are fuzzy, and I am stuck in this moment, this room._

_This is a dream._

_I am in a dream._

_A vivid dream._

_"...I'm always so proud of other people." The boy across from me explains, sounding sad and defeated._

_I play the therapist card suddenly "Are you just afraid of being proud of yourself?"  I don't know why I asked him this, and I don't know why I care. The other people at the table hum in approval and the boy begins to speak but I hear a voice to my left that wasn't there a second ago._

_"Oh, says the complicationalist!" It's Tyler's voice. I turn my head to see Tyler. Complicationalist isn't a word, I know that, so what does it even mean._

_Why am I a complication?_

_"excuse me?" I ask with the tilt of my head and he scoffs._

_"You need someone else, an outside force to deal with your problems. A doctor. Someone from the local dairy farm." He sneers and now I'm utterly confused._

_Dairy farm?_

_"I don't trust other people with my mind. They don't know me and never will." He continues, making hand gestures as he speaks "It doesn't even work."_

_His voice begins to falter, and I try to grip onto the dream as much as I can, but it's slipping through my grasp like water in a palm._

_"Honestly, we're probably, more suicidal then ever, now."_

 

I gasp out, shooting forward and opening my eyes to more pitch black. There are no windows in this room therefore no way for me to even decipher if it's morning or still night yet. I can't remember where I am due to the darkness and only feel around for something to hold onto. I hear the ominous ticking of a clock above my head and shallow breathing on the far side of the room. I feel cold carpeting under my legs as I sit in a twisted position on the floor. Four senses overtake my brain and I try to absorb everything at once, giving me an immense migraine. I taste metal. Something rusty and sour. I crawl forward, feeling around for sheets and I do. Pulling myself up I feel around the bed for a body, touching nothing. I walk two paces left and feel the opposite bed, which also has no inhabitant. 

So where the hell is Tyler?

I still have no idea how long I've been asleep or what time it is and why I taste metal and why my index finger hurts so much. I gingerly feel the skin and gasp out at the pain that goes shooting through the digit. 

Did I break my fucking finger?

I start to cry.

I cry because I'm cold and alone and It's dark and my finger hurts. I cry because I'm scared and I don't know where Tyler is. I cry because I miss my family and i don't want to be here and I cry because I don't know what to do anymore.

But this was his plan all along.

and now I'm just following the steps he'd planned so graciously for me.

I need a light. Just one light that's all I need. A light could lead me through this darkness and I'd be safe again if only I had some light. 

There's a lamp on the desk.

Tyler knocked it over yesterday when you placed him on the desk. 

I walk over to where I assume the desk is, my knee knocking into a dresser in the process making me grit my teeth and curse. 

Click.

The lights are on and I cry out in relief, a whole new set of tears streaming down my face, resuming their glittering tracks on my cheeks.

I whip my head around in search of the ticking clock, and it reads 6:30.

I slept through the entire night.

But did Tyler?

I scan the room, fear and anxiety greeting me as an old friend while I stumble around the small room, searching for traces of the brunette. 

"TYLER!?" I choke out, voice cracking at the second syllable. 

The bathroom.

Oh god the bathroom.

Oh god.

Oh god.

God.

My breathing comes in weak pants, my hand clutching my heart in fear of what I'll see if I open the closed door I'd failed to notice. 

"please..." I whisper, saliva bubbling on my lips as I cry out again, heaving over at the migraine attacking my skull. 

Before I have a hand on it the knob turns from the inside, revealing a very tired and an extremely pale Tyler standing in the doorway, shivering violently. 

"Ty-" I look down and his t shirt is torn, dark red liquid dripping down his left arm. His face is almost white, grey tints under his eyes and he teeters, seconds from falling on his face.

"Oh my god." I gasp out and take him in my arms, his body immediately going limp in my grasp. Blood stains my shirt as I press his to my chest, sobbing into his hair. His breathing is far from steady, a rapid succession of inhales, with short breathy exhales that make his body tremble. 

He gulps, chest heavy once more and his eyes flutter, dark brown irises staring up at me and I place him on the bed before busting open the door and slinging his limp body over my shoulder as I stagger through the hallway, yelling for help. 

'Tyler, stay, stay with me if you can. Don't close your eyes." I whisper, jamming the buttons to the elevator in an effort to somehow run to the nurse in time.

No one comes out of there rooms, forcing me to take all matters into my own hands. Tyler starts mumbling something but I ignore it.

 

Minutes later I'm running into the hospital wing, blood soaked and tears littering my face. There's loud gasps and Tyler's being peeled off of me, and I'm being wheeled alongside him to the emergency room.

"No, no Tyler. Tyler needs help...I-I'm fine Tyler needs-" I blabber quietly, no one listening to my pleads. I turn my head to see Tyler laying on the gurney next to me, eyes closed and face un-moving.

"TYLER!" I shriek, writhing on the gurney and reaching for him, strong arms holding me down as we are separated at an intersecting hallway, him going left and me going right. 

It's only six fifty and he's being wheeled to the ICU 

It's only six fifty and I pass out again. 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well FUCK


	10. The One With A Train Wreck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two is up on twenty one pilots youtube. I cried when they put on the hockey helmets and said they were because "We're always makin out. The venue didn't want that anymore." Tyler Joseph has never told a lie as far as I'm concerned.  
> *wink*

(Tyler's POV) 1:30 am 

"Hello Joshua." I speak without moving my lips. 

"No!" I scream, and receive a punch to my own gut.

_Stuff it. Look, he's cowering like a frightened kitten._

_"_ no no no no." I whine desperately, trying to gain control back.

_That's not gonna work dipshit._

"I want it to..." I whisper to myself as I loom over Josh ominously. He cowers below me with a tear streaked face and I can't believe what I've become.

_Believe_ _it G._

I want the old Tyler back.

_You were like this all along sweetheart. I only came to show you what you were missing._

No. I used to be carefree and happy, not a doubt in my mind.

_Now, you see. That's just not true. You were always a goner. Scared of your own image. Your immaturity. your own ceiling._

I'm not scared of my ceiling. 

maybe not. But your scared of the fan hanging from it. The fan you'll be hanging from. 

I'm not going to kill myself!

_But you want to, don't you. Itching to take that razor in your bag and to just slit your throat._

No....

_It's opposite day honey._

I watch in muted tongue as Blurry continues to torment Josh to the point where he passes out. His hand hits the door one more time and I hear a sickening crack before his now boneless body crumples to the ground in a distorted ball, tears drying on his face. I stand tall, sneering at his weakness. 

But i'm just as weak without Blurry. 

Weaker even.

Josh is strong.

So, so much stronger then I am. 

He pretends to be stone. Unbreakable cement. But he's really not. 

He pretends he doesn't need me.

But he does.

Whenever attention is to his health, he avoids it and turns to me. 

As if I'm his number one priority, 

But standing above his unconscious body shows me that he really isn't as hard as he seems to be.

Standing above him shows me that he should be more worried about himself. 

Because sooner or later.

I'm going to break him before he breaks himself. 

_That's right. You kill everything you touch Tyler. Don't you see? You're bad for this world and everything on it._

My lip starts to tremble, and I wipe away the pathetic tears that leak out of my eyes.

_Shh. i'll make it better. C'mon G, let's go play the daily game._

I trip over Josh, stumbling into the bathroom and unzipping my bag halfheartedly. Blurry notices my obvious struggle. 

_It'll be so much better once your done._

"but.." I say out loud and he surges forward in my mind, taking my speech once again. 

_I thought you'd be good. But now I can't risk you yelling for help._

My hands shake as I pull the razor out of my bag. Josh had said he wanted to give me a hair cut when we got here, and this is what he was going to use.

_Doubt he'll wanna ouch you after this hun._

He will. He loves me no matter what.

_he's getting tired of this Tyler._

No, he's not.

_yes._

no.

_Yes!_

YOU"RE LYING!

My wrist flicks forward, slicing the blade through the thin skin on my arm and I gasp out, bumping into the wall behind me.

_see what happens when you talk back?_

The blade drags across my wrist one more time,

Then another, 

Then another.

Then another,

Then I'm lying in the bathtub.

Then I'm waking up to crusty blood on my arm and I get up, legs wobbling and I put my hand on the lock to the door, opening it slowly. 

Then there's arms around me, and wind on my face. And the familiar smell of antiseptic. The sound of people yelling and the squeak of wheels. My body droops as I'm removed form the warm arms holding me and I'm placed on a table, more wind on my face and before I hear wheels again. i hear someone yell my name. 

"TYLER!" 

(Josh's POV) 8:45 

"beep....beep....beep....beep." The shrill beeps stir me from my dreamless sleep and I open my eyes to a dark room. I whimper and toss in my bed. No more dark. No, no bad things happen in the dark it's dark more voices will come out of the shadows and hurt me.

"Your awake." A clear voice says suddenly and i almost fall off the bed, gripping the sheets. "No it's ok." A light is flicked on and I see that Jenna girl sitting across from me in an uncomfortable looking armchair. 

"Tyl-"

"he's fine Josh. it only took them about ten minutes to patch him up. He'll be ok." 

I swallow, itching my arm only to realize there's IVs stuck into it.

"AGH!" I shriek embarrassingly loud, trying to painfully rip them out of my skin

"Josh!" Jenna scolds, walking over to me and pinning my arms over my head. "You need to calm. down." 

I whimper once again, a strangled noise escaping my lips as I lay helpless and weak under the blonde's strong hold."No. I want Tyl-" 

"I know you do. He's been screaming bloody murder for you since the operation." She sighs, tightening her grip because I try to surge forward. 

"He's screaming for me and you didn't wake me up?!" I yell, brain getting fuzzy once again as she reaches over and touches the machine next to my bed once again. 

"Shhh, Josh we put him on Haloperidol. He was asleep in less then two minutes." She says calmly, pushing buttons on the machine once again and it makes a noise. My eyelids feel heavy.

"You drugged him...are you drugging me too?" I slur, and she releases my arms.

"it's a low dose." She says with a smile, turning off the lights once again. "I'll see you in a few hours Joshua."

Fuck.

(Tyler's POV) 8:01

"WHERE'S JOSH?! I NEED JOSH I WANT JO-" I scream loudly as I thrash on the operating table shortly after waking up. A man stands above me with a plastic mask and tightens it around my face, muffling my shouts.

"JOSH HELP ME PLEASE I NEED JOSH!"

My face feels wet and my vision is blurring. My vision is blurring and I can't feel my lungs. I can't feel my lungs and my left arm feels like someone dipped it in boiling water. 

"Josh isn't here." The man says, holding me down roughly as I try to jump up.

In the spur of the moment, I throw a quick punch, hitting the tall man square in the jaw. 

"Douglas!" The man barks and I can see Breezy scurry forward in my peripheral vision.

"Yes sir!" She squeaks.

"Get me 5mg of diazepam or something. He needs to be put down." he demands and Breezy nods reluctantly, hurrying away.

"WHAT?! NO, NO I'm NOT A DOG DON'T PUT ME DOWN I'LL BE GOOD I PROMISE!" My breathing quickens, and so many thoughts are running through my head. He's gonna kill me, put me down. Oh my god he's gonna put me down oh my god I'm gonna throw up. This isn't how you're supposed to handle me. I need reassurance. I need soft touches and soothing words.

I need Josh.

But "Josh isn't here."

"JOSH!" I yell one more time, knowing in my heart that no one can hear me and no one cares. 

No one cares.

I throw my head back onto the table, wailing with all my strength. I clench my eyes shut and scream deep in my lungs when I feel the needle pierce my right arm. 

"...He's not respon.....we might need a low dose of halop....is Josh awak...." The voices around me tune in and out of my ears, my selective hearing only taking in bits and pieces of what I want to hear. 

"I DON'T WANT THIS!" I scream into the mask positioned over my face and the doctor just smiles kindly.

"You do, it'll all be ok you'll see." 

But I can''t see. 

 My eyelids are too heavy.

Someone tied weights to them and I can't seem to get them back up again.

I miss Josh.

My arm hurts.

I'm tired.

My legs stop kicking and fall to the table with a resounding clang. 

I'm really tired.

I don't have enough energy to fight anymore.

(Josh's POV) 11:23

"Wake up Josh." 

I lift my face to see Jenna at the end of my bed once again.

"Can I untie you Josh?"

"Y-you tied me u-up?" I gargle and she nods with a confused expression. 

"Yes. I had to Josh. You wouldn't stop kicking." she laughs lightly, making me frown.

"By the way...I'm a little confused about what we found in your blood work." she starts, raising an eyebrow "Who gave you marijuana?" 

I swallow, suddenly my mouth is extremely dry and I just avoid her eye contact. "I..I haven't smoked in weeks."

"Well it seems to me you were smoking no less then 12 hours ago. So I'll ask again, where'd you get marijuana?"

I open my mouth, and close it like a fish. But an idea comes to mind when I remember the reason I was smoking in the first place. 

"Found it in someone's room on my floor. Their door was open." I say simply, the pain in my index finger becoming more prominent. Jenna purses her lips as she unties my legs and retrieves a finger splint from a nearby cabinet.

"Here." She says quietly, fastening it around the digit and laughing as I wince. "You did fracture it. But It'll be fine in a few weeks." 

I stay silent, moving my hand around and examining the new object attached to my finger. 

"Joshua...was it the room next to the elevator on the third floor?"

"Yep."

"Did you meet the boys in there?" 

"One of them."

"Who?"

"Spencer or something." I smirk as her face pales. 

"How was he doing? I mean, was he friendly?" 

I shrug "I guess, he looked tired and there was flour or some shit on his collar but other then that he was normal." 

She pales even more, fidgeting with my machine before walking to the door. "Josh I'm gonna step out for a minute. Stay here." 

I nod and smile curiously "Ok."

She gives me an apologetic look and hurries out the door, forgetting her clipboard. The smirk on my face grows in size as I reach over and grab it, scanning the page before I find what I need. 

"Tyler Joseph, op. room 108"

"shit." I whisper to myself as I rush out of my room, and realizing I don't know my way around _this_ hospital. 

"Shit shit shit." I repeat, looking for a sign that says "operating rooms" before I finally find one. No one turns to notice me running through the halls, no one yells or stops me, they just let the yellow haired boy sprint through the hallway without a second glance. Empty operating rooms fly by as I peek in every single one, not bothering to even read the numbers.

As I reach room 105 the speaker system crackles, stopping me in my tracks. "Fourth period is now over. You may continue to lunch. Fifth period will resume in forty five minutes. Thank you." 

it just hit me that I've missed four classes.

On my first fucking day.

What a first impression am I right?

I sigh and card my fingers through my hair before busting into Tyler's room, being met with the sight of him laying fast asleep, curled in a light ball under the thin sheets in an effort to get warm.

"Oh Ty..." I sigh, inching forward slowly and perching myself next to him. The mattress dips slightly and his breath hitches at my voice but his eyes stay closed and peaceful looking. 

"Your arm..." I whisper in a broken voice, lifting his limp bandaged arm. You can't see under the bandages, not that I even want to. I know that it's decorated with an array of uneven lines, spotted with drying blood. Some kind of badge of honor. When he's done, he displays them differently then he used to. He used to hide his arms in shame, flinching at contact. But now he parades them around as if it were an art project, saying "look what I've done, aren't you proud of me?" 

I'm starting to think he likes the scars.

But he couldn't.

That'd be...

downright insane.

I have scars, not alot but I do. 

They're thin and white, lining my thighs. 

If Tyler's ever noticed them,

he's never acknowledged it. 

I run my unbroken fingertips along the clean white clothes enveloping his wounds, feeling the bumps of overlapping material.

"I just want you to know...that...that I love you. No matter what." I say quietly and his lips curl in his sleep. 

"I know that I've done bad things, and that you've done bad things. But I know that we've done great things too. And I'd never change that for the world."

he makes a small sleepy noise and pushes his face into my palm. 

"Your a goddamn asshole you know that?" I laugh, palming his cold cheek. "You're an asshole for doing all this to me." 

making me run through the halls to get to you, making me pass out and break my finger. Making me hurt myself over the thought of being alone. Giving me a phobia of the dark.

But you never _made_ me do any of this.

I've been doing it all to myself.

"You're an asshole."

"And worst part is you know exactly what you're doing." 

Things are getting really fucked up.

And I don't know who to blame it on. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Casually sits in leather armchair sipping tea while watching hellfire erupt in the comments*


	11. The One With Billy Joe

(Brendon's POV) "Ryan! Wake the fuck up!" I yell, pulling on my too long navy blue slacks.

"Wha...huh?" he asks groggily, yawning loudly and stretching his arms. he slumps back into the sheets and closes his eyes again.

"RYAN!" I yell and he upsurges, hair a wild brunette mop on his head. I giggle at his delirious state and he scowls.

"WHAT?" He yells, equally frustrated as me.

"Newsflash sleepyhead, classes are in ten minutes!" I exclaim and his face visibly flushes.

"oh shit." He whispers, running a hand through his tangled locks and wincing when his fingers pull at a knot.

"Jesus Ry you're a mess." I laugh lightly and he heaves himself out of bed and uses all his strength to shove me, slumping into the bathroom and I roll my eyes at the sound of water. "You aren't going to have enough time to shower, hate to break it to ya."

He sighs, clearly aggravated, and stomps back into the room.

"I'm gonna wash my face and try and fix... this." he gestures to his hair by flailing his hands dramatically. Washing is face means a two minute shower, I know Ryan well enough to know he'd never go anywhere without showering first. 

"Ok, need me to do anything?" I ask with a false smile, buttoning my shirt that is also too big for my frame.

"Lay out my clothes?" He asks and shoots me a grateful smile before disappearing behind the bathroom door.

"You're SO lucky you have me Ross!" I yell with a smile and his face pops back into view between the door frame.

"Couldn't do it without ya beebs." he chuckles. 

"Oh and if you use all the hot water washing that pretty little face I'll kill you." I joke, pulling on the blazer and tying the tie around my neck, not bothering on making it tight. It hangs loosely in front of my chest. The bad boy look. I'm kinda loving it.

I'll say it again, If we're gonna be stuck here for a year, Ii'm gonna have as much fun as possible.

And that doesn't include being a good boy.  

If they think they can just drop me off at a school for troubled boys.

I'll show them troubled. 

I'll fit right in. 

Ryan emerges in a towel about twenty seconds later, dripping wet and still tan.

"Helllllo baby." I whistle and he blushes, rolling his eyes and grabbing a pair of boxers. 

"Class in seven minutes?" He raises his eyebrows at the feeling of my clothed arms around his waist.

"Oh...right." I sigh, removing myself from him. "Sorry, Can't help myself."

"I know you can't." he giggles, dressing quickly and rubbing a towel over his head. "Can you help me?" He asks in a small voice, holding up the tie.

I laugh and take it from him, wrapping it around his head and tying it, but leaving it loose like mine.

"Why'd you do it like that?" he asks, playing with it. 

"Cause it looks cooler." I reply, putting on a pair of sunglasses I found on my dresser. 

"Always trying to impress." he laughs, playing with the sleeves of his blazer. "This is too big." he sighs, rolling them up to his elbows.

"I know. Mine is too." I say before wrenching the door open and holding it for him.

"woah give a boy a tie and he'll become a gentleman." he giggles, grabbing a backpack that was conveniently placed on the back of our door.

"I'm always a gentleman." I pout, skipping through the hallway. "What time is it?" 

He walks back into the room, looking up at the wall before closing the door behind him. "almost 7." 

"Oh shit!" I yell, grabbing his hand and sprinting down the hallway, dragging him along with me. "WE GOTTA GO!" 

"Gotta go fast." he giggles, tripping on something and regaining his balance as we stumble into the elevator. 

"biology here we come." I laugh, poking his nose as the doors close. 

"How bout we study some anatomy later?" he asks with a devilish expression and I roll my eyes, rubbing his cheek with my thumb.

"Maybe if you do all your homework I'll think about it."  I smirk and he playfully punches my shoulder.

We stand in quiet for a few seconds, just enjoying each other's company and the muted buzz  the elevator makes as we descend to the first floor.

"I didn't even get a good morning." I say in a pathetic whine and he hops forward and pecks my lips. 

"Good mornin hun." he hums and grabs my wrist before the doors open. 

"Where is the biology lab?" He asks as we sprint towards the main building, passing people sitting on the grass, people who didn't sign up for 7am biology. 

But we didn't even sign up for this. They gave us our classes for us. I could care less about biology. 

"I have no fuckin idea!" I yell back and he stops running for a moment to dig through his bag and pull out a schedule. 

"says it in room A111" He murmurs, looking carefully at the paper. 

"Ok...that's on the first floor so it shouldn't be far." I mutter my myself as we start to run again, bursting in the double doors and startling an assistant teacher wandering the empty halls. 

"Good morning boys." she hums "first day?" 

I open my mouth to speak but Ryan intervenes "yeah. It is. Could you tell us where room A111 is?" 

She smiles. "Biology hm? down the hall at the end of the left side. Last door." She says, sitting down at a big wooden desk and flicking the light on. 

"Thank you!" Ryan says hurridly as he yanks me down the hall.

"Oh and by the way..." The lady says with a knowing smile, "Mr. Armstrong _hates_ tardy students." 

I turn to Ryan and drop my jaw in a teasing terrified expression. He laughs and waves the teacher goodbye as we hurry down to the last room, peeking in the window and scanning the class. Every seat was taken except for two in the back. 

"Ok, we go in as quietly as possible, apologize if necessary, then text each other the whole time." I whisper and Ryan nods. I spot Pete and Patrick sitting in the third row and their faces light up in amusement at Ryan and I's predicament. 

I wait until the teacher's back is to the row of seats and I open the door as quietly as possible, the quiet hum of chatter drowning out the sound of the door. Students in their seats already shoot Ryan and I either apologetic, amused, or impressed looks.

I scurry to my seat with Ryan at my heels, and we slide into the plastic chairs dramatically, and the teacher turns around just as we're situated. "Therefore, an immunologic response is a perfect example of the body fighting back against deadly tresspassings." The teacher drones on, sounding absolutely bored with his own topic. His black hair is spiked up in crazy barbs, and when he turns around there seems to be a faint line of black under his eye. Makeup? On a teacher? 

"hold on..." He says, looking over at the door. 

I forgot to close it.

Shit. 

he scans the room, Ryan and I smiling innocently as his grey green eyes land on me. He clears his throat and shuts the door softly, before picking up a paper and scanning it. 

"alright Breadbin, Bob Ross. Where have you been?" he butchers our names purposefully with a sarcastic smile, and I hear Pete snort in front of us, not daring to look over his shoulder. 

"We're very sorry sir. Y-you see, it's our fir-" 

"first day. I know that. Wentz and Stump seemed to get here on time though." he sneers, raising an eyebrow.

"It won't h-happen again sir." Ryan says defiantly, obviously planning something in his head.

"Hope it won't." he says, turning around again and Pete snickers. 

"you make one more noise Peter and I'll hit you with my textbook." I snarl and he visibly tenses in front of me. "and since when will it 'not happen again' Ryan, I told you, I don't plan on being a goody two shoes this year. I could care less if we're late to class." 

"Well maybe I don't want detention." he huffs, getting out a notebook and chewing on the cap of his pen.

I sigh and slump in my seat. Thankfully the class was small and I knew no one here but Pete and Patrick. Sarah had said she signed us all up for the same classes except for Dallon, Andy, and Joe because they were put in accelerated biology. Smart assholes. 

"Bren?" Ryan nudges me and I turn my head, grunting a response.

"yeah?"

"Where are Tyler and Josh?" 

I make a face and lean forward, tapping Pete's back. He looks over his shoulder and mouths a 'what' while Armstrong is still focused on setting us his power point presentation. I realize this whole time I've been rolling papers into tine cylinders, between my fingertips.

"where's Ty and Jish? Were they at breakfast?" his face turns a shade lighter, and he elbows Trick who shrugs, making Pete's face pale even more. 

"They're signed up for this class, right?"

"yeah."

"Oh shit." He mumbles, covering his mouth.

"What?" I ask frantically, missing something here that's undoubtedly important. Another paper is lodged between my thumb and index.

"There was, noises in the hall. Early this morning." Pete whispers and Ryan grabs my wrist. Not making a single noise.

"What kind?" I inquire hastily and Pete shakes his head. 

"sounded a hell alot like Josh carrying Tyler while saying stuff like 'stay with me' and 'oh shit this can't be happening' but I can't say for sure." He shrugs, making a pained face.

"You didn't get up or anything?" I exclaim, causing Ryan to squeeze me in warning.

"Thought it was a dream. It was pitch black dude those goddamn lights. I wouldn't have been able to see them anyways. Not even with Josh's hair."

"Fuck this is'n't good." I mutter, causing the guy next to me to poke my arm.

"Are you ok?" he asks in a worried voice and my eyes wander to his fading electric blue hair. 

"Yeah. It's fine don't worry about it."

He studies my face for a minute, opening his mouth to say something but closes it, thinking again before speaking. 

"are you guys talking about the kid with bright yellow hair sprinting to the ICU this morning?" he asks in a hushed tone, as if we were gossiping. 

"what?" I gasp and Ryan slaps my hand. 

"The kid with the highlighter hair. Carrying the brunette at like six thirty this morning. I was out on the lawn chilling and he like, sprinted past." 

"Oh my god." Pete breathes, palming his forehead. 

"are you sure?" I ask the boy and he nods, waking up the guy almost laying on top of him. 

"G." he mutters and the boy doesn't wake. "GEOFF!" He whisper yells and the boy jumps up, a mop of hair flying into the air along with him. "didn't you see the dude with yellow hair run to the ICU this morning?" Blue haired boy asks again.

"mmm? Oh yeah. that motherfucker was _fast_ especially with the dude slung over his shoulder like a fuckin backpack." he slurs, putting his face back on the desk.

"Ok. It was definitely them. Ok, umm, I have to do something." I whisper to Ryan and he nods. 

"Go make sure they're ok." Ryan nods encouragingly and I raise my hand. 

"Mr uhhh...I'm sorry-" 

"Armstrong?" he helps me with a sigh.

"Yes. I'm sorry, could I be excused?" 

"for what urie?" he yawns, plopping in his chair. 

"Bathroom." 

"You can hold it. wasted four minutes of mine this class so you can wait four." 

"Please-" 

"no."

"Mr Armstrong. If I don't leave right this minute I will shit my pants right here." Pete snorts so loud I though his brain would come out of his nose. 

The teacher clears his throat. "Unnecessary details Mr Urie. Yes, you may go. But make it quick."

"Thanks Billie." I say with a mock salute and sprint out of the room. 

Now, the mission at hand:

locate Joshler. 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm hiding from my school right now because we are having a dance party thing and I'm getting anxiety so I gotta skurt right outta there and here I am writing Ryden fluff 
> 
> BOB ROSS? GET IT HAIJDUFYKDJTFIKT
> 
> I hate myself


	12. The One With Bob Ross

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If ya'll though adding Billy Joe was good, just you wait for all the new characters and cameos ;)))))

(Gerard's POV) "WAKE UP BITCH!" a voice that's undeniably Frank's yells inn my ear.

"why?" I mumble halfheartedly from the almost unending sea of blue sheets. 

"Woah. Getting extremely emo there sweets."

"I just got so emo I fell apart." I laugh, lifting my head from the musty pillow.

"you got that sad?"

"That sad." I fake a sob and untangle myself from the binding navy sheets that had snaked their way around my ankles as if they didn't want me to get about of bed too.

"well pull yourself together because we have intro to literature in about forty five minutes." 

"Alright." I yawn, shuffling to the bathroom in my socks and stepping in the shower. We had arrived late last night, settling in fairly easy. We weren't happy to be here, but fighting it would be no use. Accepting our future here was alot easier then being stubborn. 

Frank and I were roomed together, and due to Mikey's complications, him and Bob were put in the room next to us. Mikey couldn't really be too far from me. he pretends to not need me but I didn't object when he stumbled into my room this morning and sneaked out before Frank woke. Ray wasn't happy that we were put here, but he promised to visit us parent's weekend, which was scheduled sometime soon. We talked last night on the bus ride, but it was cut short because he had a guitar lesson. At least that's what he told us. 

I sighed as the hot water hit my back, red hair immediately becoming wet and falling to my shoulders. frank hummed a tune outside the door and cursed loudly.

"What's the matter?" I asked with a slight edge in my voice.

"this...FUCKING TIE!" he yells angrily and I chuckle as I lather my hair. 

I roll my eyes as he curses again "Remember, wide end over the small end to the left." 

"I KNOW THAT PART!" He shouts. 

"Up into the neck loop from underneath." 

"Oh...Ok. then what?" he calls and I laugh out loud, the sound foreign in my mouth.

"Down to the left." 

"Ok"

"Around the back of the small end to the right." 

"Ok...I have the rest, thanks Gee!" He yells, sounding like an excited toddler.

"You're too much." I rinse my hair and climb out of the shower dressing quickly and showing him how to tie a tie.

He scowls while I explain slowly, step by step instructions. "I know how to do it, I just forgot the one part." 

"alright, alright. Whatever you say." I hold my hands up in defense and dry my hair. 

He laughs slightly. "I was looking outside before I woke you up...there are some kids sitting out on the lawn just chilling watching the sunrise. Wanna go outside?" he asks nervously, as if i'd shoot him down. 

"Yeah sure. i think I'm gonna check on Mikey but after that we can definitely go down there and have a banana or something from the cafe." 

"Ok." He smiles and takes his lip ring out of his backpack. "Should I put this in?"

"Depends." I shrug. he had taken it out over the summer because it was irritating him. He hasn't put it back in since. I missed it, but if he didn't want to wear it I wouldn't force him.

"I don't know if the teachers will let me. They seem pretty strict here by the looks of it." He gestures to the uniform, tugging at his collar.

"Well I doubt they'd like the nose ring then." I poke his nose and he sighs loudly, toying with it. 

"I like this though." he huffs, sending a flock of black hair flying off his forehead. 

"then keep it in babe." I chuckle lightly and walk to the door, opening it and peeking around the hallway before knocking on the door next to ours.

"mmhmm?" A groggy voice hums from inside and I laugh, pulling at the handle and opening it with ease. Bob sat at the desk looking at his phone, fully dressed except for the tie, which was nowhere to be seen. His collar was popped and his lip ring stayed in tact. 

"G'morn." I snap in front of his face and he growls. 

"It's fucking six fifteen Way. Not a good morning." he scowls, texting a girl who I don't know. I sigh dramatically and walk away, leaving him to his affairs and focusing on my little brother.

"Good morning sunshine." I say loudly, hopping on Mikey's bed and he groans, clearly agitated, trying to push me off. 

"Like Bob said, it's not." He grumbles, taking the pillow from under his head and covering his face, screaming into it and I raise an eyebrow in amusement.

"Like Bob said? Bob Ross? I think he'd want you to be a happy tree Mikes." I say enthusiastically, making him groan and stuff his face in the pillow. 

"Fuck off, Bob Ross go paint somewhere else."

"Oh Kay." I laugh, getting off his bed and walking to the door. "Frank and I are going to watch the sunrise. if you need anything, we'll be by the fountain."

he makes an incoherent noise somewhere between a moan and a groan and I shake my head before shutting the door behind me and finding Frank standing by the elevator, patiently waiting for me.

"he is just a ray of sunshine in the morning." I sigh and Frank chuckles, pressing the button.

"can't really blame him." 

"Yeah I guess." 

"Frankie?" I ask and he turns to me as the doors close.

"yeah?"

"How do you think this year is gonna go?" I ask nervously, and he just smiles, light hazel eyes sparkling even in the elevator lights.

"You want the truth?"

"Yeah."

"I think it's gonna be rad." He says with a bigger smile and I lean on him, laughing softly. 

"descriptive." 

"not much to describe." 

The doors open with a loud clank, and we walk out hand in hand. It was still fairly dark, sky the color of a new bruise. Already there was a few students seated on the grass, catching up on work or just hanging out with their friends. We passed a gaggle of boys playing guitar, and Frank walked over, me dragging behind begrudgingly. 

"hey what's up?" he asks, voice racked with nerves. 

"hey dude, you new?" A boy with hair crazier than Ray and Joe asks and Frank nods, smiling at his kindness. 

"Yeah. I'm Frank and this is Gerard." I wave a little and Frank nods my way. "He's shy." 

The crazy haired boy laughs. "Yeah I figured, I'm Matty, and this is Adam." The other boy smiles, still looking at his guitar.

"Yello." the light haired boy says quietly, strumming the strings. 

"nice to meet you." Frank says. "Mind if we sit?"

"Not at all." Matty says, scooting over. "We were just practicing for Billy Joe later." 

"Does he teach music?" I ask and he nods. 

"Biology and intro to rock. He likes rock a whole lot better though. hates biology and it's his subject!" Matty laughs and Frank smiles.

"We have literature today, any idea what the teacher is like?" 

"Umm," He taps the guitar in thought. "Oh! That's Mr Hoppus. He's chill don't worry." Matty smiles again.

He starts strumming a tune and Adam joins in, playing it higher but the same sound. It sounds really good. 

"for crying out loud, settle down!" he sings softly. his voice is really unique, even more so than mine, and Frank seems to be really enjoing it. 

"Dude, that riff is sick! Can I try?" He asks excitedly and Matty shrugs.

"Show me what ya got." 

Frank plays the chords, messing up twice or so. But Matty is smiling the whole way through.

"That was impressive Frankie. How much you play?" 

"A lot." He chuckles. "Well, used to a lot. haven't had a lot of time lately." 

Matty nods "this place eh?" his engliish accent shines through making me smile

"you could say that. I miss Pansy." He looks down at the guitar he's holding sadly. They had installed his shiny white Les Paul at the hospital, and I wasn't sure when he was getting it back. 

"Oh that sucks bro." Adam chimes in.

"Yeah it really does. Not that Gerard can leave his lungs at the hospital though." He says with a smirk and all eyes are on me. 

"You sing?" Matty asks and I feel my face flush. 

"U-uh. Yeah...I guess? I'm not that good though..." I stutter uncertainly. 

"shut up your voice is beautiful. makes me cry." Frank wipes a fake tear away from his cheek and I laugh. 

"What kinda stuff you guys do?"

"Pop punk, rock, original shit." I say quietly.

"That's so cool!" Matty exclaims, "we do some original stuff too."

After a riveting conversation with the two of them about what school is like, Frank and I walked to the cafeteria, which looked almost exactly like the hospitals. When we both got a granola bar and apple we pondered over to the fountain, sitting on the cool wet edge eating our breakfast as the golden sun rose, turning the bruised purple to a swelling pink, and eventually a grey blue, kinda like Bob's eyes. It was now about 8, some classes had started but ours wasn't until 8:45.

"Food is better than the hospitals." Frank comments, taking a bite of his bruise free apple.

"Yeah I guess." I sigh, smiling when Mikey and Bob walk towards us, clothes wrinkly and hair a mess. 

"Hey guys, you eat yet?"

"Yeah..um, did you guys by any chance see any of the other dudes yet?" Mikey asks, rubbing the back of his neck. 

"well we just met some." Frank says carefully. 

"No, like our friends." Mikey clarifies and I shake my head. Frank and I had been looking out for them, but had only seen Pete and Patrick from a distance, and he was already going to a 7am class. 

"Why?" 

"umm." he sighs heavily, looking scared and I get up and touch his shoulders. 

"what happened?" I ask, looking in his eyes and he starts to shake slightly.

"I don't know how to say this."

"just say what you can." I encourage, desperately wanting to know but not wanting to force it out of him.

"We were walking by the um, infirmary." Mikey starts and I tense. No. No this can't have happened not just yet it was September first.

"We saw Josh. And Tyler. And Brendon." Bob says, making me gasp a little. I knew it was Tyler oh god why did it have to be Tyler?

"What was going on?" Frank asks, sounding worried. 

"they were um...escaping?" Mikey says, sounding unsure now. 

"What do you mean?" 

"they were like, running out. And by the looks of Tyler it didn't seem good. he had bandages on his arm Gerard and I, I-" Mikey stops and starts to cry, filling me with panic.

"No no shhh shhh Mikes it's ok." I whisper, sitting him down and petting his head, whispering to him like mom used to. "I'm right here. You're fine he'll be fine." his breathing steadies and soon he standing up shakily, letting out a long dragged sigh. 

"I'm scared for him Gerard." he whispers and I let a tear slip down my face.

"I am too. But he'll be fine. we'll be fine." I try to reassure him that Tyler's fine but honestly I don't believe myself. I don't really believe him either. It's almost 8:10 on a Monday and Tyler's already broken out of the infirmary. Now that I think of it, it's not quite that absurd. 

"o-ok. If you say so Gee." God why does he have to be so innocent? _I'm_ the one who fucked him up. _I'm_ the reason why he's so shy,  _I'm_ the only thing keeping him from achieving his dreams. 

"C'mon Mikes. Your class starts soon. You know I can't be there right?" 

He sniffs, nodding slowly. "Gee I'm not gonna know anyone."

"You'll meet some people. Hey, maybe you'll find someone that'll take your mind off Wentz?" I raise an eyebrow and he playfully shoves me.   
  


"maybe I will. You'll see." His smile's gotta be better then the sunrise. 

We divide and go our separate ways, Bob, Frank, and I going to literature, and Mikey going to business. I still wish Mikey could be put in classes with us, maybe if he doesn't do well without me they can move him. Soon it'll be lunch and I'll get to talk to Patrick, maybe _he'll_ be able to explain what the hell's been going on here. For gods sakes, it's the first day.

"Dude, you ok?" frank asks me as we sit in our seats, looking out on a room the size of an auditorium. 

"Yeah, just thinking.." I say, fiddling with the zipper on the school given backpacks. 

"about Tyler?" he asks and I nod. 

"Write about him." he says and I give him a quizzical look.

"how?"

"I don't know. A poem or something. A song. Do one of your songs."

"Ok." I nod repeatedly, taking out a notebook. I was determined to fill the whole thing up by the end of the year, maybe even two.

"Good morning class, I'm Mr. Hoppus..." The younger looking teacher starts opening the class with his backstory. one I'm not particularly interested. Just as I was starting to doze off, I felt a vibration in my pocket and pulled out my phone. It was a crappy old thing, my mom's old phone that I had bought a new SD card for, but it could still send and receive texts, and that's really all what mattered. i was surprised to see an invitation to a new group chat, cleverly titled "we dem bois" I pressed the accept button and my eyes widened at what I saw.

Father beebs: meet us in our dorm during lunch. Don't ask questions.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feed off of comments and lucky charms  
> *magically delicious* 
> 
> Btw I choose "we dem bois" bc it was in another fic and I like it so yeah kudos to you bitch if you read this trash


	13. The One Where Beebs Breaks Em Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahahahaah, fucking FINALLY

(Brendon's POV)

 

"Mr Eurie aren't you supposed to be in cla-" 

"Aren't you supposed to shut the fuck up?" I screamed at the student teacher before bolting out of the building. I had gotten a few strange looks from the other kids outside when I burst out of the doors, sprinting away. I didn't care though, shouldn't be the first time they've seen someone ditch class. 

"Hey man-" I heard someone yell but ignored it, running faster trying not to trip over my too long pants. 

"I gotta get to Tyler and Josh." I whispered over and over again through gritted teeth. 

It was about 8:00...8:30? I didn't know, but the sun was up and there were more people walking around. I had one thing and one thing on my mind.

Not the other kids.

Not what time it was.

Not how hungry I am.

Tyler.

Tyler wasn't alright and I needed to help. 

Even if I earned a month's detention doing it. 

In about five minutes I arrived at the infirmary. Desolate but still fairly new. Whitewashed walls greeted me and the familiar scent of antiseptic flooded my nostrils, making my face scrunch up and contort. 

"Hello, what can I do for you?" 

"Where is...Tyler Joseph?" I asked between bated breath. 

"Why?" The nurse asked, lowering her eyes underneath her parted black and pink hair.

"Because he's my friend and I want to see him." I said in an utterly disrespectful tone. 

"well, I'm afraid you can't. He's...sleeping." Her eyes flickered over to the door behind her. 

"Bullshit. I'm going to see him." I huffed, walking past the front desk and into the hallway. 

"Excuse me, you can't go in ther-" 

"Too fucking bad." I snarl, rounding the corner as she walks behind me.

"Please, you have to leave." 

I spin around on my heel, face to face with the trembling girl. "why?" 

"because he's unstable, it's best for him if y-" 

"How do  _you_ know what's best for him?!" I yell, undoubtedly causing a scene around me. "You haven't even met him!" 

"I know him well enough to know that you should leave." She says firmly, tapping her foot and I roll my eyes.

"Oh,  _sure_ you do sweetheart." I said with a voice laced with sarcasm. 

"I will ask you one more time to leave." she said with a sigh. 

"Well I'm not going anywhere." I say defiantly, crossing my arms over my chest. 

"Leave!" She yells, pushing me and taking me by surprise.

"Wha? No I'm no-" I try to protest but all the sudden I see a familiar set of eyes peek over the desk's counter.

 "Sarah?" 

"Brendon!" 

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm gonna stay with you guys of course!" She hops over the counter and hugs me tightly. 

"Oh, thank god." I gasp out, looking over her shoulder and smirking at the other nurse who just pouts at me. 

"I know, you'd be soooo lost without me!" She smiles with here eyes closed and I laugh lightly. 

"Well, Tyler already is..." 

"Wait what?!" She gasps, turning pale. 

"He's literally in here right now. Josh too." I say and her eyes widen.

"where?"

  
"Well I was _going_ to see them when this chick stopped me." I huff, glaring at the girl and Sarah laughs.

"Calm down. I'll take you." She says, looking at some map on the wall and grabbing my hand. "whose room first?"

This confused me. "What do you mean?"

"They're in separate rooms." She says slowly.

"Why?!" I yell and she jumps back.

"I don't know..." 

"Why was Tyler put in here?" I demand an answer and I can tell she doesn't have a clue.

"Why?" I ask, voice now embarrassingly weak.

"I know why." The two toned haired girl pipes up and I spin to look at her once more.

"Why?"

"He had slit his wrists. Stupid thing to do if you ask me...he could kill himself." She scoffs 

"MAYBE HE'S TRYING TO YOU DUMBASS!" 

She stood in silence for a moment, looking at me with a mixture of hate and guilt. 

"Can you just...go back to the front?" Sarah asked the girl who immediately blushed and ran from the hallway. 

"is Josh in like a waiting room or something?" I ask, voice shaky.

She purses her lips, and quickly runs over to the computer, typing faster then I've ever seen.

"He's...in a hospital room." She says quietly. "Like, for people in coma." 

"WAIT WHAT THE FUCK?!" I scream, making her cover her ears. 

"CHILL!" She yells in response and I start to hyperventilate 

"B-but why is he with p-people in comas?" I ask, stuttering in fear as I gasp for air. 

"That doesn't mean he's in one honey. He could've just fainted." 

"Oh...alright." I say shakily 

"So...Josh first?" She asks and I nod, holding her hand tightly as she leads me up the bright hallway. 

"He's fine Bren. It's all gonna be fine. You're all safe here." 

But the truth is we aren't. No one here knows our story, no one will come if we scream for help. Hell, Josh was running around campus this morning with Tyler fucking almost dying in his arms and no one even called the police. 

There's nobody here to protect us. 

So we must fight for ourselves.

Sarah leads me to Josh's room, and I walk in without knocking, seeing him curled up in the corner of the room, not even on the bed that has been provided. 

"Josh?" His head snaps up so fast I thought he'd break it. 

"Brendon!" he whisper yells, stumbling onto his feet and running towards me.

"they..they t-took my Ty..." He mutters into my shoulder and I can feel that he's shaking.

"It's ok, he's alright they're taking care of him." I say, trying to reassure him but he starts crying softly, something that I didn't see often. 

"he's probably so scared...a-and I can't see him." He sobs into my shirt. 

"Why can't you see him?" I ask, turning to Sarah and raising and eyebrow.

"I don't know. The doctors here are alot more strict. No more running wild like at Raphael's." She sighs, running a hand through her hair.

"let's go see him and take him back to the dorm." I say and Josh looks up, eyes swimming with hope.

"can we really?"

"Yeah." I say and Sarah raises another eyebrow.

"When did you think you'd be doing that?"

"Right now." I say, stepping out of the room and Sarah follows suit. 

"Ok....I think we both know that Josh can do more in a single sitting then a pile of pain meds." Sarah laughs lightly and walks behind us as we approach the more intensive part of the infirmary. 

"where is he?" Josh's whines and Sarah stifles a giggle. 

"Up the hall I think. There aren't many people in here since it's the first day of school though..." She trails off and reaches the end of the hallway. 

"Which room?" I ask, peering in the windows.

"I have no idea. probably this one." She gestures to a room that literally has a folder on the outside labeled "Joseph."

"Yeah no dip." I chuckle lightly before opening the door and holding it open for Josh, him stepping in timidly and gasping with joy at the sight of a sleeping Tyler.

"So...you guys are good?" Sarah asks and I nod with an assuring smile. She waves goodbye before closing the door behind her and I stay silent until the sound of her footsteps recede. 

I turn back to face Tyler and sure enough Josh is already in the bed with him, twirling a piece of his hair between his fingers.

"c'mon dude, aren't we taking him  back to your dorm?" I ask and Josh looks up, nodding slowly as if he wasn't sure.

"Yeah...but are we supposed to?"

"probably not."

"Won't we get in trouble?" 

"that's part of the fun sweets." Josh chuckles at my plan and gets out of the bed, careful not to disturb Tyler's bandaged arms as he lifts him up. White sheets unravel from Tyler's body as he rises into the air, as if someone spilled a spool of white silk. 

"So, should we just carry him out?" He asks and I shrug.

"If that's the best plan we have then sure." 

Josh takes Tyler in his arms, cradling him as if he's a baby. 

"My husband and son." I joke and Josh shoots me a warning glare. 

"never say that again." 

"Ok fine." I say in mock surrender, putting my hands over my head. 

I walk over to the door and open it for Josh, using my entire body to keep it open because that thing weighs a ton. 

"You alright there?" He asks and I nod, gesturing with my head to make him exist before I collapse. 

"Yes yes GET OUT!" I yell, trying to push him with my feet. He chuckles lightly and scrambles through the doorway, Tyler's face burying itself in his shoulder. 

"Your such a lightweight." Josh jokes, walking towards the main office. 

"What if we get in trouble?" I ask and Josh scoffs, smelling Tyler's hair. 

"Since when do you care about getting in trouble?" 

"You have a point there."

"I do." 

"God Joshie, I've been a bad influence." 

"Can't argue that." He laughs, bouncing Tyler in his arms and I stifle a snort. 

"Josh stop, he's gonna wake up." 

"Who cares, maybe then he could walk on his own." 

"He needs sleep." 

"ok mom." Josh says, bouncing him again.

"Your gonna give him brain damage." 

"He's not an infant Bren." Josh chuckles and rocks him like one.

I burst into a fit of giggles, skipping through the hallways like a psychopath. 

"So how are we going to execute this?" Josh asks and I shrug, lining myself up against the wall and going on tiptoes like a ninja. 

"Lookin good Naruto Uzamaki."He says and I double over in another fit of laughter.

"shut up." I snort, pulling at his hair and walking ahead, looking around corners to see if the coast is clear.

"Stop being so paranoid. It'll be fine." Josh sighs, looking over his shoulder as Sarah walks up.

"Hey guys, need any help?"

"We need a distraction to get out of here without being noticed." I say and Josh nods along.

"Ok well that'll be easy." Sarah chirps, walking ahead and yelling for someone.

"Everybody, there's cake in the break room!" She yells, cupping her hands around her mouth. I crane my neck to hear a bunch of feet making their way in our opposite direction. Sarah turns around with a wide smile.

 "Wow." I say, walking up to her and shaking her hand. "That was impressive." 

"I know." She flips her hair and sashays away, turning over her shoulder and winking. "If I get in trouble for this you guys are dead meat." 

Then she was gone. 

"C'mon! Before those fat asses realize there's no cake!" I yell, tugging Josh's shirt along with me as we sprint down the hallway, Tyler being flung around the whole way. 

We passes the main office, and soon we were running out the door, laughing as the cool morning air hit our faces. 

"Free at last." Josh sighs, slinging Tyler over his shoulder. "Geez he's heavy for a bottom." 

"Oh my god." I gasp out in between laughs as Josh, Tyler and I make our way up to the dorms. 

"S' true." Josh chuckles after telling me some ludicrous story I was never paying attention to. 

"What room are you guys in again?" I ask as we walk through his hall. 

"This one," he taps on a chipping oak door, which was still hanging open. "shit. Hope no one stole anything" 

"Oh god." I mumble, going into the room and inspecting it for signs of vandalism. Thankfully, there wasn't. 

Josh lays Tyler in his bed, putting a blanket over him and kissing his forehead, before flopping on his own and rubbing his forehead. 

"I'm gonna send out a mass text." I say with a smirk, unlocking my phone and adding people to a group chat I titled "we dem bois." 

"Good, tell everyone to come here during lunch. I have some sort of plan." Josh says, looking at me through his hair "and I need the homework for classes today." 

"that makes sense." I mumble, typing out a message and pacing the room, finding the bathroom door open. "Josh why's the light o-" I gag at the sight and stumble out of the room, busting out of his dorm and hitting the wall in the hallway. 

"Jesus Brendon!" Josh yells angrily, getting off of bed and looking into the bathroom, walking out pale. 

"I'm n-not going back in there!" I yell from the hallway, peeking in the doorway as Josh sighs loudly and I hear running water. after a couple minutes he comes back into vision, rubbing Tyler's face. 

"Sorry, guess we kinda left the scene of the crime. Forgot you had that blood kink." Josh snorts.  
"Ugh, as if! Anything but!" I gag, walking back into the dorm hesitantly.

"I cleaned it up, it's fine." he says, sitting back on the bed and I perch myself on top of his desk.

"Should I sit here, or is there still stains from the other ni-" 

"shut up!" Josh giggles, covering his face. "We didn't fuck on the desk dipshit." 

"Ok, just checking." I breathe and look around the room. 

"Why'd you put blink 182 posters on the wall?"

"Cause I wanted to." 

"Did you take down Tyler's magic Mike XXL posters to make room or-" 

"Brendon stuff it!" Josh gasps, looking over at Tyler and blushing.

"I'm just kidding. Lighten up." 

"Ok." He snickers quietly. 

"So was that a yes to taking them down cause-" 

"Brendon!" 

"ok, ok." 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you wouldn't mind checking out my new story Flightless Bird.............  
> It would rly mean a lot to me cause I've been working on it for a while now and I'd like to know if I should continue it or not.


	14. The One With Abe Lincoln

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is short but I'm a nugget so here ya go

(Ryan's POV)

I was nearly falling asleep on Pete when I felt buzzing in my pocket. Quickly I grabbed it and turned the vibration off so the teacher wouldn't notice. We were currently in history, listening to "just call me Nicole" Talk about Abraham fucking Lincoln. I looked down at my phone and scowled at yet another group chat invitation.

_You've been added to the group chat "we dem bois"_

_Hoe: meet us in our dorm during lunch. Don't ask questions._

_cheezwhiz: why must you drag us into all this?_

_Hoe: Woah babe, not even gonna ask how the bean is doing?_

Ryan rolls his eyes, scoffing as Pete looks over his shoulder and laughs quietly, taking out his won phone. Patrick sat back quietly, taking notes like a loser. 

_cheezwhiz: I do care dipshut_

_cheezwhiz: *dipshit_

_Hoe is typing..._

_Hoe: hope you aren't in grammar right now babe_

_cheezwhiz: stfu you crusty ass piece of shit_

_Hoe is typing..._

_Meme'dit: don't you mean shut?_

_cheezwhiz: I swear_

_Hoe: I rly don't appropriate this attitude sweetums._

_cheezwhiz: It's time to stop_

_littledrummerboi: Tyler is awake :^)_

_Meme'dit: wtf is that ^_

_Hoe: ^^^^ wtffffff_

_cheezwhiz: I like it, it's expressive_

_littledrummerboi: Thnx <3 :^) _

_Hoe: getting a little touchy there jish._

_Meme'dit: *coughs* jelous_

_Hoe: I'm not jelous_

_cheezwhiz: You spelled that wrong ^_

_littledrummerboi: It's jealous_

_Meme'dit: get you a man who can spell_

_littledrummerboi: I can do it all ;)))))_

_cheezwhiz: woah there_

_Hoe: This is going downhill_

_Meme'dit: hun we already hit rock bottom, h8 to tell you that._

_cheezwhiz: wym?_

_Meme'dit: R u kidding? We are in deep shit rn and it's only our first day_

_cheezwhiz: tru_

_Hoe: how bout being optimistic Peter?_

_Meme'dit: how bout you stop being such a bitch ass punk_

_Hoe has left the chat :(_

_cheezwhiz has added Hoe to the chat!_

_Hoe: I don't wanna be here_

_cheezwhiz: you can't just make a gc then leave._

_justgotsoemo is typing..._

_Hoe: OH SHIT ITS GERARD_

_cheezwhiz: oh shit whaddup_

_littledrummerboi: *coughs* pinky pie_

_justgotsoemo: jesus Josh that was almost a year ago_

_Hoe: he speaks_

_littledrummerboi: I'll never forget it *sobs*_

_justgotsoemo: *rolls eyes*_

_Hoe: very compassionate Gee_

_cheezwhiz: teehee_

_Hoe: what the fuck? ^_

_littledrummerboi: it means to laugh dippy_

_Meme'dit: Ryan just laughed during class and the teacher spun around so fucking fast I swear she's part owl_

_Hoe: lmao_

_justgotsoemo: Owl's are incapable of talking to humans, therefore there is no possible way your teacher can be an owl_

_Hoe: deep._

_Hoe: ;)_

_cheezwhiz: ..._

_Meme'dit: ur so juvenile_

_Hoe: Why should I care, your just a little punk ass bitch._

_Meme'dit: I believe that's my line._

_Hoe: I believe you should stfu_

_cheezwhiz: That's violent._

_littledrummerboi: I agree 100%_

_littledrummerboi: Brendon if you want to make a gc that's fine, but once you start threatening people, it tends to get a little heated and honestly I feel attacked. I'd never leave this gc for anything, anything but ur making me a little nervous._

_Meme'dit: geez you type fast_

_littledrummerboi: I'm just really fast_

_tyjobeandip: not the only thing he's fast at_

_littledrummerboi has left the chat :(_

_Hoe: oh shit_

_cheezwhiz: oml what's happeing_

_justgotsoemo: omg_

_Hoe: Josh got up and straight up left the room. I think he's raging in the hallway._

_cheezwhiz: I'm WHEEZING_

_justgotsoemo: OMLLLLLL_

_tyjobeandip: something I said? ;)_

_Hoe: you naughty motherfucker_

_cheezwhiz: You should prob go calm him down._

_Hoe: what's the fun in that?_

_tyjobeandip: ur right....but I'm not gonna_

_Meme'dit: Ur not a nice person._

_tyjobeandip: sry i just got woken up by brendon screaming abt a ladybug_

_Hoe: THOSE LITTLE FUCKERS ARE SCARY_

_Meme'dit: chill your dick_

_cheezwhiz: Tyler, go apologize_

_tyjobeandip: how do you even know if I was lying?_

_cheezwhiz: ....._

_Hoe: excuse me? Ok lil bitch tell me how fast Josh is?_

_cheezwhiz: how bout we not bring that up_

_Hoe: YOU'RE NOT EVEN DENYING IT WTF_

_cheezwhiz: oh shit._

_tyjobeandip: heh heh_

_Hoe: PETE HOLD MY DICK_

_Meme'dit: Im not here to solve your marital issues urinal_

_Hoe: fuck it_

_Hoe has left the chat :(_

_tyjobeandip: They're both raging in the hallway now. I hear muffled screams. It sounds like my old math tutor_

_Meme'dit: wtf?_

_justgotsoemo: on that note..._

_cheezwhiz: this is why we can't have nice things._

I look up from my phone with a heavy sigh. Pete snickers from behind me and I shoot him the dirtiest look I can manage. 

"You're right, we really can't have nice things." Pete mumbles and I laugh lightly.

"I do have a point don't I?" 

"you do." 

"what does he have?" Patrick asks and Pete just shakes his head.

"nothin." 

"Ok then." Patrick goes back to taking notes, but when I look over his shoulder it's just a doodle of a turtle wearing a top hat. 

"So are you going to humor Brendon?" Pete asks under his breath as the teacher turns around. 

"I don't think so. I'll let him simmer down then we'll talk about it if he's still butthurt." 

Pete giggles "he will be." 

"Yeah I know. he holds grudges like no other." 

"Just ignore it. you told me yourself, that whole incident was a long time ago." 

I sigh, running a hand through my now dry but frizzy hair, "I know." 

"do you?" he asks and I'm about to reply but the teacher screams his name.

"WENTZ? Are you enjoying your conversation?" She taps her foot waiting a response. 

"Actually no. Ryan's boyfriend is being a real pain in the ass." 

Her mouth falls open as my face flushes bright red. 

"Well then...Um, pay attention from now on!" she snaps, turning back to the whiteboard and I punch Pete in the shoulder. 

"Are you crazy? What if...you know...they were in here?" 

"who?" Pete giggles, looking around "Oh...right." 

No one in the group is allowed to say our names too loud in case someone overhears. We chose all the seats in the back of class so we'd be out of sight. We had this planned out, the only problem was how long we could keep it going without everything turning to shit. 

"Yeah oh right, you know better then to yell my name out to the entire class. What if one of them heard?" I knew I was being super paranoid, but that was the only way that Brendon and I would stay safe. 

"I'm sorry Ry. Won't happen again I promise." Pete crosses his fingers over his heart and smiles warmly. I shake my head at his mistake, but lean on his shoulder none the less. 

"It's ok." 

 

(Brendon's POV)

We had both stormed out of the room, Josh still fuming in the hallway. I almost laughed seeing how red his face was. He looked fucking  _pissed._  

"You ok Josh?" I asked, walking up behind him and he spins around with a smile. 

"Yeah, I'm fine." his voice was calm, with a hint of humor that made me cock my head. 

"What, what was that in there?" I gesture to the room and he chuckles.

"I was kidding. Wanted to make him pay for scaring me so much." Josh laughs. It was really amazing to me what kind of mood swings these guys went through. he was crying and shaking on the floor literally an hour ago.

"ok I see. Wanna ham it up?" 

"Yes." he said with no hesitation, running to the door and banging on it. Tyler staying put. 

"ARGHH!" I yell, stomping my foot and Josh stifles a laugh with the back of his palm.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" He yells, making me snort and fall on top of him, us collapsing in a heap on the hallway floor. 

"okay you can chill a little bit." I say and he snickers, getting up and feeling his hair. 

"I really need to fix this." 

My ears perk up. "Oh I can do hair!" 

He raises an eyebrow and I nod enthusiastically. "I swear I'm really good!"

"Mmmmmm" he grimaces and I just laugh, tugging on his sleeve.

"Let's go up to my room. I got scissors and everything!" Josh looks uncertain, but I drag him along anyway. 

"hold on-" he runs to the door, flinging it open, "Bye Tyler I'm gonna go shave my head!" 

He slams the door again, right in Tyler's face and I laugh, walking up the hallway as Tyler yells "wait!" before running after us. 

"Hold on...we didn't invite you.' I say and he pouts.

"B-but-" 

"It's ok Bren. I've been needing to shave him anyway." Josh smirks and Tyler's eyes go wide.

"You aren't coming _near_ me with a razor Joshua Dun." 

"Oh yes I am." Josh smirks, holding his hand and pulling him into the elevator.

"please let this be a normal field trip." He whispers under his breath as the doors close. Me and Josh exchange a look before both screaming at the same time

"WITH BRENDON URIE? NO WAY!" 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE ACOUSTIC HOMETOWN FUCKED ME UP TYLERRRRRRRRRRR WHY YOU MAKE ME CRY  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MK_Ipzp0rYQ


	15. The One Where Josh Cuts Too Much

(Tyler's POV)

I knew this was a bad idea the minute I saw Josh holding the electronic razor, a gleam in his eye telling me this wasn't going to end well.

"Don't think you're coming near me with that." I say, putting my hands in front of me with a warning glare. 

"C'mon Ty, you're really shaggy." Josh says in defense, backing me up against the wall. I'm really not that bad. Honestly, it's a little long and knotty but I don't really mind. 

"No. No way you said you were getting  _your_ hair cut." I almost yelp as I hit the wall behind me and Josh laughs. 

"If I do it first do you promise you will too?" He asks and I sigh before nodding hesitantly.

"fine."

"Ok. Brendon, do your worst!" Josh laughs before handing Brendon the electric razor, sitting down  on the edge of the bathtub. 

"Yay!" Brendon squeals, standing over him with a concentrated smile.

"I'm trusting you to not make me hideous." Josh sighs, running a hand through his long electric yellow mane, curly and knotted. 

"You were already hideous, can't really get any worse." Brendon chuckles and Josh sighs heavily. 

"Josh are you sure about this?" I ask and he nods, Brendon re positioning his head. 

"Stay still or you're gonna ruin it." Brendon snarls, turning it on with a buzz. 

"how much do you want again?" He asks and Josh thinks for a minute. 

"More off the sides and some off the top, my sideburns are getting bad too." 

"Ok." Brendon hums, sticking his tongue out in concentration as he carefully runs the razor along the sides of Josh's face. He runs it up and down the back of his neck, and in front of his ears. 

"That's actually really good." I compliment and Brendon smiles, not taking his eyes off of Josh. 

"thanks. I practice on Ryan alot." 

Josh's hair was falling into the tub like yellow feathers, slowly drifting to the bottom of the white tile. After a few minutes there was a good dusting of lightening yellow covering the floor of the tub, and I signaled Brendon to stop. 

"I think that's enough. I wanna keep it long on the top." I say and Josh turns around looking amused. 

"Since when do you have a say?" 

"since you're cutting my hair next." 

Josh shrugs, defeated. But stands up and itches the back of his neck. 

"it's so itchy Jesus. " he whines, and I watch as tiny yellow hairs fall off his shirt and neck. 

"It's supposed to be. You wanna shower?" Brendon asks and Josh shakes his head. 

"I only shower with Tyler." he winks I feel my cheeks burn bright red and Josh giggles. 

"I'm kidding. No, I'll do Tyler first then shower." Another strangled sigh escapes my lips as Josh pulls me down to sit on the tub's edge, and grabs the razor from Brendon, picking the yellow hairs out of it with a disgusted expression. 

"get ready Ty." 

"Oh god." I sigh, itching at my bandages and Josh pulls my hand away with a disapproving tut. 

"Don't touch those or I'll tie your hands together." 

"kinky." Brendon teases, going to the sink and washing his hands. 

"stuff it Urinal." 

"you're  _so_ funny Tyler, can I be you?" he replies, voice full to the brim with sarcasm. 

"sorry, you can't." I laugh and sit back, gulping when the razor buzzes to life once again. 

"don't you trust me Ty ty?" Josh teases, rubbing my shoulder with one hand.

"of course I do." 

_You're such a good liar G_

I gulp again, feeling my head start to heat up as Blurry continues our conversation from last night. I motion for Josh to hold on for a second and he does, stepping back with a concerned face. 

"now's not the time asshole." I spit, and Josh's face falls, turning pale.

_say hi to joshie for me won't you? I had such a good time with him last night._

"He says hi." I mumble to Josh and he runs out of the room. Shocking both me and Blurry. 

_I knew he wasn't cut out for this._

"cut out for what?" 

_you._

"You don't know anything." I argue, Brendon glancing at me before following Josh out the door into the bedroom, leaving me alone. 

_I knew he wouldn't be able to handle you. See? No one can, that's why you should've never gotten involved with him. You and me forever."_

"that's really funny." I laugh lightly, "You thinking you know me." 

_I know alot more then you think G, you should know that by now._

"Listen, I don't care how much you know dipshit, just leave me alone, come back later." 

_Fine. For now. But I'll be back later._

"thanks." I scoff 

_Oh and by the way, don't forget about that things you wanted to talk to Josh about._

"I haven't ~~~~forgotten." I snarl

_you're a bad liar G._

"No...I'm not." 

_whatever you say sweetums_

"Kay Bye!"  

_see you later..._

"S' all good guys!" I call, tears welling in my eyes. 

In a matter of two seconds, both Josh and Brendon stumble into the room, grabbing me in their arms and hugging tightly. 

"you did so good, so good baby." Josh hums in my ear and I smile, pulling him closer. Brednon runs his hands through my hair and says encouraging things to me as my shaking subsides. 

"You were amazing, making him go away all on your own." Josh praises, and my cheeks heat up. 

"Thanks." I say with a giggle, tears drying on my face as I smile. 

"Did I do what I was supposed to? Leaving?" Josh asks and eyes me up and down, making sure I wasn't harmed. 

"yeah. You did fine. I just had to talk to him for a little, had a few things to say." 

"what did he say?" Josh asks, looking concerned.

"Nothing important, his usual bullshit." I shrug, pulling Josh's hands to my hair once again and tugging it. 

"C'mon, cut my hair." 

"Only if you want to." He laughs lightly, itching my scalp and making me close my eyes. 

"Go crazy." I giggle and open my eyes to see Josh raising an eyebrow.

"Can I do anything?" He asks and I shrug.

"You're gonna have to order me a couple beanies of I don't like it though." I argue and he smiles, eyes crinkling. 

"Trust me, you're gonna like it. Now close your eyes." Before I do, I look up at Brendon, giving a pleading look before closing them tightly, face scrunched in worry and waiting. 

"If you stick around I'll sing you pretty sounds and we'll make money selling your hair." I sing when he turns on the razor. I can't see, but if I could I'm sure he'd be smiling along.

"I don't care what's in your hair, I just wanna know what's on your mind." He replies, making me laugh at his clever comeback, feeling his fingers card through the mess of brown on top of my head. 

"Just get on with it!" I shout over the buzz and I hear him laugh deep in his throat. 

"Gonna miss this..." he says softly and i almost don't hear it over the buzz. 

"wait wha-" I start, not being able to finish until he glides it right over the top of my hair.

"Josh what the fuck?!" I yell, spinning around to see him biting his lip to stifle a smirk. 

"You said I could do anything." he shrugs and turns my head. I sit in shock, my mouth hanging open as I watch brown locks fall on top of yellow ones. 

"Josh? How's it goin- OH MY GOD!" Brendonn shrieks, making me clap a hand over my mouth as Josh holds my head still. 

"Oh my god oh my god." I repeat under my palm, watching more and more hair fall as Josh chuckles.

"You have to trust me Ty, I think it'll look good." He says, doing anything but reassuring me. 

"you THINK?!" I yell, shaking as I'm forced to stay still because all I wanna do is strangle Josh. 

"New year new you Ty. You gotta reinvent yourself." 

"WHY DON'T YOU SHAVE YOUR HEAD THEN?!" I yelp as he pinches my ear. 

"Because I'd look terrible bald." he says simply, and then the buzzing stops. 

"I am  _not_ going to look at myself." I say with a huff, crossing my arms and staring longingly at the huge pile of hair behind me. J

Josh wolf whistles, and I feel a hand rub at my head. "Oh my god Ty it feels like peach fuzz." 

"Josh what the hell? I knew I should've done it." Brendon sighs, running a hand through his perfectly styled near black hair. 

"It looks fuckin hot." Josh exclaims, gripping my shoulders and I shudder at the sudden cold. 

"honestly it's not as much as you think." Josh says innocently and I look over my shoulder and scowl. 

"Shut. Up." 

Josh purses his lips and slowly leaves the room. I take a deep breath and look up at Brendon. 

"Don't cry Tyler." 

Am I fucking crying?

I don't think I'm crying.

I feel my cheek and realize I am indeed bawling my eyes out. 

"C'mon man you haven't even seen it." Brendon says with a smile and I sniffle before standing up, my back to the mirror. 

"if I faint...will you catch me?" I ask, sounding pathetic. 

"of course." Brendon replies, patting my back. "go on." 

I do, turning around slowly to face myself in the mirror. 

"Ty, you have to look up." Brendon laughs and I stare at my feet a little more. 

"I know..." I whine, shuffling my feet. I stay still for a minute, humming to myself until Brendon takes my chin in his hand and snaps my neck up. 

A strangled gasp escapes my lips and my mouth falls open, eyes widening as I stare at my head. It's shaved down farther then it's ever been, making my head look rounder and more mature, a look I never thought I could pull off. My fluff was gone, peach fuzz waiting in return. I lift a hand up to my scalp, rubbing softly and shivering at the spiky yet fuzzy feeling. 

"Like it?" Brendon asks nervously and I surprise myself by nodding. 

"I think I actually do." I breathe out and he sighs in relief. 

"Thank god. I think Josh is having a panic attack over this." I spin around to look at Brendon and he raises an eyebrow

"What?"  
"is he actually?" 

"actually what?" 

"having a  panic attack!" I yell frustrated and Brendon laughs. 

"not a major one but I think he's guilty." 

"Oh ok..." I exhale, eyeing myself once again with blown eyes. I look so different. I look so much older then 17. 

"Do you wanna show him?"

"I guess..." I sigh, looking at myself one last time before pushing the bathroom door open and seeing Josh patiently waiting for me on Brendon's bed. 

"so?" he asks in a shaky voice and I climb into his lap, burying my face under his chin with a smile. 

"I love it." 

"see? Told you." he chuckles and runs a hand over my scalp again, sighing at the feeling. 

"It isn't a terrible,e as I thought it'd be." I giggle happily as Josh kisses all over my head, and Brendon stares at us pretending to gag.

"Gross homos." He retches again and hides his face. 

"Shut up gaybo. You probably have a plug up your ass right now." Josh retorts and I burst out laughing, Brendon joining in. 

"touche." 

"That was so...good...Josh!" I gasp out between laughs and Brendon just takes out his phone, snapping a picture of us. 

"Look at you...the egg and the yolk!" He exclaims and now I'm laughing so hard my stomach hurts. 

"what time is it?" Josh asks over my laughs and Brendon looks at his phone. 

"about 1:32" Brendon says, tapping at the screen. 

"So when does lunch start?" Josh asks and Brendon shrugs 

"Right now I think." Just as he said the words, the voicebox above the door beeps, signaling that class is over and another one is about to begin. 

"Couldn't have been more spot on." I note and Brendon flips his hair, a hand to his chest. 

"You can clap." he stands waiting but neither Josh nor I even move. 

"Wow thanks." He grumbles, rolling his eyes and sitting at the desk, typing out another message. I feel a vibration in my pocket and I get out my phone, unlocking it and going to the groupchat. Josh does as well. 

_new message from Hoe: Hey guys are you oyw?_

_cheezwhiz: ya I'm omw with pete and trick_

_justgotsoemo: yeah I'm bringing everyone now_

_Hoe: kk_

_Hoe: btw don't bring eggs, we already have alot_

_justgotsoemo: wait wtf?_

_Meme'dit: Yeah wait?_

_Hoe: I have a suprise for ya'll when you get here, we have a new member of our squad!_

_cheezwhiz: Wait really and you spelled that wrong ^_

_Hoe: stfu focus on the task at hand_

_cheezwhiz: geez okay_

_Meme'dit: wait who's the new person?_

_justgotsoemo: Yeah tell us_

_Hoe: No. you are just gonna have to come meet him for yourselves._

_Meme'dit: If this is another dog you stole I'm gonna slap you upside the head._

_Hoe: sorry not sorry ;^)_

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee egghead!
> 
> IM SO SORRY I WAS GONNA UPDATE ON THE 22 BUT I HAD DRAMA   
> #ripMCR


	16. The One When Frank Takes a Stand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My parents made me go to school today even though I have fucking strep throat kill me please

(Ryan's POV)

 

"When is this class over again?" I ask, looking over at Pete. 

"12:39" Pete says, burying his head in his arms on the tabletop. 

"and next period is lunch right?' 

"yep." 

"alright. 

After another excruciating 10 minutes of Nicole talking about events leading up to the civil war, class was finally over.

"Have a good lunch guys. Tomorrow we'll be talking about John Brown." the petite woman says as the teens file out of the room. 

"how much time do we get for lunch?" I ask and Trick digs through his bag, pulling out a wrinkled schedule. 

"We have like, an hour." 

"ok." 

"What did Brendon mean by a new person?" Pete asks and I shrug.

"Prolly that blue haired boy we met in our first class."  I suggest and Patrick nods.

"that makes sense." 

"Are you excited to see Gerard and them?" Patrick asks me and I hum an approving noise. 

"Yeah I guess."

"you don't so very excited." 

"No I am. Just really tired. I think I'm getting sick too." 

"Oh that sucks." Pete comments, skipping up the lawn and twirling around a tree. 

"Why're you so happy loser?" I ask and he stops frolicking. 

"sorry I'll keep my gayness down a notch."

I roll my eyes, looking around over the campus at the groups of kids already eating on benches and on the grass. I recognized none of them, and figured everyone was already in  the dorm room. 

I was about to run ahead of the two when Pete grabs my arm and pulls me back, pushing me between him and Patrick and pushing my face down. 

"what the fu-" I start but he shushes me.

"Shut the fuck up and keep your head down." 

I freeze, so much so I'm worried my feet will stop moving and I'll be stuck here. I keep staring at my feet and I start to hyperventilate, Pete and Patrick start to walk faster, almost dragging me until we get to the front doors. 

"Stay calm Ry, you're fine we gotchu." Pete says, pushing open the door with one hand and guiding me inside.

"Ok,ok,ok, I'm fine I'm fine." I stutter, entering the elevator and pressing the button for the third floor. 

"see? we can handle it." Patrick praises, pulling Pete in with us. 

The elevator started playing Beautiful Day by U2 and I smiled, tapping my foot along and feeling mildly disappointed when the doors opened and we had to get out. 

"what room is it again?" Patrick asks me and I point to the door at the far end, craning my neck at the sound of banshee screaming coming from the shut door. 

"take a wild guess." I chuckle, reaching out and knocking twice. The door flies open, and I'm met with a very excited Brendon. 

"welcome! Come in come in..." he says in a fast high voice, as if he's a Jewish mom. 

"okay...." I eye him suspiciously, seeing Josh, Dallon, Andy and Joe on his bed, Gerard and Frank sitting on the desk, and Mikey, Bob, and some bald guy sitting with his back to us on my bed. 

"uh....who's that?" Pete asks, looking nervous and a little disgusted. 

"You know who it is." Brendon smirks, running a hand over the bald kid's head. 

wait, where's Tyler?

"That's not...." I start, mouth falling open and Brendon releases a laugh so loud there was probably an earthquake in California. 

"Oh. My. God." I gasp, as the bald kid turns around and I'm met with a grinning Tyler. 

"You look so cute!" I squeal, rushing over and taking his face in my palms, squeezing his cheeks between my hands. 

"That's what I said." Gerard laughs, swinging his feet over the side of the desk. "So adorable." 

Pete and Patrick follow in behind me and immediately run to Tyler.

"Oh my lord you're a little egghead!" Pete giggles and Patrick is beside himself. 

"You can thank Josh's master hair skills." Tyler laughs, gesturing to Josh who looks over at the mention of his name. 

"I know right, all my idea." 

"Dude as much as I like it, you can tell that it's totally fucked up." Pete chuckles, running a palm over Tyler's peach fuzz. 

"Yeah I know, a rugged look if you will." Josh says in response, patting his lap and Tyler obediently walks over and climbs into it. 

"You guys are sickening." Frank grunts, playing with his nose ring. 

"Don't act like you don't just love it." Brendon giggles, taking a picture on his phone. 

"Anyway, this is lunch right? Where's the food?" Mikey whines, kicking a pillow off my bed. 

"If you want food you can go get some, I think there's a chick fil a on the other side of campus." Patrick suggests. 

"wait really?" 

"Yeah I'm pretty sure." 

"Ok, Imma go get some chicken...anyone wanna come?" Mikey asks, hand on the doorknob. 

"I'll go with you." Patrick and Dallon say at the same time, getting up and looking in their pockets for wallets. 

"I guess we'll go as well." Joe says, nudging Andy. 

"can you get me a chicken sandwich?" Brendon asks and Patrick nods. 

''I'll just get one for each of us." 

"You're a godsend Patrick Stump." Josh yawns, cradling Tyler who looks like he's about to fall asleep. 

"I know." 

"be back in twenty." The five of them say before leaving the room. 

"Alright so why I have gathered you all here...." Brendon starts, playing with his fingers. "Is because we have a...problem, on our hands." 

"what is it?" Gerard asks, sounding genuinely worried.

"there are two boys here that we need to get rid of." Brendon says simply, causing Gerard to cock his head. 

"whattya mean?" 

"There are two guys in this school that we need to get expelled." 

"Who?"

"Spencer Smith and Jon Walker." Josh says, saving Brendon from having to do it himself. 

"Can I ask why we are going to ruin people's education?" Gerard asks. 

"cause they ruined our lives." I say quietly and Gerard's eyes get dark. 

"what did those assholes do?" 

"long story, sad story, not really something I wanna talk about again." Brendon replies, itching the top of his head. I look over at Frank, Bob, and Pete; they are all for it. When my gaze turns to josh he looks apprehensive, watching Tyler writhe in his sleep. 

"We have to get them out before they see Ryan and Brendon, and before he has a chance to do something to Tyler." Josh says quietly, rubbing two fingers along Tyler's cheek. 

"Geez, you guys are really worried about this aren't you?" Frank asks, looking concerned at how serious we are. 

"Yeah it's kinda a big deal." I mumble, sitting next to Josh. 

"alright then, what do you expect us to do?" 

"they have drugs." Brendon says casually. "loads of em. We gotta get them busted. Either that or beat them up." 

"I opt for busting them for drugs." Frank says, hopping off the desk. "imma go talk to them now." 

"WAIT WHAT?!" I yelp, pushing him back down. "YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" 

"why not? I'm just gonna say hi, ask about the drugs then leave." He shrugs, getting back up and walking towards the door. 

"They can't know we're here Frank!" 

"You think i'm stupid? Of course I'm not gonna say I'm Brendon Urie's friend." 

"Frank I swear to god if you ruin this." Brendon warns, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

"I won't, chill out. Gee, come with so I don't make bad choices." 

"Don't get me all mixed up in this!" Gerard pleads, "I just wanna eat." 

"well we have to do this whole thing without Mikey knowing, you know how he gets Gee." Frank says and Gerard sighs.   
"you're right, he can't know or he'll be paranoid." 

"See? now c'mon, let's skurt." Frank says, opening the door and stepping out. Bob follows suit. 

"everything'll be fine guys. I'm gonna take care of it." Frank says reassuringly, but it does little to calm me.

"you better not screw this up." Josh coughs and Brendon laughs. 

"It'll be fine, if it goes to shit, we'll just beat em up." 

"that's smart." I roll my eyes.

"We aren't." Brendon replies and I sit against the wall. 

This better fucking work. 

Frank and Gerard exit, leaving Brendon, Josh, Tyler, Pete and I alone. 

"You think this is a good idea?" I ask

"Not at all." Brendon replies, sighing and laying back. 

"Jesus what are we doing?" 

"No clue." Josh chuckles, rubbing his cheek against Tyler's scalp. 

"This better end up well, It's literally our first day and I'm already about to have a panic attack." I say, earning a sympathetic look from Josh. 

"C'mere." Brendon motions for me so I crawl over to him, laying my head on his thigh while he plays with my hair and cooed. 

"Gerard will know what to do, they're our secret weapons." He says softly and I just groan. 

"yeah alright." 

"If everything goes to shit, we'll just lock you in here for days at time." Josh shrugs. 

"Oh yeah like that'll work." 

"never said it would." 

" I think we should have some faith in them." Pete speaks up and I roll my eyes. 

"They don't even know why we want them gone." 

"Maybe you should tell them." 

"nah I don't think that'd be a good idea." I argue

"why?"

"they don't even know about Dallon." 

"And?" he raises an eyebrow. 

"If they don't even know about his ptsd then why would we tell them about me and Bren?" 

"Because it's Dallon's place to tell them when he's ready to, you can't just ask them to do something without an explanation." 

"Ugh fine." I scowl, getting off Brendon and walking to the door, striding out of the hallway. Gerard and Frank were at the end of the hall waiting for the elevator so I cupped my hands around my mouth and yelled out to them. 

"They beat me and raped Brendon!" 

The second the word left my mouth the two of them whipped around, mouths open and eyes wide. 

"what did you just say?!" 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyone wanna fly me down to Columbus on June 20? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	17. The One When Frank Gets Defensive

(Gerard's POV)

Brendon sat us down and calmly told us about his past. Every horrific detail worst then the last. I sat alongside Frank and Bob in muted shock, listening as Brendon's voice cracked at certain parts and as his eyes welled towards the end. Ryan sat close to him, territorial with arms around his waist and his chin upon his shoulder.

"Where is that scumbag again?" Frank jumps up, grabbing the door.

"Frank, hold on you can't just-" I start and he shushes me.

"I-I agree Frank. It...not just yet." Brendon says quietly. "We haven't even been friends for that long."

"I don't care if we've only been friends for a little. Even if I hated you. No one deserves that shit." 

"I know that. And I hate that it happened t-to me but it was a long t-time ago." Brendon mutters, looking away from us. 

"No. Just because it happened a few years ago doesn't mean you aren't still effected." Josh says, making Tyler stir in his lap. 

"But-" 

"No. Imma go beat that shithead up." Frank snaps and opens the door. Brendon makes a small noise high in his throat and stares after Frank longingly. 

"Can someone-" 

"Yeah I'll go." I say, running after my boyfriend. 

"Frank, hold up!" 

"No dippy!" He yells back, making me scoff. 

"Frank fucking Iero you better halt those stubby ass legs or else!" I scream and he dies, turning around with a raised eyebrow. 

"the  _fuck_ did you just call me?" 

"I said," I laugh deep in my throat, "stop those stubby legs!" 

He laughs, hair flopping onto his face as he tilts it to the side like a puppy. 

"You can't beat Spencer up man, we have to have a plan. They can't be our enemies just yet." 

"I know, I was being rash. Just hearing about that makes me all worked up." 

I swallow. "What kinda worked up?" 

"I wanna fucking kill them. I just want to completely annihilate them." 

"I know you do sweetie but we can't do that right now." 

"But I really fucking wanna." He whines, cracking his knuckles and fidgeting, 

"too bad. C'mon." I motion back to the room and he follows, tripping over his feet as he does so. 

"Just one bop?" 

"no, Frank." 

"Ugh!" 

"Sorry that you can't pulverize anyone just right now." I retaliate, patting his shoulder. 

"I just-for Brendon...UGH!" 

"I know hun." 

We go back into the room, finding now both Tyler and Brendon asleep on Josh, who looks snuggly as hell. 

"Having fun?" I ask and he snaps to face me.

"too much to describe." 

"Should we leave you alone?" I ask and he shakes his head. 

"no way, the other guys should be back with the food anyways." He pats the bed next to Brendon, and I shrug before sitting down. 

"See? You're cuddly too just wait." I make a confused face but the second I settle into the sheets Brendon's lifeless body flops over, burying his face in my chest. 

"Wow...um, I'm...flattered?" 

"Too cute." Josh snorts, leaning back while Tyler is still draped across his chest. 

"So cute." Frank rolls his eyes and sits next to Pete. 

"Aw stuff it, beebs is tired." Josh chuckles, pressing Tyler's face against him as he snores quietly. 

"What about Ry? Ryan is tired." I hear a scoff from the other bed, rolling his eyes. 

"sorry boo, maybe when he wakes up." I say with an apologetic smile. 

"Enough, this fluffy stuff is so sweet I'm gonna get a stomach ache." Frank groans, holding his middle. 

"Sorry." Josh says in a baby voice. 

"I'm hungry, where are they Jesus?" He grumbles, bottom lip protruding and black locks hung over his forehead. 

"They'll be back soon fatass hold your goddamn horses." Ryan snorts

"Excuse me I'm  _no_ fatass, just waiting for my chicken." 

"Mmmmhmmm." I reply snarkily, hiding my face behind a pillow. 

"alright then, everybody hates Frank, I guess I'll just go hang with my new besties Jon and Spencer." 

"Wow dude that's pretty fucking cold." Josh says and I agree. Frank just shrugs. 

"wear a jacket." 

" _Wow_  Frank." I exclaim, throwing up my hands and nearly waking Brendon. 

"You bring your won clothes for a fucking reason not for me to give you mine Gerard!" 

"It was snowing and we were on a fucking date!" I yell in retaliation and he rolls his eyes. 

"I was cold too!" 

"YOU DIDNT GIVE HIM YOUR COAT?" Josh yelps and I nod my head in fury, gesturing to Frank in a way that suggests 'I know right?' 

"No, why should I?" 

"It was snowing Frank!" 

"And?" 

Josh makes a gasping sound and Ryan looks like he's about to burst out laughing. 

"It was literally snowing out in Ohio and we had gotten out of a restaurant. I walk outside and ask for his coat, he says no, then asks for a handjob in the backseat!" 

"OH MY GOD FRANK!" Ryan finally yells, throwing his hands up and I stifle a laugh. 

I'm surprised that throughout all of this Tyler and Brendon still haven't woken up. Tyler was borderline drooling on Josh, who wasn't fazed at all by his boyfriend completely exhausted on top of him. Brendon's face had traveled to my shoulder, face drifting into my neck making me giggle at the exhales he made. 

"You know what-" Frank starts but the door bursts open, Mikey Patrick Dallonand the others spilling into the door, white and red splotched bags in tow. 

"HEY THE FOOD!" Frank squeals, ripping a bag out of Dallon's hands and opening it, practically stuffing his face in and bringing out a sandwich between his teeth. 

"You're an animal." I snort. 

"Only for you." I'm returned with chicken between his teeth and an exaggerated wink. 

"oh god." 

"Ty...." I hear Josh coo and he starts to nudge Tyler awake. 

"just shake him." Pete says and he looks appalled. 

"No way....Ty baby you gotta eat somethin." Josh hums to Tyler, who opens his eyes slowly and looks up at Josh with pure adoration in his eyes. 

"You didn't have to let me sleep." he says quietly, untangling himself from Josh and letting him sit up. 

"You're just so comfy I had to. Like a human blanket." Josh explains and I raise an eyebrow. 

"Ok freakshow lets eat." Pete coughs and reaches for a bag, handing a sandwich to everyone." 

"alright fine, we'll get some sleep after dinner." Josh winks with a charming smile. 

"GROSS!" I hear Brendon yell as he immediately rockets off my shoulder, finding refuge in Ryan's lap like he should. 

"I'm cold now." I pout, stuffing chicken in my mouth with a scowl. 

"sorry, you'll warm up next class with my hand down your pants." Frank mumbles into his sandwich and I almost choke on mine. 

"SHUTUPFRANK" 

"ahaha, you love me." he winks again and I bury my face in my palms. 

We sit, just enjoying each other's company for a while, before the bell goes off once again and everyone scrambles out of the room so that they won't be late for next period. 

"Bye Tyler and Josh! Have a good rest of the night!" everybody yells as we exist, blowing exaggerated kisses and fluttering waves. 

"Byeeeee." They say, Tyler crawling back on josh and winking as the door closes. 

"Good thing we're leaving." Frank sighs as we scamper down to the elevator. 

"thank god." I echo, following behind. 

"oh wait guys!" Brendon yells and I turn around, him carrying books.

"we have sex ed together, can't believe you forgot!" 

Oh shit. 

Of fucking course. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	18. The One With Sex Ed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right now everyone is taking the PSSA's (Pennsylvania System of School Assessment)  
> I opted out bc I get anxiety so expect alot more chapters because I literally just sit on my computer for like three hours

(Gerard's POV) 

I wouldn't say I was shocked, I mean, I read my schedule before and I knew we had a sex ed class. The only thing that puzzled me was why they thought to teach sex ed to 18 year olds, I mean, we should know this by now right? Obviously not, because as of now I was seated between Frank and Brendon, staring ahead with a faint blush as the teacher stuttered on her word trying to explain straight sex to us, not surprising. 

"Way to be inclusive." I muttered and Brendon hummed in agreement. before I knew what was happening he was raising his hand and clearing his throat. 

"BRENDONWHATAREYOU-" 

"Yes Mr Urie?" 

"Sorry for interrupting, but I was just wondering if we were going to learn about homosexual intercourse? Considering this is an all boys school I'd kinda like to know." 

This comment made my ears hot and made just about every other kid in the class snicker. Well, now everyone know's that Brendon is gay. 

The teacher looked thoroughly confused, biting her lip with worried eyes. "Well, um...It's not in the lesson plan but if you ask Ms Williams I'm sure she could add that in." 

Brendon's eyebrows furrowed, and he looked at her with almost, anger? 

"Excuse me, Ms Berner?" Brendon asked for clarification and she nodded nervously, the rest of the class waiting with bated breath.

"This class is to promote safe sex right?" 

"Well, yes." 

"so don't you think it is only necessary that you teach about  _all_ kinds of sex, so that we can  _all_ be safe?" Brendon raised his eyebrows, making a smug yet still puzzled expression, playing innocent. 

Ms Berner sat with her mouth wide open, opening and closing it like a fish. 

"I...I think you are right Mr Urie, I will talk to the school board about adding that after class." 

"Thank you." Brendon said, sitting back and refocusing his gaze on the lesson going on. It impressed me, I thought that was going to go downhill fast. 

"And Ms Berner?" 

Oh shit. 

"Yes?" 

"Just so you know, about three fourths of this class likes it up the ass." Brendon says with a grin, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and my eyes widen, lips sealed shut. 

"Mr Urie, I don't believe-" 

he cuts her off, holding his index finger up to further prove his point, being extremely extra with this argument. "believe it." 

"BRENDONWHATTHEFUCK" I whisper yell at him, the entire class still watching him with fascination and amusement. 

"What Gee?" 

"You fucking know what!" I mumble, and his grip on my shoulder tightens. 

"Mr Urie," the woman starts, "I respect your point but perhaps you could display it in a more appropriate notation?" 

he smirks,  _the_ smirk. The  _oh you fuckin wait_ smirk. 

"appropriate? Alright, I know that more then half of this class prefers to engage in homosexual intercourse in which two men-" 

"I see your point Mr Urie, and I would be glad to have you express your knowledge when we get to that topic." 

My eyes are still wide as I look at him again, and he promptly sits back in his chair, twirling a lock of almost black hair around his finger teasingly. 

"Gee, calm down. This is good." 

"What?" 

"Trust me." 

As much as I didn't want to, I did trust him. 

"fine." 

I look over at Frank, who is sitting stiff as a board, lips pursed and expressionless. 

"Frank you alright?" 

He looks over at me, shooting a small smile, "Yeah, it kinda had to be said." 

Sooner then later, the class calms down and we are finally back on track, learning about the female anatomy. It was kinda weird, considering there were no girls in the room except for the teacher, who looked extremely uncomfortable.

"So, these are the ovaries which hold the eggs needed for reproduction..." She droned on, using a projector and ruler to point out the parts of the body for us. personally, I felt that this class was utterly useless, I knew this, and I knew that everyone else did too. If I had to guess, Mikey didn't and he probably wanted to know about straight sex, because he has told me about girls he liked in the past.

As for the rest of us, this class was useless. There were no virgins in our friend group as far as I knew. Not to assume, but I think Dallon is and Mikey definitely is.

"....psst." I roll my eyes dramatically with a sideways smile and look to my right, seeing Brendon splayed over his chair with a bored expression. The lights were out, and it made him look like a demon. 

"what?" 

"This is boring, can't concentrate. ADHD remember?" 

I sigh, looking back at the board then back to him. "what class does Ryan have right now?" 

"Marine biology." 

"da fuck?" I ask with a confused face

"undersea shit." 

"Oh alright." I hum, glancing at a blown up picture of a uterus with disgust. 

"Did you bring your phone?" He asks and I nod

"how about you?" 

"yeah. Do you think he'll answer if I text him?" 

I think about it for a moment, "probably not." 

"you're right." He mumbles, looking at his phone and putting it back in his pocket. 

We spend the next five minutes quietly making up a song Brendon decided to title 'what the fuck is a vagina' 

"what....the....fuck....is....a....vagina?" He whispers and I stifle a laugh with my hand. The teacher looks our way curiously but realizes it's where Brendon sits so she ignores it and passes out worksheets. 

"I have no idea, besides the fact that I popped out of one. Closest I'll ever get." I say, laughing between words.

"I never touched one." Brendon says with a shrug "C section." 

"but you've never done  _anything_ with a girl?" I ask in shock. 

"No...well, yes. But it depends what you're asking." He smirks and makes hand gestures that I vaguely recognize. 

"Oh?" 

"I've had my fair share." Is all he says and I cock my head, making him giggle. 

"Details?" 

"No way Gerald." 

I roll my eyes once gain, something I do quite frequently with Brendon. 

"so do you want us to meet them tonight?" I ask and he stiffens, making me extremely worried that wasn't the right thing to say. 

"....If you want. I mean, I'm sure they're getting suspicious. They aren't dumb you know." 

"Ok." I reply, nudging Frank and he looks over, popping a bubble he's made with his gum.

"Wot?" 

"we are meeting Spencer and Jon tonight." I say and he nods, looking determined. 

"Do you wanna bring Bob?" 

"No, someone has to stay with Mikey, I don't want him knowing about any of this." 

"Gee you can't keep everything from him." frank says sentimentally. But he's wrong. 

"Yes, I can." 

"You can't hide everything that goes wrong from him." 

"I can and I will." I snap back to him immediately regretting the decision. 

"Gee..." 

"what?" 

"It's all gonna crash down on him. What do you think'll happen when it does?" 

"shut up Frank." I warn, and he backs down, sighing heavily. 

"Gerard it's been months, you know that right? He has to know," 

"I'll tell him alright? But we are  _not_ telling him that there are drug addicted rapists in our school, let alone ones that have almost killed our friends." I say in response, making a comprise. 

"Ok, but promise me you'll tell Mikey, it will make things so much easier." 

It really won't. He'll get depressed and it will make the whole rest of the year a hell hole. He won't be able to function knowing something that drastic. 

"Promise you'll tell Mikey what?" Brendon asks, leaning over my lap and looking at Frank. 

"Just something really important that we've kept from him." Frank explains, and Brendon looks confused. 

"Like, _really_ important?" 

"yeah." I say quietly, playing with my fingers. 

"family stuff?" He asks and I nod, looking down at the worksheet in front of me. 

"I think I know what it is." Brendon mutters, and I look up with raised eyebrows. 

"What?" 

"One of your grandparents died didn't they?" He asks and I can fucking  _feel_ my bottom lip tremble. 

"Yeah. his grandmother." Frank says, patting my back as I grit my teeth, I am  _not_ crying during class. 

"Oh, I'm really sorry Gee." Brendon whispers, making sad eyes at me and I struggle to give him a small smile. 

"Thanks man. I appreciate it. But you can't say anything about it with Mikey around." 

he nods knowingly, and turns back to the paper, tapping a mechanical pencil against his books like the beginning of that Britney Spears music video. 

I tap my foot, remembering the video, and it seems Brendon notices because a wicked smile appears on his face. 

"don't even think about it." I say in warning, glancing up at the clock which is about to ring. 

"let me embrace it." He whispers, still tapping the pencil in the beat. 

"Brendon no-"I say but then the bell goes off, a shrill beep echoing around the room and everyone rushes out, Brednon following. 

"Shit, Frank-C'mon." I say in a hurry, grabbing his arm and dragging him out to see Brendon  _perfectly_ miming the opening choreography to the video. 

"Brendon no!" I scold, running up and grabbing his arm but he shoos me away, whispering "Oh baby, baby." 

"shit." Frank mutters and Brendon smiles, strutting up the hallway and I roll my eyes. Surprisingly, no one notices or takes any action when Brendon begins to belt the opening lyrics to the song

"Oh, baby, baby, how was I supposed to know, that something wasn't right here? Oh, baby, baby shouldn't have let you go, and now you're out of sight, yeah!" he sings, prancing up the hallway and into the science hallway, undoubtedly looking for Ryan. 

"I wanna see this." I say laughing, finally giving in to Brendon's hilarious antics. 

"Show me how you want it to be, tell me, baby, 'Cause I need to know now, oh, because..." he scream/sings, still perfecting every dance move. 

"Yes Brendon!" Frank yells, cheering him on. 

"My loneliness is killing me, I must confess, I still believe, when I'm not with you I lose my mind, give me a sign..." he skips up the a door just as Ryan walks out with a frown. It turns to a smile when he sees Brendon, then he raises an eyebrow as Brendon abruptly drapes himself across his chest and sings. 

"hit me baby one more time." 

There was a pause, Brendon catching his breath clutching the front of Ryan's shirt, and Ryan looking down at him with utter amusement. 

"hey Britney." Ryan says with a laugh, looking at Brendon while he catches his breath. 

"hey babe." 

Frank bursts into a fit of laughter, clutching his stomach and I join in. This was too much for a Monday. 

I can't wait to tell Ray about everything. 

There was only two periods left in the day, then we'd get free time, then we'd go o bed before the freaky ass lights turn off again. 

It was weird because this school only had seven periods in the day, five in the morning, then lunch which didn't count, then two more. Next and last class was with everybody, and it was Popular Music. 

Sarah had signed us up for the same classes, but at different times. This class however, included everyone. 

Except Tyler and Josh, because they wouldn't be attending classes today. 

"You wanna head over to the main building?" Ryan asks and I nod, walking ahead and trying to make my way through the crowd of kids. 

"Wait, so everyone will be in this class?" Brendon asks and Ryan nods. 

"Yeah, all of us." 

"This is gonna be lit." 

"Sure, whatever you say Bren." Ryan replies with a chuckle. 

"how was your lesson on spongebob?" Brednon asks him and he laugh softly. 

"surprisingly good. How was your lesson on dicks and pussy?" 

Brendon immediately lets out a hoot of laughter, almost falling over at the blatant curse words spilling out of Ryan. 

"It....was....terrible!" He yells between fits of laughter, clutching his sides then laughing more. 

"Thought as much." Ryan mumbles, smiling wide at the reaction he pulled from Brendon. 

God they were so fucking cute. 

That's why it hurt to see them so upset. 

That's why it hurt to think about them any other way but happy. 

That's why it amazed me when I found out, even after something as horrible as that, they were still  _happy._

It gave me hope I didn't know I had.

The sun was bright and high in the sky when we exited the dark dank hallway of the bottom building. They had weird names, but it made Frank laugh so it's alright. 

It surprised me to see way more kids then I ever had out on the lawn, some doing homework, some just chilling, and others even engaging in sports. 

"Hey look, there's someone in the fountain!" Brendon yells and I look over to indeed see someone splashing around in the fountain, seemingly having the time of his life. 

"Oh my god we should do that." Frank laughs and I shake my head. 

"No way. C'mon we have class guys, maybe later. Maybe not on a Monday." 

They groan, Frank especially, and grudgingly walk into the main building, following arrows and directions to find our next class that was supposedly on the other side of the building. It was in an auditorium, so it could fit the obscene amount of kids that wanted to take the class. 

But a big room also meant more cover, more distractions for the teacher so we'd be able to talk and goof around, which was perfect. 

"I think this is it." Ryan said, pointing to tow large double doors at he end of the second floor hall. 

"Wow, I think it has a balcony, why else would it be up here?" I ask and he shrugs. 

"Only one way to find out." 

It sounded ominous, but I shrugged it off and opened the door, a loud clanging sound resounding throughout the hallway and the room inside, and when I looked inside, about forty pairs of eyes were looking my way. 

"oh shit." Frank mutters and the rest of them come up to stand behind me. 

"Why hello?" A voice says from below the balcony and I gulp before walking over and looking over the edge, seeing a teacher standing directly below. 

"h-hi." 

"who are you?' he asks, looking me up and down and making me extremely nervous. 

"gerard way." I mumble and he smiles. 

"Oh right, hello!" he says way too enthusiastically. 

"Okay...so are we late or-" 

"Late? No, about two minutes but that's alright, it's your first day! Just sit down and listen." He says with a smile and I close my mouth, walking backwards and motioning for my friends to follow me as I scan the room for Pete and the others, who were supposed to be here. 

We look but I don't see them, and neither does Brendon, so we just take the four seats in the back, making room for the others if they showed up. 

the teacher began talking about the roots of jazz, and then when I tuned out, looking to my left to see Brendon and Ryan cuddling, and looking to my right to see Frank sleeping. 

"Just as I was about to join him, the doors burst open, and Pete, Patrick, Dallon, Andy, Joe, Josh, and Tyler burst in the room, stumbling over each other and mumbling apologies to the teacher who had continued talking. 

"....uh....hey guys." I say, making a weird face and Pete laughs, plopping into a chair nearby with Patrick, Andy, and Joe following. Dallon sits with Ryan and Josh and Tyler sit on the floor across from me, their backs to the barrier keeping us from falling fifteen feet. 

"Hey guys, why are you here? I though you were spending the rest of the day in your dorm." Frank asks and Josh nudges Tyler. 

"I wanted to but he was  _determined_ to learn about the history of music so here we are." Josh grumbles, leaning on Tyler, who looks way too excited to be here. 

"alright then." I shrug, turning my attention back to the board, only to be interrupted by Brendon getting out of his seat and leaning over the barrier. 

"dude, WHATTHEFUCKAREYOUDOING?" I whisper scream at him and he looks over his shoulder, shooting me a glare before abruptly yelling down to the teacher. 

"EXCUSE ME?" 

"Yes...?" the teacher looks absolutely confused and so does everyone else in the room. 

"When will we be learning about our queen Britney Spears?" 

"Uh...I'm sorry this class doesn't cover her." The teacher says nervously and Brendon's mouth falls open. 

"Beyonce?" 

"No..." 

"Lady Gaga?" 

"No." 

"WHY THE FUCK AM I HERE THEN?!" Brendon screams and The teacher raises an eyebrow. What the fuck was he doing?

"detention! Mr...." 

"Urie." 

"Yes. After class come down here to get your pass." 

"I think I'll do it now!" Brendon screams, and begins to fucking  _climb over the barrier._

"Brendon what?!" Ryan yells, jumping up and grabbing his waist, pulling him back over. 

"NO!" He yells, wiggling out of Ryan's grip. The entire class sat and stared judgmentally at Brendon as he struggled against his friends trying to get him back on our side. if I didn't know him I'd assume anger management, probably ADHD too. 

It takes Ryan, Josh, and Frank to pull Brendon off the barrier. And once he's secured in his seat,  _the teacher continues the fucking lesson!_

"I just wanted to learn about Britney." Brendon scowls, hands crossed over his chest and the rest of us hold back giggles in fear of getting in trouble ourselves. 

"Sorry Bren." Ryan apologizes, patting his thigh and Brendon sighs,scowling harder if that's possible. 

"Knew you'd get a detention before me." Frank mutters, looking borderline jealous. 

"Yeah, it was kinda a goal for the first day." Brendon says, looking proud now. "But don't worry, I won't be actually serving my sentence." 

Ryan raises an eyebrow "what do you mean?"  he asks in a confused and warning tone

"Wait and see." Brendon hints, sitting back in his chair trying to decide whether to be angry or excited. 

I didn't know what he was planning, but I knew it wasn't good. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're making us get up and walk in circles every thirty minutes it's disturbing my flow ugh
> 
> THERES A CENTIPEDE UNDER MY SEAT OHMYGOD
> 
> "It's shrimp in a bag!"


	19. The One With Father Beebs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey I told ya'll there'd be daily updates

(Josh's POV) 

After class was over, Tyler, Ryan and I decided to go out on the lawn because all of the classes for the day were over. It was about four in the afternoon, and the campus was a whole different scene after school. While I thought everyone would've gone back to their dorms, it seems like they do the opposite. There were kids all over the place, throwing footballs and playing soccer, as well as just laying on the ground talking with each other. I didn't see Spencer anywhere, so that meant he was either in detention or in his dorm. 

"What do you think Brendon is gonna do?" Tyler asked Ryan, who just shrugged and kept walking ahead. 

"I actually have no idea. He wouldn't do anything too drastic though, not over something as small as that." Ryan replies, plopping down on the grass that was on the top of a hill, overlooking the campus. I was surprised that no one else was up here already, I was really beautiful. 

In a morbid kind of way. 

Like overlooking a prison yard. 

While everyone here was  _happy,_ there was still a very real sense of distress everywhere you went. The kids here were only happy because they had everything they needed to survive, but there wasn't anything in this place that could compensate for pure freedom. 

In the hospital, there had been periods of time where we'd just run free and hook up in operating rooms. At the retreat in the Poconos we'd gone camping a number of times, in which there were absolutely no chaperones or guardians in a mile of where we were. Here, there were guards at every corner, teachers in every building, and you couldn't trust anyone because there was always the chance they'd snitch. 

"Why didn't you take him to the office like last time?" I ask and he shrugs again.

"if I keep going in with him, they'll think I'm up to no good as well, that would blow our whole cover." Ryan says and I nod knowingly. He was right, the less teachers we had around the better. 

It was obvious that Sarah knew he had drugs, and she wasn't doing anything about it. This further proved our point that no one here cared. 

"Do you think he'll do something really bad?" 

"No, he's a good boy." Ryan says in a trusting tone. 

"Are you serious?" I ask with a shocked expression and he laughs. 

"kinda. He knows his limits, I doubt he'll surpass them." 

I nod and look over the scene. The sun was just starting to lower it's position in the sky, casting a golden shadow over the lawn and the buildings. One of the most drastic changes from this place and the hospital was the air quality. We were never allowed to go outside at the hospital, and trips to the roof were rare. This place kinda reminded me of my high school, big and old. However, the landscaping here was impressive, and the architecture was seemingly modern. Suddenly I feel weight on my shoulder, and I look down to see Tyler climbing into my lap, sitting in the space between my crossed legs. He fit almost perfectly, and leaned back into my chest, looking out over the school yard with me. 

"Oh hey."I whisper into his ear and he shivers, digging the back of his head in my neck. 

"Hi Joshie." He says in a high voice, further snuggling himself into my frame. 

"You guys are honestly the cutest thing ever." Ryan remarks, pulling grass out of the ground in fist fulls. 

"Yeah, we try." I say and Tyler laughs. 

"That's not true Josh." 

"and why is that?" 

"I'm messed up." he says quietly, and I just want to kiss him all over, make him never think that again. 

"Ty....we are all messed up." 

he makes a small noise, letting his head droop to the side. 

"Tyler that doesn't make me love you any less." I say, watching with concern as his eyes darken. 

"no. I know it doesn't." His response confuses me greatly but I decide not to let it bother me. 

"If earlier was any consolation, you're perfect to me." I whisper in his ear so Ryan can't hear. he laughs a little and makes another tiny noise. 

"Do you guys wanna roll down this hill?" Ryan asks suddenly and I laugh randomly. 

"...what?" 

"Do you want to roll down the hill, go back to the dorms or something? It's getting chilly." Ryan comments, getting to his feet and hugging himself for effect. 

"I'll go back to the dorms but I'm not rolling down the hill." Tyler says, climbing out of my lap. 

"C'mon Ty, don't be a buzzkill." I protest, standing up and wrapping my arms around his waist. 

"Josh.....my ass hurts." He whispers and I choke down a laugh. 

"Alright fine. Ryan we are gonna walk down, but you can roll." 

Ryan lets out a heavy and dramatic sigh, crossing his arms over his chest and stumbling down the hill, basically rolling. 

"C'mon Ty." I wave him over and we link arms, walking down together. We get strange looks, and one guy even walks over to talk to us. 

"What's up?" He asks, running a hand through curly brown hair. 

"just going back to our rooms." I say, pushing Tyler ahead in case things go downhill. 

"hey wait" He says, grabbing Tyler's wrist and pulling him back, making Tyler yelp quietly. He looks up at me in terror, eyes wide and mouth sealed shut. 

"Don't touch him man." I say in a strong voice, beckoning Tyler over to me and he cautiously wiggles out of the boy's grasp and stands behind me. 

"Geez, calm down dude, not gonna steal your little boy toy away." The guy comments and I just want to sock him in the face. Ryan stands by in silence, not wanting to partake and I don't really blame him. 

"Don't call him that." I demand, puffing out my chest and standing up straighter. 

"sorry, didn't mean to offend you. But when you're done with him I'd be glad to give it a try." 

_what the fuck did he just say to me?_

"e-excuse me?" I ask, voice cracking and he laughs. 

"your twink." he replies, and I hear Tyler let out a small whimper from behind me, tensing at the guy's words. 

"First of all," I take a step forward, "he's not  _mine_ and you don't have the right to call him that." 

the boy gets this weird look on his face. "What are you going to do about it fag?" 

Before I punch him in the throat, Ryan steps up and pushes him away. 

"I'd advise you to back the fuck up before you end up in the ICU pal." Ryan says in an icy tone, making even me scared. 

"Oh look, another little gaybo, where's your boyfriend? Or are you poly?" 

Ryan fucking  _growls_ , and takes another step forward, shoving the guy backwards. he wasn't much bigger then me, but he was alot bigger then Ryan. 

" _My_ boyfriend is currently in detention, but I bet he'd be glad to hear about this when he gets out." Ryan says, sounding more dangerous then I've ever heard him. the other boy doesn't seem fazed at all, and just looks over Ryan's shoulder at Tyler and winks. 

"You're really cute, you a sub?" 

Tyler doesn't reply, only whines high in his throat and presses a hand to by back, avoiding the man's gaze. 

"Get the fuck away from us!" I yell and the guy laughs. 

"I'm not leaving until cutie pie over there answers me." 

I look over my shoulder, to Tyler who's eyes have gotten significantly darker and more scared looking. He breathes out through his mouth and squeezes the hand he's holding. 

"...Leave m-me alone." He squeaks, and the guy literally fucking licks his lips, making me extremely uncomfortable and furious at the same time. But we can;t start a fight, a fight would be bad and its literally our first day. 

"Oh it speaks, well little one, if highlighter here doesn't treat you good you can always come to me." he says and I am now fuming, I wouldn't surprised if steam started coming out of my ears. 

I wanna punch him

God, let me please punch him

Just one bop

I can scrap

Lord you know I can handle a good scrap.

"Don't talk to him that way, you don't even know us!" Ryan yells and the guy backs up. 

"god your feisty, bet you'd be good." the guy chuckles, and Ryan's face deepens about three shades darker. 

"Shut the fuck up!" 

"Make me fag!" 

Ryan is fucking seething, fists clenched and I think he might actually punch this asshat 

"Maybe I will you homophobic bitch!" Ryan screams, drawing the attention of other kids, and abruptly punches the boy right in the face.

I stand by in shock, watching as Ryan draws his fist back three times, repeatedly punching him in the face while he tries to cover himself.  before I really know what's happening I'm surging forward and grabbing his arms, pulling Ryan away from the guy staggering on the ground, clutching  a bloody and bruised face. 

"RYAN STOP!" Tyler shrieks, running over and grabbing his writs as Ryan frantically struggles against my grip, trying to get more punches in. 

"J-JOSH! LET ME GO!" Ryan yells, gritting his teeth and thrashing against me. 

"No! Ryan, calm down!" I yell in opposition, Ryan slowly going limp in my arms. 

The guy gets to his feet, blowing a tangle of brown hair out of his face shooting a deadly glare at Ryan before walking away, but not doing do without threatening him one last time. 

"You come near me again, you're dead, got it faggot?" 

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" Ryan screams, spitting at the guy and my mouth falls open. 

_holy shit._

_Ryan is fucking serious about this_

he stomps away, not looking back and I'm glad for that. But Ryan just made another enemy, which means we have one more person to keep our eyes on. 

One more person to hide from. 

Thankfully, Ryan didn't have any major injuries except for a punch to the cheek, which was bruising but he said it didn't hurt. 

"Ryan," Tyler says quietly "You didn't have to do that for me, I could've handled it." 

"Yeah Tyler, you could've gone Blurry on that dude's ass." I say with a laugh and Tyler looks uncomfortable 

_I fucked up_

_big time._

"Sure Josh...." is all he says in a sarcastic voice that makes my heart ache. 

_I shouldn't have said that_

_he's pissed_

_he's not a fucking machine Josh why would you think that's an ok thing to say?_

_Why do you have to be so inconsiderate?_

"Tyler, I'm sorry that wasn't what I meant to say." 

he pats my shoulder and gives me an obviously fake smile "It's fine Josh, really." 

"Ok.....Ryan, stop struggling!" I bark as he tries to wiggle out of my grip, feet running but going nowhere. 

I look around and see people watching us in concern and fear. Roughly I yank Ryan forward and we start to go back to the dorms, Tyler scampering along at my heels. 

"Josh, you can let go now I'm ok." Ryan says and I do, only for him to whirl around and make a break for the direction the rude guy went. 

"GEORGE RYAN ROSS GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!" I holler and he stops in his tracks, turning around slowly and looking me in my eyes. 

"what did you just say to me?" his tone is cold, real cold, like a lake in January 

"I said to come back." I almost whimper and he does, walking towards me in long strides, coming face to face with me and slapping my cheek, sending my head to the side. Tyler gasps and covers his mouth, jumping forward but backing off as Ryan growls again. 

"don't call me that ever again. You hear me?" he asks and I nod from where my head was still turned over my shoulder. 

"C'mon, let's go upstairs and wait for Brendon to finish his detention." Ryan says calmly, taking my hand and leading me through the doors, my lips still parted and head still swimming with confusion. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These goddamn tests are a drag for my friends but they're great for me ;)
> 
> I'm so hungry I want a snack goddammit
> 
> I'll snack on your comments if you leave them ;)


	20. The One With Brendon Being a Delinquient

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is short but
> 
> I need help.

(Ryan's POV) 

I am pissed. 

very pissed. 

The  _nerve_ of that asshole. 

twink? 

No one insults Tyler like that. 

The fucking  _nerve._

it made me sick. 

"Dude are you ok?" Josh asked, sitting across from me on his bed. We had migrated to their room after making sure the hall was cleared and empty. I just huffed in annoyance and threw my head back, hitting the wall behind me. 

"Yeah I'm fine, just frustrated." 

"You got a few good licks in though." Josh chuckles, comforting Tyler as he laid with his haed on Josh's lap. 

"Yeah he did too." I say, just now realizing that my lip had split, and a bruise was undoubtably blooming on my upper cheek. 

"You want ice or anything?"

"No it's fine." I cross my arms over my chest and stare longingly at the closed door. First day. Our first day and we'd already fucked up so much more then we should've . 

"You sure Ry?" 

"Yeah." I sighed, looking out the window. I didn;t know if that had been the last class of the day and frankly I didn't care. I wanted this day to be _over._

"Ok...When do you think Brendon will be out?" 

"Didn't the teacher say two hours or something?" 

"I have no clue." Josh shrugged, looking down at Tyler as he lolled his head from side to side. 

"wait-" I say, looking at them 

"What?" 

"after lunch...when we left...you two did'nt...?" I look at Josh for conformation and blushes, a wide smile overtaking his face. 

"Yeah." 

"In this...?" I look down at the crumpled sheets with a horrified expression and Tyler giggles. 

"In that bed." 

"EWWW!" I shriek, jumping and running into the dresser, which I prompty perch myself on. 

"that's gross guys." 

"You chose the bed." josh shrugs, rolling his eyes and Tyler giggles again. 

"disgusting." I huff, sticking out my tongue in addition to the horrible tone I was using. 

"sorry." Is all Josh says and he leans down and whispers "not sorry" in Tyler's ear. 

"You guys are pathetic." I chuckle, finally giving in with being mad. This day was shit, but at least it was over. Now we could just relax and go to sleep, forget any of this ever happened. 

At least we could'nt get in any more trouble.

Right? 

Wrong. 

A crackle resounded throughout the room, casuing Josh, Tyler and I's heads to snap over to the source of the sudden noise. When a message is braocasted it is broadcasted to the whole school, all the dorms and all the classrooms, so it wasn't a suprise that it was happening between periods and at the end of the day. I thought nothing of it, turning to Josh and opening my mouth to speak. But before I did, I heard a familiar voice come through the speaker. 

"hellooooo St Raphael's school for troubled teens!" 

A  _very_ familair voice. 

"What the fuck?" Josh gasps, mouth falling open in realization and disbelief and I just raised an eyebrow in amusement. 

"This is your eye in the sky Beebo Ross, comin atchu live from the principles office." he talked in an extremely exaggerated radio host voice and I laughed out loud. 

"You see, I got in trouble, sue me. But I figured I'd say hi to all my new friendly students while I was alone." You could faintly hear banging in the distance and I assumed it was a teacher trying to get in. 

"...oh shit..." You could hear him mutter under his breath, before chuckling and taking a deep breath. 

"I'd like to give special shoutout to the asshole teacher that gave me this detention, I don't remember his name but fuck it!" he said excitedly, and Tyler snorts from across the room. 

"Also, I don't have much time so I'll make this quick," The speaker buzzed and crackled before he spoke again. "This place is a complete shithole. We know that. But I am determined to have as much fun as I can possibly have so don't mind me if I streak across the lawn or dump a bucket of water on your head as you walk by. The purge has commenced, no one is safe." he finished, and you could hear a chair creaking before the crackles halted once again, signalling that he would talk again. 

"If you are looking to smoke some dope ass pot, the room next to the elevator on the third floor has a whole fucking bunch. And if you're more of a coke person they're loaded on that shit too." My mouth dropped, eyes widening as I looked up at the black box in horror. he did not just say that. 

"By the way, if you pick on me or any of my friends this year, you'll be going to a place much worse then this." He chuckled again, sounding borderline insane. 

"well that's all I have for now, I'm probably in a shit ton of trouble now but YOLO. See you fuckers on the flipside!" He singed off, and you could hear his cackles before he turned the radio off. 

Slowly I turn to Josh, who looks like he just saw Micheal Jackson's ghost. 

"Did he really just-" 

"yep." 

"And now we're-" 

"fucked." 

"well shit." 

"well shit indeed Ross." Josh sighs , looking down at Tyler who just looks pale and confused. 

"what's wrong Ty? It's not a big deal, he'll just get in trouble." I ask. he just shakes his head slowly and looks up at me. 

"Ryan. Do you even know what he's done?" He asks in a broken voice and I shrug, tilting my head. 

He's worrying me

Why should I be worried? 

"what if...they...recognize his voice. the last name Ross?" 

_That's why._

"Oh my god." I whisper, convering my mouth and looking around the room. 

"he, he told everyone about the coke, about the weed, oh my god." I whisper again, raapidly becoming so much more nervous. 

"They're gonna know they're gonna look for us oh my god they're gonna find us and they're gonna rape me and beat him and kill us oh my-" Josh jumps of the bed and grabs my wrists, pulling me off the dresser and holding me to his chest, carrying my almost limp body tp the opposite bed and sitting, pulling me into his warm lap and tucking my limbs into place. 

"Shh....shhh Ry it's alright. You're gonna be ok." He coos, warm voice lulling me away from the bad and sending me somewhere else

somewhere safe

in a safe place 

That's where I want to be

that's not where I am 

That's where I want to be 

That's not where I am 

"Josh...I'm so fucking scared oh my god." I whimper, panting slightly and Tyler sits to the side, rocking himself slightly and obviuosly freaking out because he needs Josh and he's occupied. 

"Shhh Ryro It's ok you're with me. It's ok there's a locked door they can't get you." He hushes me and I fall back into his chest, closing my eyes and letting bad thoughts and worries flood my mind. 

"It's not ok they-they are gonna-" 

"They aren't gonna do anything to you as long as I'm here." He whispers, closing my eyes after I open them again. I can't really hear anything else he says, I'm zoning out and I'm trying to force myself to do it. It's not healthy but it always seemed to work with Tyler. 

"It's ok Ryan, everything will be alright." His voice swims through my head and I hear a choked whimper, Josh tensing. 

"....Josh I need you..." 

"Ty I can't just." 

"he's falling asleep." 

"he's passing out." 

"Please Josh." 

"Ty-" 

"i don't want to be raped." I hear Tyler's little voice whisper and I competely break, finally falling limp like a rag doll and seeing nothing but black and thinking nothing excpet the pain of a broken rib. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	21. The One Where Shit Hits the Fan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can play Control by Halsey 
> 
> or don't 
> 
> you do you

(Brendon's POV) 

"I WANNA BE AN AIRBORNE RANGER!" I screamed the song at the top of my lungs as I rocketed down the halls, tearing down posters and knocking over trash cans noisily. 

If I was in trouble already, 

Why not make the most of it? 

"URIE!" I heard someone holler behind me and I laughed as I continued my full on sprint down the hall. 

"LIVE THE LIFE OF GUTS AND DANGER!" I continue my descent down the hall and take a sharp right turn, sneakers skidding on the polished tile and I laugh deep in my throat. 

Soon the voices fade away and i assume I've gone far enough. Abandoned classrooms line the halls and I can't really hear anything at all now. 

My footsteps falter after a few more minutes and I'm at the end of another hallway, a dead end. 

"Airborne ranger, life of danger..." I say quietly, walking now and sweating slightly. 

They've given up already? 

I hear no footsteps, see no people. 

I guess they have. 

That was surprisingly easy. 

I could've gone alot farther, I thought as I walked up to a window, opening it slowly and climbing out onto the ledge. 

Coming from the front office, I had ran up three floors, so it was pretty high. 

I wasn't scared though. 

Brendon Urie is not a coward. 

I am not a coward. 

wind whipped around my face and I looked down to see that I was above a fire escape. 

What luck. 

I dropped down about five feet, landing on the steel platform an feeling it rattle beneath me. It was a rusted red color, and another wide open window stood behind me. 

"Brendon!" I heard someone scream my name and I looked around for the source, not seeing anything. There were a few kids on the lawn watching me, the sun slowly starting to set in the distance over the campus. 

"Brendon Boyd Urie!" at this point I was frustrated. I turned around and looked through the window to see an empty hallway. There was no one around so who was yelling my name?

"Where the fuck?" I mutter under my breath and I finally identify the voice. 

"Down here dipshit!" Pete Wentz's voice comes from below me and I get on my knees, leaning over the side of the thin metal staircase and look down at him. 

"Oh hey." I say casually and he does not look happy. 

"What the hell were you thinking man?!" he yells, throwing his hands up and people are starting to stare. 

"What?" 

"You are such an idiot!" He screams and I scowl. It was just good fun. 

"Shut up dude!" I retaliate and start to pull back so he can't see me anymore. 

"Brendon!" 

I sigh, looking back over the side.

"what do you want?" 

"Ryan got in a fight." 

At these words I felt as if I was punched in the gut. Anxiety immediately starts running through my body and I start to feel dizzy. 

"...w-what?" I ask in a tiny voice, almost not believing him. 

"he was going back to the dorms with Ty and Josh...some guy stopped them and started saying sexual things to Ty and eventually him and he just...snapped." 

This made me sick to my stomach. Why the hell didn't Josh stop him? 

"and then?" I ask, not really wanting to know but my fingers are curling over the rusting metal bar and my knuckles are turning white. 

"Ryan stepped up and just went fucking crazy on his ass." Pete mumbles. "I wasn't there man." 

I sigh once again, the noise coming out shakily. That's bad. When Ryan fights he doesn't just fight. Normally, he tries to avoid it because he can always just argue his way out of things. He's better with words, but man is he good with his hands. 

Both ways. 

"is he alright?" 

"got a few licks to the face, then passed out but he'll be fine." Pete says and I start to shake. 

You don't hit Ryan. 

You don't. 

Everyone knows that. 

He can hit you. 

But you never hit back. 

Take an abusive alcoholic father, plus a physically abusive relationship and put that together. 

he learned to fight for himself, that's a fact. 

But that doesn't mean he still doesn't freak out when you touch him. Let alone hurt him. 

"Oh god Oh god." I repeat under my breath and Pete cups his hands to yell again. 

"Come down here quick, you might be able to get away from the guards in time to see him!" Pete yells up to me and I nod. 

I sat back against the staircase, looking down two stories and now it looked really high up. 

These windows should be bolted shut. 

I shouldn't have been able to escape that easily. 

"ok...Ryan, Ryan, Ryan." 

Ryan is my priority. 

"You coming?" Pete hollers and I hang my head down backwards, like a bat. 

"Yeah, are the doors clear?" 

"Mmhmm, just come down and we'll sprint to the dorms!" 

"Ok!" I get back onto my knees, and Pete backs up to make sure I get back in safely. 

"I'll see you down there!" I say and start to turn. 

"...BRENDON! BRENDON NO NO CLIMB UP THE STAIRS NO BRENDON OH MY GOD NO NO!" Pete starts to scream bloody murder and my eyes widen. What was he talking about?what was the big deal-

Before I could move or make a sound there were hands around my waist, pulling me backwards in through the window. I let out a loud surprised yelp, eyes growing in size and face going pale. 

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" I scream, thrashing against the strong hold and trying to use my legs to resist. 

"BRENDON!" Pete screams, sounding completely beside himself. 

"HELP! GET THE FUCK OFF ME!" I bellow, gritting my teeth and trying to wrap my legs around the window frame. 

The person behind me did not speak, didn't make a sound and frankly that was terrifying. 

This could be anyone. 

"BRENDON? OH MY GOD, BRENDON I'M COMING UP THERE HOLD ON!" I can barely hear Pete because my heart is beating in my ears and I don't know where I am anymore. 

"GET-OFF-ME!" I wail and the grip around my waist tightens. My belt presses against my stomach and pinches my skin making me yelp in pain. 

Now I'm being dragged through the dimming hallway, classroom after classroom passing and I will not give up. 

I kick my leg back, hitting the person behind me in the crotch and they let out a pained grunt. 

My breath catches and I run forward, sprinting towards the window and not looking back. 

I start to cry, tears streaming down my face because this scenario is too familiar. 

Too close to home. 

"HELP!" I let out a blood curdling scream and stick my head through the window. Kids turn around with horrified expressions and right when I see a ray of hope, there's a hold around my wrist and I'm being thrown over their shoulder. 

"PLEASE, LET ME GO!" I bawl, hitting their back with balled fists, not even close to stopping. 

My head swings side to side, tile after tile on the floor passing by and the hard slap of men's shoes on the floor snaps my attention out of it's foggy state. 

I'm fully aware of how bad this position is. I'm literally slung over someone's shoulder like a sack of fucking potatoes. I can't get down, and I don't know who the fuck this is. 

It's probably just a guard. 

Definitely. 

It's gotta be. 

Right? 

cause if it's not, 

I might just pass out. 

I feel my breathing heavy in my chest. Loud, dragging breathy sounds. I'm not screaming, just letting everyone know how terrified I am. 

if there were more then two people here. 

I debate telling them that Pete's coming, that he's gonna beat them up. But he looked so scared. 

I don't know why. 

I mean I'm scared. 

But. 

He wouldn't act like that if it was just a guard. 

right? 

My eyes start to flutter shut, and now my face is buried in their shirt. 

I smell sour. 

Just sour. 

Tobacco and tingles of something I haven't smelled in years. 

sour, spicy, tingly. 

cocaine. 

"....oh my god." I whisper, blood leaving my face despite my position upside down. 

"...oh my god, no." 

The world is cold. Way too cold. I'm shaking. I'm shivering. My teeth are chattering. 

I smell cocaine and death. 

My eyes start to roll back as my head sways side to side. Footsteps are suddenly deafening and echoing in my mind. ~~~~

this isn't happening

this can't be happening. 

Just kill me now. 

It'll happen anyway. 

save me the suspense and just kill me.

the sharp metal of my belt continues to dig into my side and I release a small pitiful pained whimper. 

"...haven't heard that noise in a long time." 

the second he speaks I scream, loud and dragged out. I scream and I scream and I scream. 

With those screams I'm promptly thrown on the ground, and I let out a muted groan of pure pain as I hit the hard floor, my body making a loud thudding sound. 

"shut the fuck up." Spencer spits, and I don't look up from where my face is on the ground. I don't want to see him. I don't. 

I curl into a ball, hoping that if I seem small enough, he'll go easy on me. maybe even let me go. 

But I know nothing is ever easy. 

"look up sweetie." he purrs and I start to cry, small sobs escaping my mouth and  _where the fuck is Pete?_  

tears slip out of my eyes and I push my face further onto the polished tile, it's better then looking up. 

"You know, I was starting to wonder when I'd see you again. When your friend Josh said you guys came from the hospital I got  _so_ excited." he gushes, making me sick to my stomach. I should've known he wasn't an idiot. I knew that from the beginning. 

he backs up, assessing me and drinking in my pain. Slowly, I get on my hands and knees, my entire body shaking as if I were in a snowstorm. I look at my hands and they're nearly white, and most likely the rest of my body is as well. I wobble from my position on the ground, getting to my feet shakily and undoubtedly looking like a crippled deer or something.

Lights flicker on above me and now the sun is almost gone, bright orange and purple shadows casting along the walls and i try ad focus on getting up and  _getting away._

He stands by, watching me struggle and I try to imagine the satisfied and lustful smirk he's wearing. 

suddenly I stumble forward, another tear sliding down my face.

_Pete, god Pete where the hell are you? I need you._

I take a few staggering steps forward, thinking maybe he'll just let me leave, give me a warning or something. But as I near the staircase at the end of the hall, I hear him walking towards me and suddenly I'm being yanked back from my collar. I yelp and fall backward, Spencer laughing softly. 

"You think I'm just gonna let you go?" He sneers, and and I lose my footing, falling back onto him with a sob. 

I did. 

I did think he was gonna let me go. 

How could I be so stupid? 

So foolish? 

To even trust him in the first place? 

All those years ago. 

I should be over it. 

I shouldn't be scared. 

I shouldn't have even given myself to him at all. 

~~~~~~~~

"Wake up!" 

"Please, stop, you're scaring me!" 

"Brendon! Brenny, wake up." A boy with wavy chestnut hair coos, pushing hair out of my face as I sit up. 

"what...what happened?" 

"You were thrashing round. Crying out. You're scaring me." he says, eyes serious and sad. 

"Oh....I'm sorry." 

"It's alright. Let's get back to bed." he says sweetly, turning the light off and pulling up the sheets. 

"Ok...." 

"Brendon?" 

"...yeah?" 

"Was it...you know...him?" 

There's a heavy silence, accompanied with darkness. 

"No." 

"Brendon you're scaring me." 

"You should be scared of me." 

"Brendon..." 

"It was wasn't it?" 

"Doesn't matter." 

"It does." he tilts my head up even though I can't see him and he can't see me. 

"You're bigger. You're stronger. He can't get you no more." 

~~~~~~~

I turn around, wincing at his face. His blonde hair. His gray blue eyes. His cocky smile. 

Kill me. 

"There he is." He teases, taking a good look at my face. 

"Big eyes. Scared eyes. Gorgeous." he whispers and I continue to shake. 

"got you hostage now, don't I?" He hums, looking me up and down. 

_God, I just want to die._

this was a one sided conversation. He talks while I cry. 

These are how all of our conversation went. 

"such a shame that after our fun I had to go." He says, grabbing my wrist and pulling me close to him. Our faces so close I can see my own horror reflected in his eyes. 

Can't he see my panic? 

Can't he see my fear? 

Why can't he see that I don't want this? 

My chest heaves up and down and he releases me. 

"We can have fun again." his voice is smooth, suggestive. 

I run. 

I run so fast that I can't even think about where I'm going. 

I hear him behind me, yelling my name and for a second I feel the need to return. If I don't return he'll punish me. 

But I'm not his to punish anymore. 

I was never his property. 

Truth be told, I never was his. 

I get to the landing of the stairs, looking down the steep slope and I can't believe my eyes. 

Jon Walker. 

Waiting at the bottom. 

I'm trapped. 

I'm cornered. 

I'm drowning. 

There's no way out. 

I can't fight anymore. 

"I was wondering when I'd see Brendon Urie again." he says with a sympathetic smile. A smile that almost makes me feel safe. 

But then I hear Spencer thundering down the stairs and I see black. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	22. The One When Dallon Steps Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How bout we have a lil Dal ;)

(Dallon's POV) 

 

Walking up the lawn back to the dorm rooms I had to admit; this day could'nt get any worse. 

Honestly. 

I had to haul my ass across the campus at 6 fucking 30. 

It was awful. 

And after that I had to sit through seven advanced classes. I'm smart. I'll admit it. I'm exceptionally intelligent. But I just want to be with all of my friends. 

I tripped on my way to Chick Fil A. 

I got a bunch of homework. 

I have to stay here for the rest of the year. 

I hate everyone here except my friends. 

Everyone is making me nervous. 

They know it. 

They don't care. 

They don't even notice the boy in the back shaking from how nervous he is to be here by himself. 

I can't concentrate.

Not with everyone staring at me. 

Not with all the kids judging me. 

Not with all these heavy burdens. 

"DALLON!" A voice broke me out of a foggy mindset, and I spin around on my heel. Pete Wentz is rocketing towards me with a look of panic covering his face. 

"Pete wha-" 

"DALLON! IT'S BRENDON! YOU, WE, WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING OH MY GOD HE, HE,HE!" Pete starts screaming frantically, body shaking and eyes wide with fear. 

"Oh my god, Pete, what...what happened?" I splutter. Pete never acts like this. He sounded completely terrified. 

I'm scared. 

For myself. 

For Brendon. 

Even though I have no idea what's going on. 

"BRENDON HE- HE WAS SITTING ON-ON THE," Pete takes a heaving breath, motioning towards the main building. More specifically the fire escape. Which upon closer inspection I realize there's an open window behind it.

"Oh my god did he fall?" I gasp and rush forward and Pete shakes his head, lip quivering and eyes welling. 

Pete Wentz doesn't cry. 

I've never seen it. 

Patrick's never seen it. 

No one has. 

This must be 

 **bad.**

"No...no he..he didn't." He looks at the ground before snapping back up. 

"WE HAVE TO GO GET HIM!" 

"Shhhh Pete calm down it'll be fine." I try to soothe him but he shoves me and continues to yell. 

"NO! HE'S GOING TO GET KILLED OR RAPED OR-" 

"Pete!" 

"HE IS! DALLON _PLEASE_  WE HAVE TO _DO_ SOMETHING!" Pete bellows, borderline whining. 

"Ok...Ok use your words and tell me what happned." I grab his shoulders and staedy him. Trying my very best to keep calm myself. 

"he....he said something over the sound system and...and he, he...was hanging on the fire escape-" 

"wait WHAT?" I yell agahst. He could'nt possible do something that dangerous. 

"No-he...he wasn't. Oh my god he was just sitting there!" Pete screams and I flinch. 

"I was yelling at him for...for saying things over the anouncements and he leaned back through the window and," Pete looks at the ground. "I tried to warn him." He whispers. 

"warn him about what Pete?" 

"spencer." he whispers so faintly that I almost can't hear him. 

I swallow, and nod slowly. "Where are they?" 

"I tried to get in, but-but Jon locked the d-doors and I..I don't know what to d-do!" Suddenly pete collapes in a heap of sobs, body shking violently as tears spill out of his eyes like a faucet. 

"Shhh, Pete. Pete it's okay we'll figure it out alright?" I say calmingly and he sniffs loudly. 

"Listen to me. Go to the dorms and get Josh, Frank, Gerard, Bob, Andy, and Joe. Just them. It's very important that Tyler, Mikey, and Ryan are watched by Patrick." Pete nods, and I can practically see the gears turning in his head. 

"I'm going to go to the woodshop and grab a hammer to break whatever locks are on the doors. Go on."  the second I'm done Pete spins around and sprints up the lawn, dodging students and teachers as he rockets across campus blinking back tears. 

Once the dot that was Peter Lewis Kingston Wents III was out of sight, I turned on my heel and started running in the direction of the woodshop. I'd never been there, but I remembered it was across from where Brendon tried to run away yesterday. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"HEY! DON'T TOUCH THAT!" 

the second I entered the large airy room I was hit with the immediete smell of sawdust and the sound of about ten teenage boys screaming at once. 

"GET THE FUCK OFF ME BRO!" I quickly ran past two boys fighting over some sort of metal tool and I almost ran into what I thought was a wall. 

I was wrong. 

It was a human. 

"...sorry..." I whispered and looked up, eyes growing in size because this guy was fucking  _ripped._

"Quite all right son, you need somethin?" He was a tall and extremely muscular man, who I assumed was a teacher because he was sporty a rusty red beard. 

"Uh...yeah. I need a really big hammer." I said quietly. He seemed a little taken off guard and I assumed it was beacause he was used to teaching loud and agressive boys, not skinny and nervous ones. 

"Of course, they're over on that shelf by the saws. May I ask what it's for?" he raised an eyebrow and I shrugged. 

"I uh...need to...fix a nail on um...my desk in the dorm." I said with a tense tone that he seemed to buy. 

"alright then, good luck. I hope to see you soon." he smiled warmly and I returned the favor.

"thank you, bye." I waved shyly and maybe a little stupidly before scurrying over to the other side of the room, grabbing the biggest hammer I saw, and creeping out the double doors.

_Weapon aquired._

_Requesting backup._

I exited the building that mainly held extra curricular activities and jogged over to the main building. I was suprised to see no one around it. No students, teachers, or even janitors. It was almost abandoned, with no lights on and doors bolted shut. 

I skidded down the semi muddy hill and tromped over to the front doors, jagling the knob and sighing in frustration. 

"damn it." I hissed under my breath, throwing my head back and grunting. 

"DALLON WE'RE HERE C'MON OPEN THE DOORS!" I heard Pete holler behind me and I whipped around, a mop of hair flying in my hair and I pushed it away with a frown. 

"Ok ok I will." I said, eyeing the group he had gathered. Everyone I had told him to. No more, no less.

"Patrick asked questions but Tyler and Ryan were with him so I said we were just gonna get some food." Josh gasps breathlessly, holding his stomach.

"Ok good." I said, looking over my shoulder from where I was turned to the door.

"Dallon just GET ON WITH IT!" Pete whisper screams and I sigh, bringing the hammer overmy head and swinging it down roughly. 

therewas a tremendous bang, followed by metal clinks as pieces of the lock broke of and fell to the ground one by one.           

"impressive Dal." Frank snorted and I rolled my eyes. 

"focus boys. Brendon is in there and he's in trouble. I was thinking that Bob, Andy,and Joe will take on Jon, find him if he's not with Spencer already. he never really was a bog impact on the boys, Spencer was the mastermind. So the rest of us will go after him but we have to keep quiet and stay catious. If we do something wrong Brendon might be in trouble." 

The rag tag group of teenage boys nod, and I feel proud at how I'm leading them all. We're gonna save Brendon. 

We have to. 

"Alright boys, let's get 'em." I say before wrenching open the doors and staring into the dimmed front lobby. 

"now or never." Pete whispers, nudging me forward and suddenly i don't think I can do this anymore. I turn back around, eyes wide and worried with my bottom lip quivering sliightly. 

"guys." My voice cracks and Josh steps forward. 

"Shh, It's ok Dal. I'll go in first." Josh smiles sentimentally and I feel safe. 

We are in a safe place when we are together. 

When we are alone we are vunerable to the world, and more importantly, ourselves. 

But when we are togetheher, we are unstoppable. We are strong. We can do anything and overcome everyone.

The thing is

Brendon's alone. 

And it's only a matter of time before he's gone. 

He's not alright. 

Mentally. 

Emotionally. 

He won't be able to deal with this. 

If Spencer does  _anything_ it could permanently damage him, give him way worse PTSD. 

worse then mine, worse then all of us. 

And I don't think anyone could garuntee he'd be ok again. 

"Dallon." I look up and everyone is already inside, waiting for me. 

"Hm?" My entire face snaps up and Josh reaches for my hand. 

"C'mon, it's time." 

"ok." 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I miss when I got a lot of comments. :(  
> And not because I want the numbers.  
> I wanna hear about your opinions on the story, on life, on 13 reasons why.  
> I wanna talk because I'm lonely.  
> I feed off of affection.  
> I'm still so young and desprate for attention.


	23. The One Where They Scout Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote half of this at dress rehersals.

(Josh's POV)

 

“Dallon, ‘cmon man!” Pete hollers and I shush him angrily. 

“Dude, shut the fuck up!” I whisper scream and he does, cowering like a child in trouble. 

“He’s taking too long.” Pete mumbles and I choose to ignore him. 

I knew that we needed time for Dallon to adjust to all of this. He was a part of it too and as scared as I was, I couldn’t imagine what he must be going through. More importantly, what Brendon was going through right now. 

“Alright, we know the plan. Andy and Joe, you guys check the roof and attic since I doubt they’ll be up there. The rest of us will look through the first and second floors, then we all go to the basement.”  Dallon nods, looking like he shit his pants and I don’t blame him. 

“Got it.” Andy says, grabbing Joe’s arm and pulling him up the giant flight of stairs. I watch them go until they’re nothing but a dot and I turn to the rest of them. 

_ I have to be a leader.  _

_ I have to be strong.  _

_ I’m the strong one.  _

_ Act like it. _

“O-Ok. So let’s go up….there,” I point to the second floor. “We can split up. Frank, Gerard, and Bob on the second floor, and Dallon, Pete and I on the third floor.” 

I suggested us going upstairs because there was obviously no one on the first floor. Pete said that Brendon was upstairs anyway. Even though my best guess was in the basement, we still had to look everywhere, just in case. 

“Got it J. C’mon, Bob, Gee, let’s go!” Frank says with a determined smile, grabbing his boyfriend’s hand and sprinting to the elevator. 

We stand in the quiet for a few minutes, just gathering our thoughts and listening for a struggle. 

“Josh…” Pete whines and I look over to see him standing there with a purely pitiful expression. He wants to help but he just can’t, He doesn’t know how. 

“Ok...ok...we have this...come on, what let’s get up there.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I can’t see shit.” Dallon mumbles and I choke down a laugh. We were creeping through the third floor hallway, peeking in classrooms and checking behind every door. He wasn’t up here. None of them were. 

“Neither can I...do you have your phone light?” I ask and I can see Dallon nodding in the darkness. 

In an instant there’s artificial light illuminating the hallway. I hear Pete sigh in relief and I just now remember he’s deadly afraid of the dark. 

In the light, school hallways are less frightening. 

In the dark, well, 

Let’s just say they’re terrifying. 

“Thanks Dal.” I hear Pete mumble as we continue our search for any sign of life. 

It was like mars. 

No one was around. 

I might’ve started to doubt Pete. 

I might’ve started to doubt this entire thing. 

Until I heard a voice. 

It was coming from the vent next to my head. 

_ “....he’s out…..no…...let’s just go for it…...no one is here….it’s fine Jon.”  _

I spun around with eyes the size of planets, blown with fear and disbelief and Pete opens his mouth to ask what. 

Before he can however I grab his shoulders. 

“They’re in the basement.” 

We start sprinting, faster and faster and we gradually get closer to the stairs. Dallon trips on the last step to the first floor and whimpers in pain. I tell Pete to check on him and meet me at the basement staircase. 

“No Josh wait!” Pete whispers frantically and I bend down as he tends to Dallon while simultaneously talking to me. 

“What?” 

“Be careful Josh…” He warns, grabbing my wrist and slipping something in it. 

“...wha-” I cock my head and look at it. 

His rock from the beach. 

I shouldn't have doubted Pete. 

This was serious. 

We were in trouble. 

Serious trouble. 

“Thanks Pete.” I whisper and he nods sadly, looking back at Dallon and speaking softly. 

“...can you walk…” 

Before I could hear Dallon’s response, I was already halfway to the basement, running in the darkness. 

“You are surrounding, all my surroundings sounding down the mountain range…” I sing softly, trying to calm myself down because frankly I’m about to pass out. 

_ “Of my left side brain, twisting the kaleidoscope behind both of my eyes.”  _

I freeze, skidding on the unpolished tile and my mouth hangs open. Hesitantly I look behind me, my left, and my right, not seeing anything but darkness and emergency exits casting faint red lights around the hall. 

No one knows that song. 

It’s not even a full song.

Not even done.  

Yet. 

Because the writer told me he wasn’t quite finished. 

“Oh my god…” I breathe, wishing I could see and  _ really  _ wishing my mind was playing tricks on me. This wasn’t happening. He should be at the dorm, safe and unknowing. 

“Remember the moment, you know exactly where you’re going…” A voice behind me whispers and I whip around to see the faint outline of someone slightly shorter then me, and unmistakably fluffy hair. 

“Tyler…” I sigh, one third furious, one third relieved, and one third horrified.

“Josh.” He says casually, hopping forward and I can  _ hear _ the smile in his voice. 

“Tyler what are you doing here, you can’t be here!” I whisper scream and I see his arms cross over his chest. 

“Why Josh? Why shouldn't I be able to fight? Too sensitive? Too weak?” He demands an answer and I don't have one. 

“Tyler, you can’t be here.” I speak softly and calmly. 

“Why not Josh? I’m just as capable as any of the other boys!” 

“Tyler-” 

“Josh!” 

Tyler is  _ mad.  _

When Tyler is  _ mad,  _ he fucking lets you know. 

“Ty I just don’t want anything to happen to you.” 

He pauses. 

All I hear is our heated breathing and Tyler stepping forward, our noses almost touching. 

_ “ _ Nothin’s ever gonna happen J. Not when you’re around.” he whispers and I want to  _  kiss him. _

“Tyler it...it isn’t safe for you.” I try to explain but he backs away and the look on his face is undoubtedly hurt. 

I’m glad I can’t see it.

“Why not? Ryan’s here, Patrick’s here, why can’t I?” He asks and all the air leaves my lungs. 

“WHAT?” 

Tyler cocks his head “What’s the matter with that?” 

Oh my god.

“Tyler, Ty oh my…” I sigh… burying my head in my hands trying to process this. 

“What? Did I do something wrong?” Tyler squeaks, sounding nervous and I really don't want him to be afraid of me or my reaction. 

“No, no Tyler not at all it’s just you guys were supposed to stay there for important reasons and now I’m kinda thrown off my game.” 

“Why would you be thrown off?” 

“Because I can’t protect you and fight at the same time Tyler.” 

I expect his face is offended. 

“I can fight for myself Josh.” He says cooly. 

“What about Ryan then, huh Ty? He’s afraid, he shouldn't be here. He’s not as strong as us and this is an extremely triggering event for him. You don’t understand.” 

Silence. 

I tap my foot on the ground in impatience. 

Tyler sighs heavily. 

I reciprocate the action. 

“I...I do understand. I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry Josh I just wanted to help you. I wanted to be an asset. Not a burden.” 

My heart drops. I’m pretty sure I heard it hit the bottom of my lungs. 

“Oh Tyty….you aren’t a burden.” I reach out and embrace him, he buries his face in my neck and breathes in my musky smell. 

“I know...it just sometimes feels like that.” He says quietly. 

I don’t really know how to respond. 

I hold him tighter, which reminds me of Brendon and Ryan. 

Brendon. 

Ryan. 

Brendon is in the basement with his rapist and I don’t know where the hell Ryan is. 

This is bad. 

Tyler senses my body suddenly tensing and he backs up. “What is it?” 

“Did you look for me alone?” I ask quickly and I can see him nodding. 

“Where were the others?” 

“By the front doors, but they said they were gonna go to the main staircase.” 

That’s good, that’s where Pete and Dallon are. 

That’s where they’d be safe. 

In a safe place. 

“Alright. Change of plans, we’re meeting up with them.” I say, grabbing his wrist and tugging him along. 

“Oh, ok-” 

“FUCKING NICE TO SEE YOU YOU FUCKING BITCH!” 

I open my mouth, then close it, turning to Tyler. 

“What was that?” he asks in a panicked voice and I gulp and look down the hall. 

“I don’t think-” 

“FINALLY WE MEET AGAIN FUCKFACES!” 

“I...I don’t think Ryan’s at the main staircase.” I mumble and Tyler squeezes my hand, making these tiny whimpering noises and it truly kills me. 

This is as bad as Blurry. 

Maybe even worse. 

“GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HIM!” I hear Ryan hollers, sounding  _ pissed off his fucking ass _ and Tyler and I start full on sprinting down the hall, not really seeing where we were going but running in the direction of Ryan’s screams. 

“Do you think-” Tyler mutters, out of breath and I just squeeze his hand. 

It’ll be alright. 

_ Oh you wish Joshie.  _

Jesus christ I don’t need this right now. 

_ Too bad. I’d hurry up if I was you. Ryan’s probably being beaten right now.  _

Shut the fuck up. 

_ Vulgar, aren’t we Joshua?  _

I stop thinking and focus my attention on Tyler’s breathing and the sound of multiple people yelling at once. 

“I SAID, GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HIM!” Ryan’s screech echoes off the walls and I quicken my pace, almost dragging Tyler down the hall. 

“Josh?” 

“Hmm?” 

“I’m scared.”    
  


(Brendon’s POV)

Black. 

I wake up to black. 

Pain. 

I feel pain. 

Screaming. 

I hear screaming. 

I wake up to black, I wake up to pain and I wake up to screaming. 

"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HIM!" I hear and I slowly roll my head to the side from where it's resting on my shoulder. I blink twice slowly and yawn. 

"h-hello...?" I squeak, then I hear nothing.

Footsteps start running towards and all my senses but sight are heightened. The footsteps echo deafeningly loud and I want to cry but I'm afraid that I have no more tears to cry. 

"Hello?" I try again but I still hear absolutely nothing but the feet, sneakered most likely, and someone's breathing as they get closer. 

Finally, more screams are heard from the other room and I feel a wave of shivers pass over my body. 

I can't move my hands. 

I'm tied down I presume. 

To something cold on top of that. 

A pole? 

Am I in a basement? 

After sitting for a few minutes I start to think I was hearing footsteps. There was no one coming near me even if I could see. Defeated, I let out a small whimper and try to stand from where I'm sitting on cold hard ground. 

My head is searing with white hot pain and I grit my teeth as the headache overtakes my body. I remember being thrown around, remember being kicked and manhandled. 

But that's about it. 

Upon trying to move, My leg starts feeling like someone sliced a thousand knives into it one by one. I yelp loudly and fall on my ass, crying out. 

I think my leg is fucking broken. 

Broken. 

What the hell happened to me while I was unconscious? 

"Ryan?...." I whisper into the darkness and hear nothing. I could do nothing I could go nowhere. 

Guess I actually did have extra tears to cry. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been listening to a shitload of BORNS and lemme tell you that shit is poppin.  
> I like Holy Ghost, Electric Love, Clouds, Past Lives, and 10,000 Emerald Pools.  
> Plz look em up they're soooooo good!
> 
> Also, not to be annoying but Flightless Bird has gotten like, no attention. It makes me kinda sad no one wants to read it, I put alot of work into that shit and it's very personal. 
> 
> Also also, a collab story I did with Blurrysucc is up and it's called Toes so go read that if ur into kinky/gory shit.   
> its pretty good so far.   
> It'll get realm disturbing real soon tho


	24. Intermission #3

Hey guys just dropped in to tell you I'm not dead (I wish) and that a new chapter will be updated by Wednesday at the very latest. 

In more recent news I just watched my boys win a billboard award and i couldn't be prouder :) 

they worked so hard and even though they couldn't receive it in person (lmao probably because tyler busted his ass) they still said some meaningful words about the clique that made my day and will surely help me sleep tonight. 

<3 

please never forget how much I love you all. It can get a little cloudy sometimes with school coming to a end and summer responsibilities, but just know that I love each and every one of you, all of your imperfections and every single part of you that makes you, you. This clique has become so strong and such a valuable support system for me in the roughest times and I take pride in knowing that with justly dumb writing I can help you guys as well. 

<3 

~H 


	25. The One Where Spencer Gets Fuckin REKT BOI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a nice long one for you all, thanks for waiting I rly appreciate it. <3

(Tyler’s POV)

 

_You need to go back. Josh doesn’t want you here, can’t you see?_

He just wants me to be safe, but I wanna help so that’s what I'm gonna do.

_He could care less about your safety, he cares about Brendon you idiot._

He does care, I know he does.

_Sure._

It’s not my fault I wanted to help. As I told Josh, I wanted to be an asset to our team, not just some burden, the younger one that they all have to babysit.

_Why would you think you’re anything but that? You are just a child, unfit to help them because let’s face it, you are worthless, you’d just get yourself in trouble._

I rolled my eyes as me and Josh ran. Blurry is more of a burden to us then I am.

_That’s where you’re wrong Tyler. You see, I am you, and every part of you. So if I’m a burden, so are you._

That’s bullshit, go away I have better things to do.

_Like what? Save your “friend” from some convicted bullies? B-O-O-H-O-O._

You know what? You can shut the fuck up now alright?

_But you’re forgetting something_

What?

_You still wanted to talk to Josh about-_

-Shut up I will.

_By ty ty_

“Fuckin asshole.” I murmur and Josh slows his running, turning to me.

“What?”

“N-nothin.” I mutter, looking down the dark hallway, echoes of Ryan screaming coming from the basement steps.

“No, Tyler what?”

“Nothing! Come on we have to go!” I scream, trying to pull him but he doesn't move.

“Tyler, were you talking to him?” Josh demands an answer.

“Josh that doesn’t matter right now! We have to go!” I wail, tears pricking my eyes because I realize every second we waste is a vital one.

“It does matter Tyler! You can’t do this if he’s talking to you!” Josh yells and I feel myself shrink against his voice.

“Josh please!” I sob, yanking his arm and his posture falls slightly.

“I...I just don’t want anything to happen to you.” He whispers, and I can still hear Ryan’s blood curdling screams from downstairs.

“Josh I’m going to be _fine,_ it’s Brendon and Ryan that need help!” I argue, hoping that by raising my voice he’ll finally realize what he has to do.

“Ok...Ok.” He mumbles, looking around frantically and everything is silent for a few seconds.

“DON’T FUCKING COME NEAR ME YOU BITCH!” Ryan’s voice booms through the tile floorboards below us and causes my heartbeat to visibly quicken.

“JOSH WE HAVE TO GO!” I scream, releasing him and just running by myself.

Wind whips my face and stings slightly as I sprint down the hall, feet tumbling and tripping over themselves as I run as a body without a mind, my only goal is to get to the basement, nothing else matters that’s my goal.

“Tyler!” Josh yells and I don’t turn around. I have to get down there, I have to save them, I have to be the hero because I’ve always been the victim.

It’s time for me to do the saving.

Not be saved.

Not be the one in trouble.

Not be the one pitied.

It’s my turn to be Josh.

I get to be strong.

I get to fight for what I believe.

I believe in my friends.

I believe in myself.

 _Very heartwarming sweetheart._ Blurry coos, mocking me and virtually destroying all of the self confidence I had just built myself upon.

I halt in my steps, just four feet from the basement door and now the screams and very audible, and there’s more than one voice, Ryan screaming and Spencer talking calmly.

“GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HIM YOU FUCKING DICK!” Ryan hollers, and he yelps a few seconds later. I try to think about what could’ve caused him to make such a strangled noise but the second I do my body starts to shake.

I start to carefully walk towards the flight of stairs, more of a tip toe, then I peek down the steep stairwell down into the impending darkness with a faint hint of red light coming from below.

It looks like hell.

Pure, unadulterated hell.

“Ryan Ross…” Spencer says slowly and I almost have the urge to run down and bash his head in.

“I never thought I’d see you again, but now that I am seeing you, I can’t ever let you go.” What I thought was just slow talking was actually somewhere closer to drunken slurs, pauses between words and sharp edge in his voice.

“...Tyler!” Josh yells behind me and I jump, turning around and seeing him grab my arm.

“If you’re gonna fight then I can’t stop you, but at least stay close to me.” he scolds, pulling me close to him and I sigh, but it comes out as a whimper.

“It’s all gonna be ok.” Josh whispers, noticing my tense arms and carefully moving me away from the door.

“I’m gonna go down first, slowly, we’ll find somewhere to hide and find the right time to come out.” He says, walking down the first steps and I let a small sob loose from the back of my throat.

“It’s ok, Ty. There’s only two of them. We have so many more on the way.” he says gently, taking another step with my hand in his.

Cold with warm.

Soft with calloused.

“O-ok.” I mumble, watching his descent down the darkened stairs with foggy eyes.

“I SWEAR TO MOTHERFUCKING GOD I’LL KILL YOU!” Ryan shrieks, and Josh takes the distraction to run down the stairs, pulling me along with him.

 

The basement is cold.

Cold and dark.

Cold and red. There’s stacks upon stacks of boxes lining the walls, no windows and multiple doors along the farthest wall across from us. Roughly the space is about 4,000 square feet, with emergency lights flashing above making it look like some sort of first person shooter game.

Josh dives behind a stack of boxes, dusty and hollow, making no noise whatsoever. It seemed that not one person had noticed our entrance, and the three of them stood in the very center of the room, Ryan standing alone against the two taller boys.

But there was no Brendon.

My best guess was that he was shoved away in a back room, a closet.

We had to get past the two to find Brendon.

But it didn’t look like they’d be stepping aside anytime soon.

Spencer had a fire in his eyes, I could see it from the crack between the cardboard. He had some sort of bloodthirsty glint and a dangerous sneer. Jon on the other hand looked nervous, fidgeting, scared almost.

He didn't want to be here.

He didn’t want to hurt anyone.

It was just Spencer.

Spencer was the only one that actually wanted to hurt Brendon and Ryan.

Now that I see him in such close proximity, Jon doesn’t even look capable of it.

He’s standing behind Spencer, pale and shaking, looking like he’s about to throw up.

“Shut up Ryan! We are all going to be so happy then you’ll see!” Spencer screeches, taking a step towards him and Ryan backs away, snarling. Jon reaches out for Spencer In some sort of calming technique  and I hold on to Josh’s arm tighter than ever.

“Spence….maybe we should just...stop.” Jon squeaks and Spencer whips around.

It happens in slow motion; Spencer bringing his hand back and in a flash, swiping it through the air and slapping the smaller one across the face, his head snapping to the side sending him falling to the hard concrete floor.

“Oh my god.” Josh whispers, holding me closer to him and I hide my face in his shirt.

I changed my mind.

I don’t want to be here anymore.

I really don’t want to be here anymore.

Ryan goes silent, hands dropping to his sides.

Jon makes a pathetic noise, trying to stand back up but ultimately falling back to the floor.

It seems Spencer doesn’t even react, turning back to Ryan and smiling almost sweetly to Ryan whose eyes grow large, his pupils dilating even in the darkness.

“Now where were we sweetness?” Spencer asks, looking Ryan up and down and I swear I can hear someone yelling from somewhere outside this room. He takes a few steps forward, advancing towards Ryan and he backs up quickly, looking completely panicked and he trips over his own feet, falling backwards. Spencer laughs cruelly, clenching his fists and Ryan scrambles backwards on the floor, trying to get as far away from this boy as possible. Jon curls in a ball behind Spencer’s shadow, cheek almost purple in the light and a dead expression paints his face.

“RYA-” I scream but Josh slaps a hand over my mouth but it’s too late. Spencer turns to the stack of boxes and his eyes linger over the crack that I’m looking through.

“Do we have visitors?” He asks Ryan, who whips around to face us and his expression visibly drops.

“No no no…” He mumbles.

Spencer strides over to us and in a flash kicks the hollow cardboard boxes over, sending them flying across the room and I cry out for no reason, tears spilling from my eyes and I’m too scared to even realize how pathetic it is.

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?” Ryan screams, eyes huge and mouth parted in confusion and disbelief.

“We’re here to help you kick their asses!” Josh yells, springing into an upright position, taking a step forward and puffing out his chest in an attempt to look bigger.

He always does that.

When we met Spencer

Whenever someone has looked at me weird

Whenever I’d get as much as a sideways glance.

But he’s only done it when he’s with me.

He feels the need to protect me.

But as much as I’m frightened out of my mind,

It’s time I do the fighting.

“Oh will you now highlighter head? I’d like to see you try.” Spencer scoffs, eyes completely black in the light, figure disheveled but dominate in every way possible.

“Yeah, I will.” Josh says in retaliation, taking another step and angling himself protectively in front of me so that I can’t see Spencer and he can’t see me.

He’s guarding me from all the bad things.

I’ve already been through hell

Mine as well punch someone to give them the same.

“...tyler.’ Ryan whispers, gesturing to me and I get up off the ground, inching towards him as Josh and Spencer stare at each other, just waiting for the other to recoil.

“You have t-to g-go upstairs...g-get um...g-get Gerard and Frank and...and the others.” His voice is trembling, body shaking and I can’t just leave him here. We need to outnumber them no matter what.

“Do you know where Brendon is?” I ask and he shakes his head, suddenly dissolving into ragged tears and covering his face.

He’s not letting himself cry.

He’s not letting Spencer win.

Not letting himself get destroyed so easily.

“Ryan.” he looks up.

“I’m not leaving you here.” I say, taking his cold hands and keeping them in mine. He hides his face in his shirt, stifling sobs as to not let Spencer hear.

“Yeah I bet you really wanna save that pathetic whore.” Spencer scoffs and Ryan makes some kind of quiet noise I really didn’t need to hear at this moment.

“If anyone here is pathetic it’s you asshole!” Josh screams, stepping closer and Spencer takes the challenge, getting face to face and I really don’t want to see Josh get hurt.

“I bet you believe that, don’t you freak? You see, I’m the only normal one here, you’re all depressed, schizophrenic, fucking genetic mutations that can’t handle their own heads!”  he screams, and suddenly I find myself pushing Josh away and I’m well aware of my clenched fist pounding into his face.

“SHIT, TYLER!” Josh screams, running forward from where I had impressively pushed him out of harm’s way.

With every punch I landed to Spencer’s face I felt the exhilaration I felt my first week downstairs, the first time I got in a fight. With every punch I felt all of my anger and sadness being expelled through fury and with every punch I felt my own fist bruising and bloodying.

“TYLER STOP!” Josh yells as we’re suddenly back on the ground, me taking a second’s hesitation due to Josh’s distraction, giving Spencer enough time to throw me off him. My body feels like there’s no gravity as I skid across the floor, face on the concrete and I grit my teeth at the cold floor.

“DON’T YOU FUCKING TOUCH HIM!” Ryan full on bellows, voice cracking and all. “YOU DON’T FUCKING TOUCH HIM!”

Spencer it seems, hasn’t heard Ryan because he comes closer to me, picking me up by the back of my collar and almost dangling me in the air.

“You wanna fight pretty little thing?” he asks, voice dripping with menacing false care, blood sliding out of his nose and mouth. As a response I spit in his face, earning a rough punch to the cheek and a knee in the stomach.

“GET THE FUCK OFF OF HIM!” A familiar voice I recognize as Josh screeches, and Spencer’s hands are off of me, my body crumpling to the ground and I groan in pain, but not yet giving up.

I haven’t fought in months.

You think I’m just gonna give up that fast?

“TYLER FUCKING STOP!” Josh half commands, half pleads as I once again launch myself on Spencer, hitting his right eye and jaw multiple times each. Small cracks of bone and grunts deep in his throat indicate I’m doing a good job, so I continue until Josh’s hands are around my waist and I’m being thrown away.

I hadn’t expected Josh to ever touch me like that.

But he had.

And I was aware of it as I was thrown back a second time, hitting the wall and just laying there for a second, Ryan scrambles towards me, tears streaming out of his eyes.

I’m covered in blood, and I don’t know if it’s mine or his.

“JOSH, TYLER, RYAN...WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!?” Frank screams from the middle of the stairway, running down the rest and immediately laying eyes on Spencer, whose gripping his nose and staring at me like I was the man who killed his mother.

“I’m gonna fucking skin you little boy…” he growls, stumbling towards me but Frank tackles him to the ground, full nelson and I swear I’ve seen him do that before.

Frank was a tiny guy, so was I.

But god we knew how to fight.

It was hidden somewhere deep inside of us.

“FRANK!” Gerard’s worried and impressed voice comes from above me and I’m being lifted up to my feet by someone who smells vaguely of tobacco and paint.

“Jus one more!” he laughs maniacally, rolling around on the floor with Spencer, who apparently wasn’t as good at fighting as I had previously thought.

More and more footsteps thunder down the stairs and I wobble on my unsteady feet for a second, collapsing to the ground seconds after Pete joins in and kicks the blonde in the crotch.

No one notices.

No one notices as I hit the floor once again.

No one notices as my eyes slowly start to shut.

But it's alright, I got my licks in.

And that’s really all I wanted.

I just wanted to help out.

 

(Brendon's POV) 

In the dark you can't see things, that's a fact. 

But in the dark you can  _hear_ things. 

When one of your five senses is taken away from you, the others become heightened, that's a fact. 

It's also a fact that I can now hear everything going on around me. 

And let me tell you, it's terrifying as shit. 

I sit in the pitch black, on the icy cold floor, a broken leg fizzing with fiery pain beside me and I can hear my friends screaming in pain and fear. 

I can't see it happen. 

And I'm kinda glad I can't. 

From the voices coming from the locked closet door, I now know that Ryan, Spencer, and Jon are in the other room. 

"HELP ME!" I scream, loud and shrill, knowing that it probably won't work and that my voice is just going to get fucked up. 

There's no response, only quiet, gentle talking. But i know for a fact that it's anything but. 

I shift from my position on the floor and at the same time a resounding crack comes from the other room, making me freeze in place. 

Spencer has just slapped Jon. 

I'm not surprised. 

It was a regular occurrence. 

I also know that Spencer is high. 

he wouldn't do that unless he was high.

Another fact I learned was that when Spencer is high, he won't hesitate to try and kill you. 

There's things being thrown and Ryan yells something like 'what the fuck are you doing?' 

I hear....

wait. 

I hear Josh? 

shit. 

It goes quiet for a few seconds, a little light spilling from under the door but not enough for me to even see my surroundings. Rough rope scratches against my wrists and I whimper in pain, closing my eyes. 

Spencer starts taunting Josh and I know this isn't going to go well. I'm surprised however when more silence follows. 

But then there's a crash. 

And I assume shit just hit the fan. 

"SHIT, TYLER!" Josh screams and the worst comes to mind. 

Did Spencer hit Tyler?

One hit from a high Spencer used to make Ryan pass out for hours at the most, I can't even imagine what would happen to Tyler. 

But there's skin hitting skin and it doesn't really sound like Josh or Ryan is upset. 

Is Tyler  _fighting?_

Is Tyler  _fighting Spencer Smith?_

I actually smile, laughing slightly as I hear Spencer grunt and groan and Tyler huff in concentration, smack after smack and the floor shakes with their movements. 

My smile fades however when there's a particularly hard hit, and Ryan starts screaming. 

"YOU DON'T TOUCH HIM!" 

Spencer has hit Tyler. 

wrong choice. 

Because now I hear more people coming in the room, I hear Frank and I hear Gerard and the unmistakable cackles of Pete Wentz. 

I take this time to try and scream for help. 

But just as I open my mouth the door opens. 

And I'm really glad who I see on the other side. 

 

 

 

 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked it, comment! If you didn't, comment! If you have any ideas or suggestions, comment!
> 
> I just love talking to you guys alright?  
> I'm needy I know


	26. The One When They Get Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twice in two days?

(Josh's POV) 

The ground was shaking underneath us as we went straight up fight club on Spencer's ass. 

There was blood. 

There was spit. 

There was bodies. 

It was total gorilla warfare. 

By the time everyone was down in the basement, there was no way Spencer would be walking out of here. 

Not even limping I'd say. 

Now to tell you the truth, we would've stopped if he hadn't put up a fight. I mean, we're not animals. 

But the fact that he was still throwing half ass punches and cursing us out gave us a valid opportunity to beat the living shit out of him. 

everyone had had a turn, and now our main goal was to tend to Brendon. Patrick was kneeling by Tyler who was starting to come to, and the rest of us were still making sure Spencer would be knocked out. Jon we left alone, told him to run out while he had the chance and never come near us again. He had left, well, sprinted out the minute I was done saying it. 

"YOU DONE YET DICKHEAD?" Frank screamed, kicking Spencer in the gut and standing by while he struggled to get up again. If he wasn't jacked up on coke he'd probably be passed out by now but the drug had acted as some sort of steroid for him and something about the way his eyes flashed with anger gave me the impression that he wouldn't be done anytime soon. 

"NOT EVEN CLOSE!" he retaliated, swinging a punch at Frank who ducked and grabbed his arm, twisting it behind him as Bob and Pete went to town on him. 

After a certain amount of time I grew nauseous of hearing bone crack and blood spurt out of his mouth, and turned around to check on Ty. 

"...you ok? Alright we'll be done soon." Patrick cooed as Tyler opened and closed his eyes slowly. 

"Ty I'm so sorry..." I whispered, getting close to his face so he could hear me over Pete's enraged noises. 

"it's ok." He  mumbles, closing his eyes as a small trail of blood leaks out of his nose. 

"No Ty, I should've never handled you like that. I'll fix you up when we get home." 

He made a pained noise. "Can we....can we...g-go back now?" He asked in a tiny voice, as if he was scared I'd say no.

"Of course, of course we can c'mon." I said soothingly, picking him up and cradling him in my arms. 

He hummed a happy noise, burying his bruised face in my shirt and breathing heavily. 

"Guys, um....GUYS!" I hollered, cuasing everyone to turn around, Frank still holding Spencer in a choke-hold while he struggled to stay conscious. 

"I'm taking Tyler home." I said and they nodded, Dallon waving before striding over to Spencer and sending his fist directly into his already broken nose. 

"well shit." tyler muttered, looking over and abruptly passing out for the second time today. 

I kissed his head and started to walk up the stairs, his weight making it a little hard but not impossible. 

When I reached the landing I looked back down once more and assessed the damage done. Every single person in our gang was down here, and everyone was doing something to help. Pete, Frank, Dallon, Bob, and Gerard were all beating up Spencer. Mikey and Patrick had left to go look for Ryan, who had left to go find Brendon after crying for about ten minutes. 

As for me, I'd rather stay and make sure everything goes smoothly but as of now, Tyler was my main priority and if he wasn't safe or happy I'd be to blame. Besides, I had literally thrown him into a wall. Granted, I was just trying to keep him safe, it was him against Spencer and I'm not sure how it would've ended if it was a 120 pound 17 year old boy against a 180 pound 19 year old on cocaine. 

Just as I was leaving, I heard a crack and winced as Gerard was shoved back by Spencer, falling on the ground and traveling an impressive distance. I decided this was a good time to hide Tyler's face and hurry up the stairs and Frank screamed something completely unintelligible and flicked out his pocket knife, Pete yelling at him to put it away. 

I ran through the blackened halls until I saw a a red light, which ultimately led me to an exit sign. I sighed in relief and pushed open the door with by body, hiking Tyler up more. 

The campus was almost pitch black, small street lights lining the walkways were the only source of light besides the silver moon, hanging above the desolate scene of me carrying a battle worn Tyler across the lawn. 

When we got back to the dorm, the automatic lights had gone out so I assumed it was after ten at the most. Stumbling through the unfamiliar halls was especially a challenge, and trying not to wake Tyler was an impossible one. His head lolled from side to side and he mumbled things I couldn't make out. I reached what I hoped was our door and unlocked it from the outside, stepping in and immediately lowering Tyler onto my bed. As much as I wanted to let him sleep, I knew he was dirty and if there were any cuts or scrapes they had to be washed or they'd get infected. 

"ty hunny." I whispered, turning on a light manually after a few tries which illuminated only a portion of the room. 

"you hafta wake up." I mumbled, pawing at his face. He was usually a heavy sleeper so I didn't really know what I was trying to do. 

I sighed heavily once more, tromping to the bathroom battling heavy eyelids as I turned the faucet on the bathtub. I heard Tyler stir in the next room and hoped to god he didn't fall faster asleep. I needed to do this. 

Sometimes I stop and marvel at how old we act, how much responsibility we take on for a group of 18 year old. 

Now for example I start to wonder. 

Should I really be having to wash off my unconscious boyfriend after a gang fight? 

In most cases the answer would be no, but this is my life I guess. 

"josh?" Tyler murmured from the bedroom and I stumbled over my feet and ran in to see him rubbing his head. 

"..my head hurts." he whined like a child, eyes droopy and body still bloodied. 

"I know sweetheart, but we have to wash you off." I tut and he moans for no reason. I chuckle and walk over, lifting him once more and carrying him into the bathroom, resting him on the bathmat and starting to undress him. 

"Josh...not righ' now." he mumbled, pushing my hands away but I kept taking off his clothes. 

"hun you have to. C'mon, you trust me." I said to him quietly, throwing his bloody clothes in a pile and lowering him into the warm bath. 

After a few seconds the dried blood started to flake off, coloring the bath a murky pink color that made me want to be sick. It smelled like metal and Tyler's eyes were glazed over as he went limp and just let me clean him without any opposition. 

After drying him off with a fluffy navy blue towel, I dressed him in an old Killers t shirt and put him back in his own bed. I sighed, satisfied with my mothering but now I didn't think I had the energy to take care of myself for the night. 

But that's alright. 

Tyler's safe. 

Tyler's ok. 

I'm not. 

But that's ok. 

I'm not important. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Ryan's POV) 

"BRENDON!" I cried, throwing open the door and bolting inside, collapsing in a fit of sobs as I fell to the ground and embraced him. 

"OH MY GOD RYAN! RYAN OH MY GOD!" He wailed, desperately trying to get closer to me but he couldn't move. 

"OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!" I sobbed, throwing myself on his body and he howled in pain, eyes spilling almost as many tears as mine. 

"What?! What's wrong?!" I asked, eyes enlarging and blurring with tears, only faintly seeing his figure in the darkness. 

"My...my leg...I think it's broken." He hissed, gritting his teeth and I jumped up. 

"Oh my god....um...j-just, stay there-" 

"-I don't think I have a choice." he laughed. 

"cocky bastard." I giggled, falling to my knees once again and hugging his torso. 

"I thought I lost you." I mumbled into his torn shirt and I heard him start to cry. 

"I thought I'd never see you again Ryro." He croaked. 

"We need, we n-need to get out of here." I whispered, fear suddenly overcoming my senses. Spencer was still here. Spencer could still get us.

"PATRICK!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, covering Brendon's ears with my own hands. Patrick came sprinting in. The second he saw Brendon he started crying in relief. covering his mouth and just letting it all out. 

"Patrick he...we...we have to leave." I stuttered, panic overtaking my voice and I clung to his shirt like a lifeline. 

"ok...ok um I can untie him." he mumbled, running over and untying the trick contraption around Brendon's wrists. The first second Brendon's hands were free he grabbed my face, pulling me as close as possible and kissing me with everything he had. 

"I love you so so so much Ryan. I love you more then the world." he spilled, eyes filling with tears once again and I fucking lost it. 

"I love you too Bren. You're my boy, you always will be." I sobbed, hugging him as tight as I possibly could and covered his shirt with tears, in addition to the alarming amount of dried blood already there. 

"I..love you so so so so much Ryro you have no idea." Brendon wails, holding me closer and Patrick just stands by crying quietly. 

"We need, to get you out of this place." I mumble into his neck, standing on wobbly feet. 

"what's wrong?" Patrick asks when Brendon tries to stand but falls on his bottom twice. 

"His...we think his leg is broken." I whisper and Patrick nods, looking both sad and completely furious. 

He bends down, picking up Brendon the best he can and stumbling out of the small dingy room, blood dotting the floor as it drips off of Brendon. 

Screams and yells become louder and louder as we weave our way through the dark dank underground hallways. 

"SHUT THE FUCK UP ASSHAT!" Pete screams and I hear the slaps of skin on skin contact. 

"FRANK STOP! FRANK WE SAID NO!" Gerard screams and I start to slightly run ahead. 

"Fine, whatever Frank i can't stop you." Pete mumbles as I find my way to the main room and my eyes widen at the sight before me. 

Spencer was laying on the ground, trying to get up while Pete held him down. Gerard was leaning against the wall holding a bleeding nose while Dallon sat on the bottom stair nursing his twisted ankle.  Frank however, was looming over Spencer with a wicked grin and a shiny rainbow pocket knife. I stopped running and just stood there as he slowly started to get the blade closer and closer to Spencer's arm.

"frank..." I mumbled, not putting any tone behind my voice. 

I was torn. 

Frank should kill him. 

he deserves to be killed. 

He deserves it so much I can't explain it. 

And yet

I don't want him to be killed. 

He shouldn't be killed. 

It would be worse for us. 

He deserves jail. 

Or even better, the electric chair. 

But to be murdered by Frank would just get  _us_ in trouble. Not to mention he wouldn't be busted for the drugs or the rape or the abuse. 

He deserves to pay the price. 

he deserves prison. 

Not Frank. 

But even as i came to that conclusion I still didn't say anything as frank started to carve into his arm, Spencer yelling out in pain and agony and Frank continued as if it was heavy metal. 

I thought he'd be killed. 

Really I did. 

Until Brendon saw what was going on. 

"FRANK STOP WHAT THE FUCK!?" He hollered, almost falling out of Patrick's arms and Frank looked up, pale as a ghost. 

"BRENDON!" he yelled happily, displaying Spencer's body as if he were a toddler and had just drawn Brendon a picture. 

"WHAT IN GOD'S NAME ARE YOU DOING?!" Brendon shrieked

"What do you think? I'm gonna kill the bastard!" Frank argues and Brendon looks  _pissed._

"S-stop. Back away." he says in an icy tone and Frank does, clicking the blade back into place and standing next to Gerard. 

"You guys went too fucking far." Brendon mumbles, eyes looking over the bloodied floor. "Where the hell is Jon?" 

"We...we um...let him go. Trust me, he's never coming back." Pete says strongly and Brendon nods. 

"Ok...ok...but  _this,"_ he gestures to Spencer's borderline unconscious body "This is too much." 

"Why? After what he did to you? This is getting off easy!" Frank argues and Brendon waves him down. 

"You know what? You guys deal with this. I have a fucking broken leg I'm going home and never coming back down here." he murmurs, snapping his fingers at me. 

"Ryan. Patrick. C'mon, let's go back to the dorms. The rest of you," he gestures to Pete and Frank. "Clean this shit up and leave this piece of shit outside the ICU. We'll deal with it tomorrow." 

Pete nods, walking over and kicking Spencer's body. "C'mon motherfucker." He mutters, picking him up and dragging him up the steps as Dallon checks the janitor's closet for a mop and other cleaning supplies. 

"can't believe them..." Brendon hisses as we walk out of the building, his body limp in Patrick's arms and his hand in mine. 

It was terrible. 

It was horrifying. 

It was absolute hell. 

But it was alright. 

Because Brendon's hand was in mine and we were going  _home._

_where neither of them would ever get us again._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so proud of Brendon. This is his first show on Broadway and tonight's opening night. I wish so much that I could be there but sadly I can't. I know he will do great and I honestly couldn't be any happier for our Beebo. I have heard rumors of Ryan attending so let's keep our fingers crossed that it will go well and hopefully our boys will see each other for the first time in however long they've been apart.


	27. The One With Way Too Much Fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was really disappointed with how this came out so here's an updated version with more dialog and shit.

(Tyler's POV) 

 

Morning came far too soon. The lights had come on yet I still had zero motivation to get out of bed, or even open my eyes for that matter. The only thing I could feel was a sharp pain running through my right eye and my stomach, which I didn't understand at first. Slowly I rolled over from my side to my back and realized that Josh was laying next to me, his eyes closed tightly and his lips parted in an expression of mock concentration as he slept. 

The memories came flooding back, dark rooms, cold floors, searing pains and horrific smiles. 

Malicious attempts and honey coated threats that left me shaking in my frame. 

I couldn't go outside, I shouldn't see the other kids, not like this, not at all. I can't take it anymore, I have to be by myself and stay safe, safe and alone. 

Maybe we could just stay here for a little while longer. 

Maybe I could just fall back asleep. 

Maybe I'll sleep until tomorrow. 

Maybe I'll never wake up. 

A soft sound left my lips as I snuggled closer to Josh, burying my face in his chest. My cheek rubbed against the thin warm cotton of his t shirt and I breathed in his homely vanilla and patchouli scent. This was perfect. I just wanted to stay like this for the rest of my life, undisturbed. 

A feeling of domesticity washed over me as Josh brought his arm around and grasped my shoulder, pulling me closer to him with a mumble of something incoherent. 

Classes for the day were forgotten as the first bell rang and I hadn't even batted so much as an eyelash in preparation for the day. 

Screw school, screw science, screw English I was just going to stay here with my boyfriend and sleep all the worries of my life away, and no one was going to stop me. I deserve this, I didn't do anything wrong. I deserve to be happy and stress free after all of the things I've gone through. 

"I love you." I mumbled to Josh, sliding my fingers under his shirt and his head rolled to the side, eyes opening slightly to look at me. 

"I love you too." He smiled slightly, his foggy morning voice making me swoon just as I do whenever he says those words. 

"I don't ever wanna leave." I whine softly, half expecting him to say something like 'yeah, but we have to.' 

Contrary to my beliefs he doesn't say that though. "me neither." 

At that we just laid in silence, staring at each other with adoration if I've ever seen it. Footsteps and doors slammed outside in the hallway but it sounded like it was coming from another world. another bell sounded, ringing through the building and I couldn't even hear it with how close Josh and I were. 

"So we're just gonna stay here?" He asks, voice groggy and rough and I nod into his shirt. 

"can't move anyway...everythin hurts..." I mumble and he sighs. 

"I'm so sorry Ty." 

"don't be, you didn't do anythin." I mutter and he sighs again. 

"I didn't mean to manhandle you like that."

I huff and lift my head up to look him in the eyes "Josh you were just trying to keep me safe, I understand." 

"But Ty-" 

"I was thrown around enough anyway, it's fine. Josh really," I tilt his face towards me and direct his eyes to mine. "You did well." 

He nods, sniffling almost silently. "ok." 

We lay in another period of pure silence, just enjoying each others company. 

"Thank you for taking care of me." I mutter, faintly remembering soft hands and soothing words, warm water on bruised skin and kisses on my forehead...cool sheets and silent dreams. 

"least I could do." 

"Stop beating yourself up Josh, you don't deserve it." 

"but I do Tyler." 

"Stop." 

"No, it's true." 

"Josh stop, you're scaring me." 

"I'm sorry Ty." 

'It's...it's fine...Josh?" 

"Yeah?"

"Is that really how you feel?" 

"sometimes." 

"I wanted to talk about..." I hesitate, my mind egging me on like I knew it would. 

_C'mon Tyler you've been waiting to do this, you to need to talk about this._

"I wanted to talk about...you." 

Josh tenses under me, and I keep my gaze away from him. 

_He's gonna hate you now, can't you see?_

"I think we need to get you some help Joshie." I use the nickname in a nervous attempt at making him feel less attacked. 

"What?" 

"Just...some more medication maybe? You haven't been yourself Josh, You're anxiety is getting so so much worse." I say and he makes a small noise that's so unlike him. 

"I know...I know I know but it's fine, you, you are the number one commitment Ty." he says and my heat falls to the bottom of my lungs. 

"no no no, that's not right J. I'm not that important, your health is." 

He stays quiet for a second before continuing. "You are the most important." 

"Josh no!" I yell, sitting up and glaring at him. he shrinks back into the sheets and looks terrified. 

"Ty-"

"Josh stop! You mean so much to me why are you saying that?" I feel tears start to well in my eyes and my throat is slowly tightening. 

"Tyler I...I'm nothing. You are everything." he starts to cry "If you aren't happy, I, I won't be able to live with myself." 

"But you already aren't. Josh, this is making me upset. Why do you say such things?" Now the tears threatening to fall actually were, big and wet, streaming down my face. 

"I...I'm so sorry Tyler I didn't mean to-" 

"Josh, is that really how you see... this?" I gesture to the space between us "Am I just something for you to take care of?" 

"No no Tyler it isn't like that at all!" he yells, looking panicked as he grabs my hands and places them over his heart. 

"You aren't a chore. You aren't a responsibility. You are the love of my life." He says and I melt into his words, falling onto his chest and crying softly. 

"Josh I don't want you to be like me...I don't want you to second guess yourself." I whisper and he puts his head on top of mine. 

"I won't. I promise. It's just that it's been getting harder and harder to see the end of all of this. I don't know when this will be all over." he mumbles into my hair and I squeeze his hands. 

"Josh you can't do this to me...not now." 

"I...." 

"Josh we need to stay strong. Fuck, I love you so much how can you ever think that." I cry, feeling my puffy eye expel tears onto his thin cotton shirt, seeping through the material. 

"I'm...I'm so sorry Tyler." 

"Don't be sorry Josh!" I sob, pulling myself into some sort of sitting position and wrapping my arms around his back, holding him as tightly as humanly possible. "Don't be sorry!" 

he doesn't answer, just holds the back of my head and I can feel his body shaking with silent sobs as we both completely fall apart. 

But we needed this. 

This had to happen. 

Fuck, I hadn't known he felt any of this. 

_because your a terrible boyfriend, no one deserves you are you kidding me? He's been like this for months and you never even noticed._

Oh my god really?

_yes really, god you are just so stupid._

"Josh I love you so so so much." I say, pulling back from him so we are face to face. 

"I love you too Tyler." He sniffed and I cupped the side of his face, pulling him closer and closer until our lips were connected. 

Neither of us pulled back, or made any hesitation in the slightest, I licked Josh's bottom lip slightly until he opened his mouth wider and what was at first a gentle kiss was now a full on make out. 

He made small noises, whimpers and whines but I ignored them and continued on because he made no clear opposition. 

Strong arms pulled me into his lap so that I was straddling him, hands in my hair and tongue on tongue. 

It was everything we needed. 

It was all we needed 

right? 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Ryan's POV) 

 

I never left his side all night. 

We laid in his bed for an hour before falling asleep, me propped up against the pillows and his head in my lap. 

We slept for hours on end, not waking up until the second bell rang. 

Even when it did we stayed put, chocolate eyes boring into mine as I played with his hair, helping him breathe through the pain in his leg. 

I don't know how he did it, staying sane for so long with that much pain. 

But he did. 

It was a long night, a long night with alot of nightmares that I hadn't had in a long time. Recurring dreams battling with my sense as I slept. I woke up twice, shaking and in a cold sweat, the only thing I felt however was Brendon's arm around me. The bed smelled like sweet honey suckle, wild flowers, and rust. I'm not sure where the rusty metallic smell came from, but I assumed it had to do with the blood covering us, me being too tired to wash off and Brendon being too hurt to move.  

It was now almost passed third period, and no one had come looking for us, there had been no Sarah, no teachers, not even any students and I was starting to wonder why. 

"Where is everyone?" 

"Who cares." Brendon grumbles into my shirt. 

"I don't know...it's kinda eerie."

"It's fine Ry, go back to bed." 

"I can't...the lights." 

"Cover them." He mutters and I scoff. 

"How am I supposed to cover them?" 

"use your sheets." he retaliated and I sighed, slowly moving him over and getting out of bed, a head rush immediately following. 

"woah shit." I whispered, teetering on my feet for a moment before steadying myself against the dresser. 

"Calm down there." Brendon mumbled with his face in the sheets and I almost couldn't hear him. 

Standing on my bed I was able to block out about seventy five percent of the light coming from above, the blue sheets casting some sort of undersea vibes as the walls turned a cool blue. 

"That better?" Brendon asked, raising his head from the mattress to look at me and I nodded. 

"Yeah...I think." I sighed, unplugging the one tiny lamp beside the bathroom, quickly shedding my bloody shirt and changing my boxers. 

While climbing back in bed, I was careful not to jostle Brendon as I got under the covers. He waited for a few moments, still and patient until I was comfortable. Immediately after I settled in he pulled himself up by his elbows, and flopped down on top of me, his head on my chest and his arms around my waist. I smiled warmly at him and petted his hair, twisting the almost black locks between my fingers and he sighed, releasing happy little hums as I played with his hair and rolled his ear lobes between my fingers. 

"God I want to stay like this until I bleed out." Brendon whispered and I laughed, sliding my finger up and down his nose, he was basically purring by then. 

"Hun if it's that bad we can go down to the ICU." I say and he tenses. 

"B-ut...Spencer?" His voice cracks and I frown softly. 

"Baby he's too hurt to even walk, he might not even be there." I say and Brendon shakes his head. 

"N-no. Not until later can we just stay here?" He asks and there's simply no way in hell I can refuse now. Not after everything. 

"Of course we can. But if it hurts too much just tell me, I can't imagine the pain you're in." 

"I will." He breathes, rubbing his face along my chest.  

"Bren I'm so sorry that this happened." 

"Ryan it's my fault." He sighs "I shouldn't have gotten that detention in the first place, shouldn't have been running around by myself." 

"I wasn't there to help you." I mutter and he squeezes my waist. 

"You weren't supposed to be. It was my fault, you were not even part of it." He says, trying to distract me. 

"Yeah but I kinda am..." 

"No Ry, it was all my fault, I was being dumb and the repercussions were more then I bargained for." 

At this point I couldn't really argue. He was right, It was his fault... 

"I just got so scared..." I mumble and me looks up at me and smiles softly. 

"I know, but we're ok now, I promise...we'll be fine." 

As much as I wanted to believe him, I just couldn't. This was all too real, too mature, too explicit for two 18 year olds. 

We weren't safe, we were always in danger. It was dumb to think that there are no dangerous people in the world, and that we are invisible. 

We aren't. 

On the contrary. 

We are dolls. 

And dolls are pretty fucking easy to break. 

 

 

 


	28. The One That I Forgot To Title

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I missed you lot

(Brendon's POV) 

A day? 

A week?

A month? 

I lay in bed thinking, something that I never thought I'd do so much of. 

Ryan's asleep beside me, breathing soft and slow, body warm and relaxed. 

My eyes are sticky and wet, my legs sweaty and tangled in the sheets below. 

I think it's been a week. 

A week is seven days right? 

If so, I haven't left my room in a week. Morse specifically, I haven't left my bed in seven days. People have come and gone, Tyler and Josh to relax and talk, Gerard and Frank to update me on classes, and Sarah to tend to my leg. 

She has seen me upset many times, but I think this time it's just a little too severe for her to handle. The minute she walked in, two days after the "fight" she had cried, rushed over and hugged me tight. She told Ryan and I that Spencer had been taken to a hospital out of state. She wouldn't say where and honestly I didn't care. Apparently, Jon had been _so_ stricken with grief that he had went to the main office himself and told Ms Williams he was the one keeping cocaine in his room.

All of this _shit_ ruining _my life_ because of Spencer's need to get shitfaced and rape people. 

It wasn't fair, it really wasn't. I never signed up for that shit, I never deserved to get treated the way I did.

Three days after, my leg was in a cast and indeed broken. It hurt like a bitch and it still does byt Ryan has ways of making me feel better no matter what's happened.

They called my mom.

Sarah called my mom.

She made me talk to my mom.

I was crying, spilling everything to her because of course she didn't know, she never knew and this was the last thing I wanted to deal with in top of a broken leg, classes, Ryan, and all of the other terrible shit keeping me from sleeping at night.

All she had done was claimed me down enough only to say some Mormon bullshit and then try and convince me that Ryan was the devil and this was all his fault, that he had _lured_ Spencer and Jon into our lives and that I had just fallen into his trap. 

As I said, Mormon bullshit.

The phone was promptly thrown across the room and without a word, Sarah just patted my back and talked softly as I cried harder and harder until finally just falling asleep. 

I found myself taking more naps everyday, being asleep more then being awake. 

You should try it sometime. 

A sudden vibration shakes me out of my montage of the last few days and I look over to see Ryan shaking violently eject to me, eyelids fluttering and hands twitching.

A nightmare.

What's new?

"Ry....Ryan..." I whisper, patting his cheek sharp but gentle and he doesn't stir.

Small whimpers turn to loud, frightened mutters and horrified noises, his head going side to side as his body shakes with almost seizure like movements and he begins to scream. Simple, unintelligible words spill from his mouth as he yells, disturbing the peace of the room and cutting through my thoughts like a knife. 

"Ryan!" I holler, shaking him roughly now and he jumps out of his skin and off the bed, Crashing onto the floor with a loud thud and a chorus of pained groans. 

 "Wha-!" He gasps, and I look over the side of the bed to see him laying spread eagle on the floor, eye half closed. 

"You were having a another nightmare." I sea quietly and he opens his eyes to reveal whiskey irises. 

"Oh." Is all he says before huffing and sitting up, grabbing at his head. 

"Yeah." 

"Are you sure?" He asks and I shake my head. He has the absolute _worst_ night terrors and then forgets all about them. It's as if his brain is putting him through a never ending cycle of terror that he can't escape. 

"Yes Ry I'm sure." I assure him as he gets to his feet and sways with uncertainty.

"I feel..." I start, suddenly pausing and looking at the door. 

There's someone outside. 

I know there is.

"what?" He asks, glancing at the door halfheartedly. 

"There's, someone's there." I say and he tilts his head. 

"Bren classes re going on, no one is there." He says in a tired voice. 

He is as tired with me as I am tired with his night terrors. 

"But there is." I insist, grabbing his arm with wide, scared eyes. 

"No...there isn't hun stay calm." He mumbles, walking over to the door and opening it. I wince and flinch back, only to see and empty hallway, and Ryan standing next to the door looking concerned.

 "See? Nothing to be afraid of." He whispers, looking into the hallway left and right before closing the door and walking back towards me. 

"Oh...ok." I mutter, looking down at my lap and I fold my legs to be crossed over at the ankles.

"See...." he mumbles under his breath one last time and sits beside me.

"You know what we should do?" He asks, sounding almost excited and now I'm nervous.

"what?"

"We should go to our last class, the one that we have with everyone. I'm sure they'd be glad to see you after so long." Thoughtful eyes persuade me to say yes and five minutes later I'm shaking under the shower head, Ryan getting dressed in the other room while singing to me softly.

" _And they all played along to marching drums, and boy did they have fun, behind the sea."_

"They say, so our matching legs are marching clocks-" I sing along slowly, Ryan pausing to let me finish 

" _And we're all too small, to talk to god."_

"Yeah we're all too smart, to talk to god."I sing almost silently, forcing my head back under the icy spray and inhale sharply. 

"Bren? Are you ok?!" Ryan asks, slightly worried would be an understatement.

"yeah, it's just...c-cold." I say and suddenly he's pulling back the curtain and staring at me. 

"RYAN!" I scream, pressing against the wall and covering my crotch.

"What?!"  He yells in retaliation, covering his eyes and I have the smallest desire to laugh. 

"Whattya doing?!" 

"Checkin on ya!" He chuckles, removing his hands only for me to yank the curtain back over myself. 

_"_ I'm fine!" 

"Bren you don't always mean that..." he says quietly and I peek out from behind the thick silicone curtain. 

"What?" 

" _I'm fine."_ He says exasperatedly, looking me in the eyes. 

Deep, golden brown honey eyes.

"I....I am Ryan don't worry." I argue, lowering my gaze and a shiver goes down my spine. The shower running in the background making the atmosphere soothing and it's a nice distraction from the bitter silence. 

"B you haven't left the dorm in a week." He sighs, sitting in the closed toilet and I roll my eyes, choking slightly on nervous saliva gathering in my mouth. 

"I...I'm gathering myself." I whisper, eyes still large I can feel them stretching my face. 

Ryan sighs, a disappointed kind of sigh and tilts his head back. 

"I miss you." He states simply and I cock my head. 

"But we've b-been together all week." I say, nerves still racking my voice and making it high and annoying. 

"It's just not the same, you're not you...you're like...dead." He says quietly and I can tell he's ashamed of saying it. 

"Dead?" I ask, almost offended but I know in my heart he's absolutely right. 

"Sleeping all the time and barely talking could constitute as dead Bren." 

"Oh....I'm s-sorry Ry." 

"There's nothing to be sorry about Bren. It's not your fault I just think it'll be good to get out and see some people." His tone is hopeful and convincing, one of the reasons he had always been my anchor. 

Especially during times like these. 

everything he accused me of was true. The past week I had been living like I was in a coma. Barely eating, small talk until I passed out, and refusing to see anyone, or even make conversation. It had been hard for him I know, after being so scared of losing me and then not really having me at all. 

I was wallowing in my own self pity, I needed to get over it because the both of them were gone now and the only thing left to do was to get myself together and to relax for once, enjoy the rest of the year with my friends and try to actually get better. 

"Ok...ok I'm getting ready Ry I will, I know." I say hurriedly, closing the curtain with a loud and frustrated swish.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Tyler's POV)

 

Sudden vigorous shaking to my side rouses me from a well deserved sleep and my face flies up from the cool desktop that I had been resting on during class. 

"Tyler wake up!" Josh scolds, keeping his voice down as to not disturb the other students. I looked around the darkened room to see almost everyone else doing exactly what I had been doing. A movie was playing in the front of the classroom that we where supposed to be taking notes on.

"Josh what the hell?!" I whisper yell, swatting his arm and closing my eyes.

"You are supposed to be paying attention." He tuts and I roll my eyes underneath the lids.

"I could care less about this shit." I mumble and open my eyes to see him looking offended.

"You mean you _don't_ want to watch _bury my heart at wounded knee?_ " Josh asks sarcastically and I chuckle quietly. 

 "Not to be disrespectful but no." I laugh and he smiles softly. 

"I'm just so tired." 

"I know you are." 

"Do ya really?" 

"Yep." 

 Slowly I lean towards him, resting my head on his shoulder as I sink back down into a comfortable position. 

"Well if you know how tired I am I'd expect you to let me sleep." I argue quietly, pinching his arm softly and letting my eyes flutter closed. 

"Sorry but it's getting boring and I'm lonely." Josh mutters and I roll my eyes. 

"Boohoo." I scoff and he bites my ear slightly. 

"Ow shit!" 

"That's what you get." He mumbles and I scrunch up my face. 

"I'll go sit with Gee." I warn and he makes puppy eyes. 

"Please stay with me?" 

" _Fine_." I roll my eyes and hug him tightly. 

"So I was thinking about last week..." he whispers and I put my finger over his lips to silence him. 

"I thought we agreed that we weren't going to talk about last week?" I say in a sharp tone and he immediately stops, pursing his lips and looking down. 

"Yeah...sorry." 

Silence follows his statement and we just sit and try to focus on the extremely boring movie the teacher had out on for our American History class. There was only a few minutes left until we could go to our last class but it still felt like years and years until we could finally leave. 

The bell finally does ring, a sharp echo resounding throughout the halls as Josh and I walk to our last class, the same class we have wanted to avoid since _the incident_. 

But alas, we can't just skip all our classes like Brendon and Ryan have been allowed to. Honestly, I think they haven't even left since that night. People have come and went from their room but they had just stayed there for hours on end. 

 

"What's wrong?" Gerard asks me as I sit at our group table during intro to rock, our last class of the day. 

"Nothing, I'm fine." 

"Cmon ty we all know that's bullshit." 

I look up from staring at my hands to see him staring solemnly at me with his deep dark midnight brown eyes.

Thoughtful eyes. 

Warm eyes. 

Kind eyes. 

Josh eyes. 

"I'm just tired." 

"So am I but I don't sit around like my dog was just killed." 

I roll my eyes at him and scoff, looking over the barrier and scowling at the teacher who considers classical music to be rock. 

Like what the fuck? Classical is _not_ rock. 

"I don't know Gee, just depression acting up again. I'm not really interested in anything at the moment." I say and he finally backs down. 

"Ok I get it." He whispers, patting my back and sitting in his own chair. 

My eyes start to feel heavy just as they had twenty minutes ago and just as they shut a loud clang forces the, back open again. My body jumps and I turn around to see Brendon and Ryan standing in the doorway to the second floor. Hundreds of eyes in the room find their way to the back and no one makes a single noise. By now, the entire school knew what had happened and while they were repectful about it, it didn't stop the, from staring and making rumors and gossip.

On the topic of rumors, my favorites happen to be that they were part of a gang and Brendon owed them money, Spencer was actually 45 and part of some kind of Ohio mafia and was told that Brendon killed his son. And lastly, my personal favorite,  Spencer was a hitman hired by one of the doctors at the old hospital that was paying him to bring Brendon back, dead or alive, in order to do tests on him. 

"Oh....hey guys." Josh says, trying to sound excited but it comes out as dread.

"Hi Bren..." Gerard says carefully, scooting over and making room for him.

"C'mere Ry."  Dallon says with a smile, standing up and holding Ryan's hand, who looks partially petrified as he leads him to a chair. 

They both sit, both small bodies tense and nervous as they look around the room with wide, scared eyes. 

"You alright?" I whisper, leaning towards Brendon and placing my palm over his, intwining our fingers and trying to smile warmly. 

"Y-yeah....a lot better." He stutters, looking down and then at me and then down again. 

"Good, that's so good Brenny." I say warmly, and he lowers his face and smiles at the table. 

After a few minuets the both of them are relaxed, and the class has settled down. Brendon was speaking quietly with Josh while Ryan sat against Dallon and played with his fingers. 

Its funny sometimes, how affectionate we are with each other. 

Wed do anything for each other. 

_How sweet..._

Oh Jesus shut the fuck up. 

_I've kept quiet for way too long, been so good..._

Yeah I know I kinda hoped you'd stay that way. 

_Nothing can stay silent for that long, it's the witching hour sweetheart._

I look down, away from my friends and whisper into my shirt sleeve. 

"Shut the fuck up or I swear to god-" 

_I'd love to see you try. Really, I would. I mean, look what youve done to Josh, you ruined him. Like you ruin everything._

"I-I didn't do shit." 

_That's what you like to tell yourself..._

"Just...shut up!" I yell into my sleeve, muffling it to sound like a cough. 

_Quiet now ty ty or you'll disturb your little rag tag team of misfits_

 I scoff, rolling my eyes at the ceiling and twirling my fingers around on the tabletop.

_Or maybe you will disturb them, and they'll see how disturbed you still are_

"shut up blurry you're gonna-"

"-Tyler?"

I whip around, moving my face from my sleeve and staring at Josh with an undoubtably guilty face.  

"Y-yeah?" I say, pasting on a happy expression and sitting up straighter. 

"You alright?" 

"Of course! I'm fine!" I laugh, feeling the lies slip down my throat slow and sticky like honey. 

"Ok..." Josh says skeptically, looking me up and down with lowered eyes. 

After a few seconds he turns back around to talk to Frank and I find myself slipping away for the second time. 

"I can't keep doing this with you." I say in a hushed tone, pretending to look at my book but actually talking under my breath. 

_But I sure can_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehehehhehehehheheh 
> 
> My playbill came in the mail its gorgeous thnx beebo! 
> 
> Imma see Kinky boots on the 28 I think 
> 
> Jon Bellion on September 8th hmu if you're going! 
> 
> Those girls that crashed Amy's wedding to meet Josh...I'm not even gonna talk abt it it pisses me off sm


	29. The One That I Just Threw Together

(Josh's POV) 

 

Tomorrow is Halloween. 

I love Halloween.

"Hey, tomorrow is Halloween." 

"I know." 

"Brendon said that we were invited to a party." 

"Oh." 

"Do you wanna go?" 

"I...I didn't really wanna do anything for Halloween this year." 

Tyler doesn't want to do anything for Halloween. 

I love Halloween. 

"that's ok. But, I mean, its a small one..." 

"I'll think about it." 

I sigh softly and switch from resting my face on my right hand to my left. 

"Josh if you want to go then you can. I won't stop you." he huffs, looking over his book. His eyes are tinged red and I don't remember them looking that way. 

"Ty I'm not gonna go without you. You no that. I'll just stay here." 

He rolls is eyes and puts the book down. "But Halloween is your favorite." 

"But it won't be fun without you. It's perfectly fine if you wanna just stay here." 

Tyler shrugs which gives me _absolutely_ no intuition of his thoughts. A shrug is not an answer. It never was. 

"Josh I get that you want me to go but I'm not gonna have fun. Who's hosting it anyway?" he raises an eyebrow and I check my phone and see a message from Brendon of all people. 

_Forehead: we are all eating lunch where r u 2?_

_Me: Still at home._

_Forehead is typing..._

"Uh....what did you say?" 

Tyler rolls his eyes and starts putting on a shirt "I asked who's throwing it." 

"Oh...um that kid Brendon is always talking about? The one with the Blue hair? Awsten?" 

"Oh." Tyler tilts his head and stares at the door. 

_Forehead: are you coming or...?_

_Me: hold on._

"He's nice. Funny guy. Kinda weird but...eccentric." I say, trying to convince him that Awsten isn't a complete stranger. 

"Yeah I know we were talking the other night." 

I open my mouth to say something but suddenly I'm at a loss for words. 

Oh. 

He notices my obvious shock. "I talk to people you know, I'm not a complete outcast." 

"Tyler I never said that." I spit defensively and he shrugs again. 

I hate it when he does that. 

_Forehead: Jesus ok, what's crawled up your ass?_

_Me: shut up or we aren't coming at all._

_Forehead: it's been a month Josh, it's time to actually have some fun. Stop moping around._

_Me: ok fine, I'm sorry._

_Forehead: :))))_

_me: :(((((_

_Foreahead: That's a little dramatic_

_Me ;(((((((_

_Forehead: get down here_

_Me: ok_

"Can you stop looking at your phone?" Tyler asks incredulously, as if he's appalled that I have friends other then him. 

We are in a bad place right now. 

"Just talking to Brendon." 

"Why?" 

"He wants us to come down for lunch." I reply and Tyler makes a face. Somewhere between exhausted and annoyed. 

"Ok." He says dismissively and gets out of bed, in the attempt of exchanging grey sweatpants for black jeans. My eyes wander over his pointed hipbones as he walks across the room, past me, and over to his dresser. Soft light grey material pales in contrast to his smooth dark tanned skin. 

"what?" He asks and I look up in surprise, seeing his eyes squint down at me sitting on my bed. 

"N-nothin." I say, slight smile threatening to creep over my face. 

"If he wants us to come down then stop giving me those eyes." Tyler chuckles, a noise I haven't heard in a surprising long time, and rolls his shoulders. 

I love it when he does that. 

He knows I love it. 

"I'm not doing  _anything."_ I argue, quickly reaching out and grabbing the waistband of his sweatpants, tugging him closer and he giggles. 

" _Stop_ Josh!" he laughs, trying to swat my hands away, eyes shining and dimples prominent. 

We stay like that for a moment, Tyler playfully pulling away as I battle with him, pulling him closer and closer. 

"Josh...C'mon...what bout Brendon?" he gasps out from how I'm tickling him. 

"Who fuckin cares?" I ask to no one in particular and he laughs loudly in my ear.  

I hear my phone ding and Tyler raises an eyebrow at me but I just smirk and pull him down on top of me, the cheap mattress dipping under our weight. 

"I'm impressed." is all he says before dipping his head and kissing me gently, our faces moving in perfect synchronization. 

This hasn't happened in a long time. 

I'm surprised we're still so good at it. 

After a few moments I feel his mouth open slightly and now there's a tongue on mine. 

I groan in response and Tyler throws a leg over my waist and straddles me, pressing me down into the pillows behind us and I half sigh half moan in contempt. 

"We could just do this instead of the Halloween party..." Tyler suggests with a low voice and I nod without even having to think about it. 

"Or we could go, get wasted, and do this  _at_ the party." I say and he mutters something I can't understand. 

"hmm?" I ask before finding a nice spot between his neck and shoulder. 

"sounds good...to me." He chokes out after a second and I smile into his skin. 

"Really?" 

"Yeah. Haven't had a beer in a while." he mumbles and I laugh. 

"have you even ever had a beer?" I ask teasingly and he bites my lip. 

"Of course I have. You seem to forget the fact that I'm only four years away from being able to drink." 

wait...

four? 

"You're seventeen?" I ask in disbelief and he immediately jumps away from me, still seated in my lap, and gives me the dirtiest look I've ever received from him. 

"What did you just ask me?" 

"I...you're seventeen?" I repeat and his shoulders slump, eyes getting wet all the sudden and I'm scared I just did something really wrong.

 "Josh what the FUCK?!" He yells, throwing his hands up in frustration. 

"I...you never told me!" I scream, trying to defend myself because I don't think he ever told me that. 

"We've been dating for almost a year and you didn't even know how old I am?!" he hollers. 

"It never came up Tyler i just thought we were all the same age!" 

"I know how old you are!" 

"Everyone is eighteen!" 

"Not me!" 

I don't say anything. Two deep breaths is all it takes for me to calm myself down and I hold his hands, much to his dismay. 

"Don't touch me Josh." he says quietly, looking away and I can see his face getting red out of both anger and embarrassment. 

He's seventeen? 

He's been in that hospital a lot longer then I had previously thought. 

"I'm sorry Tyler. I'm really sorry I didn't know."  

"well of course you didn't..." He mumbles and I squeeze his hands a little. 

"There's nothing wrong with you being seventeen..." I say, trying to lighten the mood but I can tell he's not having it. 

"There isn't anything wrong with that. What's wrong is that you didn't know my fucking age!" 

"Tyler-" 

"-Josh." he says my name in a tone that's laced with ice. It's cold. He's  _pissed._

"Tyler I'm really really sorry. I mean it." he looks at me, brown eyes turning almost grey. 

"Please, believe me, forgive me. I'm sorry and I'll make it up to you." 

I don't know what I'm supposed to do to make it up to him but I'll try anything, I'll do whatever he wants it can't be that much. 

".....ok." he says quietly, looking anywhere but me and I can't stand it. 

"Ty..." 

"hm?" He takes his hands away from mine and plays with his fingers. 

"Ty look at me." My voice breaks at me and he does, brown meeting brown and he smiles sadly. 

"I love you." 

"I know you do." a frown appears and I really want to make it go away. 

"so..." 

he looks at me again. 

"You like older guys?" I ask, a teasing smile making it's presence and I can see him fighting a smile on his own face. 

"Maybe that's what it is." he hums, wiping his eyes and biting his lip, eyes grazing over me. 

"God you're gorgeous." I mumble and he blushes, eyelashes fluttering and he giggles again. 

"stop flirting with me." he whines and I wink at him, lifting my face to his and nipping at his lips. 

"why?" 

 "Because I'm already yours you don't have to chase after me." 

"But I want to." 

"Why?" 

"Cause I like to " 

"but why?"

"I like to watch you try and run." 

 He goes expressionless for a minute, his eyebrows quickly pulling together and he purses his lips to stop from smiling. 

"Ok." He says in a tiny voice, blushing profusely and I'm so glad I can still make him do that. 

The air in our cramped dorm room is hot and still vaugly nervous, tension building because I have no idea when he's going to snap next. I feel my throat begin to sting from screaming and I knew that wasn't a good idea at the time but I kinda had to. 

He doesn't listen unless I scream. 

He just doesn't. 

In a rare pulse of affection, Tyler surges forward and pecks me on the cheek. 

Not the lips. 

The cheek. 

"Love you too." I say with a smirk and he bites his lip

"love you more." 

"Nah I don't think so..." I argue and he pretends to be offended. 

"Are you questioning my love for you?" 

"Maybe." 

"Well then, maybe I should remind you how much I do." He says teasingly, rotating his hips on top of me and I grab his waist. 

"Don't you dare start something if you don't want to finish it." I warn him and he laughs. 

"I do wanna finish though." He says and I chuckle before leaning in to kiss him. 

"MAKIN MY WAY DOWNTOWN WALKIN FAST FACES PASS AND IM HOME NOW...." 

The sudden noise breaks our small moment of adoration and we turn to look at my phone buzzing and playing the obnoxious song that I had set for Brendon's ringtone.  

"Mother fucker!" I curse angrily, scrunching up my face and picking up the phone. 

"What the hell do you want?!" 

"Where the _fuck_ are you bitch?" Brendon's very annoyed voice comes through the speaker. 

"Just got held up, we are on our way I promise." 

"You said that liketen minutes ago." He whines, and I roll my eyes, Tyler giggling and climbing off me. 

As he goes, I reach for him and stick my bottom lip out. He looks over his shoulder and waves me off, stifling laughs as I try to get him to come back while Brendon blabbers away on the other line. 

 "-well you better be here in five or I swear-"

"-ok bye!" I yell, frustration shining through my false sweet voice. Brendon starts to argue, say something snippy, but he can't because I hang up, much to Tyler's shock. 

"Wow J did you really just hang up on him?" He asks, pulling on a plain white t and black jeans. I motion for him to get a sweatshirt as well and he rolls his eyes at me, getting one none the less. 

Its cold. 

Gotta protect my bean. 

"Yeah." 

"So proud. So so proud." He says sarcastically and I roll my eyes and stretch out on the bed. 

"Shut up." 

"Fine." 

"No wait please don't." Desperate tones coat my voice and Tyler smiles with a sly expression that makes me giggle. 

"Cmon are we going to lunch or not? Only a matter of time before we have the next class." 

"Oh right," I say, almost forgetting that it's a school day. "Ok, lets go." 

We walk hand in hand to the cafeteria, people looking but not minding us as we stroll down the sidewalk towards the largest building on campus. 

The sky is a dark moody blue, almost metallic looking and it smells so crisp and clean, cold too. My nose starts to get increasingly colder and colder, as well as red. 

"You look so cold." Tyler makes note of my pink nose and shivering torso.

"Im fine." I argue, looking over his head that's now growing a considerable amount of hair, contrary to when I had shaved it about two months before. 

A lot had happened since then. 

Mostly, we'd gotten our shit together. 

"J you're freezing." 

"Dont worry." 

"There you were nagging me about a coat and you didn't even bring one. It's Ohio Josh what did you expect?" 

"I thought a long sleeved shirt would be enough." 

"Well..." he stops, looking ahead and stops dead in his tracks. I immediately go into a protective state, stepping I front of him and looking around. 

"What? What is it?" I ask in a hurried voice, and Tyler attaches himself to my back. I can feel him shaking furiously behind me and I turn around. 

"He's....he's looking at me." Tyler says, voice cracking and I turn back around, seeing almost no one except for some kids sitting near the fountain, all doing their own things. 

"Who?" 

"Spencer." 

I clench my jaw, turning around and wrapping my arms around him. I felt his fast breathing on my neck, his small delicate hands fisting my shirt with such urgency you would think he was about to die. 

_Spencer._

No one had said that name in a _very_ long time. 

No one had even mentioned _anything_ since two months ago. 

Excpet for Tyler. 

It wasn't possible, for him to come back.

Everyone knew it wasn't possible.

I knew it wasn't possible. 

But Tyler didn't know. 

He hadn't grasped it yet, that Spencer was gone for good. 

"Tyler. Ty, listen to me." I pull him off me, peeling finger by finger away from my shirt and his breathing is racked with sobs. 

"He's not here. He's never coming back he isn't ever going to see you again." 

Tyler hides his face in my neck, tears wetting the skin and I close my eyes in anger and sadness. Tyler hadn't even been affected _that_ much. I mean, compared to Brendon and Ryan nothing had happened to him. But I guess the pain from seeing his friends so scared could've scarred him. 

And I mean, beating beaten and thrown to the ground could've done some mental damage. 

And I guess being threatened and frightened to the point of passing out probably caused some trauma. 

"He's....hes _coming to get me."_ Tyler's voice comes from below me, low and serious and completely terrifying. 

"No. No he's not Ty he's never gonna see you again." It's like I'm arguing with a brick wall because Tyler continues to cry, draping himself on me and violently sobbing.

"shit shit shit." I mumble, looking around at the almost empty lawn and just trying to calm him down enough to walk or talk. 

As he continues to cry on my chest.

I don't know what to do.

I don't.

I really don't.

But I think I might know someone who does.

I get out my phone and quickly dial Ryan's number. 

On the third ring I hear him "yeah?" 

"It's Tyler." I say and he immediately quiets down, and I can hear him shushing the other people at the table. 

"What's the matter? What happened?" 

"He's having like, civil war flashbacks." I say, trying not to make it as serious as it is because I'm a teenager and I don't know any better.

"wait what?" Ryan asks and I let Tyler's hair. 

"He thinks he saw....Spencer...but he's not here and he won't stop crying." 

Silence. 

"...where are you?" 

"By the fountain." 

"Ok, don't move." Ryan says quickly, sounding rushed and then I hear the dial tone once more signaling he's hung up. 

"Uh...ok." I speak to the air, silence being cut off by Tyler's whimpers and quiet sobs as he just empties himself on top of me. 

"Tyler you hafta calm down, no ones here." I say soothingly but he just keeps shivering, closed eyes fluttering and lips quivering. 

I hate seeing him like this. 

He looks so hopeless. 

So helpless. 

I feel like I can't do anything. 

Because I can't. 

I'm worthless. 

Soon after the call I see Ryan running towards us, hair a mess flopping in his face and I can see him visibly going pale as he gets closer and closer. 

"Jesus Christ what did you do to him?" Ryan asks, assessing Tyler as he continues to sob. 

"I didn't do anything." I respond, slightly hurt by the fact he thought I'd do something like that to my own boyfriend. 

"Ok...it's alright Tyler. It's all ok. Can you look at me?" Ryan asks, trying to tilt Tyler's face up but he won't budge. 

"Tyler. I need to see your eyes." Ryan commands and Tyler slowly looks up, beautiful brown eyes wet with tears. 

"There we go. See, everything is ok. There's no one here that wants to hurt you." Ryan assures him and he looks around, still gripping my shirt. 

"See?" 

Tyler nods slowly, wiping his eyes on my shirt and tentatively taking a few steps forward.

  "You're doing so great Ty." Ryan whispers and holds onto his arm, guiding him forward and he takes a few wobbly steps but eventually makes it to the front doors of the building we had wanted to get to in the first place. 

"If he does that again just call me and I'll always be able to help." Ryan mutters in my ear as we enter, Tyler now walking freely and looking beyond horrified with himself, face bright red. 

"It's ok Ty, it happens." I whisper to him and he scowls 

"then why does it always happen to _me._ " He spits, sounding 100% pissed off and I don't know what to say to calm him down. 

"Hey guys! Where the fuck have you been?" Brendon yells as we get to the table and Ryan waves him down. 

"Chill dude they were getting stuff done." 

"Oh, like Brown's calculus homework? I swear to god man that shits gonna implode my brain." Brendon groans and leans back in his seat. 

"Yeah, something like that." I say and sit down, Tyler taking his place on my right. 

The chatter amongst the group continues even after we arrive, and minutes go by where Tyler isn't doing anything at all. I watch as he plays with his fingers, his hair, Ryan's fork, and then he just sits there. 

Im about to say something to him but he turns, his face goes to his sleeve and he mumbles something. I  lose my mouth and pretend not to see but I automatically tune everyone out to hear what he says next. 

He leans forward again, eyes closed and says something that makes my hairs stand on the back of my neck. 

" _Just do it tonight, no one will know it'll be over."_

It's not just the words, even though they are terrifying with no context, it's his _voice._

It's low and dark and from the back of his throat. 

Its not him. 

I choke on my my spit and look down to see his hands in his pockets. They're fighting under the cloth and moving rapidly. 

This is definitely not him.

It isnt.

Its _Blurry._  

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's raining ugh I love rain sm   
> Btw I'm halfway through THROAM so don't fucking touch me"shut up


	30. The One On Halloween

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short one but I figured updating is better than not! .))

(Josh's POV)

 

"Oh so _now_ you don't want to go to the party?!" Tyler yells, his tone 100% annoyed and I immediately regret even bringing it up. 

"We...we can if you want." I say, trying to fix it but lord knows once he's riled up there's no stopping him. 

"You were the one who wanted to go in the first place!" He screams in an accusatory way, putting the blame on me when all I'm tying to do is help. 

"Tyler you didn't even want to." 

"Yeah but maybe now I do." He pouts, crossing his arms like a child. 

"Ty I think it would be best if we just stayed in tonight, like we were going to." 

"But Josh _everyone_ is going." He whines, bottom lip protruding and I shake my head. 

"I really don't think it would be the best for your head space." 

"I'm not a little Josh..." he looks at me in a funny way and I roll my eyes. 

"No I mean, like, for your heads health. I don't think a noisy crowded party would be the best." 

"But it's high school Josh, I just want to try and have some fun." 

"I know, and I do too but we can have fun by ourselves." I try and persuade him to have it my way but even I know he's made up his mind and he won't be changing it anytime soon. 

"I don't understand why you're changing your mid all the sudden. We talked about this yesterday." He crosses his arms over his chest and sighs dramatically. 

"Ty I just want what's best for you?" 

"So that means no fun?!" He screams, making me back up and I bump into the dresser in our dorm. 

"Tyler, calm down I-" 

"No Josh! I'm so sick of you traeting me like I'm your kid! I'm your boyfriend!" He cries, eyes hot and dangerous, like they're searing into me. 

"Tyler I-" 

"no Josh! Just shut up for a minute!" He yells and I do. I do shut up and I walk right out the door, slamming it behind me. 

(Tyler's POV) 

_What the fuck did you just do?_

"I....." 

_See? I told you this would happen and there it is. He can't take how incorrigible you are._

"I'm not-" 

_-tell that to him. He couldn't even bear one more second with you._

"...." 

_you know it's true. He hates you now see what you've done?_

"I'll go after him. I have to or he'll-" 

_What will he do? Find another boyfriend. Think again. He just needs time._

"Oh god I feel so bad." 

_You should. You literally just fucking screamed at him because of what? A party._

"He's treating me like a child." 

_Because you're acting like one._

"You know what? Go away." 

_See, this is what you do. You're all for the blame until it's out on yourself._

_"_ Just...fucking go away, Blurry, go away." 

And he did. And I was alone. 

I should stay here. Shouldn't I?

or I should go find Josh, apologize. Shouldn't I?

no. I should wait here. 

I should be a god little boy like he wants me to. 

But if I go after him he'll see how much I care. 

Will he? 

Will _he_ even care? 

Or course he will, he's probably right outside the door, just cooling down. I know I can be difficult. I'm young, I'm troubled, I don't like to listen. 

My feet carefully make their way across the soft carpeted floor, socked feet making padding sounds as they travel. 

My hand is on the doorknob, still warm from his slightly sweaty hand, nervous from fighting. I turn it slowly, making sure he's not right outside but he isn't. I look left and right but all I see is an empty hallway and tears immediately spring to my eyes.

"...josh?"

Nothing. Just rows of closed wooden doors and me, alone, breath stuttering quickly as I realize what I've done.

Hes not coming back.

Hes never coming back.

never. he hates me.

Im going to be alone.

But wait, I won't be. I'll have Blurry.

Blurry.

Now small tears are large ones streaming down my face and I desperately try and wipe them away, try and collect myself so that I don't seem that the actual peice of trash I am.

"Tyler, oh my god I'm so sorry!" I look up to see Josh running up the hall, hair a mess and eyes red as if he's been smoking.

Instead of responding like a normal human being I just dissolve into more pathetic tears, shaking in my shoes until he's close enough that I can fall on top of him, crying louder when he holds me tight.

"Shh, shh it's ok I have you, it's all ok forget about it." His voice is low and lulling, deep octaves and just the right amount of masculinity that forces my instincts to behave.

"O-ok." I choke out, burying my face in his chest and breathing in his scent through a clogged nose.

"Ty I'm so sorry for leaving." He whispers, loud enough to not be considered a whisper but it's alright.

"I'm sorry too...I didn't mean it...I didn't." I sob, clutching at him and he slowly carries me into the room, shutting the door behind us and sitting on my bed. I immediately crawl into his lap, desperate for any of his attention and he pulls me in with just as much need, pressing my face against his neck and I drink him in.

"I know you didn't, I know. It's all ok." He coos, petting my head and making me feel like an infant but honestly I could care less.

He's here.   

He's here and that's all that matters. 

At least for now. 

"I...I love you s-so much Joshie." I choke out, and he sniffs quietly. 

"I love you too, lets never fight again." He whispers and I nod in agreement. 

We both know that's a lie. 

We know it but we just don't want to admit it. 

Like we haven't admitted the past few weeks have been rocky. 

'Lets blame it on the kidnapping'

"Indontbwant to be here." I mutter, holding onto his back tightly and he rubs my head, not really knowing if I mean the school or the Earth and to be honest, I don't know either. 

I could go for either at this point. 

I really don't want to be here. 

This is too much. 

Too many intense emotions, too much heartbreak, too much trauma to keep going. 

Because what's after this? 

College? 

I missed that opportunity a year ago. 

Family? 

They could care less about me. 

Marriage? 

Dont make me laugh. 

"Lets just take a nap ok? We'll see how we feel in a few hours. The party isn't until 9:30 so we have plenty of time. 

I remove my face from his chest and look at the clock behind me. _2:46_

When I turn back around I surge forward and kiss him. I kiss him hard. 

He kisses back at first, gripping my hips hard but also gently, our faces moving in synchronization.

I rock my hips forward, breathing on his neck and whimpering quietly. Needily. He shushes me and moves away, kissing my cheek and forehead. 

I need sex. 

I need sex. 

I need a distraction from this complete hell. 

I startbto lick his neck, long smooth strokes from his collarbone to his ear. 

What I wasn't expecting was for him to push me away. 

"J-josh...?" I whimper quietly, in disbelief and he just picks me up and puts me on the bed. Oh, I think. Oh, he wants sex too. 

But he doesn't. 

he pulls the covers over me and takes off his shoes, crawling under the sheets with me. 

"No sex, not right now Tyler." He mumbles, kissing my neck with affection, not passion. 

Its a nice change believe it or not. 

"B-but-" 

"no. I don't want to." He says quietly and now I know if I do anything it would be non consent. I don't wanna rape josh but god dammit I want him inside me. 

"Ok." I whisper, throwing one leg over his waist and squeezing his legs together, an arm over his chest and my face under his chin. 

"This is so much better isn't it?" He asks and I kiss his throat. 

"Yeah." 

No. 

No it's not. 

I want you so deep inside me I can't remember my own name. 

I want to orgasm my memories out of my own brain. 

I want you to make me forget with your dick. 

I cant do that by myself, only you can. That's why your here, you're here to fuck me senseless. 

But of course I can't say that to you. 

"What did we become." Josh mutters under his breath and I close my eyes, tight. 

 "I don't really know at this point." I say quietly, breathing through my nose so that I don't miss any piece of him. 

"It's ok though, isn't it?" He asks and I nod reassuringly, hoping that it will be. 

For his sake. 

For my sake. 

For all our sake. 

After a little bit I know he's asleep, his breathing is stuttered and rhythmic, his chest floating up and down and the hands around my waist are limp and unmoving.

But I can't sleep.

For one, it's the middle of the day, and I'm a normal person.

And secondly, I need to know why he changed his mind all the sudden. Was it because of me? Or was it someone else?

Before I let my mind slip into a dark place full of doubt I crawled away from him, taking a good seven minutes to remove myself from his grasp without waking him, which proved to be a challenge. I sat by myself for a moment, thinking of what I could do before I saw he phone on the dresser, sitting somewhat innocently at first but I knew it held secrets that I may or may not be prepared to handle.

Tentatively I took the phone in my hands, opening it easily because why would Josh's password be anything _but_ Tyler. I chuckled to myself knowing how predictable he is and how easily anyone could get into his phone. At least mine is Josh8. 

  Once it was unlocked I smiled at his home screen, a picture of us laying in the sand at camp, sharing a towel while Brendon is doing a backflip off the cliff behind us. It's actually a perfect shot, Brendon midair directly between us in the background as I lean on Josh with a smile, clearly laughing at something he said because he's looking at me in anticipation, his tongue peeking out between his teeth. My stomach swells at the picture, remembering how _happy_ we were that day, still right in the middle of summer and unknowing of what was ahead.

My background on my phone is a picture taken by Ryan, who had gone looking for us at the hospital before we left for camp and had found the two of us on the roof, sitting side by side. It's a silhouette, our backs to him so it's as real as it gets. We hadn't known he was there, the tow of us had just escaped from the mayhem and scrambled up to the roof to kiss and talk until the sun went down. It's a beautiful picture but my favorite kart of it is that my head is tilted towards his, almost leaning on his shoulder and I hadn't realized it at the time. It seems from my body language that I was too nervous to actually rest on him, too early in the relationship for that kid of affection. 

But just as I was getting butterflies his phone vibrated and there was a text from the one and only Brendon Urie. 

_Forehead: That sucks. Just do what you want._

I look at the text quizzically, scrolling up to see what the previous conversation had been about. Once I see my name I stop and start to read. 

_Hey man I don't think ty and I will b coming tn. I'm a little worried about him so I don't think a party will b 2 good 4 him._

_Forehead: aww, y what's wrong?_

_I think I heard him talking to himself earlier AFP did it was kinda freaking me out so I just wanna b with him alone._

_Forehead: understandable. Do u think maybe u will come later on? U deserve some fun, some beers and a good bj._

_Very funny, but I don't know yet. He didn't want to go at first so he'll prob just stay with me._

_Forehead: just like always..._

_what does that mean?_

_Forehead: nothin_

_brendon._

_Forehead: wot?_

_Shut up about that. He's still so fragile._

_Forehead: I know, I'm sorry, he's nit the only one you know._

_Forehead: *not._

_I know. Just have some patience._

_Forehead: so u cumming?_

_I don't think so..._

_Forehead: that sucks. Just do what you want._

I put the phone down, feeling my face burn with shame and embarrassment and I turn to Josh. I can't do this. He can't do it. Our friends can't do it. 

I shouldn't be here. 

Im a burden. 

Im just a waste of time. 

They need to be patient. 

I'm a child. 

Im dramatic. 

Im troubled. 

I need to leave 

I need to run

I need to just go away 

I need to just leave them all 

it would be so much better if I were dead. 

_"Glad we finally agree on some thing G."_

 


	31. The One At the Party pt. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *ohmygod she actually updated*

(Brendon's POV) 

 

"Ryan cut it out you're gonna poke me in the eye!" I huff frustrated. 

"B if you wanna look good then you have to put some effort in." He sighs, continuing to line my eyes with a black pencil. 

"But it might not even be a costume party!" 

"Awsten said it was." He retorts, in an all knowing tone and I roll my eyes. 

"It's not even a good costume." I whine, moving my hand up to rub my eyes but he pins it down with his free arm. 

"It's better then nothing." 

I sit and whine, high pitched and annoying and Ryan just growls at me. 

"Shut up Brendon I'm trying to concentrate." 

"I don't need eyeliner if I'm going to be a vampire!" I argue and he just shushes me. 

"It makes your eyes look darker and more dead." 

"Fine." 

He smiles at me and resumes his work, finally finishing my eyes and straightening the collar of my shirt. 

"What are you gonna wear though?" I ask and he just shrugs. 

"I was thinking we could put some fake blood on me, rip my shirt up and put two bleeding dots on my neck." He suggests

"that's actually pretty good, a cute couple costume." I laugh and he smiles again. 

"Now we just have to..." he tousles my hair, black strands poking out everywhere. 

"And..." he finishes dusting powder my face and I cough loudly.

"you're so dramatic." 

"You're trying to choke me." 

He rolls his eyes and digs in his bag for something. 

"I knew I had some...cause Halloween was coming I ordered it online..." he mumbles to himself and I just sit on my stool in the bathroom watching. 

The party was supposed to start at 10:30 or something like that, so naturally we had started getting ready at 10. I had no idea we'd be going, let alone all dressed up. 

"Found em!" Ryan yells enthusiastically, running back to the bathroom with a small black box. 

"What's in there?" I ask and Ryan hands it to me. 

"The finishing touch." He smiles and in this moment he looks so _gay_ and I just want to hug him and kiss his cheek and make him giggle. 

Cautiously I take the box from him and open it slowly, peeking in and tilting my head to the side. 

What the fuck _are_ these?

"there're fangs." Ryan says as if he could read my thoughts, and starts applying his own makeup. 

"Woah wait...these are sick!" I exclaim, taking them out and looking at them. They're about the size of a piece of corn, but pointed seemingly sharp and pearly white. 

"I know right, they were only like ten bucks." 

"Thanks babe!" 

"No problem. besides, I figured you'd look really hot with them in." He smirks, glancing down at me and I snicker. 

"I get why you have bites now..." 

"exactly." He confirms, grabbing a dark red lip liner that I had no idea he owned. 

"What are you doing with-" I say and he starts dotting on his neck, making two large circles appear under his throat and his collarbone. 

He hums innstaisfaction and leans forward, standing on his tiptoes to look in the mirror and make sure it's perfect. I watch and smile slightly as his eyebrows furrow in concentration, his fingers working steadily as if this really matters to him. 

"Why'd you put so many?" I ask and he just shrugs, looking over his shoulder and biting his lip. 

"Just making it realistic." He winks and I laugh, shrugging in agreement. 

"Then it's perfect." 

He dots blood on the collar of a cheap white button up and hums one of the songs I've heard him sing before. 

"What do you think the others are doing?"  I ask and he shrugs. 

"I know Frank and Gee are doing something...but other then that..." he trails off, staring at the counter. 

"I was talking with josh earlier..." 

"and?" 

"I don't know, he was all defensive and vague and I'm just not sure..." 

"so...?" 

"So I think Tyler and josh are no shows." I say quietly and he just nods. 

"Figures. They've always been like that, even more since that whole thing." 

I nod once again, scratching at my neck watching flakes of fake blood peel away and float to the tile floor like some kind of blood red snow. 

"I feel bad you know? I mean it's not our faults but now Tyler's even more fucked up then before." Ryan just looks over at me with sad eyes. 

"You need to let it go. He'll get over it eventually." 

"Did we?" 

Ryan's shoulders slump and he turns around. 

"Brendon that's a completely different thing." 

"I know but he's still as freaked out as we were." He gives me a look. "Maybe he didn't experience the same thing but it was still so traumatic for him, can you imagine how it must have felt to see us so horrified all the time? He was walking on glass for days." 

Ryan nods in agreement but makes a strange face. 

"What?" I ask and he just shakes his head. 

"I don't understand... how you can be so nonchalant about that whole thing. You were _raped."_

I swallow, momentarily choking on my own salvia. "Ryan, I don't want to-" 

"-see? See how triggered you get just by the word?" He points out defensively and I bite the inside of my cheek. 

"I'm not saying it didn't effect _me_ Ryan, I'm just arguing Tyler's case. He's still shook up and I don't know how long it'll take, maybe by Christmas." 

This makes him quiet, he turns back to the mirror and looks at himself for a minute before leaving the room and I just stand and wash the blood off my hands, pink swirls receding down the drain. 

 

Ryan and I are walking down the hall when I hear my name being called. 

"Bren! HEY FOREHEAD!" 

I whip around, just to see Pete fucking Wentz running towards me with Patrick on his heels. 

Only something was wrong. 

And that's what they were wearing. 

"Pete. What. The. Fuck." My mouth drops open and Ryan starts laughing hysterically. 

Hes dressed with his hair in front of his eyes, eyeliner and all, with one of _my_ sweatshirts. The purple one that I wear _all the fucking time._ I take a step back to see more and I just sigh. 

"Fuck." I mutter, looking him up and down while he smiles excitedly. 

Hes wearing black skinny jeans, my sweatshirt, and parted his hair the same way I do complete with my red glasses tucked into his shirt and a box of Capri sun under his arm. 

"Do you get it?" He asks and I refrain from punching him in the face. Ryan is still gasping next to me and I just roll my eyes. 

"What did you do, raid my closet?!" I yell and he just nods like a toddler who doesn't think they did anything wrong. 

"Maybe." He giggles and I look over at Patrick to scold him for letting his boyfriend in my dorm. 

And then I lose it. 

"AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA" I scream out in laughter, holding my mouth as I gasp for air at the sight of Patrick. 

He's wearing a light grey newsboy cap, as well as a matching vest and black pants, reminding me immediately of Ryan. If that wasn't enough, he curled his hair and put on eyeliner, which makes me laugh even harder. Ryan was hysterical as well, gripping my shoulder to get some stability while his body was shaking. 

"Like our costumes?" Patrick wiggles his eyebrows and I nod frantically, gasping for air and finally composing myself after a minute. 

"I hate you so much...but this is genius." I sigh, touching the hat and wondering if it's Ryan's or just a look alike. 

"You aren't actually going like that, are you?" Ryan asks and they nod. 

"Why wouldn't we? I didn't steal these juices from the cafeteria for nothing." Pete smirks and I lunch his shoulder. 

"How do you know me so well?" 

"Only the best for you baby" he teases and I roll my eyes. 

"What are you guys, vampires? That's lame." Patrick sighs, giving us a bored look. 

"Geez sorry." Ryan says sarcastically "and Brendon is the only vampire, I'm his prey." He gives me a sly look and I laugh, making a dumb face. 

"Oh, I always thought Brendon was a bottom." Pete remarks and I shove him. 

"Shut up wentz." 

"Make me breadbin." He says and I hiss at him, earning a laugh and a humorous look. 

"You guys go get frerard and we'll go check on joshler." Ryan says and they nod, walking the opposite way and I watch them go, realizing Pete had been sagging the jeans, great. 

"That's so creative." Ryan chuckles as we get to the elevator, going to their floor. 

"A little _too_ creative." I say, pouting and he just shushes me, laughing and hugging me. 

"Nah I liked it." He whispers. Kissing under my jaw and traveling down. 

"Ry...s-stop." I mutter, face flushing and he grins into my skin. 

"Why?" 

"C-cause someone might-" 

"-since when did you care?" He murmurs and I shiver. 

"I...Ryan what if someone sees I..." 

"shhhh...." he shushes me and starts nipping at my neck, humming lowly. 

"R-Ryan." I mumble again, pulling away but he grips the back of my neck and pulls me closer. 

I start to breathe heavy, him mistaking it for panting and sucking hard on the soft skin. I want to pull away, to shove him away, to scream. 

But I can't. 

Hes my boyfriend. 

This isn't non consensual, because he's my boyfriend. 

It wouldn't be considered rape. 

Would it?

"s-s-stop." I mutter, ducking my head down and he does, his face flying away from my neck immediately. 

"What? Oh shit what did I do? I'm so sorry Bren I really am." He rushes out, hugging me tightly and the elevator doors open. 

"No it's fine, I just got a little overwhelmed." I admit, burying my face in his shoulder and he holds my back, hugging me closer to him affectionately. 

"I'm sorry baby I am oh my god I didn't know I'm sorry." He repeats over and over again and I hush him, patting the back of his neck and feeling the curls wrap around my finger. 

"It's ok Ry, I'm fine now it's all ok." I say with a small smile, pulling back and tilting his face to meet mine. 

"Ok, if you say so. Let me make it up to you, anything you want." He says hastily and I just smile. 

"Promise me a good make out later at the party?" I give him a sly smirk and he blushes profusely. 

"O-ok." 

"Wanna give you some real marks." I whisper and bite his bottom lip before pulling away and walking out of the elevator, leaving him confused and flustered behind me. 

"Bren-" I hear him behind me and then there's arms around my waist and a nose buried in my neck. "I wanna feel fangs in my mouth, in my neck." He whines. 

"Cmon ry, ty and josh right now." I say, trying to refocus his attention and he whines loudly, licking my neck and I laugh at his attempt to seduce me. 

"Please?" 

"No Ryan, at the party." I say and he huffs, walking beside me and pouting. 

"Fine...fuck you." He says almost inaudibly and I chuckle. 

When we reach Tyler and Josh's door I hear next to nothing which slightly worries me. 

Ryan knocks three times and the door feels hollow, the inside empty. 

"Just open it." I mumble and he does, turning the knob and seeing the two sleeping next to each other. 

"Oh." I say softly, walking inside and sitting next to Tyler, brushing the hair off his forehead and watching his face twitch. 

"Oh look." Ryan says sweetly, gesturing to two hoodies with bone print on them. Looks like they're going as skeletons, whenever they wake up. 

"Should we...?" I ask., gesturing to Tyler, his face smushed into the pillow. His lips are slightly parted and eyes squeezed shut as if he were deep in thought. Adorable would be the only word to describe it.  

"I don't know, they might give agitated if we don't do it right." Ryan sighs and I nod. 

"Here I'll just shake him gently and see what happens." I say, putting my hand on Tyler's back and rubbing in circles, his whole body moving in sync with my movements. 

His eyelids start to twitch and one opens, seeing my face and blinking twice before flinching back and looking startled. 

"Oh, sorry ty." I say quietly and he continues to blink, rubbing his eyes and looking at me strangely. 

I totally forgot I  had this makeup on. 

"Good morning, or night I guess." Ryan laughs and Tyler turns to him, a smile pulling at his cheeks. 

"Hey guys, why are you here?" 

"On our way to the party." I say, gesturing to my ensemble and he chuckles, touching the blood on my face. 

"Creepy." 

"Ryan said it was hot." I pout and he giggles, laying back on the pillows and stretching. 

"No no it is." 

"Ok good, so are you coming?" 

"Don't have a costume." He says sadly, though he doesn't look it. 

"Yeah you do." Ryan comments "it's over there." He picks up the hoodie and tosses it to Tyler, who examines it and shrugs. 

"I guess there's nothing stopping me now." He sighs, pulling it on and running his face, standing and quickly walking to the bathroom before slamming the door and I hear the sink. 

"Well sent he a ray of sunshine." I sigh heavily, looking over at Josh who is still fast asleep and going nowhere. 

"Should we wake him too?" 

"Nah he's fine!" Tyler calls from the next room and Ryan shrugs, snooping through their things without shame. He quietly opens the beside table next to Tyler's bed and pulls out a condom, slipping it in his pocket and winking at me while I just roll my eyes. 

When Tyler comes back he's face is washed and his hair is fairly tamed, as well as black eyeliner along his waterline and stretching across his lips to mimic a scary looking smile. 

"You sure clean up nicely." Ryan notices, running a hand through his tangled hair and he just shrugs looking unimpressed.

"mediocre effort." He breathes and grabs his phone, shoving it in his pocket and as Ryan exits he grabs a pen and paper off the desk and scribbles a note. I look over his shoulder as he scrawls a message for Josh

 

_Went out with Brendon and Ryan._

_At the party, call me if you need me._

_Ill be waiting_

_Xx, Tyler._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll write another tomorrow give me a break


	32. The One at the Party pt. 2

(Tyler's POV) 

 

Walking down the hall, the three of us look seemingly normal, for once. Just some friends going to a party on Halloween. Mediocre makeup and costumes, a slight wobble in our step. 

Ryan and Brendon had obviously been drinking earlier, I'm just tired. 

Brendon was the one getting quick looks from people, a few high fives because he looked hot, everyone knew it. 

Even the straight boys. 

Which, in short, led to Ryan holding onto his arm tighter and giving people dirty looks as they passed, tilting his neck casually but enough to display the bite marks along his neck and chest. 

"Ryan, man, chill." I chuckled at him and he scowled. 

"They're acting like I'm not even here." He hisses, eyeing up one guy who looks Brendon up and down as we pass. 

"It's ok Ryan, you just don't see how many people are looking at you." I say and he raises his eyebrows. 

"Wait really?" 

"Yeah, I've seen like five guys look at you're ass." 

He blushes and stares straight ahead, a light flush overtaking his face. 

"Then why isn't Brendon doing anything?" He asks under his breath. 

"You just don't see it dude." I say in response and he rolls his eyes. 

"Ok." 

"Chill dude you guys are gonna be all over each other in like thirty minutes." 

"True." He sighs, leaning on Brendon as they walk and he looks down and smiles. 

"So where is Awsten's dorm?" I ask and Brendon just laughs. 

"What?" 

"You think it's actually in his dorm?" Brendon looks at me as if I'm crazy and I tilt my head. 

"...yeah." 

"Nah man, it's in a secret spot, according to him." He laughs and I start to feel anxious. 

"Oh." 

Ryan looks at me and squeezes my arm "what's wrong?" 

Wow, he caught on fast. 

"Nothing but like...where is it?" 

"Um...." he glares at Brendon for an answer, who looks at the ceiling, trying to remember. 

"He said that it was farther down campus, near the edge of the gate at the one huge facility." 

"You mean the _pool?"_ Ryan asks in disbelief and Brendon snaps. 

"Yep." 

"Brendon, what the hell?" Ryan sounds as suprised as I am and Brendon just laughs. 

"In the indoor one. It's huge and a 'nice ambiance' according to Awsten. We aren't expected to swim." Brendon explains and Ryan nods. 

"Oh, ok." 

"Yeah like, Geoff is bringing some bomb ass speakers apparently and I think the other guys stole some shit from the cafeteria." 

"When did you hear about all this?" I ask 

"I was texting with him." 

"Ok." I nod. This is staring to sound a little more fun. 

"Tyler?" Ryan asks as we're getting in the elevator, trying to stand far away from the guy dressed as some sort of homemade zombie. 

"Hm?" 

 "Why didn't you want Josh to come?" 

I don't look at him, turning my face away as I sigh. 

"I just need, a little space from him. It's all the time, day after day and I just need some time." 

"Oh...." Ryan looks at my strangely and I hunch my shoulders in. 

"So are you two...not a thing anymore." 

"No, god no I just...." I sigh, "things have been hard." 

"I get that.'" He holds my hand and stands on his toes to kiss my cheek. Brendon watching skeptically. 

I don't think he does get it. 

Maybe, maybe he does though. 

The doors open and we step out, walking to the left and out the doors, little people seeing us and we're glad for that. 

I haven't really thought about it, but we could get in some serious trouble for this. 

Almost the entire school, close to one hundred kids huddled in a pool house and partying until morning. I wonder what it would look like if we got caught, or when we got caught. 

How do you punish an entire school?

do you even?

I would assume they have protoco for that kind of thing, considered it is a school for 'troubled boys' 

but it's not like we have anything to look forward to like sports games or dances and shit like that. 

If it were a normal high school, they'd cancel the formal or ban the spots games. 

But this isn't a normal school. 

Would they starve us?

24 hour security? 

Honestly it could be anything at this point. 

We exit the student living quarters and suddenly we're out in the world, sudden chills running up my spine from the chilly October air in Ohio and I look over to see Ryan cuddling up to Brendon. I close my eyes and stuff my hands in my pockets.

I don't want to do this anymore.

I want to be back at the dorm

with Josh.

I want Josh.

I want Josh here with me.

I feel so lonely even with my friends around, I crave constant attention.

"H-how many people are coming tonight?" I ask nervously and Brendon shrugs.

"I don't know, everyone."

The thought alone makes me want to turn on my heel and head straight back inside, but now we're halfway up the lawn and I watch as a plethora of boys are heading the same direction, cheesy horror movie costumes and sports jerseys obscure my vision and a pale cream moon hangs above.

"It'll be fun you two, don't worry." Brendon hums and Ryan gives him a quick look.

"Easy for you to say." I mutter and Ryan gives me a knowing look while Brendon just looks offended.

"Don't put this on me ty."

"I'm not, it's just you act like it's no big deal we're about to go to a huge party at night that's against the rules when you know how nervous I get."

He looks like he doesn't have any words, but I know he does. He always does.

"Tyler you just have to relax, its Halloween, no one is out to get you no one cares."

"What do you mean?" I spit and Ryan puts his hand in front of me.

"Tyler what's wrong? What's actually going on?"

My bottom lip trembles and I feel like a toddler while my parents coddle me.

"Tyler...?" Ryan repeats and I sniff loudly.

"I don't know! I don't know why I'm so upset! I'm paranoid all the time and I know that you guys are getting sick of it but I don't know how you guys are so ok with all this!" I cry and they stop walking.

"W-what?"

"Everyone is fine, as if nothing happened but something did happen! And it was fucking scary and now I can't get over it and it's killing me because everyone is acting as if it never happened and I'm going crazy!"

Brendon takes a step forward and hesistaes while I start to shake.

"Tyler." He says sadly, opening his arms and I crash into them, crying loudly and I bury my face in his chest. Soon there's a hand on my back and Ryan is enveloping my back.

"I had no idea you were so upset about that ty..." he mutters and I cry harder, sounding absolutely pathetic but in this moment I guess it's alright.

I just nod into his chest while Ryan rubs my back slowly.

We stay like that for a few minutes, Brendon trying to calm me down enough to remove my face from his body and Ryan saying soothing words in my ears.

 After a few moments I wiggle out of their grip, taking a few steps back and wiping my face vigorously. I feel humiliated. 

This is humiliating. 

"I'm ok." I say before anyone can ask. 

"You sure-"

"-yeah." I interrupt, walking faster, farther away from them and they jog to catch up. 

"Ty wait we should talk about that..." Ryan encourages but I just shake my head, staring straight ahead and following the small crowds north. 

"I don't want to talk about it right now, let's just get drunk." I mutter and they follow without another word. 

(Ryan's POV) 

"Haha! Fuck!" I laugh, leaning on a wall while watching Brendon 'dance' 

he bursts into a fit of giggles, finally falling on me while he catches his breath and I place a quick kiss on his cheek. 

He rolls his neck and looks over at me lazily, his mouth cracked into a sleazy smile that could've only been created by copious amounts of cheap alcohol. 

I knew he was tipsy, I just don't think he did, and that's what made it so funny. 

We were surrounded by a bunch of semi sweaty teens, we weren't there just quiet yet, but the music was loud and layers of costumes were staring to be stripped in favor of being cool. The indoor pool was actually amazing, a lot cooler then we expected considered the only person that ever went was Mikey. Awsten and his friends actually did a great job on this place, there were plug in party lights that cast multicolored spots on the walls, and Geoff did in fact have some bomb ass speakers that were blasting all the best punk rock with a little hip hop mixed in. 

Tyler had honestly dissipated into thin air, I haven't seen him for about half an hour. Speaking of the time, it was about 11:30, which was a ballpark figure in all honesty. I had no idea what time it was, there were no clocks and my phone was back in our dorm. 

"Ry-" Brendon calls, grabbing my arm and pulling me to a shadowed part of the gigantic pool house. With the artificial lights, the water cast dancing shimmery reflections on the concrete walls and it looked like something out of a movie. This whole thing was much more impressive then I ever could've anticipated a group of 18 year olds to create. 

"Where're we goin?" I ask and he just giggles like he's up to no good. 

"Shnhhhshsh." 

I give him a weird look, my eyebrow raised and he shies away, looking mischievous. 

"Bren..." I warn, pulling away slightly but he just smiles, getting extremely close to my face and just hovering there.   

"Do ya trust me?" He mumbles and I nod. 

"Of course." I say with a chuckle and no less then two seconds later we're under a metal staircase in the farthest corner of the room, completely hidden away from everyone else. We pass by a few couples making out, and I'm almost 100% sure I see Patrick and Pete. Or maybe it's me and Brendon. 

Wait- 

Brendon presses me against the wall under the stairs and I let out a strangled gasp because the wall was pretty hard and it hurts my back, but whatever. 

Then there's lips on my neck and all I can hear is our breathing and muted music coming from behind us. 

"Fuck you're so hot." He breathes into my neck and I giggle at him. He's completely in over his head at this point while I still fairly sober. It's like he's my child or something, like he's younger. 

"Why're you laughing?" He pouts and pulls away, which makes me want to laugh even more. 

"You're just so adorable." I coo, pulling him by the neck closer to me, and he complies happily, humming into my hair. 

"I know." He smiles, pulling away and tilting my face up to look at him. In this one moment, he's not drunk. And we are alone. This is serious. I blink, and his eyes are glazed and his crooked smile is back. There's lips on my neck once again and I accept them willingly. 

"I love you." I hum under my breath and he flicks his face up to kiss me. 

"I love you too Ry." He hugs me tight and just rests his head on my shoulder. 

"Are....are you tired?" I laugh and he nods, pulling away and blinking slowly. 

"Brendon it's only like 12." I tilt my head and offer more of my neck, light purple bruises already starting to tingle and show under the skin. 

"I know but we had class today and..." he sighs, rubbing my cheek with him thumb. 

"Brendon. We came here to party and make out and fuck so that's what I want." 

"Ok ok." 

"I'll tell you what. We stick around until 1:15 and then we leave." I say in a promising tone and he smiles and nods. 

"Deal." 

"Ok then, cmon lets really get this started." I mutter and he laughs. 

When we walk back out into the main room there's people everywhere, dancing, eating, drinking. I see a bottle on the floor with people around it and I smirk to myself. 

Straight boys experimenting are always hilarious.

I think I see Pete/Brendon a few feet ahead so I jog up with the real Brendon in tow, tapping on his shoulder and Pete spins around, sloshing a red solo cup full of brown liquid.

"Hey guys!" He yells happily, and Patrick turn around as well.

"What's up?" Brendon asks and Pete just shrugs.

"Nothin much, this place is lit as fuck though." He chuckles, gesturing to the group of teens. 

"Anything planned?" Patrick asks and Brendon shrugs. 

"I think Awsten was just gonna wing it, have people make fun on their own."

"Oh that's chill-" Patrick starts to say but there's a huge noise coming from the pool, like an air horn.

In fact it is, everyone spins around to see Awsten standing atop the biggest diving board platform in the entire facility.

"HEY GUYS!" He screams, earning a chorus of whoops and yells from below. 

Hes dressed as Tom Cruise from risky business, pantsless, sunglasses, and all. 

"SO I THINK WE SHOULD HAVE SOME FUN!" He yells and there's thunderous applause and response from the kids below, including me and the rest of us. 

"ALRIGHT, LETS HAVE SOME VOLUNTEERS...." he starts, looking over the crowd and my blood starts to rush. 

"OK LETS HAVE MY MAIN MAN GEOFF, UM... BRENDON, TYLER AND MATTY!" He yells and my eyes widen, looking over at Brendon who starts laughing hysterically until he realizes everyone is looking at him. 

But wheres tyler?

"um...what exactly are we supposed to be doing?!" Brendon calls up to Awsten who shrugs innocently. 

"Just come up here!" He screams through cupped hands and Brendon just mutters "fuck it" before stalking off through the crowd of people and climbing to the top platform with Awsten, followed by two guys with curly brown hair, one of which I vaugly recognize. He's the guy we ran into after Brendon got detention, the one hitting on Tyler and I and the hairs on my neck stand seeing him and Brendon so close, so unknowing while at the same time shaking hands and chuckling like old friends. 

Theres four boys, but not Tyler which starts to concern me until I see him climb up the ladder, looking extremely nervous until Brendon smiles and wraps an arm around his shoulder. 

Thank god for Brendon Urie. 

Awsten says some things I can't hear but then turns to the majority of the kids and yells out some suggestions. 

"So I think we should do some drinking games!" He yells and people just cheer in response, all holding up their drinks and from his angle it probably looks like a sea of red solo cups. 

"Ok, so we're gonna get some beers up here and whoever can chug the fastest wins round one!" Awsten yells and I laugh. 

This is going to be bad. 

He gives each guy a beer, Tyler already looks nauseous I can tell even from here. His face is pale and it looks like he'd fall over if Brendon wasn't right next to him. 

"READY....SET....GO!" Awsten screams and the beers are flipped upside down, each boy having golden liquid dripping down their fronts as they try and swallow it all. 

"AND THE WINNER IS...BRENDON!" He yells and I cheer loudly, clapping my hands and jumping a little. 

"MATTY YOU LOSE, YOU GOTTA JUMP IN!" Awsten claps him on the back before grabbing his arms and pushing him towards the edge of the diving board, Matty looking hesitant but willing. I honestly thought Tyler was gonna lose, but he suddenly looks confident and I'm pretty sure it's because he beat Matty. 

In an instant, Matty jumps and he's flying through the air before hitting the waters surface, a hard crack echoing on the walls and he slowly rises to the surface, laughing and splashing the water at people on the concrete above. 

Instead of getting out like I assumed he would, he just lays on his back and continues to float, and Awsten speaks again. 

"Alright, three more. So now we're gonna take shots and hold the tequila in our mouths, whoever spits it out first loses!" He says with a smilie big enough to see from all the way down here and I know that Brendon can win this one too. 

Hes good at holding things in his mouth. 

Awsten is givin three tiny glasses with brown liquid in them, which he hands to the three boys and all the reactions are different. Brendon examines the glass and mentally tries to identify what brand it is, Geoff licks the rim and scowls, and Tyler smells it and drawls back, revolted. 

"Alright, three, two, one!" Awsten yells and the crowd of boys start to cheer. Three glasses are dunked and back up in a matter of seconds, and the three boys look sick to their stomachs as their mouths stayed tightly shut. 

Geoff is the first to spit the liquid out, and without any words he walks forward right off the diving board and into the water, joining Matty. 

Brendons face continues to scrunch I think he's actually going to lose. It's surprising because with all the alcohol he's consumed you would think he's good at this but my suspicions are proved right when he spits it out, looking disgusted but then laughing. 

"BOTH OF YOU?!" Awsten yells, aghast but Brendon just shrugs and walks up to the edge, standing backwards and doing a backflip off the top tier, which makes everyone around me go absolutely insane. 

The only one left if Tyler, who swallows and just looks around with a proud smile, like he's the king of partying and Awsten pats his back before suddenly picking him up and throwing him in the water. 

He misses Brendon by a foot or two and when he surfaces there's a smile on his face and he's laughing, a good sign for how upset he's been the past few days. 

The four boys in the pool are splashing around and having a good time, which in short prompts the rest of the room to want to swim. Two seconds later the pool is filled with teens splashing around while I sit on the edge and let my feel dangle along the side, my shoes safely tucked away. 

"Did I make you proud?" Brendon asks, swimming over to me and putting his hands on my legs. His makeup is running all over his face but it doesn't actually appear to look any different then what I started with. 

"Of course." I chuckle, wiping the red off his chin and rinsing my hand in the water. 

"Good...I let Tyler win." He whispers with a wink and I laugh. 

"Well yeah I thought so...we both know you can keep shit in your mouth for fuckin hours." I giggle and he rests his head on my knee, still wading in the cool water. 

"What time is it?" 

"About 1." I say, yawning seconds after and Brendon chuckles. 

"What do you want to do?" He asks and I just shrug. 

"Well when we get back I'm gonna need to shower, and we don't have classes tomorrow so..." 

"oh you don't need to shower." He says 

"why?" I tilt my head and gesture to the makeup. 

"Because." 

"Because why." 

"Cause YOURE ALREADY GETTING ONE!" He yells, grabbing my ankles and pulling me into the water. My face is submerged and I feel cold liquid around me at all sides, my hair waving around above me and I can already feel my clothes soaking through. 

"You little ass." I gasp out, resurfacing and he just grins maniacally, surging forward and kissing me hard.

"I love you." He mutters.

"I love you too."  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I fell off my bike last night and now I'm traumatized:))


	33. The One at the Party pt. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's play a game called Hannah remembers to update

(Tyler's POV)

 

It's sometime after 1 I'm guessing as I dance with Ryan and Brendon, the bass of whatever pop punk song's blasting throughout the pool. By now I'm pretty dry, the only thing still damp are my clothes but I can't really tell the difference between water and sweat. 

"This is fucking amazing." 

"I know it is!" Brenon yells, draping himself against Ryan. 

"It's almost enough...to like...make you forget!" I shout enthusiastically, Ryan nodding in agreement. 

"Just have fun man you're already drunk as shit!" he laughs, patting me on the back and laughing for no real good reason. 

"am I?" I ask, feeling my eyes bugging out of my head. It's so fucking loud in here I can't hear myself think. 

"Yeah dude you're hammered! How much did you even drink?" 

I pause, thinking for a minute "After we did the games?" 

"Yeah." 

"Uhm...a couple little glasses." I say, nodding and Ryan starts laughing his ass off. 

"what? what did I do?" I ask, tilting my head and almost falling over. 

"Tyler those were shots!" He yells in my ear and I go pale. 

"What?!" 

"S H O T S" Ryan screams and I nod. 

"I heard you dumbass!"

Ryan is almost on the floor while Brendon already is, taking off his shoes and throwing them in the pool. 

"I....I think we should go." Ryan chuckles, watching Brendon. He was so calm and knew what was happening. Had he even had anything to drink. 

Probably not. 

That's not like Ryan. 

"You're just gonna leave me here?" I whine and he shrugs. 

"You wanna stay?" 

"Kinda." I mumble and Ryan looks over at Brendon, who's making eyes at a boy across the room. 

"Oh hell no." He hisses, grabbing Brendon's collar and yanking him back over. 

"huh? o-oh hi Ryan!" he yells enthusiastically, hugging Ryan's waist tightly and burying his face in his shoulder. 

"hi baby." Ryan coos, rolling his eyes at patting Brendon's hair. 

"Hey Tyler, that was pretty impressive." Matty struts up to us and wraps a firm arm around my waist. 

"Um...no." I snort, moving his arm and turning back to Ryan. 

"What?" he implores and I roll my eyes. 

"You can stand here, but if you fucking touch me again I'll rip your hand off and shove it up your ass." I say firmly and Ryan's mouth falls open, Brendon almost choking on laughter. 

"Good one Josh!" he laughs and I make a confused face. 

"E-Excuse me?" Matty stutters. 

"you heard me." 

"Uh...o-ok." he goes quiet, standing by silently and I turn back to Ryan. 

"If you guys wanna leave that's fine, I'll go find Pete or Awsten or someone." I shrug and Ryan nods, looking concerned. 

"You sure? I don't want you to be alone." 

"I'll be fine Ry, there's tons of people here." I say 

"That's the problem." He mutters and I almost don't hear it over the noise. There's people doing back flips off the platforms, obviously trying to top Brendon's earlier but it was so clean I don't think any of these drunken attempts will top it. 

One guy is doing fucking full on swan dives, showing off and the kids go will, beer sloshing onto the concrete floors and seeping into the pool. 

I cringe at the thought of people swimming in it but I shrug and wave goodbye to Ryan, who gives me a worried glance before catching  stumbling Brendon and balancing him against a wall. 

"Bye!" he yells and I wave back, winking at an exhausted looking Ryan and a lively, childlike Brendon. 

"shit..." I mutter, looking back at the crowd, walking into it because there's literally nowhere else to go. My throat stings and my head aches and suddenly I regret not going with Ryan but its too late now. 

"Here bud!" someone shouts, handing me a red solo cup and I down it, feeling fizzy gross liquid rush down my throat. It disgusts me how easily I drank it without a moments hesitation. 

"Tyler! Look Its Tyler!" Someone else yells and there's cheering and a bunch of people I've never met swarming me. 

fuck. 

fuck. 

ABORT   
ABORT

I look around at unfamiliar faces and my breathing quickens. 

"You beat up Spencer Smith right?! Dude youre so brave!" 

My eyebrows furrow. 

"You're a legend man!" 

"so sick!" 

"Did he hurt you?" 

"Were you...ya know....raped?" Someone behind me asks and I whip around. 

"what the fuck?" 

"You're the coolest!" 

"Come drink with us man!" 

I take a step back, bumping into someone and I mumble an apology. 

"I...I really have to go-" I slur and there's a chorus of protests. 

"No Tyler Cmon!" 

"have another drink!" 

I start to hyperventilate, not able to see out of the circle anymore and I trip. 

fuck. 

fuck. 

I'm on the ground. 

"Tyler!" 

"Tyler!" 

I cover my head, crying out in dry racked sobs no one would be able to hear. 

It's too much. 

There's too much. 

I can't do it. 

"Hey! Get the fuck away from him!" Someone yells and suddenly there's arms around my waist and I'm being picked up, cradled. 

I smell vanilla. 

fuck, thank god. 

I don't have to open my eyes to know who it is, I bury my face into their shirt and cry as I'm carried way, to a lighter, quieter area of the pool. 

"Baby what happened?" Josh asks and I stutter out a few words muffled by sobs. 

"I...I h-had t-to many drinks....t-to many p-p-people." I stumble over my words and hide in his shirt once again. 

"What?" Josh asks, sounding lost. 

"I.....drank...too...much...and...I can't...I don't..." I mumble, looking up and into his eyes. 

he looks like he did that night. 

frightened. 

worried. 

horrified. 

"I'm sorry." I choke out and he smooths my hair. 

"shhhh it's ok baby I have you, you're alright I'm not mad." He whispers, pushing my hair out of my face. 

"Y-you were right I shouldn't h-have come..." I sniff and he chuckles lightly 

"It's fine." 

"I was having s-so much f-fun and then there was b-beer and p-pools and Matty..." I trail off and start to fall asleep to the smell and warmth of Josh. 

"It's ok yo're safe." he hums. 

"m'k." 

"wanna go back?" 

"Y-yeah." I say in a small voice and Josh nods, steadying me on the ground and walking out through the back door. 

It's cold outside, freezing actually. 

Guess that's what happens when you go swimming in October at night. 

Josh looks over and notices me shiverig, taking off his hoodie and wrapping it around my small shaking frme. 

I feel so dumb. 

I'm so dumb 

_True._

This is the fucking last thing I need. 

_No I think the 'last thing you needed' were those tequila shots._

You're right. 

_I know._

I sigh, leaning on Josh as i stumble like  toddler up the lawn towards the dorms. There's a few people in the same position so that makes me feel like less of a failure. 

"Should've known you were such a lightweight." Josh chuckles and I throw up. 

"Oh fuck." he mumbles, patting my back and I wish I was fucking dead. 

"It's ok baby it happens." He says reassuringly as if he could read my mind. 

I continue to vomit on the sidewalk, making these horrible noises and my head is thundering with blistering pain. 

"fuck." I finally mutter, pausing before throwing up  _again_ and Josh takes a step back, hand still on my back. 

"I fucking...hate...alcohol." I pant, looking at josh and he cringes, giving me a sympathetic look. 

"sorry." 

"not your fault." I whisper, standing up and taking a few steps. 

"can you make it the way back?" 

"of course." I spit, grabbing his hand and stumbling forward. 

I throw up three times on the way back to our door. 

 "It's ok honey happens to everyone." Josh coos and I roll my eyes. 

"Happens to you?" I ask in a pitiful voice 

"of course. Not with you around though." He laughs "I don't want to look like an idiot." 

"Wow thanks." I spit, shooting daggers at him. 

"Didn't mean it like that. I get weird drunk." He chuckles 

"like what?" I ask, leaning my head on the rim of the toilet and josh scratches his head, sitting in the bathtub. 

"I don't know just... weird?" He tilts his head and I close my eyes, trying not to vomit.

"if you have to, do it." He says without looking at me and I lean over and hurl into the bowl, shaking slightly at the force and josh tuts. 

"It's ok sweetie just let it all out." 

"O-ok." I rasp, coughing and whimpering softly. 

"Fuck, do anything but make those noises." He mutters and I laugh. 

"Sounds pitiful?" 

"Totally." 

"Sorry." I giggle, leaning against the wall and this time I see black. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck I know it's short plz don't come after me
> 
> btw I'm going to jon bellion in 5 days fight me m8


	34. The One Where They're all Hungover

(Tyler's POV) 

 

"Feeling better?" Josh's voice comes into focus and I groan in response, earning a slight chuckle. 

I'm glad he thinks my pain is funny. 

"You need anything babydoll?" He asks and I nod.

"what?" 

"Midol." 

"Tyler that's for period cramps." 

"I know." 

Josh laughs, picking me up and carrying me from the toilet to my bed, laying me down and kissing my forehead. 

"No classes, remember?" 

"Mhmm." I murmur. 

"We can stay here all day. I'll get you some water." He mutters, walking into the bathroom and coming back with a cup of water and a bucket. 

"What's that for?" I ask feebly and he gives me the water and helps me sit up straight, which immediately sends a rush of pain to my forehead and I throw up, josh shoving the bucket under my face. 

"That." He says quietly and I whimper. 

"Should've have done all those shots Ty." He tuts and I flip him off. 

"I didn't know better." 

"Obviously." He rolls his eyes and helps me flush my mouth out with water. 

"How's your headache?" 

"Terrible." 

"Stomach?" 

"Horrible." 

"I'm sorry princess." 

"Stop." I mumble and he smirks. 

"What honey?" 

"Using all those pet names." 

"Why?" 

"because." I mumble and he laughs. 

"because why sweetheart?" he tries to contain his giggles and I scowl at him. 

"You better stop." 

"what are you going to do about it if I don't babycakes?" 

"I'm gonna kiss you with my vomit mouth." I hiss and Josh cringes. 

"ew, mood killer." he groans, rolling over onto his back and I start to shiver. 

"last night was a baaad idea Josh..." I whisper and he makes a sound of acknowledgement.

"Yeah. I was gonna go down there and beat your ass but then I saw what was happening and decided against it." he murmurs and I cough.

"I probably deserved it. What happened yesterday?" I ask and he gives me a weird look.

"You don't remember anything from yesterday?"

"I remember...tasting tequila and seeing Brendon dressed as a vampire." I say slowly and Josh shakes his head.

"Hm."

"Do I want to know what happened yesterday?"

"no." he says simply, rubbing my thigh with a gentle hand.   

"Why, was it really that bad?" 

Josh sighs "I think we were just a little too stressed." 

"Did we fight?!" I gasp out and he makes a sad face. 

Fuck. 

"Yeah you could call it that." 

"No I'm so sorry Josh I didn't mean it!" I say in a hurried way, making grabby hands at him and he smiles. 

"It's ok, it's all ok I'm not mad at you it's fine." He assures me and sits back. 

"You sure?" I ask in a small voice and he laughs lightly. 

"Yes ty, it was just a little...disagreement." 

"Ok..." 

We sit back and look at the ceiling, both sighing and sinking into the mattress and I think this is a good time to run my mouth.

"Matty tried to touch me."  I say quietly and josh shoots up, staring at me 

"excuse me, WHAT?!" He yells and I flinch. 

"He...he was touching my waist at the party and trying to get me to go somewhere with him." I say quietly and josh seethes. 

"No fucking way, what did you do?" He asks and I shrug.

"I don't really remember, I think I told him something about shoving a hand up his ass or whatever." I say dismissively and josh barks out a laugh. 

"There's my ty." 

"It would've been so much better if you were there, I'm of it." 

"Yeah probably, maybe it's good you got shitfaced though." Josh suggests and I give him the dirtiest look I can.

"what?"

"I don't know...just, when you think about it."

"I guess, if you're a sadist." I say and he snorts. 

"Maybe I am." 

"Wouldn't be surprised." 

I groan and roll over onto my stomach, feeling like I simultaneously got shot in the head and stomach. 

"Fucking shit." 

 "I know baby I know." he coos and I flip him off. 

"I'm just trying to help asshole." he mumbles, rubbing my back in little circles and I sigh loudly, hiccuping. 

"I swear if you throw up in my bed." he warns, pinching my ass and I whimper. 

 "Shut up and let me suffer." I grumble into the bedspread and I hear a laugh. 

"sorry." 

"If you're just gonna make fun of me you can leave." 

"how about I go get you a ginger ale or something like that?" josh suggests and I moan 

that sounds good. 

"yes please." 

 he laughs and leaves, the door opening and closing and I breathe a sigh of relief. 

"fuuuuuuuuuuuck." I groan, rolling back over and stifling curses into the mattress. 

"I want to die." 

_I can arrange that._

"fuck off." 

_I don't think I can do that G._

"just, leave me alone I'm already in enough pain." 

_you could be in alot more._

"No thanks."

_yes please._

"Blurry, just, please." I mumble and immediately another rush of pain flies to my forehead. 

_Tyler, just, let me kill you._

I roll my eyes and reach for the bucket, holding it to my face and vomiting violently. 

t _hat's  the good stuff._

"ugh fuck." I groan loudly, voice racked with pain. 

_You see, the fun thing about this is, if you don't cut I'll just make you throw up until you weigh 80 pounds._

"that's....that's not fair." I pant. He can't do that, he can't. he's purely in my mind he cant make me-

all the sudden memory of the most disgusting things I've ever done or witnessed flash through my brain, making me heave and throw up once more. 

_Oh it most definitely is fair G._

"No, it's not." I cry, coughing roughly 

_yep._

"I don't wanna cut." I whine, hating the sound of my own pathetic voice. 

_oh no baby, but you do don't you see? You've gone far too long without it._

"But that's good, it's good Josh is proud and-" 

_Why do you care so much?_

"I...I don't care." 

_That's such bullshit._

"No it's not!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for 3k guys!!! I LOVE YALL


	35. The One Where Things Are Getting Good But Not Really

"I'm baaack!" Josh sings, laughing to himself and opening the door to see Tyler sitting in bed watching Netflix on the tv they stole from an empty dorm. 

"Hi." Tyler says quietly, looking at the screen in one of Josh's huge sweatshirts. 

"I got ginger ale, cheez its, and condoms." He laughs, plopping down next to Tyler and handing him the food and drinks. 

"t-thank you." Tyler mumbles, taking a cheez it and munching it almost silently. 

"what's the matter? You still feel like shit?' Josh asks, looking at Tyler with concern and the boy says nothing, an undisturbed gaze still set on some show they've never watched. 

"Tyler." he says sharp, looking at the boy who's face twitches unnoticeabley and his grip on the bowl starts to shake.

"Tyler, what's wrong." Josh leans forward into his line of sigh and Tyler ducks his head, scowling at his lap with teary eyes. 

"Answer me." Josh commands, taking the bowl away and grabbing Tyler's arms in an attempt to get his attention. 

The younger boy yelps in pain, eyes clenched shut and he yanks his arms away from Josh, hurriedly scrambling to the corner where the beds meets the wall and curling in on himself.

"Tyler! Wha-" Josh looks around frantically, eyes wide and mouth open in shock. 

Tyler's breath are ragged, shaky and Josh scoots forward slowly. 

"what did you do." he says in a monotone, yet serious sharp voice and Tyler starts to cry. 

 "Show me your wrists." he commands automatically, reaching out to grab Tyler but he shies away and starts crying louder. 

"Tyler! Show me now!" Josh surges forward and Tyler dodges him and kicks him feebly.

"No!" he screams, tears rolling down his cheeks and Josh stumbles to try and catch him while he's making every attempt to escape. 

"Tyler Robert Joseph!" Josh shouts, lunging across the bed and grabbing his foot, dragging him towards himself and Tyler  _screams,_ howling and kicking and grabbing the edge of the bed to get away. 

"Stop...doing...that!" Josh hollers, finally grabbing the hem of the sweatshirt and pulls Tyler into his lap, where the smaller still continues to thrash and kick and throw a complete fit, all the while screaming bloody murder and bawling his eyes out. 

"Tyler...fuck...stop!" Josh hugs his body tightly, restricting his movement and Tyler tries to stretch out, out of his grip but Josh's hold is firm.

"N-no! Get off me!" Tyler bawls, attempting to punch Josh's chest.

"Shhh, shhh..." josh starts whispering shakily, petting his hair nervously and Tyler clenches his eyes shut and screeches in protest. 

"Tyler, Jesus Christ." Josh whispers in shock, staring at the brunette as he wiggles and lets out small cries when he becomes too frustrated with Josh. 

Hes never been so against josh helping. 

"Please...please just calm down!" Josh yells over his screaming, rocking slightly and Tyler self consciously takes the hint to stop.

 "I...I..." he mumbles hurriedly, looking at josh with terrified eyes. 

"Shhh, it's ok I'm not mad." 

"B-b-but you'll be disappointed." Tyler babbles, curling in on himself in Josh's lap. 

"No, no I won't." He says quickly, too quickly to be really convincing. 

Tyler takes it anyway, resting his head on Josh's chest and breathing slow and shaky. 

"It...it h-hurts Josh." He whimpers, biting his lip while tears run down his face. 

Josh hates it. 

Hates this. 

Hates how Tyler continues to do this to himself. 

"You gotta show me." He mutters, holding Tyler's hand and the boy twitches, avoiding Josh's eyes and fidgeting so much its almost really concerning. 

 "C'mon, show me." Josh coos and Tyler winces away, holding his arms out and josh sighs. 

When the fabric covering Tyler's arms are gone, all that's left is blood. 

A lot of blood. 

You can't see skin, it's all red. 

Josh inhales. 

He picks Tyler up and carries him to the bathroom without a word, starting the bathtub and making the water more cold then warm. 

Warm will hurt. 

He knows that. 

Tyler makes small pained noises as josh helps put his wrists in the water, washing them with the upmost care and making sure he doesn't directly touch a cut. 

Five minutes later Tyler is sitting on the floor with towels wrapped around his arms, watching josh on the phone with Ryan. 

"Just....can you just come watch him for five minutes?" 

Tyler looks at the floor and starts to cry again, salty tears running down his face. 

Hes a burden. 

Josh is mad at him. 

Josh regrets being with him. 

"I need to get bandages....for...something." 

Tyler looks up. 

Why hasn't josh told ryan what happened? 

"It's not your business dude I just...can you....thank you." He sighs in relief, hanging up and waking back to Tyler, crouching down next to him. 

"Hey there, it's ok I'm gonna go get some gauze and hydrogen peroxide." He whispers, down on Tyler's level and he odd slowly, looking up at josh with big tears doe eyes. 

"Let's go get on m bed, cmon, ryan will be here soon." He says softly, helping Tyler onto the bed and against the pillows, towels still firmly around his arms and dotted with blood. 

There's a knock at the door no less then two minutes later, josh kissing Tyler's forehead before opening the door and walking into the hallway, closing it while he and Ryan talk outside. 

Tyler sits on the bed by himself, staring at the chipping wooden door with wet eyes and throbbing arms. 

_You could always just leave_

no. 

 _Fine, whatever, let Ross see how pathetic you've become_. 

Shut up.

tyler sits back against the headboard and tries to regulate his breathing while muffled voices talk quietly in the other room. 

The door opens and a smiling ryan walks in, sitting next to Tyler on the bed and grabbing the remote to the tv. He hands Tyler a ginger ale and the huge bucket from the other side of the bed and Tyler stares at him in silent disbelief. 

He isn't saying anything. 

Hes acting normal. 

He isn't paying attention to the fact Tyler just self harmed. 

Its obvious they're trying a new tactic, trying to see if not talking about it as much will help. 

We'll see. 

they sit in silence, the only disturbance coming from the tv in front of them. 

"You ok?" He looks over at him and Tyler shudders, nodding at him without turning his head with a gag. 

"You have a bucket for a reason dippy." he laughs and Tyler nods, grabbing the bucket and vomiting. 

"fuck dude." he laughs, patting the smaller's back "You really did it now." 

Tyler cringes and continue to throw up while Ryan goes to the side bathroom and dampens a small towel, coming back and pressing it to the back of his neck. 

"t-thanks." he mumbles, the cool wetness of the towel cooling and soothing. 

"Hey," Tyler raises his head to see Ryan looking at him worriedly. "Are you ok man?" 

"y-yeah." He says softly, taking a sip of the fizzy drink and clenching his eyes shut. "Just...in a rut." 

"hmm." Ryan mumbles, looking him over once more before looking back at the tv. 

"It's not, Josh, is it?" He asks, eyes still set on the screen and Tyler gapes at him. 

"What are you implying?" 

"I'm not implying anything Tyler, just making sure you're safe." 

"I am safe thank you, you know just because I'm fucked up doesn't mean Josh is to blame." 

"I didn't say that-" 

"-I think you did." 

Ryan sighs and makes eye contact with Tyler, who wipes his face hurriedly and rubs at the towels, hissing quietly. 

"Was it Blurry?" 

"Mhmm." Tyler mumbles, feeling another headache wash over him and he heaves forward, throwing up all the remains in his stomach. 

_Shut the fuck up._

"He's making me do all of this!" Tyler chokes out before bile spills from his throat and Ryan rubs his back.

_I told you to shut the fuck up or I'll make you drown in puke Goner._

Tyler pulls back, shivering violently and keeping his eyes closed. 

"I....I can't say anymore." He whispers and Ryan nods understandingly, holding the drink out again. 

"just, be quiet and stay calm, just breathe and watch this show it's ok." 

a distraction. 

how clever. 

Tyler sits with Ryan and mindlessly watches the television before the door creaks open again and josh walks in.

"You guys all right?" He asks, putting a first aid kit on the ground and climbing on the bed. 

"Mhmm, I'm gonna get going I'll see you tomorrow." Ryan says quietly, patting Tyler on the back and flicking Josh's ear on his way out. 

Once the door is closed Josh leads Tyler to the bathroom and unwraps the towels, getting out gauze, bandages, and hydrogen peroxide. 

"No, no Josh no no no." he whimpers, inching away from the man and Josh steps in front of the bathroom door so he can't escape. 

"don't make me chase you again Tyler." 

"Please don't use that Josh, please." 

"Maybe you should've thought of that." He tuts, grabbing the bottle and pouring some onto a large piece of gauze. 

"p-please." Tyler looks at him with teary doe eyes and Josh shakes his head, backing him into the corner. 

"Tyler please, help me help you." Josh pleads, holding his hands out in defeat. 

"J-josh anything b-but that p-please." 

"tyler, it'll only sting for a second I promise, we'll snuggle and watch a disney movie after I promise." 

He looks at the ground, fidgeting then looking back up at the taller of the two. "no." 

"what?" the older boy looks at him incredulously, taking a step forward, making him step back into the wall. 

"Don't make me use force, I don't want them to get infected." he begs, reaching out for Tyler and grabbing the front of the hood. 

"No!" he tries to duck under Josh but falls, landing on the floor and Josh straddles him. 

"Tyler!" he yells, holding the younger boy's face between his hands and Tyler screams and hollers. 

"You're acting like a child!" Josh yells, pinning him to the ground and pressing the gauze to his bare arm. 

"f-fuck!" Tyler screams, the constriction of his lungs noticeably and Josh can feel the vibrations. 

"shhh shhhh shhhh." Josh coos, kissing Tyler's neck gently and Tyler starts to cry. 

"it's ok, it's ok." Josh presses more into the wound and Tyler sucks in a long breath, whimpering loudly on the exhale. 

Josh dampens another gauze and puts in on his other arm "See, there you go-" 

 "-AHHHH! FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK!" Tyler screams, biting a piece of sweatshirt that fell into his mouth and Josh cringes. 

 

 Soon it's all over, Tyler cleaned and all wrapped up laying on his side on his own bed, Josh cleaning up the blood and spilled hydrogen peroxide off the tile floors of the bathroom. 

When he's done he walks back in, sitting next to Tyler and kissing his head. 

"g-g away." Tyler croaks, hiding his face and Josh frowns. 

"It's ok, I'm sorry." He whispers softly, leaning over and taking Tyler's bandaged arms. 

"i-is it b-bad?" he hiccups and Josh smiles, shaking his head and kissing the bandages. 

"I've seen worse." 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need to fucking finish this.  
> I feel bad I haven't been writing it but I have other books  
> Ugh.  
> UGH!


	36. The One Where I Couldn't Think of a Good Title

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so use to writing in third person bc of FB but now I can't and I'm fReakInG out!  
> I can't do first POV anymore I stg it's gonna kill me. 
> 
>  
> 
> BTW the song in the beginning is Cold Cold Man by Saint Motel, who opened for panic during their 2016-2017 death of a bachelor tour.

(Brendon's POV) 

 

Ryan and I sit at the piano in the music room across campus, having bolted the door shut and locked out teachers. 

Not that they knew we were even in there. 

He's playing a high simple tune, one I recognize from a popular song. 

"Oh, my love, I know I am a cold cold man. Quite slow to pay you compliments, or public display of affection." I sing in a funky voice, leaning on  him as he sits loosely on the piano bench and repeats the tune as I continue to sing. 

"good job." he pipes in and I laugh. 

"But baby don't you, over analyze, no need to theorize, I can put your doubts to rest." 

I look up at him and he winks "good choice eh?" 

"Cause you're the only one worth seeing! The only place worth being! The only bed worth sleeping is the one right next to you..." I belt, laughing at the sound of my falsely advertised crooners voice and he does as well, drifting the melody and keeping his foot on the bottom pedals when he does so the sound remains. 

The piano's a Yamaha baby grand, sleek and black and I didn't think I could love anything as much as Ryan. 

There's a row of guitars, all brown wood acoustic lining the walls, and one shiny blue electric fender. The room is huge, much bigger then the ET space at the retreat and so much better built. Pads are on the walls and ceiling to restrict the sound movement, and there's a sectional couch in the back corner. It's almost like a high schools band room, only about the size of a cafeteria, with high walls and sky lights. Other then the conventional instruments you'd need for a garage band, theirs xylophones, cellos, saxophones, all kind of woodwind instruments, even a gong. 

It must be heaven. 

It must be, cause I've never seen such a better place. 

Besides the fact it's in a complete hell hole. 

And my leg's still broken. 

And Tyler's on the verge of a mental breakdown. 

And Ryan hasn't sucked me off in days.

"what do you wanna do now?" Ryan looks over at me, the last notes of the song still echoing around us. 

"wanna write a song?" I look at him and his honey coated whiskey eyes look curious, like a child. 

Like a much younger, happier Ryan. 

A  version of him I haven't seen in a while. A version where he isn't scared, paranoid, and spastic. 

Just a normal guy. 

"yeah, sure." he gets up and goes over to the sectional and sits down. 

"what do you want it to be about?" he looks over at me and I pad over to the couch with a slight limp and sit next to him, laying on my side and putting my head in his lap. 

"Your dick." I mutter and he rolls his eyes.

"Very funny horndog." he chuckles, petting my hair. 

"When can we have se-" 

"-when your leg is better, c'mon you know the deal." he sighs, scratching behind my ear. 

"But Ry..." 

"But Bren..." he mocks me "Your leg in a boot isn't really essential for sex." He yawns, rubbing the small of my back. 

"Fine, loser." I hum and he pinches the skin through my shirt,

"eat me." he shrugs and I smirk. 

"sure." 

"Oh my god I'm leaving." he rolls his eyes and makes me roll onto my face. 

"Hey!" I yell, muffled by the couch and he helps me up before walking to the door. 

"had this place all to ourselves." he hums happily and I nod. 

"mhmm, let's do it again tomorrow." 

"ok." 

The hallway is bright, kids walking around, leaning against walls, talking and not paying attention as we walk by. 

It's a nice change. 

Not being looked at. 

We walk out the side door to the courtyard, seeing Frank and some tall guy with a hat on smoking cigarettes. 

"Hey Frankie!" I coo, limping over to him clumsily and looking over the other guy. 

Oh, wait, 

I know him. 

"Josh?" Ryan asks from behind me and he turns around, looking startled then quickly putting out the stick. 

"H-hi guys!" he smiles enthusiastically, but there's dread hidden in his eyes. 

"What're you doing? Where's Tyler?" I ask, looking around for the small brunette. 

"he went to the gymnasium to play basketball." Josh says quietly, "said he wanted to be alone for a while." 

"How long?" Ryan pipes up. 

"He's been there for about six hours." Josh responds, making Ryan's mouth fall open. 

"By himself? In the gym all alone?" 

"N-no," Josh looks so tired and god, so fucking stressed "Gee was drawing in the bleachers but I told him not to let Tyler know. If he wants to be alone he can think he's alone but I'm not stupid enough to leave him like that." 

"Oh. Ok." Ryan sits at a bench with Frank and Josh and I sit on the grass.

"why were you smoking?" I ask and he shrugs. 

"Just need to calm down I guess." 

I look at his eyes and they're so fucking dark. The only thing more so is the bags under them. he looks sallow, terrified.

Like he did when I first met him. 

"josh." I say under my voice and he hesitantly looks at me.

"w-what?" 

"Did something happen?" I cock my head at him gently and he purses his lips and pulls fistfuls of grass out of the ground. 

"No." He spits, and that's the end of it. 

But it's not. 

"are...are you drunk?" he spins to me and shakes his head nervously.

"n-no I'm n-not who t-told you that?" he leans to the left, way too far to the left and steadies himself. 

"Josh you need to tell me if you did something, I- I can help just-" 

"I didn't fucking do anything again, fuck off or else." 

_Or else?_

who does this bitch think he is? 

"Josh-" 

"-Brendon please fucking stop or I'm gonna lose my mind." he takes a huge breath in and hiccups. 

"I..ok." I say quietly and josh huffs, snapping for Frank to give him another cig and he snatches it from his fingers, lighting it quickly and carelessly putting it between his lips, inhaling with closed eyes.

"don't look so scared. I'm not a criminal." 

I look at the ground, "I never said that, Josh." I sigh. 

Do I look scared?

Do I?

Am I really that much of a baby?

"you know," He puffs out a cloud of smoke and nudges my boot "it wasn't my fault." 

"what?" I ask, looking up at dead eyes that bore into mine. 

"They all think I killed him. I didn't." 

His voice is serious, low and dangerous and I blink. 

My mouth hangs open and I look around the courtyard, just to see if anyone's heard that. 

No one has. 

I turn around at Ryan and he's deep in conversation with Frank, muttering about Gerard and his night terrors. 

"w-what did you just say?" 

"I say I didn't kill him. It wasn't just me there were others. Chris and Mark..." he looks away, taking another puff of his cigarette and I see hi in such a different way. 

"Josh, you're fucking hammered, c'mon you're n-not making any sense." 

"he fucking killed Ashley, so I killed him." he laughs, scratching at his head a little too vigorously and I swallow, inching back and holding Ryan's legs. 

"Bren...what?" He mumbles and I look up at him. 

And he sees my face. 

"what happened?" He leans down and strokes my cheek and I scoot farther away from josh, clinging onto Ryan for dear life and he stands, grabbing me and pulling me to the doors, Frank looking at us strangely. 

"where ya going?" he yells and Ryan waves a hand. 

"we'll be back don't worry." he shouts, grabbing the sides of my face. 

"tell me what happened right now." 

"I...I...J-Josh...h-he..." I start to cry, shaking and I can feel the vibrations washing over my body and Ryan looks horrified. 

"are you on drugs?" 

"n-no!" I yell, pushing him away and running my hands through my hair. 

"J-Josh! H-he k-k-killed someone!" 

Ryan's hands drop, staring at me as if I just said the sky was green. 

"what?" His voice is low, looking at me intensely and my breathing comes out in stutters. 

"h-he just t-told me he k-killed s-s-someone." I whisper, looking into his eyes that are no longer happy. 

anything but. 

"Brendon you better not be joking with me right now." he eyes me up and I stomp my foot

"I'm not fucking joking!" I yell, looking back over at Josh who's currently either sleeping or passed out on the ground. 

"Ok, ok calm down let's go upstairs and think about this." he says calmly, grabbing my arm and almost dragging me to he elevator. 

"n-not the elevator." I say, remembering the last time I had taken a elevator. 

to the third floor. 

I climbed onto a fire escape. 

I didn't come down. 

"why not? C'mon Bren, your leg-" 

"-no." 

We take the stairs.

 

"Brendon, we all know Josh, he wouldn't-" 

"do you remember what he was like when he first arrived at the hospital? Do you?" I look at Ryan imploringly and he shakes his head. 

"of course I do, b-but...murder?" 

“Dude, he looked like he’d seen a ghost, don’t you remember?” 

I do. 

Josh had walked in, no fight, only two guards. His head was down, hiding behind dark, dirty red hair. When he lifted his face to look around, his eyes were sunken in, dark and dead with brown purple bags hanging under them.

 He was skittish as hell, sitting alone at at table, just resting his head on the top of it for hours in the corner of the main room.  

He just sat there.

And sat there.  

And when he was escorted to his room, he went. He just walked calmly alongside the guard. 

It took him weeks. 

Weeks. 

To just talk to us. 

Of course we had to initiate it, walking over and saying hi, how we’ve seen him lately and shit like that.

He told us he had depression, anxiety, and didn’t belong here.

Thats what we all say.

Theres never been a person at the hospital that  didn’t belong. Everyone’s fucked up. 

And apparently josh is especially that. 

To his claim’s defense, the first impression that he made certainly screamed “teenage killer,” but after talking to him he just seemed nervous and ticky. 

Not like a murderer would act. 

But I don’t know, I don’t. And I hope it’s not true but it just might be. And even if it is, we’ve seen how he is, he’d never try to hurt any of us. We’ve seen how he is with Tyler, like a giant teddy bear. We’ve seen how he was with Spencer. 

I mean I haven’t. 

But from what I heard he and Tyler had fled pretty early on. 

Given the chance, josh might’ve killed him, might’ve not. 

I don’t know. 

“Bren, he seemed pretty out of it don’t you agree? He didn’t know what he was saying sweets.” 

“How can you be that specific and not know what you’re saying?!” 

“I’m just saying, it might not be true.” 

“Why can you just fucking trust me!” 

“I’m not- oh my god Brendon that’s not what I said! I’m just saying, before you say one of our best friends killed someone you might want to think about it first!” 

“Fine.” I cross my arms and flop on the bed, “I’ll ask him about it when he’s not shitfaced. And he better not go near Tyler like that.” 

“Fine, fine whatever. Just don’t say anything yet.” 

“I won’t.” 

I wont. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	37. The One Where Everyone Finds Out

(Brendon's POV) 

I tried to keep it a secret.

I really did. 

I promise. 

But I guess I just didn't do a very good job in the long run. 

"WHAT!?" Frank screams, and I lunge forward and cover his mouth. 

"SHUT UP SHUT UP!" 

"JOSH....JOSH...." He pants, looking at me wit eyes the size of saucers. 

"DUDE SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I scream, grabbing his shoulders and shaking. 

"THEN STOP SCREAMING!" 

"ALRIGHT!" I holler, letting go and breathing heavy. 

"So wait." Frank stops, looking at me cautiously "You're telling me that Josh. Joshua Dun, has killed someone." 

 "Yes Frank that's what he told me!" I whisper scream and he cocks his head 

"you're lying." 

"WHY THE FUCK WOULD I BE LYING YOU DIPSHIT." 

"I don't know, why would he even tell you that?" 

"It was literally yesterday dude, he was so drunk off his ass how didn't you notice?" 

"I just...I don't know dude I was a little fucked up to." he rubs the back of his neck and I roll my eyes. 

"Oh my god." 

"but in all seriousness, do you really believe that?" 

"It came straight from Josh!" 

"While he was hammered." Frank counters and I run a hand through my hair. 

"Do you think we should just...ask him?" 

"I don't know man, maybe we should just let it play out." 

"and why would that be a good idea?" I put my hands on my hips and lean against the wall outside the boys bathroom. It's midday, in the middle of class and coincidentally, me and Frank both had to "pee" at the same time during the same period. 

"I just....Brendon it can't be true." 

"but what if it  _is?"_ I raise an eyebrow and Frank groans. 

"Fine, we'll find a good time to ask him, we can't just corner him and be like  _hey there buddy did you kill someone? Are you fucking insane?"_ He says in a mocking voice and I bite my lip to suppress a laugh. 

Because this isn't funny. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look.   
> I'm sorry, ok?   
> I don't have alot of time right now because my grades are shit and things haven't been so great.   
> So I'd like to ask you: would you rather have short chapters throughout the week or one big chapter every like, two weeks? I can't do it all and I don't want people to lose interest so tell me what to do.


	38. The One Where They Corner Josh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here some drama and feels

(Tyler's POV)

 I walk through the hallway and wipe my face, sweat coating my skin and I ultimately just take off my shirt, passing the basketball between my two hands as I wander up the hall to Josh and I's dorm. It's quiet tonight, an average day I suppose for the other pupils. I can't help but feel like I'm being followed however, despite the empty and silent hallway I make my way through. 

I turn around and see no one, just a row of closed doors and some trash left outside the rooms for the janitor to collect. 

The janitor, of course, that's why I feel another presence. 

Soon enough my room comes into view, one of the only rooms where the light is still creeping out from under the door frame. 

Odd. 

Why is Josh still awake?

I cock my head and open the door slowly, scowling at the sight inside. 

"Hi Tyler." Ryan says, looking down like a kicked puppy. 

"what the fuck is this?" I spit, looking around at everyone in the room. Some are on my bed, Josh's, and other pieces of furniture as well as the floor. 

The only person that isn't here is Gerard. 

Josh waves feebly from his bed with worried eyes and I put my shirt on my dresser, then I try to back out of the room only to be stopped by a body behind me. 

"got him back safe." Gerard mumbles in Josh's direction, pushing me into the room gently much to my opposition, and closes the door behind him. 

"What the hell guys? I'm fucking tired leave." I mutter and Pete just makes a noise of acknowledgment. 

"We...wanted to have a team meeting." Ryan says nervously.   
Why is he nervous?

Why would he be nervous? 

He's Ryan Ross, he hasn't been worried since...

"Is it Spencer?!" I ask hurriedly and he goes pale, shaking his head quickly.

"No no, god no Tyler." He sighs, looking tired an worn and I'm suddenly feeling guilty about asking. 

"sorry-" 

"-don't apologize." he cuts me off and I close my mouth. 

"It isn't about Spencer, but Brendon, Josh, Frank and I thought it was important to talk about a problem that has recently arisen."

"what?" I ask immediately, "Is it about me? I'm sorry, I'll, I'll shape up I promise-" 

"-No Tyler, no it's not about you." Josh speaks for the first time, "It's about me." 

I narrow my eyes "What about you?" 

"Listen Ty, It's not a light subject-" Brendon begins but I start to panic 

"Shut up brendon. Josh, what happened? What did you do what did someone hurt you?" My eyes are welling and Josh looks pale and Brendon looks irritated. 

"Tyler shh..c'mere I'm fine." Josh says softly, opening his arms and I stay standing, looking around and the worried faces around me. 

what is happening. 

What is happening. 

I feel so, cornered. So out of the loop and a little scared. 

scratch that. 

 ~~a little~~  

a _lot_ scared

"What the  _fuck_ happened? Someone better tell me right fucking now." I spit, Pete looks away and everyone just sits there submissively looking at the floor. 

Except Brendon and Ryan and Josh. 

Brendon looks spiteful, almost a little nervous, Ryan looks concerned for Brendon and I, and Josh looks like he's gonna throw up, faint, or both. 

"Jesus Christ! Stop looking so sorry for me!" I scream, starting to breathe heavy because they aren't  _telling me something._

_and it's something bad._

"What the  _fuck_ did you do Josh?" I mumble, looking at him with lowered eyes and I see him start to shake. 

"I....I...Tyler l-listen-" 

"-Stop! Stop with the whole  _listen_ thing! Just fucking tell me!" 

"HE KILLED SOMEONE!" 

(Brendon's POV) 

The minute the word leaves my mouth everyone turns to me, eyes wide and shocked 

Frank bites the inside of his cheek and rubs his wrist. 

Ryan's face whips to mine. 

"the fuck did you just do?!" he whisper screams and I just close my mouth. 

Fuck. 

What  _did_ you just do?

I look over at Josh, and he just stares at me, looking completely out of body, shocked, maybe even a little pissed.

I wasn't really supposed to say it like that.

 _I_ wasn't even supposed to say something. 

"What did you just say?" Patrick asks suddenly and the room goes from silent to just a faint buzz in my ear. 

"Josh..." I look at him expectantly and his face is white, he looks at the floor. 

"Josh, what is he talking about?" dallon says in a calm but determined way, and Josh's hands twitch at his sides. 

"I.....I...." He mumbles, looking like a child caught while stealing candy but instead of guilty he just looks completely broken. 

"You said it yesterday, that...that you killed someone and then got sent to the hospital." I say as if I'm trying to explain a math problem. 

Josh looks up at me, eyes tinged red and he bites his cheek, features sullen and worn looking. 

It's so obvious. 

It's so obvious that it's true. 

It's just that no one wants to believe it.

"You...they have to be lying." Tyler intervenes suddenly, shaking his head in disbelief and everyone just looks at him sadly.

"They, they have to be, right Josh? That isn't true" Tyler whispers, eyes wide and voice cracking.

Josh steps closer, looking so fucking desperate "Ty-"

"-I swear to god Josh if they're right don't come anywhere near me." Tyler snarls, wiping his eyes and backing up.

Josh looks horrible. 

Josh looks like he could drop to the floor dead at any second.

"Josh, is Brendon right? Did you do what he's implying?" Patrick asks softly and Josh lets out a choked sob, covering his face and shaking. 

"y-yes." he says almost silently, and everyone in the room looks at each other. 

For what I'm not sure. 

Comfort? 

Help? 

Explanation? 

"This better not be some kind of fucking joke." tyler speaks softly. 

"it isnt ty, I assure you that." Ryan gets up and walks towards him, but Tyler backs up against the wall. 

"d-dont touch me." he whispers, eyes shifting and he goes a little pale. 

"Tyler, let me explain. It isnt as bad as you think." I start, my voice rushed and panicked and I look to Josh for help. 

Josh is sitting on his bed with a blank stare, lip quivering slightly and his face is almost translucent with how pale it is.

"Josh?" Ryan squeaks, padding over to him but in the matter of two seconds Josh's eyes roll back into his head and he slumps against the wall. 

"fuck, oh fuck..." I repeat, looking from  Josh to Ryan to Dallon to everyone and finally my eyes lay on Tyler. 

hes shaking bad, eyes dark and scared and his breathing picks up, tears already starting to spill out of his eyes and i hopelessly look to Ryan for help. 

i did this. 

i ruined everything. 

everything is fucked. 

everything is different now. 

nothing will ever be the same.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm interested in you guys...where do you live? What do you like to do? Do any of you draw?


	39. The One Where Gerard is Finally an Admirable Character

(Brendons POV)

 

This isnt what was supposed to happen. 

It was supposed to be calm, cool, collected. A quiet and smooth conversation where we would all get the explanations and answers we need. 

It was supposed to be good for us. 

 

But Josh has fainted. 

Tyler is having a panic attack. 

And everyone is staring at me to fix it.

"Tyler, come here. Calm down." Gerard speaks softly, slowly creeping off the bed and towards Tyler who's trying to shrink into the wall. 

"I....I....d-don't understand." Tyler whips his face to every single person in the room, panicked breathing racking his body and he covers his face to undoubtedly hide tears.

"Hey...shhh shhh it's ok we don't really either." He coos, gently enveloping Tyler who stays visibly stiff. 

"I...can....I need to leave." he mumbles but you can't really hear. While Tyler's distracted Dallon and Patrick immediately turn to Josh, putting a hand to his forehead and moving him from the wall to the pillows. 

"I'd love to let you but it's better if we stay together bud." Gerard whispers, rubbing Tyler's back soothingly and right when I thought Tyler was going to lose it, he sniffed loudly and embraced Gerard quickly, wrapping his hands around his neck and burying his face in the bigger man's neck. 

"hey hey, its ok." Gerard rushes out, patting Tyler's hair and he cries  _hard,_ body shaking immensely and the sounds he's making are  _terrible._

I understand him, this makes sense. This reaction makes sense alot actually. 

Picture this: You find out your boyfriend killed someone surrounded by a group of your good friends who, for all that you know, have been keeping this from you for days, weeks maybe. 

You've never felt safer then with this person and then you find out they've  _murdered_ another human being, and never told you? 

That's rough. 

That's rough for someone with no mental illnesses. 

No anxiety. 

Gerard looks at Ryan for help, and he just looks tired. Just tired, exhausted actually and I realize how long it's been since he's had a full eight hours of sleep. Nightmares have been disturbing him for months now and I can't remember the last time he hasn't been hunched over the sink covering his the bags with concealer that's too yellow for his skin tone but he doesn't realize it because only the light above the bathroom mirror is tinted slightly. he doesn't notice and I don't even think he cares frankly, yellow is better then dark unhealthy brown and purple. 

Tyler starts fucking  _sobbing_ and I look over to Dallon who's biting his lip nervously, looking like he wants to leave. 

We all do. 

The sheer amount energy that Tyler is using crying right now is so much that it's making the entire room uneasy. We are all getting uncomfortable because Tyler is fucking  _devastated_ and we're just a group of teenage boys that are all super fucked up and don't even know how to handle our own human condition let alone Tyler's. 

Gerard however, gently and slowly inches towards Tyler's bed and Dallon, Patrick and Pete all scurry off, letting Gerard sit down against the hard cold wall and Tyler follows, stuck to Gerard like a wet shirt. He clings to his chest and folds himself up in the larger man's lap, burying his little face in his wrinkled back t shirt and everyone is just standing on wobbly feet in uncomfortable silence. 

Until however, that silence is broken. 

By someone singing. 

It's low, hushed, a whisper meant for one but it's already so quiet there's not a chance any of us wouldn't hear it. 

_"So long to all my friends, every one of them met tragic ends. With every passing day, I'd be lying if I didn't say that I miss them all tonight, and if they only knew what I would say."_

I turn to Gerard, seeing him cradle Tyler's little starved, too thin body as he rocks him and sings close to the back of his neck. Everyone holds their breath, because hearing Gerard sing wasn't something that happened often, it happened rarely, and by rarely I mean never.

_"if I could be with you tonight, I would sing you to sleep, never let them take the light behind your eyes. One day i'll lose this fight, as we fade in the dark just remember you will always burn as bright,"_

By the time the chorus of the song is over Tyler is gasping and hiccuping for air, breathing fast then slow then just laying in Gerard's arms while the vibrations of his voice move across his body. 

It looks almost as if they've done this before, a practiced routine and now that I think of it; Gerard had known exactly what to do. 

"T-t-thank you." Tyler rasps, curling in on himself and sighing heavily, th rest of the room finally exhaling as well. 

"Um...what...are we going to do?" Patrick speaks up and Ryan glares at him and I open my mouth to say something but Ryan grabs my wrist. 

"Hey hey, stop. Just...can you go sit in the hallway?" Ryan asks, honey colored eyes looking up at me with nervousness and I gape at him. 

"what do you mean?' I whisper and he pushes me slightly towards the door. 

"You...just need a little break from this. Go back to our room and I'll be there in a minute." 

"But-" 

"-No Brendon." he's strict now, voice stern and sharp. "Go wait for me." 

"But we are all a team and-" 

"-Brendon I don't care. You've done enough for the team just go away for a few minutes." He turns around and walks to Josh, who's still out cold and I get it. 

I get it. 

I fucking get it. 

I  fucked everything up, I know I did. 

But by his delivery I can't tell if I'm in a time out or if everyone hates me. 

could be both, could be neither. 

Either latter would justify the way I'm feeling right now. 

I huff, turning on my heel and storming out of the room. 

The door slams. 

i start walking to the end of the hallway, blinking back half furious, half upset tears. I don't care that I slammed the door, I don't.

A second later, the door swings open and there's angry feet behind me. 

I stop walking and just stand still, not waiting to turn around because there's someone grabbing my shoulder and spinning me around. 

It's Gerard. 

 

 

(Gerard's POV) 

Tyler is wiping his nose when I see Ryan and Brendon having a disagreement by the door. Ryan looks like he's annoyed at him and I get it, we all are. 

He shakes his head and Brendon scowls, turning on his heel and swinging the door open, sweeping out angrily and slamming it. Tyler jumps slightly and flinches in my arms and I just...snap. I gently put Tyler down and get up, calmly waling to the door and into the hall where I see Brendon. 

When I was younger, slamming doors was never tolerated in the Way house and if either Mikey or I did it, the knobs were taken off our doors so we didn't have any privacy or enough noise to cause a loud slam. In the moment I never thought of how disruptive and disrespectful that was until now. I grab Brendon's shoulder and spin him around. 

His eyes go wide, "Gerard? I thought-" 

"-What the hell was that?" I question him angrily, using my hands to gesture and he looks terrified. 

“I...I...” 

“Look Bren, Ryan was right. You need a break from the group. From all of this.” I mumble, and he quirks an eyebrow. 

“What do you all mean?!” 

“You’re pissing us off! Did you really think it was ok to say that?” I yell, Brendon taking a step back and biting his cheek. 

 “He was going to find out anyway!” He spits, eyes lowered and he knows he’s wrong but he doesn’t want to admit it, definetly not to me. 

“Maybe so but do you really think that was the sensible thing to do?” I question him, folding my arms and he huffs. 

“Where is Tyler, doesn’t he need you?” He snaps aggressively, looking me up and down and I shake my head. 

“Brendon it’s ok, it doesn’t mean anything more then you think.” 

“What are you talking about?” 

“I’m just saying, that we all just need some time and space to ourselves.” 

His eyes get cloudy “b-but why?” 

“Just because it’s healthier that way, that we aren’t always in such close quarters all the time.” 

“I thought we were a team-“ 

“-we are.” 

He looks at the floor “I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be sorry Bren, can you just try to be a little better at controlling yourself?” I ask softly, patting his shoulder and he shrugs, looking sorry. 

“I’ll try.” 

“There we go.” I smile, giving him a hug and he reciprocates, putting his arms around my shoulders and sighing into my chest. 

“I’m just so tired of all this, I just wanna go home.” He moans and I make a noise of acknowledgement. 

“I do too,” I mutter “we all do.” 

“I don’t think that’s true.” He grumbles and I pull back. 

“What?” 

“I don’t think some people want to go home.” 

“Like who?” 

“Ryan.” He whispers and I nod, understanding. 

Why would ryan want to go home?

There’s nothing there for him. 

“How does that make you feel?” 

“...scared.” He admits, rubbing the back of his head, “I’m scared he’s never going to come back to me.” 

I pull him closer, rubbing his back and he sighs again, with less energy this time. 

“Do you want me to walk back to your room with you?” 

“Um....I think I’m good you can go back.” 

“Alright, just text or call if you need to.” I say and he nods, turning and walking up the hall and I rub the back of my neck and look at he ceiling.  

This is bad.

Fucking shit this is bad. 

I take a deep breath and start to walk back to Tyler's room, an ache in my side from and argument last night with Frank. 

It's ok though. 

I'm fine. I can take it. 

As I get closer to the door I hear hushed argument. I hear shouts being muffled and it sounds concerning so I open the door. 

I'd compare it to Pandora's box because the second I do I'm greeted with all out chaos.

"WHY WOULD YOU KEEP SOMETHING LIKE THAT FROM ME!?" 

"I WAS TRYING TO PROTECT YOU!" 

"HOW DO YOU SEE THE FUCKING SENSE IN THAT?" 

Tyler stands in the center of the room, shaking from head to toe gesturing towards Josh angrily and Josh, he has apparently woken up. 

"IT WAS A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME!"

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK JOSH?!" 

"I'M SORRY!" Josh hollers, eyes welling and he stands as well, trying to get closer to Tyler who backs into me but doesn't notice. 

"ITS A LITTLE TOO LATE FOR THAT!" Tyler screams, "GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!" 

"DON'T YOU FUCKING PUT THE BLAME ON ME TYLER I WAS SCARED!" Josh hollers, standing his ground and I can tell Tyler won't like that one bit. 

"JUST...shut up, Josh." Tyler mumbles, looking like a kicked little puppy and Josh swallows. 

"Don't tell me to shut up." 

"I will if I want to." Tyler retorts, puffing out his chest slightly and Josh bites his cheek, his eyes almost close to laughing. 

"Let's not forget who's the top." Josh mutters, Tyler raising an eyebrow. 

"What?" he asks incredulously and Josh goes a little pale. 

"I said...nevermind." 

"No Josh, what did you say?"  

"Stop trying to be bigger Tyler." Josh mumbles and Tyler gapes a little. 

"excuse me?" 

"Just...stop trying to boss me around." 

"Josh I-" 

"-maybe I didn't tell you for a reason, the fact that you're so incredibly fragile maybe?" He asks sarcastically and Tyler's jumping forward to get at him before anyone has time to react. 

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Tyler screams, reaching out to Josh and I quickly grab him around the waist and yank him back, his tiny body kicking and thrashing in my hold. 

He's pretty slippery I gotta hand it to him. 

"HEY HEY HEY!" I yell, holding Tyler tight and he whimpers. "We don't act like that here!" 

"FUCK OFF!" he hollers and I shake my head. 

"Tyler count to ten." I say quietly and he stops, breathing heavily and I look up to see Josh, looking defeated, chest heaving and face blotchy. 

Tyler goes limp in my arms and I hold him up, letting him gather his breath and weight before letting him go. 

"Ty....I-" Josh starts but Tyler surges forward, presumably to punch Josh but I'm surprised when he tackles Josh in an embrace, wrapping his arms around him with so much force the larger almost falls over. He looks like he's surprised, like he doesn't know what to do with this sudden overwhelming affection and I can't blame him to be completely honest.

"I'm sorry." He whispers and Josh just goes quiet, enveloping Tyler in his arms and burying his face in his hair. 

"I love you." 


	40. The One That Ends This Era

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final Chapter!?
> 
> Today marks the 1 year anniversary of this series and I honestly couldn't be any more pleased, or proud with how this turned out! You all have been so supportive, and loving and inspiring the whole way through and I'm proud to call this writing mine! You made my first experience on the archive extremely memorable and I always look forward to reading your comments on lonely days. I've made so many friends through this platform that I'll cherish forever, and this whole thing has been simply amazing! I’m excited to continue my writing on here and I hope you are too!
> 
> So sit back, relax, grab some popcorn...  
> and enjoy the final chapter of the series! 
> 
> ;)

(Tyler's POV)

 

It's a curious time, the moment that we all come together as one functioning group. 

It's a curious time because in that single moment, we all appear to be completely happy. It's something that we haven't experienced in many weeks, months, and for some of us, years.

It's a feeling of undisturbed joy I haven't really felt since I scored a three pointer in the middle school basketball tournament...or the other week when I got absolutely shitfaced at the Halloween party. 

I didn't expect for any of this to happen, I don't think any of us had. It's a far too absurd story that only a lunatic could come up with. The horrors we have seen, the pain we've endured. 

It's hilarious. As if God or whatever's up there decided to choose the ten most fucked up kids they could and put them in a twisted, terrible movie. We didn't deserve it, I don't think anyone really does. But it happened, that's for sure. 

So the only way to go is up. 

"Hey, hey buddy you ok?" I turn quickly to see Ryan shaking me softly and looking at me with worried eyes. 

"huh?" 

"You were like, staring off into space." he looks at me intently and I break into a small smile. 

"no I'm good, just a little lost in thought I suppose." 

"alright, let me know if it's anything more." he says carefully, scooting over on the couch in the common area. 

I nod and stretch out, picking up a book that had been left on the table in front of us. 

 _"The Scarlet Letter_ _?"_ I glance at Ryan "You have any idea what this is about?" 

"I have no clue man...I think it had to do something with an affair and lust induced guilt or some shit like that." he looks up from his phone, "but I could just be guessing." 

I frown and flip it over, reading the back before tossing it back on the table and yawning, dangling my legs off the sofa and making small whining noises. 

"can you not?" Ryan laughs, "They're on their way." 

"They aren't fast enough." I roll my eyes and look at the double doors ahead. Ryan had woken me up, saying everyone had gone on a breakfast run and I'm supposed to wait in the common room with him. I hadn't seen Josh in a few days, he was sleeping with Pete and Patrick while Ryan and Gerard stayed with me. I didn't really know what the point of it was, perhaps to give us space? Lord knows we needed space but I found myself longing for him in that time of need, and he wasn't there. It's hard, to be alone. I find myself feeling alone even when I'm surrounded by my best friends. It's a feeling that's hard to explain or even defend, because it's a curious claim to make. If you are surrounded by people who love you, how can you be alone? You aren't truly alone in theory, yet your mind tricks you into feeling isolated. 

It's strange. 

But I've experienced stranger things. 

It's been about a week since the whole "intervention", and things were better, things were alot more free is how I'd phrase it. There wasn't exactly a ton of spilling of our guts, but it was an opportunity for all of us to get to know each other, and it was really nice. I don't doubt that everyone is still hiding a shit ton of stuff, I mean Dallon is still hiding under the radar and I know almost nothing about Josh's family. 

But that's another story I guess. 

Ryan nudges me with his foot and I scowl, looking up. 

"what?" 

"you're drifting off again." 

"Why do you care?" 

"I was gonna tell you-" 

"-We're here! We're here don't murder us please!" Brendon comes stumbling in through the doors and a bright happy smile makes it's way across Ryan's face and up to his ears. 

"Finally, what happened to you guys?" his brows furrow as Brendon shakes his hair and white flakes go everywhere. 

"It's fucking snowing outside babe, actual snow! In November!" He laughs, peeling off a puffy black jacket and throwing it on the floor. 

Ryan looks out the window, "oh, I didn't even notice that."

"Of course." Brendon rolls his eyes and turns to me "The guys are bringing in the grub right now...I still can't believe Sarah let us drive to Dunkin Donuts." 

"Me neither." I chuckle. God, I can't even imagine the six of them in Sarah's ford...all huddled up and hollering whatever Green Day song was playing on the radio. Lucky for her, Pete and Patrick bailed, saying they wanted to sleep in. 

Haha, sleep in. 

"What did you get?" Ryan asks, moving over so that Brendon can sit next to him. And he does, clinging onto Ryan and shivering like a wet dog in winter. 

"Just donuts and shit. Gerard of course had to get his coffee so it took us like five minutes to wait around for him to make it, he's so specific." 

"Two sugars, splenda of course, two low fat skim milks, three drops of agave and a straw." Gerard chimes in, walking in and discarding his jacket alongside Brendon's as well. "sorry I have sophistication and taste." 

"oh sure, what you have is a caffeine addiction and a sweet tooth." Brendon snickers, his cheeks still rosy red from the chill air. 

"eat me." he shrugs and Brendon gags. 

"no thanks I'd rather eat out Harambe's dead body." 

At this I laugh out loud, almost falling off the couch and Gerard flips Brendon off. 

"HARAMBE HAHAHAHAHA!" I cackle, this time actually falling off the couch and Gerard rolls his eyes, kicking my body while I'm down and I fake a pitiful whimper. 

"oh get up you cry baby." 

"call me Mr. Misty Eyes." I make a dumb face and Gerard chuckles. 

"Oh definitely." 

There's a clanging from the front and more people file in. Frank, Dallon, Sarah, Mikey and Josh trudge in, weighed down by heavy coats and plastic bag containing the good my skinny body definitely needs. They're a mass of fluffy black and grey jackets, and Sarah is wearing a rainbow scarf and a fluffy white beanie with a pom pom on the top. Frank for some reason has a bandanna over his mouth, and Mikey looks like if you flicked him he'd shatter.

Josh however, Josh looks adorable. 

he's got on this long heavy black coat with a burgundy red beanie on, with a small wooden button on the side. The coat has a fur hood, but sadly he isn't wearing it. Neon yellow curls wrap around the hem of the beanie and his cheeks and the bridge of his nose are a dark pink.

God I love this boy. 

Despite what he's done. 

We never did learn what happened, or what fully happened with him. All I know is he pled guilty and he refuses to give us details. 

He refuses to give me details. 

And that’s fine, I suppose. He can have his secrets because god knows I have plenty. 

Everyone has given him space, not really talking to him too much and I honestly don’t know if that was a good move. I mean, he’s good I guess but he’s just been particularly despondent, and quiet which was something I had never really noticed about him. He’s very private, and I guess I never noticed that because I was so clouded by his love. It hid the bad parts from me.

His bad parts...

Had I even ever experienced them?

The roughness could be one, his eager preservence to do what he wants and get what he wants even if it hurts others. 

And I could use that as an emotional or physical example. 

I could also use his tendency to tell lies. He assumes they’re white, but in reality they’re much more serious then he thinks. 

He goes completely missing sometimes, not in presence but just him...being there. He’s quiet and doesn’t participate and won’t even kiss me on the cheek when I leave. It’s hurtful, but I know he’s just in a mood. 

A mood. 

A- 

“TYLER!” Ryan screams and I open my eyes to see everyone staring at me. 

“W-what?!” I look around panicked and Brendon laughs while Ryan shakes his head. 

“Dude were you fucking sleeping? Are you ok?” He leans forward and I nod hurriedly.  

“Yeah! Mhmm, I’m totally fine.” I spit out, glancing at Josh who looks just a little bit worried. 

“Ok...these little zoning out episodes have to stop though Tyler. Try and pay a little more attention ok?” He asks gently and I nod, cheeks heating up. 

“Chill out Ryan he’s just tired.” Gerard remarks from the side of the couch he and frank are draped on. 

“Yeah, I’m just tired.” I agree, looking hopefully as convincing as I can. 

“Ok fine.” Ryan says calmly and Brendon puts his head on his shoulder. 

I look up nervously and see Josh standing directly in front of me, looking down with a soft face and warm eyes. 

“Hey, did you sleep ok?” He asks quietly and I rub my face. 

“Mhmm, I slept fine.” 

“Ok, I’m sorry for leaving without telling you but I-“ 

“-no it’s fine. Ryan woke me up it’s all good.” 

“Ok.” He says as if to reassure himself and I pat the space next to me, leading him to sit down carefully and sit against the back of the plush couch. I roll my eyes in humor of his timidness. With a sigh from him I curl into his frame, digging my nose into his cold neck and he shivers, leading me to kiss the skin gently and Brendon gags. 

“Dude stop!” Frank snaps “if you fake gag one more time I’ll give you something to gag on.” He mumbles and Brendon punches his leg. 

“Stuff it Frankie.” 

“Sure thing sweetheart.” 

Everyone rolls their eyes and goes back to grabbing food from the bulging plastic bags. It had been better for us all, everyone at least passing their classes and enjoying their peer's attention. Frank and Gerard started hanging out wit this group of kids they say they're going to start making music with. Mikey slowly detached from the older kids and is now hanging out with the sophomores and even some freshman. It's not like he doesn't hang out with us, he does quite frequently, but Gerard says he's happy Mikey found some actual friends. 

Pete and Patrick have stayed under the radar for the most part, taking a little bit more time to themselves but Patrick has been focusing on his studies since the intervention. Pete will come knocking on our door to hang out when Patrick stays at the library too late. He says he's proud of Trick, but he looks a little bit lonely. 

I glance over at Brendon, Ryan, and Dallon, all sitting together on the far edge of the sofa drinking apple juice. Brendon's been spending alot more time in detention much to Ryan's dismay, but Brendon can't help pulling the pranks he does, and he can't help the fact that he gets caught almost every time. Calling out in class was a daily, and he always makes the other students laugh so I guess it's worth it. 

Ryan’s made honor roll and is every teachers pet even though he’s never said a word to any of them. He’s everyones favorite guy and I’m not even sure he’s aware of it. He’s so modest. So humble and they’re traits I admire about him. I could never deal with that attention and the fact he does it with such a straight face smile and his schizophrenia is insane. 

Dallon however, Dallon's been bad. He misses Breezy and it's apparent. He tried to talk to Sarah about it but she says they need her at the hospital and that's that. Dallons almost as good in his classes as Patrick but you can tell he's just going with the motions, doing what he has to day after day. We all try to cheer him up and we succeed sometimes, but I think all of our mushy gushy relationship stuff is really starting to get to him. He's lonely, that's the whole of it. He's lonely and he misses his girl and none of us can do anything about it because she's stationed where she has to be and he can't bear it. 

He really can't and we don't know why it's crushing him this fucking much. We didn't take him for such a softie after all he's like 6'2 and acts as if nothing bothers him. But we see through it, but we won't dare ask what's wrong because no one's ever tried. 

She’s supposed to visit though, and I don’t know if he even knows that yet. 

I hug Josh, restricting his movement and he chuckles softly. 

“Ty aren’t you hungry?” He hums and I shake my head. 

“I’ve missed you, I don’t like sleeping alone.” I say quietly and Josh goes slightly redder then he already was. 

“I know, it’s been like a week though I miss you too much to sleep with Pete and Patrick.” He laughs, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and hugging me closer. 

“And I thought you’d never love me again .” I say dramatically, looking up at Josh and he scoffs, kissing me roughly and pulling back slow. 

“Now what would ever make you think that?” He asks teasingly but it could be an honest question if he meant it. 

The conversation goes on for a little bit more, everyone just summarizing up their week and complaining about the teachers that we’ve been unluckily assigned. Just as I go to take a sip of juice the bell rings and everyone begrudgingly gets up, throwing away their trash and collecting their bags. 

We go to our separate classes around the time the sun has fully risen and I realize that all of our classes are supposed to be canceled tomorrow for holiday break. 

About time. 

Its mid November by now, and everyone is tired and bored and just wanting to have some time to theirselves. Not to mention Awsten said something about another party and if it’s anything like the other one I’m going. However, the Halloween one was fun in theory, but the entire class cleaning up the indoor pool was kinda a bust.  

But its whatever, a party is a party. 

Ill do anything to feel that way again. It’s was one of the best feelings that I had ever experienced. Minus the vomit and groping, I had a good time and it was worth it.  

At least I think so.

The booze was great, a sweet bubbly sire that lit up my brain and insides making me feel warm and happy. It made me have a good time for once in a bad span of events. 

And I’ll say it again, it was worth it. 

As were walking back from our last class, Josh and I walk side by side with our arms swinging back and forth. 

I take a quick glance at him, looking down quickly and focusing on my arms. His are close to mine, we’re close to each other. I time my arms with his and touch his hand gently. His arms slow down but he doesn’t do anything. I rub my hand against his and he smiles slightly, walking slower and I carefully hold his hand in mine. A yelp escapes my throat when Josh pins me against the wall out of nowhere and kisses me fiercely. 

“I love you so so much Tyler.” He mumbles, looking at my eyes, then my lips. 

“I love you too.” 

“Do you?” He cocks his head and I nod, surging forward and kissing him back. 

 "Of course, nothing less then love." I hum and he nods, trying to hide a smile that I know is desperately trying to take over his face.

"So, how are things?" he asks and I shrug, continuing our walk.

"good, my grades are all A's and B's except for gym." 

"what happened to gym?" He cocks an eyebrow and I laugh. 

"I haven't gone once." 

"You know babe, they might see how much of a basketball prodigy you are and put you on the team." 

I scoff, "A team? No way I can't do that again. Just alot of drama and useless competing." 

"Maybe it would be good for you." he suggests and I shake my head. 

"No, no I think I'm fine." I sigh. 

A team? 

A basketball team? 

I know I'm good enough physically. 

Just maybe not emotionally. 

"Ok, if that's what you want." he mutters and I nod. 

"I want you." I whisper and Josh looks over at me. 

"what was that?" 

"I...want...you." I look at him from the side of my eye. 

"hmmm...well it is the end of the day, did you do all of your homework?" he smirks and I shove him. 

"Fine, I'll just do my homework." I roll my eyes and walk up the hall by myself. 

"Ty...." Josh teases, and suddenly there's pressure behind me and he's hugging me from behind. 

"I'm sooorry." he whines and I roll my eyes, walking to the door to my dorm that hasn't been opened in maybe five days. 

I ignore him as I open the door and the lights flicker on, revealing messy bed sheets, clothes everywhere, scattered books on the floor and tragically a bag of cookies on the floor, undoubtedly stale. 

Josh steps in behind me and takes deep breath in, going over to the beds and starting to make them, folding the sheets neatly and tucking the pillows in, making it look organized and more tidy then I could. Instead of just standing around I start picking up clothes and I throw them into the hamper next to the dresser, ignoring the many papers scattered on the top of the desk. I throw away the cookies and start putting books in the drawers of the desk. 

"Look atchu, lil housewife." Josh coos and I stick out my tongue. 

"you wish." 

"maybe I do." he shrugs and I feel my cheeks start to tingle. 

"You're a really funny guy." I laugh softly and he tilts his head. 

"And why is that?" 

"Thinking that..." I trail off and stop, leading him to learn forward. 

"that what?" 

"I don't know, whatever it's...it's dumb." 

"no it's not, you can tell me anything." 

"i just...thinking that we could be anything more then this?" My voice cracks and I gesture to the space between us, the empty section immediately being filled with his torso and hips and hands that hold my arms and make me look him in his fucking gorgeous dark brown eyes. 

"hey, don't you worry. I'll figure everything out. It'll be fine, we'll be fine." he whispers and I rest my forehead on his flat chest. 

"I'm weak." 

"What's wrong with that?" Josh questions and I lean away, looking up into his eyes. 

"I give in so easily, I'm so scared." I sigh and Josh just clicks his tongue. 

"it's ok, as long as I'm here." 

The sentence that Josh has spoken a thousand times comes back into play and all i can do is bury my face in his chest and cry. I don't want to rely on myself anymore. It's too hard and being alone is not healthy. I need him, need this, need this future together because I can't go back in time to the past. I can't. Not yet. 

He's said this so many times, so so many times and I've believed it everything. Every single time and you know what? That's ok. It's perfectly fine and I don't care if it makes me weak, or appear weak. 

I don't care. 

I just don't. 

Because as long as I have Josh. 

It'll be fine. 

He said so himself. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!1!1!1!
> 
> So we DID make it all the way through...  
> or so you thought????
> 
> Stay tuned...;)

**Author's Note:**

> stay alive and seize the night.


End file.
